Facial hair

LegacyUser

I hope this doesn't make me sound superficial.

I've been going out with my girlfriend for four months and she has some slight facial hair that is noticeable when she isn't wearing make up.
It's basically a bit of a mustache and lots of nose hair.
With maybe one of two hairs near her chin.

It's only when she is with me that these are really visible, as she covers it up with make up when she leaves the house.

Is there any way I can say something about this to her, without her thinking I don't like the way she looks?

I just want her to take more pride in her appearance.
I love how she looks, I just don't think my girlfriend should have more nose hair than I do (I often trim any facial etc hair).

Any advice?

LegacyUser

Ooh it's a tricky one OP. I have a little excess facial hair (on my chin) because I have PCOS which creates a hormone imbalance. It's terribly embarrassing but I do my hardest to keep it under control with regular waxes.

It's a VERY awkward conversation to have, I remember ending up in floods of tears the day my Mam said it to me, mostly coz I couldn't understand why it was happening to me in the first place. This kind of thing can leave girls feeling very insecure and 'ungirly', so tread carefully if you are going to bring it up with her.

If you are only going out a few months that makes it even more difficult to say. Would you consider treating her to a salon voucher, you don't have to say why, just say so she can treat herself to some pampering? Although they're hardly going to wax her nose so unless you want that awkward conversation you may have to live with it

LegacyUser

Do the girl a favour and leave. As previous poster stated this can be caused by PCOS which I myself have and can be very distressing for women. An ex bf of mine could be downright mean but he would never ever make a comment about my facial hair and would tell me he couldn't even notice it and it wouldn't bother him anyways he thought I was gorgeous. If you were my bf and you brought this up with me i'd be out the door. In fact I did walk out on a guy for making such a comment and never looked back. There's only so much waxing/shaving she can do it's gonna show up a little at some stage.

Wibbs

Didnt realise PCOS could cause nose hair? Though I suppose with excess male hormone.. Either way just because she has some facial hair does not diagnose PCOS. The OP didnt mention she had this condition either. All women have facial hair to some degree or other. It just varies with the amount. Different populations have more and the darker she is hair wise the more noticeable it would be. This would be perfectly normal women without any hormonal imbalance too.

Whatever about the moustache the nose hair would put me off TBH. Seeing tufts coming out of a blokes nose is equally bad. I wouldnt call him superficial just because he finds nostril jungle off putting. It's how he brings this up though. How she doesnt notice it is beyond me. Then again I know a couple of men who could strain out nerve gas with theirs. And having had the odd nasal hair pop up/out and having pulled the bugger, they don't grow back fast so wouldnt require much upkeep. And Im a bloke.

LegacyUser

Shallowhal?? wrote: »

Do the girl a favour and leave. As previous poster stated this can be caused by PCOS which I myself have and can be very distressing for women. An ex bf of mine could be downright mean but he would never ever make a comment about my facial hair and would tell me he couldn't even notice it and it wouldn't bother him anyways he thought I was gorgeous. If you were my bf and you brought this up with me i'd be out the door. In fact I did walk out on a guy for making such a comment and never looked back. There's only so much waxing/shaving she can do it's gonna show up a little at some stage.

She certainly hasn't mentioned having PCOS, or anything of the sort.
I really just want her to have a bit more confidence in herself and I feel that sorting this stuff out would give her more, as she would be worrying less about how she looks.
At least that is partly how I see it.

She's very important to me and I think I just want what is best for her,
even if the hair does bother me somewhat.

LegacyUser

Wibbs wrote: »

Didnt realise PCOS could cause nose hair?

Yes, it can cause all the same hair growth patterns as males would experience - receding hairline, excess facial hair, thick beard-like hair, chest hairs, nose hairs etc. Luckily I have VERY mild symptoms.

It doesn't matter WHY a woman has excess facial hair, but in the overwhelming majority of cases, it is too high a level of androgens or male hormone in the blood. This is an upsetting position for many women to be in.

One of the main problems with female hirsutism is that obviously you don't want to shave it, or you'll be a woman with stubble, and it needs to grow back to a minimum level before it can be waxed, so there is always going to be a couple of days of fuzz on the face while it grows to waxing length.

She may not notice the nose hair because her BF is seeing her from all different angles, she just may not see how thick it is in the mirror. OR, she may not see it as a problem. There are a lot of women who like to go au naturel in the hair department.

The OP needs to figure out if that is the case, in which instance he needs to decide for himself if that's a dealbreaker, or perhaps she hasn't really realised the extent of it. Either way there's no nice way of saying 'you've a hairy nose luv'.

I'm wondering OP, is the nose hair actually sticking out of her nose or do you just notice a lot of hair inside the nostril? If it is only inside the nose I wouldn't worry about it, everyone has a certain amount of hairs in there - they do serve a practical purpose.

LegacyUser

Shallowhal?? wrote: »

Do the girl a favour and leave. As previous poster stated this can be caused by PCOS which I myself have and can be very distressing for women. An ex bf of mine could be downright mean but he would never ever make a comment about my facial hair and would tell me he couldn't even notice it and it wouldn't bother him anyways he thought I was gorgeous. If you were my bf and you brought this up with me i'd be out the door. In fact I did walk out on a guy for making such a comment and never looked back. There's only so much waxing/shaving she can do it's gonna show up a little at some stage.

The OP is human, so is his girlfriend. If my girlfriend started to have noticeable facial growth unless I had some weird fetish I can honestly say I wouldn't find it attractive. That it be a result of a hormonal unbalance is irrelevant to basic human attraction. Regardless of whether or not it was related I would still approach it in the same manner. That is with tact and honesty for someone I love.

I snore, my girlfriend hates it but I can't help snoring as I suffer from mild sleep apnoea. However I don't got around shouting "I HAVE A CONDITION, DEAL WITH IT"!!!

Instead after she told me how bad it was and how much trouble she had sleeping I checked out ways to get around it and through a mixture of remedies found a solution that most of the time gives us both a good nights sleep.

Communication is a wonderful thing, and if more people were any good at it rather than dumping people for having the temerity to say what's on their mind I honestly think there'd be a lot less posts on this forum.

Justask

Going Unreg-ed wrote: »

I hope this doesn't make me sound superficial.

I've been going out with my girlfriend for four months and she has some slight facial hair that is noticeable when she isn't wearing make up.
It's basically a bit of a mustache and lots of nose hair.
With maybe one of two hairs near her chin.

It's only when she is with me that these are really visible, as she covers it up with make up when she leaves the house.

Is there any way I can say something about this to her, without her thinking I don't like the way she looks?

I just want her to take more pride in her appearance.
I love how she looks, I just don't think my girlfriend should have more nose hair than I do (I often trim any facial etc hair).

Any advice?

Its obviously a bigger issue to you then it is to her!!!!

Danniboo

p

SarahSassy

Going Unreg-ed wrote: »

I've been going out with my girlfriend for four months

You are only with her for 4 months and you are going down the route of asking her to take more 'pride in her appearance'... Alarm bells are ringing here in my head... You knew what she looked like from day 1 so you should not have got involved with her if you didnt like what you saw.... You sound very very controlling.

SarahSassy

guest1234 wrote: »

If my girlfriend started to have noticeable facial growth

He is only with her 4 months and it didnt happen in the last week.... Its early days and veering towards a controlling relationship IMHO...

Dealing with facial hair is difficult for girls. You have to be really careful what you do in case it grows back worse, and the upkeep is generally just a massive pain in the arse. People who say things like 'just get it waxed, it's so easy' are just wrong. It isn't that easy for most people, because you still have to deal with regrowth and waiting to get it waxed again. I'd be pretty annoyed if my bf brought it up (luckily he genuinely can't ever see anything and thinks I'm a looper for bothering with the wax) as there isn't a lot I can do about it. I do make an effort to do my eyebrows/upper lip, but there is always going to be some regrowth at some point. If someone suggested I didn't take pride in my appearance, they'd probably get a slap. I already spend at least 15 minutes a day shaving, waxing, or plucking some part of my body, as well as regular (and expensive) trips to the salon. Women aren't human Barbie dolls, you know. If your GF is wearing make-up and presumably has good hygiene and shaves her legs/armpits (since you didn't mention them), it sounds like she puts plenty of effort in.

LegacyUser

SarahSassy wrote: »

You are only with her for 4 months and you are going down the route of asking her to take more 'pride in her appearance'... Alarm bells are ringing here in my head... You knew what she looked like from day 1 so you should not have got involved with her if you didnt like what you saw.... You sound very very controlling.

I love how she looks, but apparently it is wrong for me to want my girlfriend to look better and then she would feel better and more confident about herself??

I sound very controlling? You know me so well, I mention about having issues with facial hair and from that you get controlling?
If you could elaborate on this I would be grateful, seeing as how you seem to know more about my relationship than I do...from the two posts on a certain subject I posted...

I suppose it's wrong for me to want someone I love to want to better themselves...

I just want her to feel better about who she is.

Justask

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=

Going Unreg-ed wrote: »

I love how she looks, but apparently it is wrong for me to want my girlfriend to look better and then she would feel better and more confident about herself??

I sound very controlling? You know me so well, I mention about having issues with facial hair and from that you get controlling?
If you could elaborate on this I would be grateful, seeing as how you seem to know more about my relationship than I do...from the two posts on a certain subject I posted...

I suppose it's wrong for me to want someone I love to want to better themselves...

I just want her to feel better about who she is.

Has she spoken to you about "her" facial hair upset her or knocking her self esteem?

Are you being superficial? NO. You're perfectly entitled to be attracted to certain looks more than others, especially when looking for a girlfriend.

Does that mean you should let her know about her facial hair? No. She's under no obligation to make herself prettier for you.

You can choose a girlfriend based on looks. You cannot choose a girlfriend based on most of her looks and then expect her to change the stuff that doesn't suit you.

99.999% of girls naturally have facial hair. 99.998% of girls are aware of it. Your gf is probably aware of it. I have a normal amount of facial hair. It's blonde so I don't bother bleaching and it's not long/coarse enough for me to feel waxing is necessary. I'm still self-conscious of it sometimes, and I'd be mortified if my bf said anything to me about it. It would make me really uncomfortable around him too.

whatsamsn

I agree with true-or-false. Your not being superficial. But it would be down right bad to mention it to her. I've seen some girls who have it. If you like her, dont let it bother you. Its not that big of an issue (compared to other things.. bad body odor etc)

SarahSassy

Has your gf confided in you that this concerns her?? You didn't mention that she did.

LegacyUser

SarahSassy wrote: »

Has your gf confided in you that this concerns her?? You didn't mention that she did.

My girlfriend hasn't confided in me that this concerns her.
She is quite concerned about her looks though, often talking about how she doesn't like the way she looks.
I would think that this is something that does bother her, she is just afraid to do something about it.

I was really just wondering if anyone had ever approached a subject like this with their OH, I'm guessing people haven't and that it is something to steer clear of.


You sidestepped my question as to how you think I am controlling in my relationship...have you had a rethink on the subject, or did you just decide to ignore me?

StillWaters

You are dressing this up as concern for your gf, you want her to feel better about herself etc.

Be honest, thats not what this is about, YOU find it a turn off. Your gf knows she has facial hair, and has chosen to hide it with make up when out, but not to go down the hair removal route. This is her choice to make.

I think saying it, no matter how nicely, and couching it in terms of you wanting her to feel better about herself is controlling and dishonest.

blairbear

Ah here, if your girlfriend is concerned with her looks and wears make up on a daily basis, she already KNOWS how to get rid of facial hair. Every girl over the age of 12 does. Magazines regularly feature articles on it etc. If she still has it, then that's her business. You're not going to be enlightening her. It's like when someone (rudely) tells me I have a spot. I KNOW I have a spot. It's on MY face.. I know my own face better than anyone else and likewise, your girlfriend knows hers.

So she's very self conscious about her looks, and you're very aware of this. Do you honestly think that mentioning this would make her feel any better?? And you're trying to sell your concern as an act of altruism, saying you just want to make her feel better. You won't; you'll make her feel worse.

How do you know she hasn't already tackled the problem and it hasn't worked? She might be trying everything. OP, there are some boundaries in polite society and in relationships, and I think this is one of them.

If you want to be practical about it, buy her a voucher for a day at a spa with facials etc. Don't mention the facial hair to her though. There may be a treatment there she could opt for.

I don't think you want her to fix the problem so she's more attractive in her own eyes. You want her to get rid of it so she's more attractive in yours.

Wibbs

StillWaters wrote: »

You are dressing this up as concern for your gf, you want her to feel better about herself etc.

Be honest, thats not what this is about, YOU find it a turn off.

Well just maybe it's a bit of both. He finds it a turn off and that's fine. Lets face it most guys would. Hell most women would if their boyfriend had nasal hair that looked like it required the services of Bear Grylls' to wade through. Plus he may also feel that she might have more confidence if it was sorted. If one of my woman friends was sporting nasal jungleage I'd tell her in a nice a way as possible. For her sake and I wouldnt be getting jiggy/romantic with her, so that's not the issue. I'd say the same to a male mate. I have in one case and I woud hope that my mates, male and female would say it to me.

Your gf knows she has facial hair, and has chosen to hide it with make up when out, but not to go down the hair removal route. This is her choice to make.

The facial hair bit I understand, the nasal topiary I don't. It's pretty easy to get shot of and it doesnt grow back quickly. The hormonal argeument doesnt cut it on that score. Extra male androgens? Ehhh I'm male, I got androgens all over the place and if I noticed I was growing an overabundance of nasal follicle filtration, I'd get rid. Simple as.

I think saying it, no matter how nicely, and couching it in terms of you wanting her to feel better about herself is controlling and dishonest.

With the utmost respect.... For god's sake, just because someone, male or female, wants the object of their affection to be the best they can be, it does not mean they're controlling or dishonest. How many ladies out there have done a fixer upper on their boyfriends? I'd warrant its a factor higher than the gentlemen have. And that's fine. I've seen the odd good result from that. This is not some guys V gals gender ballsology, but c'mon. There's a point where "If you loved me you'd love me as I am" doesnt quite cut it. All too often in both genders its an excuse for self indulgence and laziness.

blairbear wrote:

She might be trying everything

People rarely try everything. They only try what suits or fits with them. like I said the facial hair fine, but nasal hair is not exactly an exercise in quantum mechanics to deal with.

Dasiyduke

Going Unreg-ed wrote: »

My girlfriend hasn't confided in me that this concerns her.
She is quite concerned about her looks though, often talking about how she doesn't like the way she looks.
I would think that this is something that does bother her, she is just afraid to do something about it.

I was really just wondering if anyone had ever approached a subject like this with their OH, I'm guessing people haven't and that it is something to steer clear of.


You sidestepped my question as to how you think I am controlling in my relationship...have you had a rethink on the subject, or did you just decide to ignore me?

Do you mind me asking how old she is? I would say the younger she is the more sensitive she would be about her looks and facial hair etc. There also may be more to this than you realise she could well know she has this and that you noticed it too but does not know what to do about it.

Cheap Thrills!

OP, There is NOTHING wrong with you finding nose hair a turn off, how disgusting to be honest. I don't care what anyone says NO self respecting woman allows NOSE HAIR and a TASH be visible on her face.

It takes no time when plucking eyebrows etc to whip out any nose/facial hairs. For Gods sake, let's not play the martyr here people. It's hardly a big deal.

If someone is going around with a snot on their face you'd tell them wouldn't you? Well it's the same thing.

She can't have it all ways. She'll be upset when she notices her man finds her unattractive yet then when he breaks it off he'll still a ba$tard too. :rolleyes: What's he supposed to do? He can't win.

I say don't give in to the emotional blackmail. Tell her once and if she carries on with the 'poor me' and 'you have to love me as I am' Oprah bull$hit then P45 her. It's basic human manners to ensure you are clean and presentable and don't listen to any tired old cliches about 'societal pressures' blah blah.

Nose hair and a tash looks p0xy and has to be got rid of. End of. I would question someone's mental health that lets themselves go around like that tbh.

Cheap Thrills!

Cheap Thrills! wrote: »

OP, There is NOTHING wrong with you finding nose hair a turn off, how disgusting to be honest. I don't care what anyone says NO self respecting woman allows NOSE HAIR and a TASH be visible on her face.

It takes no time when plucking eyebrows etc to whip out any nose/facial hairs. For Gods sake, let's not play the martyr here people. It's hardly a big deal.

If someone is going around with a snot on their face you'd tell them wouldn't you? Well it's the same thing.

She can't have it all ways. She'll be upset when she notices her man finds her unattractive yet then when he breaks it off he'll still a ba$tard too. :rolleyes: What's he supposed to do? He can't win.

I say don't give in to the emotional blackmail. Tell her once and if she carries on with the 'poor me' and 'you have to love me as I am' Oprah bull$hit then P45 her. It's basic human manners to ensure you are clean and presentable and don't listen to any tired old cliches about 'societal pressures' blah blah.

Nose hair and a tash looks p0xy and has to be got rid of. End of. I would question someone's mental health that lets themselves go around like that tbh.

:rolleyes:

You obviously don't realise that it's not as simple as 'whipping out hairs'. It's almost impossible to constantly have a totally hair free face. Even if you do use the creams/threading/waxing, you still have to let hairs grow a bit before you can get it done again. I always end up having to walk around with overgrown eyebrows for a week or so every few weeks because if they don't grow, I can't get them redone. Same with any hair. Loads of women have some degree of facial hair and it's especially difficult for those with hormonal issues. If I wanted to be 100% hair free all the time, I'd spend forever in front of the mirror/shaving legs/waxing. I'd think someone who was totally obsessed with their appearance and couldn't stand the sight of any hairs was more mental than someone who had a slight moustache which is only noticeable close up.

Cheap Thrills!

Darian Nervous Semicolon wrote: »

:rolleyes:

You obviously don't realise that it's not as simple as 'whipping out hairs'.

Why don't I realise it? I'm a human being just the same as anyone else!

Anyway just because it's not simple doesn't mean it can't be done. Personal grooming is more important than inconvenience/difficulty.

Darian Nervous Semicolon wrote: »

It's almost impossible to constantly have a totally hair free face. Even if you do use the creams/threading/waxing, you still have to let hairs grow a bit before you can get it done again. I always end up having to walk around with overgrown eyebrows for a week or so every few weeks because if they don't grow, I can't get them redone.

Thats why I suggest plucking. She can do it herself, every day if necessary. I know what you mean about the eyebrow regrowth, but with a good Tweezerman tweezers you can tweeze out a half millimetre of hair so regrowth never needs to be an issue. Ok it takes practice, but I certainly wouldn't allow difficulty stand in the way of being feminine. You don't need to pay salons to do these things. I wouldn't be dependant on someone else to do it!

Darian Nervous Semicolon wrote: »

Same with any hair. Loads of women have some degree of facial hair and it's especially difficult for those with hormonal issues. If I wanted to be 100% hair free all the time, I'd spend forever in front of the mirror/shaving legs/waxing. I'd think someone who was totally obsessed with their appearance and couldn't stand the sight of any hairs was more mental than someone who had a slight moustache which is only noticeable close up.

OP never mentioned she had any hormonal issues though! But horses for courses. I'm zero tolerance about unwanted hair I do whatever it takes and it doesn't take much effort at all. Shave the body once a day in the shower it only takes two minutes. Pluck the facial hair, if it's done well, it's only a small bit of maintenance every couple of days or less even.

darad

She might have convinced herself that it's not that noticeable. If your relationship is as good as you say it is I think you should mention it. In a caring way of course. She may well be a little embarrased but I'm sure she will get over it. It's not the end of the world.

Cheap Thrills!

Cheap Thrills! wrote: »

Why don't I realise it? I'm a human being just the same as anyone else!

Anyway just because it's not simple doesn't mean it can't be done. Personal grooming is more important than inconvenience/difficulty.

Because not everyone is the same! I have a blonde friend who just plucks a few hairs from under her eyebrows every 3-4 weeks, shaves her legs once a week and she's done. For someone with quite a lot of hair, or fast growing hair, it's ten times more difficult to deal with. As for not being simple, well there's not an infinite number of hours in the week. Lots of things are important. Personally, hair removal isn't at the top of my list when I'm busy. I consider clean hair/nails/teeth etc essential grooming, I'll let my eyebrows etc grow if I'm snowed under.

Thats why I suggest plucking. She can do it herself, every day if necessary. I know what you mean about the eyebrow regrowth, but with a good Tweezerman tweezers you can tweeze out a half millimetre of hair so regrowth never needs to be an issue. Ok it takes practice, but I certainly wouldn't allow difficulty stand in the way of being feminine. You don't need to pay salons to do these things. I wouldn't be dependant on someone else to do it!

I pay salons to do my eyebrows because they're incredibly difficult to deal with. I can't thread and I can't shape from above on my own. I do try to keep up with stray hairs, but it's almost impossible. They look like they're fine, and then one day, bam, millions of hairs at once. That's the way my body is. Many women just don't have the time to sit in front of the mirror for hours each day. You call it being feminine, I call it being rather vain. Even celebrities don't manage to stay hair free and perfectly groomed at all times, and they have teams of people to do it for them.

OP never mentioned she had any hormonal issues though! But horses for courses. I'm zero tolerance about unwanted hair I do whatever it takes and it doesn't take much effort at all. Shave the body once a day in the shower it only takes two minutes. Pluck the facial hair, if it's done well, it's only a small bit of maintenance every couple of days or less even.

Perhaps she does, perhaps she doesn't. Your experience doesn't apply to everyone. If you can spend two minutes a day on hair removal, you're obviously not very hairy.

tenchi-fan

If you are comfortable with her you should bring it up. You obviously don't find this attractive and she does make an effort when she's heading out.. so maybe just mention it to her. Thread carefully!

StarryMoon0

Cheap Thrills! wrote: »

OP never mentioned she had any hormonal issues though! But horses for courses. I'm zero tolerance about unwanted hair I do whatever it takes and it doesn't take much effort at all. Shave the body once a day in the shower it only takes two minutes. Pluck the facial hair, if it's done well, it's only a small bit of maintenance every couple of days or less even.

You make it sound so easy
Another PCOS sufferer here.. and well TBH I'm a freak about removing ANY excess hair possible, but its just impossible. As other have said, you need a certain amount of regrowth. You can't shave it, ya get stuble and the hair gets thicker, so i wax as soon as i possibly can , as well as pluck daily. I have very sensitive skin and can't use any bleaches/creams.
Its not fun, ok, this girl might not have hormonal issues fair enough, but if she does, maybe she's doing the best she can.

Has the OP clarified if this nose hair actually hangs out or if its just thick inside and he can see it from a certain angle?? (just wondering if i missed it if he did)

StarryMoon0

Just another thought.

OP, she obviously knows she has it, she takes care to cover it when going out, but when alone with you doesn't take as much care.

Is it that she feels secure in the knowledge that you care for her and can be herself with you when alone?

I'm not a skinny girl (working hard and slowly shrinking), and when going out try and take care to dress so I don't have muffin top ect. However, at home, i can wear what I like and feel safe in the knowledge that my OH loves me as I am and I don't feel the need to creep around hiding my body from him.

Once you get home and close the front door you shouldn't have to hide who you are when you are with the one you love. You haven't said she has a problem with hygeine and the stink puts you off or anything like that.

Kimia

If it was me, or if it was my bf with hair growing out of his nose, I would tell him. There would be no problem, I know for a fact he would prefer to know and have me telling him then to be walking around in the dark about it. I would say it gently and finish with 'I would want you to tell me if the situations were reversed'. It's ok, she won't break!

LegacyUser

Dasiyduke wrote: »

Do you mind me asking how old she is? I would say the younger she is the more sensitive she would be about her looks and facial hair etc. There also may be more to this than you realise she could well know she has this and that you noticed it too but does not know what to do about it.

She is in her early 20's.

I decided to not tell her about it.

If it does begin to bother me too much, I will tell her, it just doesn't seem to be overly bothering me currently, so I haven't said it to her.
We have a great relationship and I don't want to hurt her over something so trivial.

dellas1979

Going Unreg-ed wrote: »

I love how she looks, but apparently it is wrong for me to want my girlfriend to look better and then she would feel better and more confident about herself??

I sound very controlling? You know me so well, I mention about having issues with facial hair and from that you get controlling?
If you could elaborate on this I would be grateful, seeing as how you seem to know more about my relationship than I do...from the two posts on a certain subject I posted...

I suppose it's wrong for me to want someone I love to want to better themselves...
I just want her to feel better about who she is.

Um yeah - because its herself who will better herself, not you.

I am on the fence with this one - only because of a comment you made at the start about her "taking more pride in her appearance".

I'm sure she has a mirror and looks at her face everyday and knows what she looks like.

Also, hair to a certain degree is natural. We all have hair, yes even girls. To some people shaving and waxing etc is weird and unhygenic.

You are not wrong to not find it attractive - but you cant enforce your opinions of what you find beautiful on others. If its something that bothers you now already, I think it will bother you again.