gf has no friends or interests

Zipppy

My gf of a year has only one female friend and hardly ever sees her (I've met her once..)..two sisters live nearby but she never really sees them even though they seem to get on..and a couple of gay work colleagues that she meets the very odd time..
She has no interests or hobbies bar work..

I find myself not doing things I might have done or seeing people I may wish to see in order to ensure that my gf is not on her own..

We're 40s and separated..is this kinda normal?

Wibbs

It can be problematic. Well just speaking from personal experience of this anyway. You can become too much of their world and that gets wearing. IMHO its more precarious relationship wise if you're pretty much all they've got. I've seen that with two exes. When we were together they had me and little else. Now they've got friends and their current blokes have a waaaay easier time of it than I did. Put it another way, there's no way I'd get into another relationship like that again. That said they were in their 20's so there may be differences there. Someone in their 40's I would say will be more set in their ways.

Eve_Dublin

Out of curiosity OP, why doesn't she have any friends or interests? That's what I'd be wondering...

Beruthiel

Zipppy wrote: »

I find myself not doing things I might have done or seeing people I may wish to see in order to ensure that my gf is not on her own..

Well, if I were you, I'd be doing the stuff I want to do, seeing the people I want to see and if my OH wishes to join me, great. If they don't, that's their choice.

seamus

It could be normal depending on her background. It's possible that in her marriage, all of their mutual friends were closer to the husband's side, so when the marriage split up, she lost a lot of friends.

It could also be the case that she's just very bad at keeping in touch, so again when the marriage ended, she lost touch with her friends where previously they or her husband may have made the effort.

Don't feel like you need to keep your girlfriend company as that's a dangerous path to go down. If you feel like going out or you want to arrange to meet someone, then do it. Invite her along if you want her to be included.

Zipppy

Eve_Dublin wrote: »

Out of curiosity OP, why doesn't she have any friends or interests? That's what I'd be wondering...

This is a good question????
I don't know the answer....

Beruthiel wrote: »

if my OH wishes to join me, great. If they don't, that's their choice.

seamus wrote: »

If you feel like going out or you want to arrange to meet someone, then do it. Invite her along if you want her to be included.

I have being inviting her along, to almost everything, and she comes along and appears to enjoy herself...it's just that I also want to meet my friends and do stuff on my own...and feel bad about this

seamus

Zipppy wrote: »

I have being inviting her along, to almost everything, and she comes along and appears to enjoy herself...it's just that I also want to meet my friends and do stuff on my own...and feel bad about this

Don't, there's nothing wrong with going somewhere on your own. My wife does it all the time - "You're on your own tonight, it's just me and the girls."

Depends on context obviously - if you're meeting another couple (or three), then why not bring her along. But if you're meeting a few lads in the pub for pints and a match, then I don't see any problem in not asking her to come along or even saying that, "It's really just the lads tonight love".

Acoshla

I only have a few friends and as some of the live far away I don't see them much, but I like staying in on my own sometimes too, I encourage my boyfriend to go off and do his own thing, had to convince him I like being on my own sometimes but he knows now.

You shouldn't feel bad about going out with your friends etc, either she's happy with her situation in which case she should be fine on her own sometimes or if she is unhappy with it it's not your problem or fault, she should meet more people, but as I said she could be happy out with what she has.

LegacyUser

I think you're being pretty hard on your girlfriend OP.

As a seperated woman in her 40s, it's highly likely she has spent the past 10/15yrs socialising with other couples. Very few of us hold on to our 'single' friends and continue to have an active social life with them, once we're married. It's also highly likely that she doesn't socialise with these couples now, and chooses instead to socialise with you (because she sees you two as a couple?).

Has she got children? I know from my own experience, that once I seperated, my time was dedicated to raising my kids and working. That was about all I had the time and energy for - yes I kept in touch with friends on the net or telephone, but seldom got to meet them socially, only for events like birthdays or weddings etc. I laugh now when I tried internet dating and men have asked 'What are your hobbies?'. Hand on heart, I have not had the time nor the energy for a hobby in the past ten years. To take up a hobby, would have meant getting a sitter - it was never worth the expense, nor could I get a dependable sitter. In an ideal world, yes we should all have friends who we are in constant contact with - but the reality (particularly if she has children) can be slightly different.

Cheap Thrills!

Yep, as soon as you hit your 30's as a woman every last female friend will drop like a stone from your radar.....where the fcuk do they all go?

To the black hole of Motherhood never to return as their former selves....for years.

I mean that from experience, in my 30's I had to completely change my expectations of friends with kids as any sensible person will. I have my friends who are mothers who I do daytime and family stuff with and I have my younger & male group of friends I do normal friend stuff with, gigs/festivals/parties etc No point in trying for 'new' female friends at this age, they simply are not available.

Yet weirdly there are tons of lonely women in their 30's and 40's who are very socially isolated in this position. Even with all the 'getting out there' and joining clubs etc it's rock hard for them to make friends.

If the lady has no kids then this could well be the answer and no personal reflection on her at all.

pwd

Some people like spending time by themselves.

whatsamsn

Op, word of warning, a potential red flag.


Apart from the above mentioned about you not doing as much so she wont be alone... some other things have to be said:

• In my experience, and experience of people I know. When you date someone who hasnt got much of a life outside the relationship (no friends etc) it hightens the risk that the person you date isnt that into you. I've seen it happen where someone will date another just to have more in their life... even tho, in reality, they're only with them because it beats being single/gives them more things to do.

Im not saying that might be the case in your relationship.
But keep that in mind if you ever get feelings that she mightnt be that into you. Or if issues arise.

Overheal

Can I ask: if she does nothing to interest herself exactly what was she doing a year ago to interest You?

Jack B. Badd

Zipppy wrote: »

I find myself not doing things I might have done or seeing people I may wish to see in order to ensure that my gf is not on her own..

Have you asked her if being on her own bothers her? "Alone time" may be something she actually enjoys.

dory

Overheal wrote: »

Can I ask: if she does nothing to interest herself exactly what was she doing a year ago to interest You?

This is what I was wondering too. She must have an something to talk about if you went out with her.