Double mess

Jennifurball

Will cover a bit of background. Me and my fiancé recently split, it was awful, and his decision. It is still hurting so much and part of me wants him back but I just found out he was acting inappropriately with another woman but no cheating went on as far as I am told.

Anyway, it has all hit me hard and last week my friend took me out to cheer me up, drinks started to flow and I ended up in bed with someone.

This was last Saturday/Sunday, on Tuesday he text me saying he the condom split, I didn't know, I was so drunk, I just passed out, it was quite a blur anyway but I regret it so much. As soon as I found out, I saw the emergency doctor on Tuesday at 6pm, 6 hours before the 72 hour deadline so obviously that is a worry.

Anyway, I started bleeding today, I am getting cramps but also some pains I don't normally get, not sure if it is my actual period or not. My last one was on 29th June so am due anyway but am worried it is an implantation bleed.

The thing that upsets me most is I was trying to get pregnant with my ex for over a year, now I had a one night stand and could be pregnant. Doesn't help that this lad keeps texting asking me out, I just want to shut myself away from him.

How do I tell the difference between a normal bleed and that of using the morning after pill? I am so scared and messed up.

I still love my ex, we are 100% over and that hurts enough, without the worry of this on top of me. I can't take it anymore.

dublingal80

if you are due now, get a pregnancy test and take it first thing in the morning, either that or go to your gp.

sorry to hear about you and your ex. i hope you are ok

Jennifurball

Thanks.

I get paid on Wednesday so I will get a decent test then. When I saw the GP I couldn't remember my dates so he couldn't help in that way, he just said to take a test if I don't bleed in the next few weeks.

I feel sick thinking of my behaviour, I have been madly in love for over 3 years then I cheapen myself with a one night stand, one of which that could result in the A word. I am so down.

I want my ex to come back so much and he isn't ever going to. My head hurts, I can't stop crying.

up for anything

It might be an idea to get yourself checked out for STDs too.

ETA: Sorry that was a bit blunt but it is something you should sort out.

Don't be so down on yourself. It's hard getting over someone you love but remember time does heal. So you went out and got blotto and had a ONS. It isn't the end of the world, pet. You didn't cheapen yourself. It was just a reaction to your unhappiness over the split and maybe some element of you are not the only one that can act inappropriately and fueled by being drunk. The MAP can cause some strange bleeds and pains so don't get yourself too frantic. I can only remember one of my implantation bleeds but it was nothing more than a stain on my pants - no pain or anything.

Try and stop crying - go out for a walk or do something physical to brighten your outlook up.

Jennifurball

I never thought of that, the pregnancy scare has took over. Having said that, he is known through my friends and has only had 1 serious girlfriend, he is really shy so I know he is no player, but still...better to get checked.

Thank you. I am having a friend live with me in a few days cos we are both stuck in the same situation so hopefully having each others company will help.

I wasn't offended by the way with the 'bluntness'. It is only right.

SarahSassy

Jennifurball wrote: »

I feel sick thinking of my behaviour, I have been madly in love for over 3 years then I cheapen myself with a one night stand, one of which that could result in the A word. I am so down.

I want my ex to come back so much and he isn't ever going to. My head hurts, I can't stop crying.

You poor pet.....

You didnt cheapen yourself at all. you were single and I assume he was too and you had a fling.. Dont worry yet about the pregancy. With the stress your body has gone through its likely just PMT and your period arriving. Dont worry about it yet...

As for the ex, I dont know what to say to you. Have you considered some counselling or even calling the samaritans to talk it through with someone. I know it feels now like the pain will never go away but it will. I promise. Surround yourself with good friends and pamper yourself and it will get better. One day at a time.

Jennifurball

Thanks.

I keep thinking I want him back, despite me making a list earlier of the reasons we shouldn't be together. He said he didn't want to fall out over what he did with this woman, it was not long before we split so I am assuming it was over in his head before he finished me.

I told him last weekend I had a date to get him jealous, then he called me upset saying if I am playing that game then he will too. Now I am worried HE has had a ONS now.

I just want to try again.

SarahSassy

If you stay in contact with him it will only wreck your head. Do you have any joint property to sort out - if so maybe you can get a friend to deal with him on your behalf.

He walked away from your future sorry to be harsh) so he doesnt deserve to know what is going on in your life. Cut him off TOTALLY. If he is interested he will come back but as you have discovered, trying to make him jealous only backfires on you as you are now wondering what he is up to.

Cut all contact and TRUST ME it will work out better for you in the long run. You have to remember that he walked away from you so dig into your reserves, get some pride and leave him in the dust... If its to be he will come back to you but he wont if you keep hounding him / responding to his contact.

Jennifurball wrote: »

I told him last weekend I had a date to get him jealous, then he called me upset saying if I am playing that game then he will too.

Not being smart but what age are ye - 15??? Why are you still in contact with him????

He has no right to be upset as he chose to walk away but (see above) you made the stick to beat your own back with here...

SS

PS
BTW, I wouldnt worry. its a lot easier for women to get ONS's than men

Miss Fluff

SarahSassy wrote: »

Cut all contact and TRUST ME it will work out better for you in the long run

Couldn't agree more. Stop with the contact OP, it is corrosive and delaying the healing process and instilling you with false hope when it is evident that it is over. You'll be able to start moving on the moment you sever ties so tell him not to contact you and that you will be in touch again if (ever) and when you are ready.

On the ONS issue, I think you seriously need to cut yourself some slack. And the "period" after taking the morning-after pill is not a normal period so in all likelihood that is what you are going through. Your last period was on the 29th June and the ONS happened on the Saturday before last meaning you were on Day 19/20 of your cycle. Highly unlikely you are pregnant m'dear. Do a test in a few days to put your mind at ease but give yourself a break girl. Out of character madwoman behaviour is to be expected post breakup:)

Jennifurball

You both make sense. It is definately giving me false hope. He has to come over later to collect the car, another thing that is upsetting me, but I have put the rest of his belongings in the boot so that is another step in the right direction.

There are some things for which we have to stay in contact for but it is purely material things in which I owe money to his family, something I can't hand over just like that. Shouldn't be long though before I can pay it back.

He said he wants to be friends, do you think I should cut contact and see how I feel in future?

He promised he hasn't been with anyone else, said he doesn't want anyone else. He said he doesn't want me bringing loads of lads back to 'our' house. It is my house now and I definately won't be doing that but he has a cheek.

Can you just tell me if this is true, I just googled it:

"If it’s any consolation, men are not good in handling heartaches. If you think that several nights of drinking spree with the guys in some strip club will help them move- on, then you are totally wrong. Men hold on more longer to their broken- heart than women do. That’s because women are more comfortable talking about their emotions than men do. We, women know that sometimes gulping down our heartaches with a few bottle of beers can help for a night, but we know better that what’s more therapeutic is sharing it and having a sympathetic ear to listen to it. A thing the most men are incapable of doing".

Miss Fluff

Jennifurball wrote: »

He said he wants to be friends, do you think I should cut contact and see how I feel in future?

Yes I do. He has wounded you deeply. Why should you give him the pleasure of your company on his terms? (don't forget it was him that broke off the relationship) You won't believe how much quicker you will get over him if you no longer have him in your life. Seriously. And if he cares about you at all he will respect your wishes.

SarahSassy

Jennifurball wrote: »

You both make sense. It is definately giving me false hope.

It is and its providing him with a cushion to break the fall of easing out of the relationship....

Jennifurball wrote: »

He has to come over later to collect the car, another thing that is upsetting me, but I have put the rest of his belongings in the boot so that is another step in the right direction.

Dont be there. Go out for a walk and just leave the key somewhere for him to find... I would definitely not be around for that. What good is going to come of it?

Jennifurball wrote: »

There are some things for which we have to stay in contact for but it is purely material things in which I owe money to his family, something I can't hand over just like that. Shouldn't be long though before I can pay it back.

Can you deal directly with his family? Or can you borrow the money from a friend and pay them back instead? No contact is the only way. Otherwise, get a bank account number to lodge it to or send them a cheque directly. you dont need to deal with him on this, there are ways around it.

Jennifurball wrote: »

He said he wants to be friends, do you think I should cut contact and see how I feel in future?

No he is using you so he wont feel so bad. He wants you half in his life and he wants the comfort of having you round but not in the full sense. You have more pride than this. Come on girl - you know thats taking second best and you deserve more... Chin up

Jennifurball wrote: »

He promised he hasn't been with anyone else, said he doesn't want anyone else.

Oh hon, now brace yourself - he doesnt want you either or he would not be letting you go... Thats a standard line he is throwing out to placate you... Dont fall for it. it doesnt change how he feels about your relationship

Jennifurball wrote: »

he said he doesn't want me bringing loads of lads back to 'our' house. It is my house now and I definately won't be doing that but he has a cheek.

he doesnt get to choose any more. he walked away from you and your home... Dont get into this with him. he is trying to control you and you need to see that

Jennifurball wrote: »

Can you just tell me if this is true, I just googled it:

"If it’s any consolation, men are not good in handling heartaches. If you think that several nights of drinking spree with the guys in some strip club will help them move- on, then you are totally wrong. Men hold on more longer to their broken- heart than women do. That’s because women are more comfortable talking about their emotions than men do. We, women know that sometimes gulping down our heartaches with a few bottle of beers can help for a night, but we know better that what’s more therapeutic is sharing it and having a sympathetic ear to listen to it. A thing the most men are incapable of doing".

Some do and some dont... Dont hand any hopes on this. Move on and if he gets his act together he MAY come back but I suspect you will have been snapped up by the time he realises how silly he has been.

Jennifurball

I will keep that last sentence in my mind.

I am not ready to move on but I have had many options from men I was previously in touch with (not exes, just ex colleagues etc). Men who want to be 'friends', if they were friends, they wouldn't just crawl out of the woodwork as soon as it comes to light I am single again.

I would rather not see the family again, we were together 3.5 years and they haven't said a word to me since the split, when they came to pick his stuff up, they just sat outside in the car whilst he went and got it. They are so rude. I will be able to pay it off in a month or so. Then that is it.

I am going to buy lots of nice things for the house to make it my own.

SarahSassy

Well then, take some time on your own. Create your own little nest and enjoy it... Then when the time is right but not too soon take up some of these guys on their offers... Dont run into another relationship...

Well in one month just post them a cheque and dont make contact. MAybe his family dont know what to do so they are doing nothing...

Anyway, you can do this. Dont let him use you to get over you - meaning dont be his crutch and be there for him as a friend so he can get over you. He walked away from your future so its time for you to looks after yourself. You can do this. You have a home, men after you adn by the sounds of it good friends so thats a great start to the next chapter in your life...

Best of luck and let us know how you go....

SS

Just to remind you - DO NOT SPEAK TO HIM AGAIN :cool:

Jennifurball

Thanks again.

I will keep reading over this when I have a weak moment. I just wish I hadn't said I had a date, because he would have acted in haste and slept with someone, I just know it.

I know it is none of my business now but it still hurts thinking of him with someone, and wondering what she looks like, what happened etc.

SarahSassy

Jennifurball wrote: »

I know it is none of my business now but it still hurts thinking of him with someone, and wondering what she looks like, what happened etc.

You have no idea how much I know this hurts but you are worrying about something that hasnt even happened yet. I found out 2 months after I moved out from my ex that he had a serious girlfriend... Not nice but it is life

Dont be his crutch. He is dragging you down by staying in touch and while it makes you weaker it makes him stronger and better able to cope as he doesnt need to miss you, cos you are there.... Dont give him that advantage.

Jennifurball

You are right. I know I am easing his guilt by being civil with him.

I hope very much though he didn't rush out to get revenge. I did that and I feel worse than ever.

SarahSassy

Jennifurball wrote: »

I hope very much though he didn't rush out to get revenge. I did that and I feel worse than ever.

He isnt your problem any more and you need to get that in your head...

Danniboo

Jennifurball wrote: »

You are right. I know I am easing his guilt by being civil with him.

I hope very much though he didn't rush out to get revenge. I did that and I feel worse than ever.

You poor thing you have not cheapened yourself, we all do things we regret but it was only one mistake in the midst of your grief and everything is gonna seem a thousand times worse now, and we all do things out of character sometimes. I just broke up with my bf of 2 and a half years, he stayed in my house a few weeks back over the weekend leading me to believe that we were getting back together, then left Sunday saying 2 words and hasn't spoke to me since. Trust me if I could choose between that and a ONS I know what i'd pick. It's more hurtful to have someone who's supposed to love you treat you like that than some guy you've picked up, in my humble opinion anyways.

I'm can't offer you much advice as I've my handled my own breakup like a train wreck, but I hope you feel better soon, feel free to PM me xxx:)

Jennifurball

Thank you all so much for your kind words, it is helping a lot.

Well the ONS is easing in my head now, I am having what I think is a proper bleed now although I will be doing a test in a week or so just to be sure.

I only did it because I was crying down to the phone to my ex to try again and he said no, that is that, we can't, it isn't right etc so I thought moving on to someone else would take my mind off him.

Can't stop thinking of him messing with another woman, I know it is none of my business but I want him to not be over me, and to regret leaving me.

Danniboo

Jennifurball wrote: »

Thank you all so much for your kind words, it is helping a lot.

Well the ONS is easing in my head now, I am having what I think is a proper bleed now although I will be doing a test in a week or so just to be sure.

I only did it because I was crying down to the phone to my ex to try again and he said no, that is that, we can't, it isn't right etc so I thought moving on to someone else would take my mind off him.

Can't stop thinking of him messing with another woman, I know it is none of my business but I want him to not be over me, and to regret leaving me.

My ex jumped into bed with someone as soon as we broke up and told me about it, told me he's being seeing a girl that she's nice to him and i'm a nag, nice guy It is a horrible feeling thinking of them with someone else but you just have to keep telling yourself it's his loss xxx

Jennifurball

He sounds delightful!

Men don't realise it is them that cause us to nag. Wait until this nice girl gets to know him!

I feel like a hypocrite. He doesn't even know about my ONS yet he is upset over a ficticious date and I am moaning that he did something in revenge. Yes it is sad he ended it, but I still upset him and made things worse for myself.

Danniboo

Jennifurball wrote: »

He sounds delightful!

Men don't realise it is them that cause us to nag. Wait until this nice girl gets to know him!

I feel like a hypocrite. He doesn't even know about my ONS yet he is upset over a ficticious date and I am moaning that he did something in revenge. Yes it is sad he ended it, but I still upset him and made things worse for myself.

Oh trust me i've gone from I hate you're a complete ass to i'm so sorry for hurting you, thanks for being there for me in the last few weeks, i'm still trying to get my head around everything. I still feel guilty for chatting to guys in spite of all of this. It's crazy:eek:

SarahSassy

Jennifurball wrote: »

Well the ONS is easing in my head now, I am having what I think is a proper bleed now although I will be doing a test in a week or so just to be sure.

Ah you should be ok... Do the test and then get yourself checked out for STI's as well just to be safe...

Jennifurball wrote: »

I only did it because I was crying down to the phone to my ex to try again and he said no, that is that, we can't, it isn't right etc so I thought moving on to someone else would take my mind off him.

Ok - read that and read it again....

1. Harsh but true - he didnt want to try again
2. You were still in contact with him (I'll bet you called him?)
3. Jumping from the fire pan into the fire never works

As I said earlier, just take a step back from men for a while. You are too emotionally overwraught to make good decisions right now.

Jennifurball wrote: »

Can't stop thinking of him messing with another woman, I know it is none of my business but I want him to not be over me, and to regret leaving me.

Hon, the only way he will feel that is if you leave him alone to feel it. Familiarity breeds contempt and he cant feel lonely if you are constantly there for him and asking him to come back.

SarahSassy

Jennifurball wrote: »

I still upset him

Do we care how he feels anymore???

Jennifurball

He has just been for the car. Now I am crying again seeing him. You are right, I need to let go, just remembered though he still has my house keys. Is he doing this on purpose?

When he came in, he said I look nice - he never used to say that so much. It is like he is so much happier without me. He promised he has done nothing with anyone.

Then when he was going he said if I need him for anything to call, then he gave me a hug and a kiss, this set me off crying in front of him then when he drove off, he was looking in at me. I can't take this, I really want him back.

Danniboo

Jennifurball wrote: »

He has just been for the car. Now I am crying again seeing him. You are right, I need to let go, just remembered though he still has my house keys. Is he doing this on purpose?

When he came in, he said I look nice - he never used to say that so much. It is like he is so much happier without me. He promised he has done nothing with anyone.

Then when he was going he said if I need him for anything to call, then he gave me a hug and a kiss, this set me off crying in front of him then when he drove off, he was looking in at me. I can't take this, I really want him back.

Hon, he's beeing a selfish ass, my ex told me how beautiful I was they are definitely all programmed the same way. Can you call a friend or family member to come over, don't sit crying alone, ***Hugs*****

SarahSassy

Jennifurball wrote: »

He has just been for the car. Now I am crying again seeing him. You are right, I need to let go, just remembered though he still has my house keys. Is he doing this on purpose?

When he came in, he said I look nice - he never used to say that so much. It is like he is so much happier without me. He promised he has done nothing with anyone.

Then when he was going he said if I need him for anything to call, then he gave me a hug and a kiss, this set me off crying in front of him then when he drove off, he was looking in at me. I can't take this, I really want him back.

Hon you are over the worst now honestly.... I promise.. Thats is the hardest part and its now behind you. Have a good cry and call a friend and ask them to cover over for the night.

Just think, he can never now hurt you more than he has and thats in the past....

Ask one of your friends to meet him to get the keys back. Dont contact him and hon he is not keeping them cos he thinks he is moving back in. He sounds like a bit of an ass if you ask me and he seems to enjoy torturing you... He had no right to say you looked nice (but kudos for showing him what he has lost) and I could scream cos he is playing you like a fiddle.. He is keeping you latched on for his own ego purposes. Does this make sense to you? Can you see this?

Jennifurball

I totally agree, he seems so genuine but I have to stop falling for it. Yes, he probably expected me to look rough and miserable, I am off sick today but made the effort to look nice on purpose to show what he lost. I did well until he hugged and kissed me then the tears started to flow. He was about to just go, but came back and said come here.

I was half crying because I lost the car aswell. Now I have to save save save, it will be ages before I can get one.

My friend is coming over after work bless her and is staying with me for a while. I could ask him to post the keys when I am at work tomorrow.

SarahSassy

Jennifurball wrote: »

I totally agree, he seems so genuine but I have to stop falling for it.

Yes you do Madam He is self serving and either (a) trying to feel less guilty, (b) on an ego trip or (c) trying to seem like the nice guy....

Jennifurball wrote: »

Yes, he probably expected me to look rough and miserable, I am off sick today but made the effort to look nice on purpose to show what he lost.

Good cailin...

Jennifurball wrote: »

I did well until he hugged and kissed me then the tears started to flow. He was about to just go, but came back and said come here.

We now you are human too. No one expects you to be a machine and if you dont cry today then you never will. Get it all out and have a good cry.. You will cry loads for the next few weeks but I promise one day will come and you wont cry. You may cry the day after but soon it will stretch to 2 days no crying and so on... You WILL get over this..

Jennifurball wrote: »

I was half crying because I lost the car aswell.

Now there's the spirit!!!!!!!! So remember you were only crying 50% for him and the other 50% was for the car

Jennifurball wrote: »

I could ask him to post the keys when I am at work tomorrow.

NO CONTACT.

Get your friend to ask him to post them.

I think you arent reading the NO CONTACT sentences... He is your past so quit trying to drag him into your present. He left so he is gone.

Miss Fluff

Yes, ask him to post the keys or to leave them somwhere you can collect them. If you continue to see him for various reasons it is like picking a healing scab and making it bleed every time you do. I'd see him coming to collect the car this afternoon as a closed chapter.

Miss Fluff

SarahSassy wrote: »

NO CONTACT.

Get your friend to ask him to post them.

I think you arent reading the NO CONTACT sentences... He is your past so quit trying to drag him into your present. He left so he is gone.

I can't emphasise this enough also. When I had my heart smashed into gazillions of pieces last year (for the first time in my life - HORRIFIC) my dear family, friends and of course many kindly fellow Boardsies on PI could not emphasise enough how NO CONTACT was important. It's the only thing that helped me get over the guy who dumped me. While it seems the most painful option in the short-term, you are doing yourself a massive favour in the long-term and ultimately allowing yourself to heal that much quicker. You stay strong girl. Surround yourself with loved ones. He is no longer a loved one.

SarahSassy

Hon, there are a minimum of 3 stranger on here trying to help you with the benefit of our own recent experiences.... I wish I could wave a magic wand and give you what you want but it wont work like that.

Listen to the Garth Brooks song 'unanswered prayers' and it will help... We dont always get what we want but its because something better is on its way. Dont let this fella ruin your life... Its hell on earth but if you listen to us and take the (hard earned advice) you will get through it.

SS

PS my 3000th post....

Jennifurball

It is the first time for me too. He is my first love, at the grand old age of 28. I guess once I am through this, it will make future relationships easier because I know the process of grieving for failed ones, and hopefully knowing I will come out of it better.

It is a good job he came now because I needed a cry alone. I hate crying in front of close ones. I am ok now I think, just wondering what car to get.

It will take a good good 6 months at least to get a half decent runaround. I am never losing my independence to a man again. I agreed to sell my car to get a joint one, what a fool I was. We live and learn. I know in future what not to do and that is the important thing. Now I have my own place, they can stay over but not move in for a long while. I want my own freedom and independence because I became so dependent on him, his presence.

Deep breaths, I will be ok.

Danniboo

SS

PS my 3000th post.... [/QUOTE]


Cue fanfare :D:D:D

SarahSassy

Jennifurball wrote: »

I guess once I am through this, it will make future relationships easier because I know the process of grieving for failed ones, and hopefully knowing I will come out of it better.

Now there - positive thinking already!! Good woman.

Jennifurball wrote: »

I am ok now I think, just wondering what car to get.

Jennifurball wrote: »

It will take a good good 6 months at least to get a half decent runaround. I am never losing my independence to a man again. I agreed to sell my car to get a joint one, what a fool I was. We live and learn. I know in future what not to do and that is the important thing. Now I have my own place, they can stay over but not move in for a long while. I want my own freedom and independence because I became so dependent on him, his presence.

I could tell you a story that would make your eyes water so dont worry about selling the car. it was a good idea at the time.

You have learned the hard way but sometimes its the only way to learn....

Jennifurball wrote: »

Deep breaths, I will be ok.

Yeahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh - you will be;)

Jennifurball

Tell me the story, my eyes are used to watering, if people knew how much I have cried, there would be no hose pipe ban!

My mum said though, the car will just remind me of him anyway. I do think in a way he misses me, the hug he gave me was so hard, I know that was from the heart, I really do but let him stew now. Apart from me crying, it was actually a nice 'last' memory and I feel better for it.

People lose a lot more through splits, kids for example.

Got to get my head straight now. I have no money until tomorrow and I want some wine to make me feel better!

Danniboo

Jennifurball wrote: »

It is the first time for me too. He is my first love, at the grand old age of 28. I guess once I am through this, it will make future relationships easier because I know the process of grieving for failed ones, and hopefully knowing I will come out of it better.

It is a good job he came now because I needed a cry alone. I hate crying in front of close ones. I am ok now I think, just wondering what car to get.

It will take a good good 6 months at least to get a half decent runaround. I am never losing my independence to a man again. I agreed to sell my car to get a joint one, what a fool I was. We live and learn. I know in future what not to do and that is the important thing. Now I have my own place, they can stay over but not move in for a long while. I want my own freedom and independence because I became so dependent on him, his presence.

Deep breaths, I will be ok.

Last weekend is the first weekend I didn't contact my ex and trust me I feel better already. I was in the same boat a few weeks ago and everyone on here was telling me no contact no contact, and I was like but but but, it's clinging on to hope and I know it's hard. I'm trying to think now well if we are meant to get back together then that's only going to happen if I don't speak to him and let him miss me and see I am not there pining over him but at the same time if we're not meant to get back together in time i'll be strong enough and will have distanced myself for so long that it won't bother me. Or maybe if he does come knocking in a while I won't want him back. It's working for me though I do have my ups and downs and miss him terribly but it's getting easier for me in just a few short weeks. I'm not great now, but a little better. I don't dread going home to an empty house which I did 2 weeks ago. Just try take care of yoursel hon, I was physically ill when I broke up with him, throwing up couldn't eat,drinking wine a good bit. I got an infection in my finger because I was run down and ended up having to stock up on iron/tonics etc. I actually thought I was having a breakdown at one stage. You need more than ever now to look after yourself and spend time with friends/families. I'm like you it was only when my housemate went away that I started having a cry, hate crying in front of people.

SarahSassy

Jennifurball wrote: »

Tell me the story, my eyes are used to watering, if people knew how much I have cried, there would be no hose pipe ban!

I sent you a pm.

Jennifurball

Danniboo wrote: »

Last weekend is the first weekend I didn't contact my ex and trust me I feel better already. I was in the same boat a few weeks ago and everyone on here was telling me no contact no contact, and I was like but but but, it's clinging on to hope and I know it's hard. I'm trying to think now well if we are meant to get back together then that's only going to happen if I don't speak to him and let him miss me and see I am not there pining over him but at the same time if we're not meant to get back together in time i'll be strong enough and will have distanced myself for so long that it won't bother me. Or maybe if he does come knocking in a while I won't want him back. It's working for me though I do have my ups and downs and miss him terribly but it's getting easier for me in just a few short weeks. I'm not great now, but a little better. I don't dread going home to an empty house which I did 2 weeks ago. Just try take care of yoursel hon, I was physically ill when I broke up with him, throwing up couldn't eat,drinking wine a good bit. I got an infection in my finger because I was run down and ended up having to stock up on iron/tonics etc. I actually thought I was having a breakdown at one stage. You need more than ever now to look after yourself and spend time with friends/families. I'm like you it was only when my housemate went away that I started having a cry, hate crying in front of people.

I am/was the same, wasn't eating, felt sick, had no motivation to even look after myself. I actually had a panic attack on Sunday, like he HAD to be with me, I felt faint and weird. Was horrible.

SarahSassy

Talk to you Doc... Having a few days worth of valium, even if you never use it can help with the panic attacks.

Jennifurball

Sounds like a good idea.

Hope I don't end up with the same GP as when I got my MAP. Don't want everyone knowing my life is a mess!! He thinks it was my BF who could have gotten me pregnant, I didn't want to tell him it was a ONS.

Danniboo

Jennifurball wrote: »

I am/was the same, wasn't eating, felt sick, had no motivation to even look after myself. I actually had a panic attack on Sunday, like he HAD to be with me, I felt faint and weird. Was horrible.

I had this aswell it doesn't bother me now I know it's only a panic attack and had them years ago. They can't kill you you're heads not gonna blow up so you'll be fine, just try and take deep breaths and to focus. Maybe light some nice incense or candles, lavender or sandalwood, they do help relax. I know you're probably thinking i'm hear heartbroken and your woman is going on about bloody candles, but anything that even helps you a small bit is worth it. I think it's an overload of emotions,thoughts, feelings and facing the fact that the person you spent every day with is no longer around, sorry if that's upsetting you I know you're probably thinking I dont want to hear that right now but that's the hard part xxx

Danniboo

SarahSassy wrote: »

Talk to you Doc... Having a few days worth of valium, even if you never use it can help with the panic attacks.

Sorry hon but i'm going to disagree with you unless they get really bad, I mean if it's only one we're talking about i'd stay well clear of valium etc, especially at such an emotional time, it's scary when you're at your lowest how easily you can become dependant on these even after a few days.

elbee

OP, this is a little off-topic but I just wanted to say you come across as a very nice person and I'm sure you'll get through this fine. It just takes time.

You've handled it really well so far. Don't beat yourself up about the ONS - you said you were getting past it and I hope that continues! And good luck with saving for a car - the good news is that second-hand cars are pretty reasonable now, it's a buyer's market Onwards and upwards!

Jennifurball

Danniboo wrote: »

[/B]


I I know you're probably thinking i'm hear heartbroken and your woman is going on about bloody candles

This made me laugh!

I know what you mean though. Hopefully having my friend stay will help as she is newly single herself and understands. My other friends are loved up, they didn't help at the weekend saying how nice their men are and how much they trust them. :mad:

I too hated coming home to an empty house, turning over in bed to an empty space. It is hard but we are both going through it. He is in a single bed at his mum's. Just because he ended it, doesn't mean he isn't suffering in some ways - that brings some comfort. If he totally despised me and didn't care at all, he would have cleared the house and would never call or text. I have to be strong though and step away from the phone.

Jennifurball

elbee wrote: »

OP, this is a little off-topic but I just wanted to say you come across as a very nice person and I'm sure you'll get through this fine. It just takes time.

You've handled it really well so far. Don't beat yourself up about the ONS - you said you were getting past it and I hope that continues! And good luck with saving for a car - the good news is that second-hand cars are pretty reasonable now, it's a buyer's market Onwards and upwards!

Thanks!

I am a nice girl, prob too nice at times, that may contribute to why I got walked over. I am feeling better about the ONS. I am a single girl. I just hope I am in the clear with regards to being pg.

I am going to heal and come back a monster!

Danniboo

Jennifurball wrote: »

Thanks!

I am a nice girl, prob too nice at times, that may contribute to why I got walked over. I am feeling better about the ONS. I am a single girl. I just hope I am in the clear with regards to being pg.

I am going to heal and come back a monster!

That's the spirit

Danniboo

[Got to get my head straight now. I have no money until tomorrow and I want some wine to make me feel better! [/QUOTE]


Awh you poor thing, this is the worst about the whole lot if you ask me, sorry bad joke:D

I'd bring you some myself if I could xx

Jennifurball

I wish you could too, I will pay for the P&P! (when I get paid tomorrow!)

Yes not being able to afford wine is priddy shiddy. I get paid tomorrow though and my friend is officially moving in tomorrow, she gets paid too so I think a trip to the pub is in order, except this time I am not so much as looking at a member of the male specie!

Danniboo

Jennifurball wrote: »

I wish you could too, I will pay for the P&P! (when I get paid tomorrow!)

Yes not being able to afford wine is priddy shiddy. I get paid tomorrow though and my friend is officially moving in tomorrow, she gets paid too so I think a trip to the pub is in order, except this time I am not so much as looking at a member of the male specie!

It is crap alright, you poor thing. You're dead right get out and about have some girly nights you'll be right as rain in no time. You can look if it's Gerard Butler And plus 1 to what everyone else said you do seem like a really nice girl.