Feel like a teenager again, argh!

LegacyUser

Hi all. I'll try and keep this as short as possible. Met a girl in March 2009, while backpacking, spent a few weeks together, really hit it off, very sad leaving etc.
Anyway she kept in touch from the day i left. She was on her way back to live in her own country (Oz) and i was coming back to ireland. So she didnt settle into her country and went back to london, where she had been for 8 years, in May. So she told me the news and I was delighted and we met up last week. Anyway I was only supposed to be staying for 3 nights but stayed for 6 at her place and it was really great and everything went well.
I came back on Thursday.
Anyway the "problem" is that since i've come home on Thursday I'm over excited, can't sleep, can't stop thinking about her, want to talk to her all the time, want to know when we will see each other again, totally over analysing stuff, driving myself crazy etc, wondering when or if to call/text her, what to say, and so forth, wondering if she feels the same, is she dating other people now, etc. It's driving me mental, I feel so weak, I said years ago I'd never let this happen to me again after being hurt before, now I'm 30 (she is 34) and I feel like a loved-up teenager all over again. I am moving to London in December to start a job there anyway, but I want to know how to play it in the meantime?
Sure I can visit again, she can visit here, but should I just play it by ear, or come out and ask her where this is going? I'm afraid if I do that it will show me as being weak, anxious etc, which isn't attractive. So I don't think i'll follow that path.
I was seeing other girls in the year+ since we saw each other and never felt any of this nonsense with them, but now I'm a jittery mess, but it's horrible and fantastic at the same time!!!
This probably looks like I've puked my thoughts all over the screen, but some advice would be great? She's a very hard one to read, this one.

beks101

Hi OP, you're certainly not 'weak' for feeling this way - you're human and lucky and I envy you it!

As you know this sort of weak-in-the-knees lust-ridden all-consuming chemistry and infatuation doesn't come along often and it sounds as though she feels the same - seeing as you ended up staying with her for six days.
And you're moving to London soon!

What I would say to you is to chill out while maintaining regular contact with her. Don't bombard her with giddy calls/texts/emails but it's important she knows that you mean a lot to her and you're interested in pursuing something with her. Send her a text asking her how her day was every so often, give her a call at the weekend, or what about inviting her to Ireland for a few days?

You want to move forward without jumping the gun too soon by asking 101 questions about who she's dating, where this is going etc. All you need to do is establish a routine for contact, so you become a part of her day / week. And by all means tell her that she's special to you, that you miss her and are looking forward to seeing her again. Life is short!

(Just do it sober!! )

LegacyUser

beks101 wrote: »

Hi OP, you're certainly not 'weak' for feeling this way - you're human and lucky and I envy you it!

As you know this sort of weak-in-the-knees lust-ridden all-consuming chemistry and infatuation doesn't come along often and it sounds as though she feels the same - seeing as you ended up staying with her for six days.
And you're moving to London soon!

What I would say to you is to chill out while maintaining regular contact with her. Don't bombard her with giddy calls/texts/emails but it's important she knows that you mean a lot to her and you're interested in pursuing something with her. Send her a text asking her how her day was every so often, give her a call at the weekend, or what about inviting her to Ireland for a few days?

You want to move forward without jumping the gun too soon by asking 101 questions about who she's dating, where this is going etc. All you need to do is establish a routine for contact, so you become a part of her day / week. And by all means tell her that she's special to you, that you miss her and are looking forward to seeing her again. Life is short!

(Just do it sober!! )

Chill out, ok, well I'm not really chilling out, but she's not aware of that, that's the main thing! I don't care if she's dating, if she meets someone she likes more, well that's the luck of the draw I guess, even though I'd be gutted. Just got a wish you were here text from her. She's so hot though, I'd never get a girl like this in Dublin.
Ok so I'll be cool. Usually in the past with girls I've let them do most of the work, but I feel more compelled to do it this time. I like her too much. But I should be strong and stay how I am. This stuff is powerful ffs! Thanks beks.

Miss Fluff

Aw, I LOVE posts like this. Sounds like you are well in to one another. How lovely!:)

There is no way to "play" this. You shouldn't be looking for an angle or a way to behave. Why don't you arrange another meet-up asap, ask her over here to stay with you for a few days and the conversation will probably happen organically. Best have that chat face-to-face methinks!

Good luck!

Neadine

That is so sweet. Enjoy it, all of the craziness!
As you have realised, you don't meet someone everyday who makes you feel like that, and when you do it's obviously someone very special. There isn't a way to 'play' it, it's not a game and don't turn it in to one, sure fire way of ruining things. Just go with it, and it enjoy it, and be honest with her about how you feel.

Zen65

ohffsnotagain wrote: »

Anyway the "problem" is that since i've come home on Thursday I'm over excited, can't sleep, can't stop thinking about her, want to talk to her all the time, want to know when we will see each other again, totally over analysing stuff, driving myself crazy etc, wondering when or if to call/text her, what to say, and so forth, wondering if she feels the same, is she dating other people now, etc.

This is not a problem, this is the buzz of new love. Enjoy it, however this turns out.

If possible, try not to let everybody see your tail wagging frantically.

Be at peace,


Z

LegacyUser

I can't believe you all think this is sweet, I feel pathetic! It's scary knowing someone has this much power over my life and feelings right now, that's what I don't like about it.
I have been the most cynical bastard when it comes to these things in the past, being a divorcee, and having been through bad times with other women, so it's like it has come back and kicked me in the face! Anyway all is well so far i think, just needed to get this off my chest and run it by you all to see if I'm a weirdo or not.

LegacyUser

well i haven't heard from her since yesterday afternoon so she's obviously not interested. More heartbreak, great.

Sols12

ohffsnotagain wrote: »

well i haven't heard from her since yesterday afternoon so she's obviously not interested. More heartbreak, great.

Wow! Give her a bit of space or better still you text her! It works both ways!
As for that any update?

C0N0R

Op chill out, give her space and don't be so paranoid. Give her a wee text at some stage to see how she is, see if she has anythin fun planned for the weekend. Casual stuff! Don't bombard her with questions and texts. She texted to say she misses you, take her at face value. Does she know your moving over to London in December? Whatever you do don't let her go, you can do that by been to clingy to tho.

Best of luck anyway

LegacyUser

ohffsnotagain wrote: »

well i haven't heard from her since yesterday afternoon so she's obviously not interested. More heartbreak, great.

OP you're onto a good thing here. Don't sabotage it by becoming all needy and clingy.
You're 30, you've lived a bit, presumably you have your own interests and hobbies.
Live your life, do your own thing while maintaining contact with this girl.
But by thinking like this you'll drive her away.

LegacyUser

Was away for 10 days with couple of mates and she texted on my birthday to say she was coming over here tomorrow, some kind of surprise thing. I've calmed down a lot. I'm a strange one me, I let her do all the work, then she does it, and I don't seem half as excited or nervous as I was! I think I get off more on the chase or something...

I slept with a girl on holidays last week though... but these are the problems with long distance stuff. And if she has been sleeping with guys over there, well it's not my business and I wouldn't care that much as long as she had long term plans with me. Anyway I'm delighted she's coming over and will have a good time this weekend for sure. But I might just tell her I'm not into this long distance stuff, and to wait until I'm living over there until we consider pursuing it further. It ain't easy, and very frustrating.

Beruthiel

ohffsnotagain wrote: »

I might just tell her I'm not into this long distance stuff, and to wait until I'm living over there until we consider pursuing it further.

If you are that into her, why would you do that?
It's less than 4 months, it will fly, especially if you pop over and see her the odd weekend.

LegacyUser

Beruthiel wrote: »

If you are that into her, why would you do that?
It's less than 4 months, it will fly, especially if you pop over and see her the odd weekend.

because it makes me panicy, all this! Wondering what she's up to etc. I don't think it's good for me. Anyway she arrives in 24hrs. So i'll let y'all know how it goes.

BizzyLizzie

So... how did it go!?!?

LegacyUser

hi, thanks for your interest! It went great at weekend, did a lot of nice stuff during days, went out, got drunk etc etc, met my friends, who were all very charming so was very pleased. She had a great time.
Plus lots of humping etc. So I'm sure now that she's pretty keen. You see it usually takes them to shout I love you from mountain tops etc at me before I realise they are actually into me properly.
So the panic is gone, and I'll be back over there for a few days in just over 2 weeks.
Bad news is wont be March now until I'm in London, due to things out of my control.
Long distance ain't easy, but I've played my cards right so far I think, and if she's really interested she wont have a problem waiting until then. Other factors can change things of course but we'll hope for the best.
I kept getting all this electric stuff shooting through me the last few days when we were together. Weeeeeird sh1t going on...