Apathy

LegacyUser

Hi everyone.

Over the last few years, I've become increasingly apathetic towards everything in my life. Nothing excites me, saddens me, bores me or makes me happy anymore. I'm coming out of my teens, I see adult life stretching before me and I really don't want to be a part of it- I'm not interested in relationships or a career- even sex, (the fulcrum of my teenage existence!), isn't something I care about. Neither is getting drunk with my friends.

The question I want to ask is, is life really suited for every mind/person? I have thought about suicide (there's no need for the "don't do it!" brigade, I'm fairly composed right now) but it's not because I'm depressed or things are going wrong, I just can't seem to get into the flow everyone around me is in- living is something they seem to enjoy. If you have had a pretty clear view of life, knowing vaguely what's up ahead, and don't want to go through it, what can you do? I feel like I'm going to be the loony adult people know and deliberately avoid because I don't want to deal with real life. A square peg in a round hole really.

I feel like I've seen enough of life to know it's not for me- is it wrong to want your life to end when you're in that state of mind? I think I'd just go completely off the deep end if I had to deal with a lot of the stuff I know will be part of my life soon.

Thanks for reading!

Denerick

Apathy is a downward spiral that leads to nihilism, which leads to despair, and so and so forth. You seem like a very intelligent person who has a lot to live for. See a GP. Anti depressants may not be the answer but you could look into talking with somebody. Good luck either way.

runman

You may not realise it but you maybe depressed.. There is something to excite everybody in life. Not always easy to find your true calling. Do u enjoy spending time with your friends?
Do you excercise? i always find it makes me feel happy and positive whereas when im bone idle i become a bit down.

LegacyUser

Denerick wrote: »

Apathy is a downward spiral that leads to nihilism, which leads to despair, and so and so forth. You seem like a very intelligent person who has a lot to live for. See a GP. Anti depressants may not be the answer but you could look into talking with somebody. Good luck either way.

Yeah, that's the thing, I feel that if I continue living I'll turn into crap/dangerous person. I don't really like the idea of anti-depressants though- I don't think it's right to alter your state of mind with drugs, I'd much prefer if life could do that for me. As for talking to someone, I feel like I'd get the same "you've got so much to live for" schtick. I don't really feel depressed- I feel I have a rational and normal outlook on life really.

runman wrote:

You may not realise it but you maybe depressed.. There is something to excite everybody in life. Not always easy to find your true calling. Do u enjoy spending time with your friends?
Do you excercise? i always find it makes me feel happy and positive whereas when im bone idle i become a bit down.

I don't really enjoy being with friends too much anymore, because I can't relate to all their excitement about 'going out', 'new car' or 'gig' scenarios. But it's people in general I'm struggling to fit in with in general. I exercise quite a bit; go for cycles, play soccer. I have a part-time job too.

I feel like stopping it all though because these things don't matter to me anymore. Even money- I've started spending it on gifts for my family because even material junk can't bring me any happiness. Material junk used to do that!

What makes you want to go on, work your job, have a family, reach retirement? I used to think that going to be fun to do, but I feel like I'm going to flip out if I have to go through another year like this.

Thanks for your replies by the way.

katie99

You seem to me to be thinking and ruminating too much. Get out and about and start enjoying what you have.
There must be friends you can meet and have a good time with.
Life is what you make it.
There are people not so fortunate as you fighting death every day of the week who would give anything to be in your position healthwise.
So stop the intense analysing of everything and start to enjoy yourself.

JuliusCaesar

Apathetic wrote: »

If you have had a pretty clear view of life, knowing vaguely what's up ahead, and don't want to go through it, what can you do?

When I was a teenager, I was pretty much the same - for a while! Life took an unexpected turn, and then more. There's no way I would have predicted a future for myself that's anything like the way I have ended up, due to some pretty 180 degree turns. None of my plans worked out - and it's just as well, because I love the life I have now. (and I'm now old enough to have a child your age!)

blogga

Start living your life in front of your face not behind it.

Ectoplasm

Apathetic wrote: »

I don't really like the idea of anti-depressants though- I don't think it's right to alter your state of mind with drugs, I'd much prefer if life could do that for me. As for talking to someone, I feel like I'd get the same "you've got so much to live for" schtick. I don't really feel depressed- I feel I have a rational and normal outlook on life really.

When I read this it was like reading something I would have written about ten years ago. I tended to intellectualise things quite a lot, and thought I was very rational. I was to some extent right. I was too rational, and had to some extent lost touch with my emotions.

As it turned out, in my case, I was clinically depressed. I went through therapy and emerged the other side of it with, quite literally, a new lease of life. Interestingly, my therapist never once gave me "the same 'you've got so much to live for' schtick". Therapy was actually a revelation.

I'm not saying you are depressed - I'm simply giving you my experience as I feel it so closely mirrors how I felt. I'd advise you to look into therapy, if only to experience it for yourself rather than any preconceived ideas you have of it.

AdmiralRazor

Were you ever passionate about any of the things you mentioned?

Nolanger

Join the local public library and spend all your time there reading stuff until you develop an interest in something.

Cheap Thrills!

Apathetic wrote: »

Yeah, that's the thing, I feel that if I continue living I'll turn into crap/dangerous person. I don't really like the idea of anti-depressants though- I don't think it's right to alter your state of mind with drugs, I'd much prefer if life could do that for me.

It may well be that life can do it for you but it'd be best to consult a professional tbh.

Apathetic wrote: »

As for talking to someone, I feel like I'd get the same "you've got so much to live for" schtick.

Huh, please, really anyone you'd talk to would have something better than that sort of bus-stop style 'wisdom'
Depression (if it is that) is a lot more complicated than you seem to think. Not diagnosing you but you could do worse than to go along to the GP.

Apathetic wrote: »

I don't really feel depressed- I feel I have a rational and normal outlook on life really.

No offence but the worst person to look to for an objective opinion on your own state of mind is yourself. The mind will nearly always perceive what is going on as rational, logical and situational.

Apathetic wrote: »

I don't really enjoy being with friends too much anymore, because I can't relate to all their excitement about 'going out', 'new car' or 'gig' scenarios. But it's people in general I'm struggling to fit in with in general. I exercise quite a bit; go for cycles, play soccer. I have a part-time job too.

I feel like stopping it all though because these things don't matter to me anymore. Even money- I've started spending it on gifts for my family because even material junk can't bring me any happiness. Material junk used to do that!

What makes you want to go on, work your job, have a family, reach retirement? I used to think that going to be fun to do, but I feel like I'm going to flip out if I have to go through another year like this.

Thanks for your replies by the way.

Please google anhedonia, the loss of pleasure and interest in normal things. Extremely common in depression. Feelings of apathy and nihlism play a part, textbook stuff.

whirlpool

I can't be bothered going unreg for this post, even though I would prefer to. But anyway, I just have something to say.

I have gone through periods of apathy. They have lasted an hour, and they have lasted days. And they always return once they have gone away.

I really feel like it is being misunderstood, and this depresses me a little bit. When people say things like "You should just enjoy life" to somebody experiencing apathy - to me, that is the same as saying to a dog "You should just stop being a dog" or to an ill person "You should just start being healthy."

And comments like "There are people much worse off than you" are entirely irrelevant to this issue. An apathetic person does not pity themselves. They do not think they have a tough life. That's not what it is about. Apathy is a complete lack of emotion. It is nothing to do with how fortunate or unfortunate you think you or other people are. I think this misunderstanding needs to be cleared up.

I have experienced times of apathy that have left me feeling terrified, but without actually feeling the fear. It is difficult to explain. It is a fear of what I might let myself do to myself, but actually not truly caring. I remember the worst moment I experienced, I was on a night out (had not drank much alcohol at all) with friends and a sudden tidal wave of apathy struck me down. I was ready to get in a taxi and go to the nearest hospital to tell them that I was suicidal, because I was. I wasn't going to do it for myself, but because something took me over and said "You have to do this because your family will be devastated if you die." and I went into autopilot. I didn't end up going to the hospital. Instead I told a close friend who was out with me who has suffered from depression what I was feeling, and she looked after me. I continued to just plough through the rest of the night.

I'm sorry you're feeling this way, OP.

I hope people realise that what you're feeling has nothing to do with feeling sorry for yourself or anything of that sort, and the solution to your problem is nothing along those lines.

I hope you're feeling better soon. Take care.