Awkward

LegacyUser

Wondering if someone could give me advice

I've been talking to this girl online for about 2 weeks and everything going well we're have long all nighter conversations and its all good its just she wants to now more about me (we've only used instant messaging) but im feeling quite awkward because im a bit uncomfortable about my situation at the moment.

Basically im 19 year old guy and i have no friends at the moment mainly due to social anxiety/shyness and avoidance of all social situations i could get away with. I've only myself to blame really its not like i never had oppurtunities to make friends its really a catch 22 situation.. its like the fact that i have no friends is putting me off trying to get close to people in case they react badly to it when they realise.

Anyway she's been asking me personal stuff about me like what did i do for the weekend and stuff and obviously im reluctant to tell her i sat at home and did nothing because i have no friends to go out with. She's asked for my facebook and even though i do have one i only have about 40 "friends" , basically randomers i've added so that i dont look like a total loser. Its pathetic i know..(but thats another story)

So anyway i can see she likes me but i can also she that she's getting pissed at how private im coming accross. I'm afraid of what her reaction will be if i say something like "i have no friends at the moment so i don't go out much".


has anyone got any advice? i could really use it
thanks

Dizzyblonde

My advice is to be honest with her. Lots of people go through phases when they have very few or no friends, and if you don't open up to people it will never change.
I'd also advise you to seek help if anxiety is keeping you from mixing with people because that's not healthy. Your GP is the best place to start. Good luck

fillefatale

Dizzyblonde wrote: »

My advice is to be honest with her. Lots of people go through phases when they have very few or no friends, and if you don't open up to people it will never change.
I'd also advise you to seek help if anxiety is keeping you from mixing with people because that's not healthy. Your GP is the best place to start. Good luck

I second this. A lot of people lie on the internet and no one would be impressed if they've discovered a lie. I have some online friends, some with many r/l friends and some with very few or none, due to similar reasons to those you've stated. Just be honest, you've nothing to lose. Good luck!

Miss Fluff

Be honest with her. You're your own PR Manager so it's up to you how you paint it. You're not doing yourself any favours by saying "I'm a total loser" as you suggest in your post. Your not. You can tell her that you are painfully shy and it has caused problems but you would really appreciate her patience/understanding and would she be up for meeting for a non-threatening coffee at some stage soon?

If you skirt around the issue/avoid it, she will jump to her own conclusions and chances are you will lose her before you even give yourself the chance to start anything.

Give yourself a break hon, you deserve a chance at happiness and she sounds like a nice girl so get off on the right footing by not lying to her.

Let us know how you get on

pwd

Just say you took it easy over the weekend.

greengiant09

you need to start treating your social anxiety asap. you got to be thinking long term here....your still very young.....you could make huge strides in overcoming it within a year or 2. best to be honest with her.....she'll only assume you're dodgie if u keep being so private.

your right in some ways (regarding making new friends).....some people would react negatively if u told them the truth. i remember a time when i only had 1 friend in the world......and i use to lie (only when necessary) to new people i met if they asked me about what i was up to at the weekends, etc. i eventually made new friends and didn't have to lie no more.

it's not a bad thing to do cos you got to look at the bigger picture e.g your trying to overcome your S.A by telling a few white lies because it makes you more comfortable in meeting new people.

the main thing is to start treating your S.A......everything will then fall in to place as you recover.

calex71

If she's not in a similar boat, or cares about the things you worry about OP why is she online chatting to guys? Maybe she is just looking for an honest to goodness decent guy?

LegacyUser

thanks for the advice guys.. yeah i think i need to man up a bit and just tell her the situation. To be honest i hate lieing about it because i always fear it will come back to bite me worse.

I'm not even exactly sure i have social anxiety its probably just severe shyness thats manifested into avoiding everything. It will be interesting to see how she reacts i don't want her to pity me or anything. It could be an instant turn-off or not i'll have to see.. i'll try and keep you posted

pwd

I don't think you should make an issue of it really. She'll be able to tell you're shy herself, and you explaining it in some way just makes a big deal of it needlessly.