Medical worries

LegacyUser

First of all I'm not looking for medical advice here. I am a 25 year old woman who is having a terrible time at the moment. I have been having irregular smears for the last 5 years (started getting them done at 20 due to abnormal bleeding) but the abnormalities were always very mild and more of a nuisance than anything else as I had to get checked up every 6 months. I got used to the same result every time, mild abnormalities, or even normal sometimes, so I didn't worry too much.

Well, I had to go for a colposcopy a couple of weeks ago, and now the result is more serious, it's turned into CIN 1-2, which is a mild to moderate abnormality, and testing positive for high risk HPV. They don't want to treat it yet, as it may fix itself so they want me to go back in 6 months, but I am so worried. It's a real weight on my shoulders all the time. I think about it every day. I make mistakes at work for worrying about it. Worst of all, I'm moving abroad in a few months, so that messes up the arrangements with the hospital, I'll either have to come home for my follow-up or find an English speaking doctor on the continent who can do it. I just can't get my head around the fact it seems to be getting worse and I keep imagining that by the time I get seen again in 6 months, it might be cancer or really serious abnormalities.

I should be really excited about the move, but I'm just not. This is just a cloud over me. People keep asking why I'm not excited and happy and acting like I'm a miserable cow, but it's just awful not knowing what's going on in there. Before anyone starts, I know things could be worse. I have a few other medical problems as well, so I'm not someone who never gets sick, but this one is really worrying to me. It didn't help that I went to online cervical cancer support groups and read stories of women who went from normal smears to cancer in a year and things like that. I'm so down.

Victor

Sorry to hear this and I wish you well.

It sounds like you are doing all of this on your own. It would be useful to talk to someone - friend, family or counsellor - your doctor should have a list.

Odaise Gaelach

Sorry to hear that you're having such a hard time at the moment.

I second Victor's suggestion about talking to a friend, family or counsellor. It would help for you to have someone to sound off to.

I also wouldn't be too upset about going home every six months for a check-up. You can use it as an excuse to see your family and meet up with your friends again.

Take care of yourself.

dan_d

Sorry to hear this OP. Can I try and cheer you up?

Please don't read the internet. People love sensationalism. You're far more likely to read about the 3 women who developed cancer than the 5 women who didn't....it's not dramatic enough to write about the fact that you don't have cancer. You will only scare the life out of yourself by reading horror stories like that, so please try not to think about it.

You don't have cancer.You need to try and enjoy life at the moment, instead of worrying about the future all the time. I know - better than many - that this is much, much easier said than done. But no matter what way the results go, in 6 months time you'll be saying to yourself "why did I spend all that time worrying, instead of living".The future will take care of itself - worry about today.I know that's really hard, but you should try if you can.

As for finding a doctor on the continent - I'm not sure what country you're going to but in all likelihood, the medical service should be the last of your worries. Medical services on the continent tend to be excellent, and it's usually easy enough to find an english speaking doctor. Please don't let that worry you....Try and find a counsellor here before you go for a few appointments too. It's a lot to deal with on your own, and sometimes, you just need some extra help. Even just someone to talk to about it.

Best of luck OP. You've a lot of life left to live - make the most out of it, regardless of the outcome of your tests.

seamus

VeryDown wrote: »

It didn't help that I went to online cervical cancer support groups and read stories of women who went from normal smears to cancer in a year and things like that. I'm so down.

No, that will never help. The problem is that when people have a good outcome, they don't come online to talk about it. It's mostly only people who've had severe problems who come online to talk about it. So when you look at any medical-related discussion, it appears as though almost everyone has had a nightmare time, even though these people probably only represent 0.1% of the sufferers and almost everyone else came through it without serious problems.

So I would not read online support groups or forums. Even if you post looking for help, people will often say, "Well here's what happened to me..." and give their own story, which is not what you wanted.

I would however advise reading up on the condition. They say ignorance is bliss, but I disagree. Some people hate wikipedia, but for medical and scientific articles, it's top-notch. My Dad was going in for serious heart surgery late last year and I found it immensely comforting to be able to read detailed articles about the condition and the surgery.

Read up on your condition, the prevelance, treatment and prognosis, and if nothing else you will be adequately informed without the sensationalism.

I would also strongly advise talking to a family member or friend about it. Nothing worse than suffering in silence.

Miss Fluff

You need to make an appointment with your doctor and have everything explained to you in black and white. You are so SO lucky that you were responsible enough to have the irregular bleeding checked in the first place and the regular smears you are having demonstrates viligance on the part of the HSE. You are in a good potision, trust me.

Cervical cancer (which you don't have) is one of the slowest developing forms of the illness there is. And it is highy unlikely it would get the chance to develop as it is being so closely monitored by your medical team, it wouldn't even get a look-in by the sounds of it.

I think reading stuff on the internet and such a broad breadth of people's stories is not going to help you. You need to go back to your doctor, tell them the worry and anxiety that this is causing you and they will put your mind at ease. It is essential that you have your six-monthly check-up so I'd advise getting that set-up before you leave or getting your doctor's recommendation on a reputable women's health clinic/hospital in the city you are moving to.

While I can understand your worry, all the necessary precautions and treatments are in place for you, please don't let this ruin what should be a great experience for you.

Tuesday_Girl

CIN1-2 indicates minor abnormalities which may clear up if left alone or could potentially develop over a period of years into something more serious. If you're having regular smears any changes will be caught in good time and treated accordingly. I had CIN 2 many years ago and underwent a minor procedure to remove the affected cells, I've had regular smears since then.

I was (and still am) living abroad and I received excellent care from the doctors and gynaecologists there, the waiting time for results and treatment was also much shorter than it would have been in Ireland at that time.

LegacyUser

Hi everyone,

thanks for replying. I guess I am quite alone, I have a boyfriend of 6 months at the moment who is supportive but nobody else really knows. It's frustrating because it's not the kind of thing you want to mention and I hate when people ask why I was at the hospital, I have to make something up. I was seeing a counsellor but I didn't find it helpful really. I found that she seemed to be implying my worries were all in my head when I do have some real issues. Aside from this I was diagnosed with PCOS last year and to be honest I just got really fed up with the vaginal ultrasounds and swabs and smears all the time and it made me quite down. I know she was trying to explain that I shouldn't make mountains out of molehills but completely writing it off didn't make me feel much better.

About the going home, I guess I just feel like it's added pressure. I already hate going to the hospital, and the thought of also worrying about booking time off and catching flights and getting there on time makes it worse. But perhaps I'm being a baby. Same with finding a doctor - I'm sure I could find one but it's so daunting to think about right now. I've been making phone calls to my future home country to arrange accommodation and stuff, and the people are quite abrupt, the thought of having to arrange medical stuff really scares me. I know it's not a huge deal but I suppose I feel that in Ireland my doctors know me and they're warm and sympathetic and I have an idea in my head of some mean doctor getting annoyed that I can't speak the language, or misunderstandings arising. I lived in the US before and I had an awful experience with a doctor there.

I know I'm lucky that I've received the treatment I have with the HSE. It's just hard to feel lucky when all my friends take getting normal smears for granted but I know a lot of people are worse off than me or haven't been monitored. I will try not to look on the Internet anymore. It probably isn't helping and I learned that the hard way. But it is unfortunately extremely tempting!

FortyPlusHubby

VeryDown wrote: »

I was seeing a counsellor but I didn't find it helpful really. I found that she seemed to be implying my worries were all in my head when I do have some real issues.

Hi VeryDown,

I'm sorry you're having a rough time right now. Your comment about the counsellor just caught my attention, and it seems to me from reading your post that your primary problem IS WORRYING. I don't say that to be in any way dismissive of your medical issues.... they are real of course. But I think they are not as serious as you have made them to be in your own head.

Let me elaborate on that:

Most of the medical issues you have raised are just indicators. They are not confirming an actual illness, just a potential for the illness to develop. Modern medicine now has a much greater array of diagnostic testing and analysis than it did say 15 years ago, and a person in your condition would have been told they were "fine" if they had been to a doctor with the symptoms you have 15 years ago. Today, although the test results are still saying you are "fine" they are also adding additional information about what may develop in the future. It's just the way that medicine has evolved to help medical professionals better look after you throughout life. If you worry unduly about these indicators it will offset the benefit to your life of having had such good medical treatment.

I know that your PCOS diagnosis is different, so I am not referring to this in the above. Your doctor will have discussed how to treat this with you.

You can't spend your life worrying about what might happen. The worst thing to happen to you in the next 3 years is probably something you never saw coming. As I read your posts it seems that the time and energy you spend worrying is bringing you down more than any of your medical issues.

Reading internet articles about any disease or illness is a bit like trying to judge the world by reading the tabloid newspapers. It's a very inaccurate measure of the way the world is. Throw the tabloids away, the world is brighter than you imagine.

I once needed to get medical treatment in France, and I have to say it turned out to be easier, faster and more pleasant than most experiences I've had here in Ireland. Don't be put off by the language problem, in most european countries this isn't an issue (though it would be an issue for a foreigner over here).


I hope your overseas trip turns out well for you, and I hope you learn to stop worrying about your medical diagnoses.

40pH

LegacyUser

OP. I know how you feel. I got sick about a year and a half ago and they couldn't exactly figure out what was wrong. It was an awful feeling to not know what is going on inside my body or to know something is abnormal and being left that way. The doctors kept telling me they were monitoring it and if it became anything serious they could catch it. This wasn't really reassuring to me, I wanted them to be proactive, figure it out NOW and fix it NOW. The waiting and wondering if there was something getting worse inside me, and what if they didn't catch it or they caught it late... I started thinking about it too much, thinking I felt worse or thinking maybe i had a new symptom or thinking that feeling nothing was a bad sign. I kept living as normal but it was always on my mind and every time I'd hear a story about some late stage diagnosis, it would stress me out. The reality is though my body was going to do whatever it was going to do regardless of me stressing/worrying or not and the stress could only make it worse.

For the sake of my mental health I had to accept that at this moment I was not seriously ill, I had to trust my doctors and I had to decide to live my life making the illness a small part of it rather than a central focus. It took a couple months to change my thinking and to stop stressing about it all the time but it did work.

You sound like you are really overwhelmed right now and in a place where everything feels like it is too much. Can you get away from all the planning for a couple days, go somewhere tranquil where you can relax and then come back a bit refreshed. I'd also suggest keeping attuned to yourself and in touch with your doctor before you go to make sure you don't slip into depression. The feeling overwhelmed, the worrying and catastrophic thinking, the everything is too much, the feeling irritable and miserable...those can all be warning signs that are worth mentioning to your doctor.

Jenneke87

VeryDown wrote: »

First of all I'm not looking for medical advice here. I am a 25 year old woman who is having a terrible time at the moment. I have been having irregular smears for the last 5 years (started getting them done at 20 due to abnormal bleeding) but the abnormalities were always very mild and more of a nuisance than anything else as I had to get checked up every 6 months. I got used to the same result every time, mild abnormalities, or even normal sometimes, so I didn't worry too much.

Well, I had to go for a colposcopy a couple of weeks ago, and now the result is more serious, it's turned into CIN 1-2, which is a mild to moderate abnormality, and testing positive for high risk HPV. They don't want to treat it yet, as it may fix itself so they want me to go back in 6 months, but I am so worried. It's a real weight on my shoulders all the time. I think about it every day. I make mistakes at work for worrying about it. Worst of all, I'm moving abroad in a few months, so that messes up the arrangements with the hospital, I'll either have to come home for my follow-up or find an English speaking doctor on the continent who can do QUOTE]

May I ask where you are moving to on the continent, as most of us here have a fair grasp of English.

LegacyUser

FortyPlusHubby wrote: »

Hi VeryDown,

I'm sorry you're having a rough time right now. Your comment about the counsellor just caught my attention, and it seems to me from reading your post that your primary problem IS WORRYING. I don't say that to be in any way dismissive of your medical issues.... they are real of course. But I think they are not as serious as you have made them to be in your own head.

Yes, I'm aware I do have an anxiety problem. But the thing is, most things I can just dismiss as worries whereas when it's something real it's not so easy to just forget about it.

Let me elaborate on that:

Most of the medical issues you have raised are just indicators. They are not confirming an actual illness, just a potential for the illness to develop. Modern medicine now has a much greater array of diagnostic testing and analysis than it did say 15 years ago, and a person in your condition would have been told they were "fine" if they had been to a doctor with the symptoms you have 15 years ago. Today, although the test results are still saying you are "fine" they are also adding additional information about what may develop in the future. It's just the way that medicine has evolved to help medical professionals better look after you throughout life. If you worry unduly about these indicators it will offset the benefit to your life of having had such good medical treatment.

I know that your PCOS diagnosis is different, so I am not referring to this in the above. Your doctor will have discussed how to treat this with you.

Well, I do have confirmed issues already but I guess I deal with those better because I know what I'm dealing with whereas with this whole precancerous thing, you really don't know what way it's going to go. I suppose it's where it is as well which makes it hard. I wouldn't have a problem telling people I had precancerous cells on my finger or something, but I don't really want to be talking about my cervix. A lot of people are judgemental about it for some reason as well, acting like only careless or promiscuous women have these issues.

You can't spend your life worrying about what might happen. The worst thing to happen to you in the next 3 years is probably something you never saw coming. As I read your posts it seems that the time and energy you spend worrying is bringing you down more than any of your medical issues.

Please don't say that because I worry about anything happening. You are right about the worrying being worse than the medical issues, I am really trying to stop making myself so miserable.

I once needed to get medical treatment in France, and I have to say it turned out to be easier, faster and more pleasant than most experiences I've had here in Ireland. Don't be put off by the language problem, in most european countries this isn't an issue (though it would be an issue for a foreigner over here).

Yeah, hopefully it will work out. I lived in the country I'm going to as a child and spoke the language fluently, but it's been almost 17 years (can't believe it's that long!) and I doubt I'll remember much of it at all now.

WhatWillBee

Hi OP

I have had about 5 years of abnormal smears myself. For about hte last two years, I was moderate Cin1-2 and it wasnt shifting. It then went to CIN3 and I was booked in for the LLETZ procedure (where they remove the precancerous cells). I have had two smears since that, the first one was CIN1 (this is not unusual) and the latest one was completely normal.

You need to stop worrying and heres why...

1. You are keeping an eye on it. For cervical cancer thats the best course, and it can go back to normal on its own.

2. You are only at moderate changes. These cells dont ramp up from moderate changes to full blown cancer very quickly, and because you are being seen regularly, any further changes towards cancer will be caught.

3. OK, so even if you have to go get these cells removed (like I did). The whole procedure is a doddle, on similar comfort level to a normal colposcopy which youve already had.


As things to be worry about go, this is not a major one. I would only worry if Id had an abnormal smear and never done anything about it, as many women do unfortunately.

I am also emigrating soon and will have to keep up my smears abroad, but unless you are moving to a serious third world country, im guessing the women in the country you are moving to have to have smears too!

Is it possible you have an anxiety disorder becuase you seem to know most of the facts but are getting wound up regardless? You can do no more than you are already doing, so take a deep breath, and relax.

x