First time - Whats it like?

LegacyUser

Im unregistered for this !
Hey guys,Im a girl,18,:
I thought I knew alot about sex but I just reliesed - I really dont.
I read crap like KISS magazine and its so PG - its all "be with someone you trust" "its not like in the movies" - trouble is ,no one ever writes about what it actually is like.
Like, does it hurt? why does it hurt? what does it feel like? etc etc. Yes, I want detail. Not in a weird way but because no one stands up and says "right, its like this".......and sex education only goes as far as tampons!
So please people, let it rip! A step by step idea!!

LegacyUser

OP I can only speak for myself but yes, it did hurt..no not for long. It hurts as the hymen is being broken and then the pain is instantly gone.

I recall that I had to ask himself to take it slow, as it was quite sore on first attempt, but that was literally 30 seconds and then it's fine.

Now for me, I bled HEAVILY afterwards, but apparently this is unusual, normally it's just a wee bit. I didn't bleed til the next day though and it didn't last long either.

The first time won't be the best you'll ever have, the first half is a bit sore, the second half is getting used to the sensation, that said my first time was v. nice once the pain was out of the way! Everyone's different though, some people get no pain, some don't bleed.

Wibbs

OK I'm a bloke but an ex of mine was a virgin and we had a chat about what it felt like for her. Apparently the first time was a bit uncomfortable and a little stingy(her description) and basically it felt weird to have something inside her like that for the first time. It took getting used to at first, but didnt take long at all.

Other women mates of mine have talked about it from time to time and it seems to vary as far as pain goes. For most uncomfortable was the word, with the odd one which was sore. I'd reckon in those cases that's as much to do with not taking time to make sure you're fully aroused and relaxed. Lube would help too as you'll likely be using condoms(and should).

My 2 cents anyway.

Beruthiel

I was an extremely active teenager so I believe my hymen broke way before I ever had sex.
I never experienced anything other that a bit of discomfort first time round.

OP, it all depends on how relaxed you are, so your b/f should take his time and not just jump straight in at the deep end.
Lots of foreplay. And yes, it makes a big difference if you trust and care for the other person.

I presume you know all about contraception?

Ickle Magoo

Yeah, it was more a case of me learning to relax and unclench than any issues with hymens or the like, I had no bleeding. It was fairly uncomfortable I'd have to say and he had to be slow and gentle, even after much foreplay...

I think it took a few goes for the weird feeling of having a foreign object (that's not very romantic, sorry) in me while being pinned down enough to start enjoying things but the pain only really happened the very first time.

Best of luck!

Ectoplasm

Ok...well first of all, despite what you say about the PG stuff like 'be with someone you trust' this is actually important. I was lucky, my first time was with someone I was comfortable with and trusted which helped because I was relaxed. You asked does it hurt, well yes it does, but the degree of pain does seem to vary. You also asked why, and this gets a little detailed.

Primarily, the main reason is a small thin piece of skin which partially covers the entrance to the vagina. For some girls, this is already gone by the time they have sex, for others it's not. For most girls, this is the source of any bleeding that happens. What happens is, during penetration this is split/broken through. Which sounds way worse than it is in reality. It's a bit of a stinging pain, like a bad pinch and then it's over.

Another reason for pain is lack of arousal. As you get more aroused your body creates natural lubricants to help ease the way. The more lubricated you are, the smoother things go. To use a terrible analogy, have you ever had a ring on your finger which is difficult to remove? If you add a bit of cream the ring will slip off easier. Again this is not a great analagy and it's really important that to note that if you are not lubricated enough, there are specific lubricants that you should use, many of which are water based, because oil based lubricants can damage condoms.

Finally, the vagina is a passage which is naturally quite small but expands quite easily to accomodate a penis. The thing is though, if you are very very tense, your muscles may clench and tighten up, making penetration difficult. This can cause pain for some people. In this case, this is why trusting the person you are with makes things easier. The more relaxed you are, the less likely you are to tense up.

This all sounded very technical, and I hope that's what you were looking for. The reality is, if you have lots of foreplay, and are comfortable with what you are doing, the first time really isn't that bad. I'd advise waiting until you are very sure that this is what you WANT and never allow yourself to feel pressured. Also, make sure you are protected, both from STIs and pregnancy.

LegacyUser

I'm a girl and I was almost 18 before I had sex first.

I hadn't been with the guy for very long but I was just dying to have sex. Not in a messed up "get it over with" kind of way. Just that I knew I was ready.

Anyway, I didn't tell him I was a virgin. We were fooling around one night and I just decided to go for it. he was a lot more experienced and in fairness to him, we'd loads of foreplay and I was very very ready by the time penetration occured. It wasn't sore, I didn't bleed. I was well lubricated and I made him take his time.

He was on top and I remember thinking "wow, so this is what sex is". It felt weird but in a good way. I actually orgasmed through penetration which is unusual but I think it was because I was so ready and so relaxed that I wasn't nervous.

Anyway, afterwards I told him I'd been a virgin and he was surprised lol. He said he wished he'd known but I'm happy with the way it all was. Even though he wasn't my Mr Right. and he turned out to be a bit of a sh!t actually, I have no regrets.

I can't emphasise enough how important it is to be 100% sure that it is what you want. I had no doubts. None. Not one. There was no pressure on me, either from him or from myself.
And it turned out to be great. And thankfully I still have a very healthy and confident attitude to sex. I was very lucky that my first time was such a positive experience and I wouldn't change it.

wildlifeman

my first time i lasted about 30 seconds and came. it was rubbish.. i rolled over and fell asleep and made her sleep on the wet patch. i still do this to this day.

6th

wildlifeman infracted for immature pointless posting.

kjl

I was with a virgin before, I was gently and went at her pace. She didn't feel any pain and told me she enjoyed it very much. she seemed to as well. So not all first times hurt. Just go slow and relax.

dreamstar

I can honestly say that the first time you have sex is such an amazing feeling. I wanted to wait until I was with someone I really liked before I'd have sex with them. I was 21 when I lost my virginity to my boyfried and it was just the most amazing feeling. Yes it was uncomfortable and I did bleed a bit when the hymen broke but if you are with someone you trust you will be able to relax. And a useful tip is to use some lube - just to be extra comfortable.
3 years on and I'm still with my boyfriend. I love that my first time was so special. Just make sure you do it when it's right for you - and enjoy it!

xzanti

Mine was the biggest let down of my life* but it gets better

Just make sure it's with someone you really care about.. I know that's a big cliche but you'll be glad in the long run..

LegacyUser

hi guys
like, if i have sex, im gonna be very aware of being naked lol some of u are prob laughing reading that but its like, putting everything out there.
Also when my first time comes around, im concerned as i find it hard to masturbate (excuse my french) without feeling stupid and giving up.
i dont have a bf, i just wanna know everything before i have one. a nice one.
also, how long should u be with a guy before you do it....

thanks

Contessa Raven

Hi OP,

Basically everything that EMF2010 said is the nitty gritty important technical bits.

My experience was 2 years ago, I was with someone I loved. We'd been together over a year before we had sex, I was 20 he was 22 and it was both our first times. We had decided that we both wanted to and were ready. Lots of foreplay and then when it came to penetration there was no pain and no blood. It's important to know that this isn't the case with everyone though. Some people will have a little bit of pain/blood and others will have none or lots.

It was a bit uncomfortable at first. Just because I wasn't used to it. After a minute or so though, it began to feel really good and pleasurable. I have to say, for us, it was the perfect way as we were totally ready and trusted each other completely. We're still together and I have found that as the time passes, sex gets better and better.

I think the reason nobody says "It's like this..." is because it varies from person to person in regards to pain, bleeding and sensation/pleasure. There are alot of factors regarding how it will go such as maturity, emotional connection to the person, trust, technique, level of arousal, feeling ready, pressure etc... Everyone's first time is different tbh.

Hope this helps!

CR

trio

I wish I'd waiting until it was someone I loved because I was not relaxed.

I just wanted to get it over with.

So I was tense. He didn't use any lube but back then I barely knew such a thing existed and he probably had never used it either.

So it hurt like hell. Like being stabbed tbh. I was shocked! And I bled all over the bed, like I had my period. That was embarressing.....

The actual "act" was OK - once he's inside it's more stingy.

So my recommendation - wait until it's someone you really trust 100% as you will be physically more relaxed and hopefully not that tense at all.

And for the love of God use lube. You can get loads in Boots these days. You ask him to slather it on himself. Or if you want to be more active, you squeeze a bit into your hand and do it for him. Then he'll glide in really easily.

And unsexy as it sounds, a dark towel on the bed would be no harm.....

LegacyUser

Hi OP, what no one has offered here is the fact that even though it will be your first time, it can be VERY enjoyable!!!
I remember learning about the facts of life in school etc and getting so caught up in the technicalities of sex and how to do it, and how prevent stds and pregnancy etc - that I didn't realise I would enjoy it. Of course I would advise that you are aware of these issues btw.

First time for me was a bit of a pinch (as someone just said) and I had a very light bleed for 5 minutes after, but once the other person cares about you, you care about them and you get past that first time, it's great :-)

So enjoy OP, you have a lot to look forward to :-D

Hairspray

In all honesty the first time does hurt...it does get easier after that tho.If you can try and get the guy to bring some lube it may help with the discomfort.

LegacyUser

My first time was with someone I trusted and was in love with. I remember being surprised at the physicality of it, someone up so close that they are actually inside you!! It didnt hurt that much, more just uncomfortable, and a little bit sore afterwards. I bled a small amount, nothing significant. I enjoyed the experience.

The aspects of it that surprised me more than anything and I hadnt read about in magazines were the squelchy noises, the 'fanny' farts, the messiness - sweat, semen, vaginal fluid etc..., the sheer physicality of being so up close and athletic with someone while wearing no clothes, the silly things like how you can get cramp in the leg or buttock during it, or how if your skin is slightly sweaty and it sticks to the other person it can hurt if they move the wrong way, the smells of sex and the slight awkwardness of not quite being in tune with each other sometimes.

Oh I also got a bit of a fright at the guy when he came as I wasnt expecting him to tense up and make such strange facial expressions - it seemed a lot stronger than anything that had happened prior to us actually having sex!!

dontbemean

My first time, I found it was difficult to actually get the penis in without tensing up my vaginal muscles. What helped me was a friend's tip, which was to push out your vaginal muscles as if pushing something out of the vagina - it destresses the right muscles so that your boyfriend can get inside, and will cause you less pain. I still practise this from time to time. It might work for you too.

It can help with anal too if anybody's into that.

Also I did it REALLY SLOW my first time, instead of pushing in all at once, I got the guy to edge his way in slowly with little thrusts. Much comfier!

sam34

just a word to say dont be freaked out by bleeding, while it may not happen you it might do. in my case it lasted on&off for about 2 days. i didnt have pain in that time, just some light bleeding.

LegacyUser

i was wondering....do u have to be havin oral sex before the big show?

Contessa Raven

You don't have to have oral sex before the main event if you don't want to.
There is no right or wrong way to do it. There's no set of rules. You can do oral before if you want to or you can go straight to intercourse if you want. Just make sure you're aroused enough otherwise it could be difficult or sore.

Also, as for how long you wait. You should wait until you are ready. You'll know when you are. I waited 15 months. I was ready at 6 months but my boyfriend wasn't and so I waited until he was. And it was perfect because we were both soooo ready.

CR

panda100

VirginMary wrote: »

hi guys
like, if i have sex, im gonna be very aware of being naked lol some of u are prob laughing reading that but its like, putting everything out there.
Also when my first time comes around, im concerned as i find it hard to masturbate (excuse my french) without feeling stupid and giving up.
i dont have a bf, i just wanna know everything before i have one. a nice one.
also, how long should u be with a guy before you do it....

thanks

The whole naked thing freaked me out too,but usually guys are just as self concious about being naked as us women are.

While KISS and the likes do tend to romanticise the whole first time, I would echo their sentiment of waiting for someone you can trust and relax with.
I wasn't really in love with the guy I lost it to, but I fancied him so much I just couldn't resist,plus I was 21 and my hormones couldn't wait any longer

It was a bit akward but If guys know your a virgin they will be gentle with you. The inital penetration was bit painful for me but absolutely nothing to be worried about. After that it was grand and all I could think was 'Oh my god Im having sex'! Second time was a lot better as the whole sensations seemed a lot more natural.

Also masturbation isn't a dirty word so you don't need to excuse your french Its important to be open with your own sexuality and there is absolutely nothing stupid about you exploring your own body. Your a young women thats curious about sex and that is completly natural. The more you feel comfortable with your own body and how it responds in a sexual way, then the better sex will be for you when you final meet that perfect guy.

LegacyUser

oh! u see, ive heard from a couple of friends they go from stage to stage.
I thought u had to pass "stages" before having sex. Im waiting for the right guy to accept im a virgin.

dellas1979

OP - Dont be listenin to anyone else and do whats right for you!!!

Faith

No, there's no such thing as stages, just levels of comfort. You're usually comfortable with kissing first, and then it slowly progresses to hands, and after that comes either sex or oral sex. I've a friend who lost her virginity after a year with her boyfriend, but it was about another year until she performed oral sex. It all depends what you're ready for. A lot of people find oral sex more intimate than penetration.

Now, I'm going to buck the trend somewhat. I lost my virginity to a friend in what was essentially a one-night stand. I had no pain (apart from a slightly sore feeling afterwards, just from having the muscles stretched or whatnot), no bleeding, and had an all around great time. I waited quite a bit to have sex because I was picky, but while I was waiting, I still had all the normal urges. So one day I went away and bought myself a vibrator. It took a few goes to get used to it, certainly, but after a while it was grand. I'm sure that's why my first time was so pleasant - there was no "foreign object" panic. If you're concerned about your first time, that's always an option - you get all the rubbish out of the way before hand!

Always remember, there's no rush .

midlandsmissus

Being honest, mine was REALLY painful, and then it was v.painful for about 4-5 times after. Did anyone else experience that?

LegacyUser

Have to echo the people who have said that not everyone's first time has to be painful. Like the poster a few posts above, mine was really enjoyable and not painful at all, probably mainly because my hymen had been broken by a previous bf fingering me (that was a little painful, admittedly). Yeah there was a bit of soreness afterwards (exactly like the above poster said, like muscles being stretched) but it lasted less than a day.

I think the best thing to do is to make sure you know your own body. I suffered from vaginismus for a long time which prevented me having sex even when I really wanted to. I eventually thought enough was enough and one day I sat down with a mirror and forced myself to explore my bits. The biggest thing for me was fear of penetration, so even getting my fingers up there and getting used to the sensation and realising it was no big deal helped.

Then when I eventually did get around to having sex, it was comfortable and felt great. No pain.

The best way I could describe it is feeling a nice sort of pressure inside you that continues to build the more you get turned on. It's a unique feeling and being close to somebody in that way is a great experience if you have feelings for them. Good luck OP and don't feel like you have to rush into anything!

prinz

VirginMary wrote: »

Im waiting for the right guy to accept im a virgin.

You're 18. Relax.

midlandsmissus wrote: »

Being honest, mine was REALLY painful, and then it was v.painful for about 4-5 times after. Did anyone else experience that?

Not me, but my OH did. Not so much painful but very heavy bleeding the first few times. After that it never happened again.

lynsalot

Hey OP

I was 19 before I lost my virginity and it was with my first boyfriend who I knew years and was completely in love with. I went on the pill about 2 months before hand. It was long distance so I knew this weekend I went to see him we might have sex. I bought condoms.

We didn't plan it but got passionate and decided to go the whole way. He slipped on a condom... a little fiddly for him as he was a virgin too. Took it very slowly. Both very aroused so I was aroused enough for penetration. I have to be honest it didn't hurt at all. I had no bleeding and it was all over in about 15 seconds. I was surprised at how short it was and I didn't orgasm.

Your virginity is not a big deal. There's no rules to follow in terms of kissing then touching then sucking then penetration. If you're with someone you love you'll have that level of comfort. I knew my boyfriend had seen me naked before but I was self conscious but I had enough trust in him that it wasn't a problem. Plus missionary is always the most common position and he won't see anything other than your face and boobs (And believe me he'll be blown away) If that level of intimacy bothers you close your eyes. Try not to think about what you SHOULD be doing but to let the sense take over and really feel whats happening. I still do this. Lose myself in it and it's a lot more enjoyable.

I was confident enough with my first because we were so comfortable together and I knew he adored me so I could enjoy it without fear of being rejected. This comes with trusting someone 100% and made the experience very special for me. It was a great experience we shared. A short one but that didn't matter. He came I didn't again I didn't care. It was the bond we had created.

Word to the wise OP, if you're seeing a guy who makes you feel awkward for being a virgin they're not worth it. He should want to be with you physically because he adores you and not because of your skill in the bedroom. it's like riding a bike - the more you practise the better you get.

Any other questions let me know.
Hope it helped

lynsalot

Oh I also meant to say I think the reason it didn't hurt for me was that I was wearing tampons for years and this will break the hymen anyway. Also I was fairly curious as a teenager and masturbated (A lot) so knew what to expect.

OldNotWIse

I am older than people usually are when this happens. Long story but basically thought I was gay from a young age and as a result, was only ever with women. Now, I'm a little ashamed of being such an old virgin..Is it obvious when it's your first time?

Boo27

My first time didnt hurt at all,, as far as I can remember.... but I think the reason for this was that was BF at the time was quite small.. but still he took his time, spent a lot of time down there before hand to make sure I would come then climbed on top and had his wicked way whcih was totally fine.. I just remember thinking what the hell was all the fuss about..??? but once you do it for the first time... keep doing it as much as you can.... :DIn a new relationship with another boke I got the BIGGEST SHOCK of my life !!! 12 inches!!! Im not messing... and I nearly screamed... he sadi that he thought i wasnt a virgin, but I had no idea of the different sizes available.... !!! he he he... but sex just keeps getting better and better.... just never make anyone pressure you into doing anything you dont want to do... and never ever believe porn is real life... remember these people are paid to put things in mad places!!!!!!!!! hope this helps... and be safe and always use something.... says me whos 9 months pregnant!!!