Pretending to have Cancer & Being Raped

LegacyUser

HYou'll probably think I'm crazy for saying this but it's actually true. I have many friends however I've been going through a rough patch for the past few years and so am upset and depressed about the smallest of things. As a result, I found myself constantly exaggerating how bad my situation was in order to get attention and pity.

One of the lies I've already told to one of my friends is that I was raped several years ago (long before they met me) and haven't gotten over it. I even told the story to the smallest detail and if I'm honest, I got the reaction I wanted. Part of me still wants to spread these types of lies to the other friends, sometimes I find it a compulsion in order to get the pity I want.

My latest idea was to pretend I had cancer to friends that I don't see much anymore but talk regularly through phone and email. I was even thinking of shaving my head and sending them a photo to show I lost my hair too.

I used to do very small things in order to get pity, and now I find myself inventing extreme lies in order to get what I want. Where is the problem? Well, it's not right. I'm sensible enough to know it's a stupid, selfish and flat-out wrong thing to do, but yet I really want to do it. I know I need to change, and have come here to get advice. Thanks.

Agent J

1)Consider seeing a professional.

The fact you can admit it to yourself is a very good sign. Some people get to the point where they believe their own lies to be the truth. You might need a doctor to recommend a counsellor or someone for you to see.

Admiting you need help is a sign of strength not weakness


2)The truth will always out.

It might take weeks, months or even years but the truth has a way of coming out. Holes will develop in any story you make up and people will punch through them. You will constantly have to make new stuff up to keep people guessing.

You will loose friends and people will distance themselves from you. You might think its ok because you dont see these people very often. Information has a way of travelling around pretty quickly to people you'd never expect.

3)

It starts small. Something for attention. Then you find its not enough and then a bigger story has to come up to get more attention or to distract from a smaller lie. Before you know it a large web has formed and you have trapped yourself in corner. It becomes a constant arms race with you constantly raising the stakes. You end up hurting people and driving them away.

But you can stop that before it even starts. See a counsellor now.

Bottle_of_Smoke

Don't pretend you have cancer. If only for the fact that you will slip up and get caught out. you'd have to wax your entire body it's not just the hair on your head that falls out. Someone who's previously had chemo will know straight out

Get therapy. You need to establish why you're willing to cause huge stress to people just to get sympathy

darad

Youre in danger of losing your friends if they find out, thats an awful thing to do. You need help I hope you have the courage to go get it.

Bobby42

i think counselling/therapy could help you. needing sympathy and attention from people like that isn't healthy. with counselling you can grow and develop and reach your full potential and accept yourself as who you are without the need for the made up stories. your interaction with others can also change and improve so you wont need to play a victim role like healthy person/cancer patient with people. you are equal and who you are is good enough.

magicface1

whatthepiss wrote: »

HYou'll probably think I'm crazy for saying this but it's actually true. I have many friends however I've been going through a rough patch for the past few years and so am upset and depressed about the smallest of things. As a result, I found myself constantly exaggerating how bad my situation was in order to get attention and pity.

One of the lies I've already told to one of my friends is that I was raped several years ago (long before they met me) and haven't gotten over it. I even told the story to the smallest detail and if I'm honest, I got the reaction I wanted. Part of me still wants to spread these types of lies to the other friends, sometimes I find it a compulsion in order to get the pity I want.

My latest idea was to pretend I had cancer to friends that I don't see much anymore but talk regularly through phone and email. I was even thinking of shaving my head and sending them a photo to show I lost my hair too.

I used to do very small things in order to get pity, and now I find myself inventing extreme lies in order to get what I want. Where is the problem? Well, it's not right. I'm sensible enough to know it's a stupid, selfish and flat-out wrong thing to do, but yet I really want to do it. I know I need to change, and have come here to get advice. Thanks.

Are you for real I seriously think this person is taking the p**s. If it isn't I seriously think you need help and need someone to try sort your head out.. What would happen if I got back to your family what would they think.. Hope you sort yourself out..

LegacyUser

OP, it's important that you speak to a medical professional about this. As others have pointed out, it's likely to get worse over time, and will cause problems for you and those around you. It's good that you recognise there's a problem with your behaviour, and the next step is to address it. You're not likely to be able to manage that on your own or with help from friends or family, so as with other medical problems, professional help is the way to go.

Best bet is to approach a GP about it, they'll be able to point you towards suitable assistance. Don't worry about their reactions - this kind of thing happens to people from time to time, and you can be guaranteed they've helped patients with these sort of problems before.

Dark Phoenix

OP you know there is a problem so seek help. Don't submit to it again and spread these lies. The truth comes out. i know as I have had a friend who did what you are doing. She lied constantly, exaggerated every detail of anything negative in their life. It got to the point where I don't think even she knows whats true or not anymore I cut contact with her as I literally couldnt believe a word out of her mouth.
I also have an acquiantance who does this - well its kind of sad. She lies about the most trivial thing and now thats imply what she is known for. We don't believe her we pity her.

Think about it - do you really want to end up being known as some lunatic that make up a rumour about having a serious illlness? You have the choice get some professional help and get to the bottom of whats causing this.

Another thing to think about is that if you want attention from the friends you lost touch with - why not just call / email / text / facebook them?

metrovelvet

Compulsive liars do it to escape inner emptyness and to feel alive.

Zen65

whatthepiss wrote: »

I used to do very small things in order to get pity, and now I find myself inventing extreme lies in order to get what I want. Where is the problem? Well, it's not right. I'm sensible enough to know it's a stupid, selfish and flat-out wrong thing to do, but yet I really want to do it. I know I need to change, and have come here to get advice. Thanks.

This is not something you can change with just a few words of advice in an online forum. Talk to your GP, get proper support to stop this. If you continue your pattern of behaviour you may well end up doing something you will regret very much.

Be at peace,

Z

LegacyUser

I have in the past made up stories that were not true.

It was always when I was drunk and I felt that people would think different of me if they found out it was a lie(one of them was relatively serious, although not as bad as yours). So when I sobered I said it was still true.

Stupid.

This definitely came back to bite me. And I promise it will you.

Stop now. You really need to.

If you find yourself needing it, you have to channel this into something else. Go gym do anything else but stop.

If you cannot do this alone, you should seek professional help.

You are playing with peoples feelings. This is wrong.

dory

You really need to seek professional help. It's also possible that the people you spoke to knew you were lying but didn't have the heart to tell you. Happened to me with an ex and I knew straight away.
And you will not get away with the cancer story. Look around, you can tell straight away what men for example are bald, and which have shaved heads. Even if you shaved every 3 hours it'd still be obvious that you do have hair.

Chuchoter

As much as I hate counselors, they do really help with these kinds of things. You're obviously saying these things because you think no-one cares about you and even if you're feeling miserable thats not good enough for some-one else's attention, and thats a horrible way to be feeling. You need to learn how to express how your feeling when you are sad, and possibly learn why you are feeling this way. Though the way you are feeling might kind of be the equivalent to how bad you would feel if you had been raped/had cancer, you need to figure out how to put that into words. You also need to tell your friends that you got a call back from the hospital and they read the scans wrong/its benign or something and never ever mention it again

iguana

dory wrote: »

It's also possible that the people you spoke to knew you were lying but didn't have the heart to tell you. Happened to me with an ex and I knew straight away.

That's what I was about to say. A friend of mine used to lie like crazy, the lies started out small when we were teenager but got bigger and bigger as time went on and were about very serious things, similar to those the OP has described. We all knew, every last one of her friends knew it was happening and we all used to talk about it.

Luckily for her we also knew about the very real things that were wrong in her life and we assumed they were at the root of the compulsive lying so we tried not to hold it against her. But it became standard for all of her friends to compare notes on what she had said versus what had happened so that we knew the truth, especially when the lies were about affairs with other friends partners. She lost quite a few friends because of it, or there would be times when a particular friend needed to take a "break" from her if a lie was somehow about them or their partner. I also know that a lot of acquaintances and work colleagues figured out how much she was lying and we were always being asked exactly why we remained friends with her.

Luckily over time she managed to come to terms with her home situation and find genuine fulfilment and the lies petered out as her life improved. I really suggest OP that you seek professional help. You need to deal with both the lying and the root causes in your life that make you feel so inadequate that you seek out this attention by any means possible.

Bruce7

whatthepiss wrote: »

HYou'll probably think I'm crazy for saying this but it's actually true. I have many friends however I've been going through a rough patch for the past few years and so am upset and depressed about the smallest of things. As a result, I found myself constantly exaggerating how bad my situation was in order to get attention and pity.

One of the lies I've already told to one of my friends is that I was raped several years ago (long before they met me) and haven't gotten over it. I even told the story to the smallest detail and if I'm honest, I got the reaction I wanted. Part of me still wants to spread these types of lies to the other friends, sometimes I find it a compulsion in order to get the pity I want.

My latest idea was to pretend I had cancer to friends that I don't see much anymore but talk regularly through phone and email. I was even thinking of shaving my head and sending them a photo to show I lost my hair too.

I used to do very small things in order to get pity, and now I find myself inventing extreme lies in order to get what I want. Where is the problem? Well, it's not right. I'm sensible enough to know it's a stupid, selfish and flat-out wrong thing to do, but yet I really want to do it. I know I need to change, and have come here to get advice. Thanks.

You should look for an outlet for your creativity. Why not write some short stories, or even a book?

If this doesn't give you the instant gratification of feedback and attention that you crave, then you could make up stories and post them on internet message boards etc.

Hang on a minute...

Silverfish

Off-topic and unhelpful posting can earn you a ban from this forum.

Please read the charter before posting.

Thank you.

LegacyUser

Thanks for all the replies thus far.

To all those who think this is a big lie, then think again...I'm actually genuinely telling the truth and it's not very nice that when you have a problem, you are accused of lying. It doesn't help the situation.

I'll definitely seek professional help and I guess I'll have to drop my ego because it's not exactly the type of people I would feel like seeing, i.e. it would seem like a weakness to go to one.

mikemac

whatthepiss wrote: »

To all those who think this is a big lie, then think again...I'm actually genuinely telling the truth and it's not very nice that when you have a problem, you are accused of lying. It doesn't help the situation.

Well, your track record and all that...
Nobody here doubts your story so relax

I would think your friends already know but are not going to say anything to you.
If you claim to have been raped or have cancer, nobody is going to pull you up on that but people do have doubts if the stories get escalated every time.

Anyway, go get the help you need.
It's unfortunate you associate a stigma to asking for help, many people do.
But a trained professional can help here and I've no doubt your issue isn't uncommon and it can be helped

up for anything

whatthepiss wrote: »

To all those who think this is a big lie, then think again...I'm actually genuinely telling the truth and it's not very nice that when you have a problem, you are accused of lying. It doesn't help the situation.

Think about that when you are tempted to lie in order to get pity. How awful would it be if you did get sick or raped in reality and people laughed, ignored or reminded you of the boy who cried wolf when you needed them!

petethebrick

Go to the hospital, you have severe mental issues and need help by the sounds of it OP.
By the way - you deserve to lose each and every one of your friends if you pretend you have cancer

6th

petethebrick wrote: »

Go to the hospital, you have severe mental issues and need help by the sounds of it OP.
By the way - you deserve to lose each and every one of your friends if you pretend you have cancer

You can give your opinion without being insulting.

LegacyUser

whatthepiss wrote: »

Thanks for all the replies thus far.

To all those who think this is a big lie, then think again...I'm actually genuinely telling the truth and it's not very nice that when you have a problem/, you are accused of lying. It doesn't help the situation.

I'll definitely seek professional help and I guess I'll have to drop my ego because it's not exactly the type of people I would feel like seeing, i.e. it would seem like a weakness to go to one.

Maybe you should think again. You have to understand that people won't believe a word you say if they know you're compulsive(?) liar.

I mean no harm in saying this. But you really have to accept that you can't be trusted until you get help and prove to people you are done with lying for pity.

LighterGuy

As users have said in this thread. Telling serious lies can grow.
Op, you dont wanna end up like this:

I once knew a girl, we shall call her mags.
She lied about one of her friends dying in a car accident once. She said she saw the whole thing happen. Turns out there was no friend. Didnt exsist.

So what do you think happened with this girl? ... her lies grew.

A few months later she told her then boyfriend that her sister went into labor too soon. Saying her sister's twin babies were in a bad condition. But, in reality her sister didnt actually give birth until two months later and they were fine.

You can see a pattern forming here. It doesnt stop here. It grew and grew.

She then followed those out of the world lies by saying she got attacked and her college bag was stolen from her. Again, it never happened.

and the biggest lie she told, which should hit home to you, is she then topped it all off with saying she had cancer. Then 2 weeks later turned around to her friends and said she didnt.



This girl in question has mental issues. Harsh I know. But lets be honest. From what I last heard her friends think she is a total nut-job. This girl will grow into a very disturbed woman. Op, you do NOT want to be like her.

Esoteric_

Hi, OP.

I hope I don't sound harsh in what I'm saying, but here we go -

Firstly, I'm a rape survivor and find the fact that you lie about it highly offensive. It's people that lie about it that make it so difficult for real victims to step forward, just so you know. I'm not trying to be a bitch, but you need to cop on. You KNOW you're lying, so you have to learn to have some self control, to be perfectly honest.

Anyway, as other people have said, your lies will grow and grow until you get muddled and confused and people catch you out. I once knew a girl who told me she had a SNIPER on the roof of a cafe on Dame Street, in case anyone attacked her. This girl also told me "Hey, I have it too and I'm 100% infertile" on the day that I was diagnosed with PCOS and told I may not be able to conceive. This girl had already had an abortion, so was hardly infertile. People that lie like that are always caught out, and you will be too.

Do you want to know what it's like to have a lot of people think you're a liar? I've had that happen. I've had a tough life and have had a lot of terrible things happen to me (some people are just unlucky and have a traumatic, ****ty life growing up), and when I opened up to friends, my stories of what had happened to me were so bad (ALL true by the way) that they disbelieved me and all of my friends, bar 5 people, turned on me and told everyone I was a liar looking for attention. I was ostracised by people that had once been my closest friends, even though I was telling the truth. Imagine just how bad it would be if you were caught out telling actual lies?

When people lie so much, there is a reason for it. I don't know your backround but you need to speak to a psychiatrist about this because needing that much attention is a sign of a possible mental health condition. It's not shameful to seek help. Doctors see this kind of problem all the time. At the end of the day, you say you have serious problems for attention. What you have (your need to tell such lies) is a serious problem in itself and will get you a lot of attention, but not good attention, unless you get help to fix it.

I'd also recommend you have a look into Cognitive Behavioural Therapy rather than normal counselling, because CBT is about making you re-think things and think more rationally, so can change your thinking patterns and that in itself could stop the lying.

You need to realize that your lies could really hurt people. What if one of your friends was raped but you didn't know about it, and then she finds out you were lying? I can guarantee you that you wouldn't have that friend anymore. To be blunt, I'm sickened that somebody could cry rape and pretend to have cancer, but you need help because what you're doing is not only wrong morally, it's going to f*ck up your life unless you get it sorted. Good luck.

Toots

OP, as others have said already, you really need to see a professional about this. Talk to your GP, they can put you in touch with someone.

The lies have obviously gotten out of control if you're telling people you have cancer. Best case scenario, your friends know you're lying. Worst case is they believe you and the truth is gonna come out sometime.

I know of a guy, through work, who lied and said he had cancer. His motives were basically so that he could take weeks off work at a time. His manager felt so bad for him that he didn't bug him about getting sick certs, and he never bothered to bring them in.

His team were all really worried about him, and they were always doing favours for him, like doing work that he was missing etc. A bunch of them even grouped together to do the marathon for the Irish Cancer Society. So all this went on for months and months, then once when he was off work for a fortnight (supposedly having chemo), one of the other girls in the office bumped into him on a beach in Lahinch. With a surfboard.

Basically this guy is now most likely going to lose his job, and more importantly, he's lost all his friends in work, and most of the ones he had outside of work, because they found out what had happened.

Get yourself some help before things get even more out of control.

whirlpool

I find it quite juvenile and beyond ridiculous that people have responded to the OP berating her for the details of her problem. Trying to kick a girl when she's down? That's disgusting.

The OP has a problem, and has taken the first step to seeking help. And yet some of you deem yourselves in a position to judge her? That is despicable. We all have undesirable qualities - How many of you have the backbone to put pen to paper and try to get help for it? Especially one as embarrassing as the OP's?

The OP should be commended for taking this first step, not berated. Grow up, and lose your judgmental streak, all of you.

Next of all, I have multiple friends who are rape victims, and many relatives and friends who are cancer survivors or non-survivors. I was not offended by the OP's revelation, because it is extremely clear that the OP is not satisfied with her behaviour. So don't berate her for it. Offer help, and advice. And again, grow up.


P.S. @LyndaMcL: The fact that you are a rape victim is neither here nor there and is irrelevant to this girl's own problem. I understand that it's a sensitive topic for you and I can see why you would feel hurt by the original post, but at the end of the day your ordeal has nothing to do with this girl's problem. They are entirely separate issues and should be treated as such, because one will have no effect on the other, no matter how much you would like it to. I don't think the OP was under any illusions that rape was anything other than a barbaric, horrific experience, so telling her as much isn't going to fix her problem.

barbiegirl

A woman who was my best friend lied to me about having cancer, well certainly about it's severity. She said she was terminal and asked me to take on her three girls. I was so upset.
Turns out that IF she had cancer, it was a non lethal type and not only that but three days later when I had looked up all the info and said this to her, she said yes the doctor had said that to her, I asked when, she said when she was diagnosed.
I just can't be close to her anymore and can't believe a word she says. I don't know if she had cancer. My mum and sister who now hate her, as they saw how upset I was, don't believe she had it.
She in the past has told me she had Hep C (when I told her about my mum) I know this was a lie, that a gang of girls attacked her eldest one, maybe, maybe not.
OP the lesson I'm trying to demonstrate here is you have a problem, it will hurt your friends and you will lose them. Go see your doctor you need help.

Big Bag of Chips

OP, you admit you do it for attention and pity, and you get it. But it's short lived gratification.. and then you need to lie baout something else.

You will be caught out. Your friends, I guess, are not completely stupid. They will start to figure out and than ANY attention and sympathy you might get from them is GONE.

Go see someone. Get the help you need.

Don't EVER tell anyone else you've been raped, and I would even suggest 1st step you should take is to tell the friend you were infact lying to get attention. She may help you... or she may first hand make you see the hurt you have caused.

Anonymous people on the internet are just a bunch of words on a screen. Talk to the people you know. They will let you know the real damage you are causing.

Whatever way you go about this, it's not going to be easy. Take the most honest route, and you will feel better for it.

Nevyn

Whirlpool if you have issues with posts report them rather then dragging the thread off topic.

mikemac

The girl who cried wolf.

OP, god forbid you are ever raped you might go the gardai and press charges.
If the locals know your reputation for lying you'll be deemed unreliable.
What you are doing can have serious consequences.

Same goes for cancer. Touch wood nothing happens but what if it does?
And you tell your boss you need a leave of absence?
You will be sent straight to the company doctor for interrogation. And then to another doctor for another opinion, your boss won't believe you

Everything you say affects people around you and has consequences.
Might seem harmless but it will bit you in the ass.

Even without these two examples you'll end up friendless.
Think about the long term future and not just the short term benefit of getting sympathy.

Nevyn

I had the person who was at the time my best friend lie about having cancer and about a miscarriage. She lied and lied and did it to manipulate people to get her own way and did so in a manner that she must have believed the lies when they grew beyound a certain point. And when I began to have my doubts and ask questions I was turned on, dropped and lies about me spread and invented.

She did her best to be the centre of attension and there was always new drama and would go about retelling the whole saga to everyone she came in contact with soaking up their sypmathy and pity and making her feel as if somene anyone cared about her.

To say she has issues is an understatement, I only hope that some day she gets help and stops hurting people around her. Because the truth comes out and there is only so many times she could move on from one socail group to another as it turns out she had done the same thing (not of that tragic scale) but the same pattern before which was found out as Ireland is a small place.

Last I heard she is trying to move to america away from the mess she has made of her life and all the hurt she has caused people, she may well do the same to other people over there, she needs help.

Admitting that what you have done is wrong is a hard first step but you can get help and stop yoursel from doing it, what ever it is which motivates you to do this to fill a need or a void in yourself, there are better ways. Get yourself a referal to see a theraphist, go talk to your dr and work on this before it ruins your life and that of many others around you.