To Contact or Not

LegacyUser

This issue has probably been flogged to death on this forum, so i'll keep it short.

Broke up with the Girlfriend last weekend having been together 2 years, I initiated the breakup and she did'nt take it too well, my reasons are i had a lot of things going on in my head and I had become emotionally and pysically detatched. To cut a long story short i feel really bad and guilty for what i've done. I am really worried about her state of mind so much to the point that i had to text her to was she ok, i knew she would'nt but i had to anyway.
Anyway the point I'm trying to make is keeping in touch a good idea? I know i broke up with her but i just cant leave her out of my life forever...

redhed35

you ended it,do her a favour and disapear from her life.

its cruel to give her false hope that the relationship can be saved,and thats what will happen if you contact her.

deal with whatever guilt yo uhave for hurting her,breakups hurt,and you had good reasons,dont flog it to death.

just go.

do your own thing,get on with your life andleave her alone to heal and get over you.

im sure she has family and friends for support,she does not need you to comfort her,you broke her heart,call a spade a spade,but thats ok,you have to now look after YOU! and she will be ok.

Miss Fluff

i feel really bad and guilty for what i've done.

I know i broke up with her but i just cant leave her out of my life forever

Leave the girl be. Do not contact her again. You're only really contacting her for your own selfish reasons and to allay feelings of your own guilt. It is not at all fair on her and if you care anything for the girl then you will leave her alone.

Wibbs

Miss Fluff wrote: »

You're only really contacting her for your own selfish reasons and to allay feelings of your own guilt.

This. No matter which way you dress it up it pretty much boils down to that. Leave her to heal and if in 6 months time you bump into each other and she's moved on then maybe keep in contact. Then again IME most of the time when people move on they dont really want to, especially those who were dumped

LC2010HIS

Confusedsomuch wrote: »

This issue has probably been flogged to death on this forum, so i'll keep it short.

Broke up with the Girlfriend last weekend having been together 2 years, I initiated the breakup and she did'nt take it too well, my reasons are i had a lot of things going on in my head and I had become emotionally and pysically detatched. To cut a long story short i feel really bad and guilty for what i've done. I am really worried about her state of mind so much to the point that i had to text her to was she ok, i knew she would'nt but i had to anyway.
Anyway the point I'm trying to make is keeping in touch a good idea? I know i broke up with her but i just cant leave her out of my life forever...

Disappear.

... My best friend was broken up with last september, after a 1year relationship. The selfish idiot broke up with her, then expected to keep up contact, to keep her, what looked like to me, on the sidelines. He acted like they were never in love, and it destroyed her. In the end , me and my friends had to step in. We helped her cut contact. She was destroyed because she wanted a reason why her first love dumped her outta nowhere....She self doubted herself and her confidence shattered. But, 4 months later, she was almost back to her charming self. Now, shes in a relationship and over the moon and learnt she shouldnt place her self value on any guy.

I think time healed her wounds and im proud she got through it.

My point - leave ur ex alone. She may hurt now, but she'll get on with it with her friends to help. Leave her alone and dont be selfish. The damage is done. Even if you got back with her, it would be the elephant in the room and nothing would be the same. So, just get outta her life and leave her move on. If you care, you will. Cause its the best thing you can do for her.

jurgenscarl

Get out of dodge.
You broke with her.
Leave her alone.
Find someone else.

Esoteric_

Oh God, I actually thought my ex had written this and texted him to see if he had :rolleyes:

Anyway, OP I'm on your girlfriend's end. My boyfriend and I broke up about a week ago after a 2 year relationship because of stuff going on in his head that stopped him from being able to be emotionally committed to the relationship 100%. We both agreed on this although I REALLY didn't take it well. As in your case, he texted me to make sure I was ok, every day actually.

I disagree with the other posters. TALK to your ex and ask what she wants. If she thinks friendship is possible, then slow down with the texting a bit so that she has space to move on. While I might still be devastated over my break up, I sure as hell don't want to lose him as a friend and while it hurts, I've accepted that it's over and am now focusing on just being good friends. And it's working.

Obviously, we're different people and not many people could handle being friends so soon after a break up, but talk to her, seriously. See what she wants. If she's not content with JUST being friends, back off.

Miss Fluff

I'm sorry Lynda but you are a very very rare breed if you can switch from being in love and devoted to someone to being (insultingly) relegated to the Friend League in the space of a week.

People protest and say how important it is to have the other person in their life as a friend. This is merely a manafactured and toxic co-dependency that makes the dumper feel less guilty and fills the dumpee with false hope (regardless of how much they pretend to be cool with it).

My advice still stands OP. You would be very selfish indeed to go contacting her. Leave her be, trust me.

Esoteric_

Miss Fluff wrote: »

I'm sorry Lynda but you are a very very rare breed if you can switch from being in love and devoted to someone to being (insultingly) relegated to the Friend League in the space of a week.

People protest and say how important it is to have the other person in their life as a friend. This is merely a manafactured and toxic co-dependency that makes the dumper feel less guilty and fills the dumpee with false hope (regardless of how much they pretend to be cool with it).

My advice still stands OP. You would be very selfish indeed to go contacting her. Leave her be, trust me.

I resent the "insultingly" tag you threw in there. I'm still in love with him but I value him enough to not throw away what was a great friendship BEFORE our relationship. Simple. I'm in no way dependent on him, nor he on me and I also have absolutely no hope of us ever dating again. Fact of the matter is, you're jumping to some ridiculous conclusions simply because I said that in SOME cases, friendship is possible.

Different things work for different people and advising the OP to TALK to his ex and ask her opinion on the matter before making any decisions does not mean my ex and I are co-dependent or any other bull you wish to spout.

Keeping on topic, OP I still suggest that you talk to her. However, if your ONLY reason for contacting her is guilt, and you don't want friendship later on, then don't prolong the pain for her.

Miss Fluff

LyndaMcL wrote: »

I'm still in love with him

I rest my case

LC2010HIS

Miss Fluff wrote: »

People protest and say how important it is to have the other person in their life as a friend. This is merely a manafactured and toxic co-dependency that makes the dumper feel less guilty and fills the dumpee with false hope (regardless of how much they pretend to be cool with it)..

Couldnt of said it better myself - leave her alone if you care about her.
You cant have it all your own way. You cant expect to break her heart and then stay in her life , giving her false hope. Move on

newtothis2010

agree with those who said:

disappear..

don't give her hope.. and thats what contact will do... she needs to grieve and get over you and more importantly to get over ANY hope that you want her back,,

you can be dam sure she has a support network in place, be it friends and/or family, its THEIR job to make sure she is ok and gets over you and gets on with her life..

this support network does NOT include you...

move on with your life and get yourself sorted...

maybe maybe maybe down the road, but IMO its up to her if she wants to go down that road and contact you again...

and lastly, well done for coming on here and asking first... there are some people I have 'known' in the past who would have done well to do the same.. would've saved a lotta heartbreak for the 'dumpees' involved!