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Am I being jealous or am I right?

  • 26-07-2010 10:03am
    #1
    MrBojangles66
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8 ✭


    I'm in a new relationship (about 4 months) with a girl I care about very much. I'm 26 and she's 23. She has only ever had some very short relationships and I was in a 5 year one. Both of us are very sociable and both get attention from the opposite sex. She has a good few guy friends which I am fine with and she's ok with the fact that two of my best friends are girls. She works as a receptionist in a gym where being nice and friendly to members is all a part of her job. A lot of members (mostly guys) add her on facebook for no particular reason and she does get asked out a lot by people that go to the gym.

    Last weekend, she met a new member that had just joined and then was introduced to him in a nightclub a few nights later where she said he was very rude. The following day, he was in the gym and she said she made a joke about people that add her on fb because of the gym. He then added her on facebook and she sent him a private message saying "you must have missed the part of our conversation about adding people on facebook! How was your weekend?" He then wrote back on her wall saying it was grand and what did she get up to etc. She then replied with her answer and asking him another question like "how are you enjoying the gym?" Last night, he posted a non-sensicle comment on her wall at 4am but he deleted it.

    I told her that I didn't like the fact that she was "flirting" with him and that she should draw a fine line between work and personal relationships. She got angry at the fact I called it flirting and said that I can't stop her making friends with guys but I'm not totally comfortable with that as most/all guys are just looking to get laid. She seems to have too much of a trusting nature with people she doesn't know and I'm not ok with that. Is that wrong?

    The same night in the club, (I was away on business) she was leaving a bit early because one of the girls she lives with was locked out. Some guy she works with and has referred to as "good looking" before offered to walk her home. A good few of my friends saw her walking out with him and I don't like the way it reflects on both me and her. She saw nothing wrong with letting him walk her home and of course on the way, he tried to kiss her for which she got angry at him. I think this is another example of her not being able to see that most guys have an agenda.

    What is the best way to get her to see that the way you act around the opposite sex when you're in a relationship is different to when you are single? Am I right at all?


Comments

  • #2
    metamorphosis
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,991 ✭✭✭metamorphosis


    I understand why you feel the way you do buy from your post it sounds like she has been nothing but open with you about work and the guys there - it sounds like she even told you about the co - worker attempted kiss. You may be coming accross as a nag if she is been honest with you about it all.


  • #3
    Neyite
    Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 25,948 Mod ✭✭✭✭Neyite


    MrBojangles66 wrote: »
    I told her that I didn't like the fact that she was "flirting" with him and that she should draw a fine line between work and personal relationships. She got angry at the fact I called it flirting and said that I can't stop her making friends with guys but I'm not totally comfortable with that as most/all guys are just looking to get laid. She seems to have too much of a trusting nature with people she doesn't know and I'm not ok with that. Is that wrong?

    what she said to him wasnt flirting, it was friendly. maybe he wrote back something flirty back, but she didnt. maybe all guys are looking to get laid. she sounds well able to turn them down.

    MrBojangles66 wrote: »
    What is the best way to get her to see that the way you act around the opposite sex when you're in a relationship is different to when you are single? Am I right at all?

    she isnt kissing anyone else, she is turning down other guys, and she is open and honest with you. whats wrong with that?
    MrBojangles66 wrote: »
    Some guy she works with and has referred to as "good looking" before offered to walk her home. A good few of my friends saw her walking out with him and I don't like the way it reflects on both me and her.

    How it reflects on you?? a guy offers to see her home safe from a nightclub and you have a problem with that? so what if he tried it on - she rejected his advances and put him in his place about it. this should please you.
    MrBojangles66 wrote: »
    What is the best way to get her to see that the way you act around the opposite sex when you're in a relationship is different to when you are single? Am I right at all?

    what should be different? nothing you have said sounds like she is acting inappropriatly. i dont think you are right, i think that you sound jealous. you dont trust any other guy around your girl, but that is your problem, not theirs, and not your girlfriends problem.

    you are only going out with her a few months, and you think you can dictate who she can converse with? and despite her percieved naivety towards the opposite sex you seem to think she has, she has managed adequatly in the last 20 odd years before you came along. i would be quite insulted if someon i was going out with for a few months started up acting like i dont have a brain in my own head.

    you are coming across as way to possessive. and if you dont work on it, you will lose her.


  • #4
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    MrBojangles66 wrote: »
    Last weekend, she met a new member that had just joined and then was introduced to him in a nightclub a few nights later where she said he was very rude. The following day, he was in the gym and she said she made a joke about people that add her on fb because of the gym. He then added her on facebook and she sent him a private message saying "you must have missed the part of our conversation about adding people on facebook! How was your weekend?" He then wrote back on her wall saying it was grand and what did she get up to etc. She then replied with her answer and asking him another question like "how are you enjoying the gym?" Last night, he posted a non-sensicle comment on her wall at 4am but he deleted it.

    Am I right at all?

    How do you know all this information? Do you check her facebook?

    Apart from that, I think the above sounds dodgy. If you're in a relationship, you don't actively look for facebook friends of the opposite sex. She doesn't even know the man, and she also thought he was rude so why add him as a friend? Doesn't add up. It'd be different if he had asked her. She's actively seeking him out. If my boyfriend did that to me with another girl, I would be very suspicious of his motives, and let him know I'm not happy with it.


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