Daddy's using child changing facilities with kids

wolfpawnat

Ok, this is from another thread, but I said I would put it up. As alot of dads/annoyed mums have said, if a man goes into the nappy changing facilities he gets nothing but glares and dirty looks 9 times out of 10 by the mothers in with their kids. My son's dad feels very awkward about it and it causes him to have to put up with a lot just so our son has a dry nappy. And god forbid if he may need to change his clothes.

I know there are people in this world that are evil and sick, but why are dads being judged for it. I dont mind men in the changing facilities with their kids, I would have a problem if he was staring at my child, but usually they are just talking to their kids and mearly salute you if they even look at you at all.

It is not fair, mums of boards, please dont be the type of women to make these good dads feel like they are wrong to look after their kids, they are just being a parent.

Dads, what types of situations have you come across, or indeed mums what has your partner said to you about experiences they have had.

we'llallhavetea_old

i have never heard of anyone experiencing hostilty in the changing area, nor have i heard of anyone express negativity about a man being in there.

Aug2009

I have friends who have gotten funny looks alright but dont think there was any hostility.

It is sad if people are that daft.

Das Kitty

I know someone who got accosted by a busybody when he was leading his young daughter into a changing room (also a disabled loo) to change her nappy. I still feel very sad about that when I think about it.

esharknz

That's a real shame. I would have thought that the mothers' in there would be well aware that fathers also take their children out, or are the main carer of the child, and that these children also require nappy changing.

My younger brother really struggles with this when out with his two children. Generally the changing facilities are located in the ladies where he lives, so he's had to be inventive when changing them (one boy, one girl).

moonpurple

I am a dad who has done everything since each of 4 kids was weeks old, I like to avoid 'womens places' out of practicality, but if I need to make sure my child has a dry nappy, blinkers on, some racehorses do better with blinkers, you do not get evil looks if you are not scanning for them, ... I have learned not to be challenging, but when it comes to the choice between the child's comfort and the faultiness of some other adults....I go with the child's needs!:pac:

wolfpawnat

thats the other thing as esharknz said changing facilities are often in the womens bathrooms!!!! Whats a dad to do then???

Some shopping centres like one in Dublin City centre have changing rooms especially for children, but they keep them lock wtf is that about!?!

Others keep it in the disability bathroom, but then you have smart mouths commenting about you not being disabled and going in there even though that is where the facilities are.

I know we have to look after kids against the cesspit dregs of society, but a dad has as much right as a mum to look after his kid!

ted1

nearly all the places i've been lately have had then in the disabled toilets. Never noticed any strange looks . My daughter is just under a year maybe it'll start when she gets older.↲if there is only changing facility in the ladies i'll just change her inthe pram in the place. It might encourage them to put one in the mens

username123

I just asked my husband, he was brought into the ladies with his mum until age 10 or so. When alone with my father I was either brought into a cubicle in the gents with him or he would ask a motherly type to watch me in the ladies. I can remember my grandfather asking a lady to keep an eye on me in the ladies too - usually a staff member in whatever place it was - shopping centre toilets for example.

I think the real solution is unisex cubicle toilets that the public area of (with the sinks, mirrors and baby changing facilities) are open to outside public view. I flew from Dublin airport last week and I used the ladies near the gate, there was no outer door - so anyone could stand and look at the sink area, I saw a man taking his daughter to the outer door, then watching her confirm a cubicle was empty before she went into it while he waited outside for her. Its only the cubicle that needs to be hidden from public view imo.

Apologies - I have erroneously posted this on the wrong thread - although the same principle applies re the baby changing facilities.

silverharp

never had a problem, from memory most times would have been Stephens Green centre or Dundrum. So many more dads are involved in looking after the kids these days I'm surprised by Op's experience. OP, did the bad experience happen in regular city centre places or somewhere a bit more insular?

wolfpawnat

My OH has actually found Stephens Green to be the worst! Also the Illac centre was bad (since it is also the feeding room) I have been there with him or may walk into him and I have seen first hand the glares women can give, he wasn't even looking around, he was just messing with our son so that he would lie still while he changed the nappy (he's a bit of a wriggler)

tscul32

Pavillions in Swords has separate baby changing rooms. But they also have a few disabled toilets that I use all the time when there with my 2 sons, 4 & 2 as we can all fit comfortably into the cubicle, with a buggy (or even trolley) if we have one with us. That's what most people with buggies seem to do there. I've changed nappies in there too if there's a queue for the changing room. I've always had the attitude that if there's noone using the disabled toilet then why should able bodied people not be allowed use it.
Here's a question, when there is a changing room with one spongy bit and 3 metres of counter space, why am I the only one who will go in and use the counter? I've often been in a queue, assuming there are a few people in the room (that's not locked) only to find there's just one. Then you get a glare from the person in front of you cos they wanted it all to themselves - the room is pretty big, don't think it was ever intended to do just one baby at a time.

stovelid

I don't think I ever experienced this in changing areas, IIRC, including some of the ones mentioned. Maybe I've just been lucky.

Sleepy

Just try say something to me when I'm changing my daughter's nappy in one of those changing rooms. Busybodies of Ireland, I dare ye!

It's a pain in the arse when the only changing facilities are in the women's alright but there's usually somewhere else around that has changing facilities the dads can use alright. Have to say I've never noticed any looks when I've been doing it but tbh, I (a) wasn't looking for them and (b) wouldn't be nervous about being in there in the first place. I think the latter's important as being uncomfortable in those situations seems to give license to those of an interfering mentality to tut.

If I do come across it my response would have to be along the lines of jealousy being an unpleasant trait in a woman tbh

Ticktactoe

Sleepy wrote: »

If I do come across it my response would have to be along the lines of jealousy being an unpleasant trait in a woman tbh

You know i was just thinking along the same lines.
Are the looks out of shock? A man changing a childs nappy...
Is it jealousy? Either way I think more men should do it and to hell with any looks. You have the right to change your childs nappy.

metrovelvet

Maybe it's the shock of seeing a man change a nappy. Believe it or not alot of them still refuse to change them.

stovelid

metrovelvet wrote: »

Maybe it's the shock of seeing a man change a nappy. Believe it or not alot of them still refuse to change them.

I hear the sound of an axe being ground.

pickarooney

I really don't believe 9 out of 10 people behave in a hostile manner to men changing their babies in the baby changing rooms. I would have a hard time believing even 1 in 10 people would outwardly express disapproval. Personally I've never, ever had anyone make any comment about me changing my kids, beyond basic pleasantries and would just find it really strange if someone were to say anything negative. This is in both neutral changing rooms and (nominally) women's toilets.

Nevyn

stovelid if you have an issue with a post report it, snarky comments are not welcome here.

metrovelvet

stovelid wrote: »

I hear the sound of an axe being ground.

Not really. Just reminding people. I can think of 5 off the top of my head.

But however, I think people are pretty understanding for the most part and the reality is facilities are not always available.

I worked for a very upmarket retailer, the kind thst sells 3000 dollar suits and a woman laid her infant down in the middle of the floor and changed him. There were no customer toilets but there were dressing rooms.

I was on a train in France and had to change my son. Should I have laid my son down in the ticket desk upon arrival and changed him in protest? Instead I found a discreet spot in first class!

caprilicious

That is a sorry state of affairs, I can't understand why any woman would cast a second glance at a man changing a child.
They are required to make the other 50% of the baby :rolleyes:, so why not take it for granted that they would look after the child when out & about?

Deliverance

Interesting thread. I recall bringing my little one into a changing room for Dads in an airport in London. It was kind of comical because I remember how I fumbled and dropped stuff whilst trying to hold my baby daughter on the 'table thing';). The dad next to me was the same and we exchanged nods every now and again in understanding 'manly' way. It was funny on hindsight.

Saying that, is this an indication of the need for the existing attitude towards single Dads in Ireland to change (pardon the pun). Facilities should be provided in public places, unisex changing rooms etc. I believe that attitudes are changing slowly but surely with so many dads taking their kids for longer periods, that is an undeniably healthy thing for the kids and parents seperated or otherwise.

Facilities should be provided as such for Dads with kids. It would negate the ignorent people that the OP mentioned and be beneficial for everyone involved.

delos

I must have been lucky. When my daughter was small I never experienced anything like hostility - or maybe I'm too thick skinned to notice. Once she was toilet trained, if she needed to go I would just take her to the ladies toilet. They tend to be much cleaner. This would sometimes cause confusion when someone walked in and assumed they had gone into the gents by mistake, but again I don't remember any hostile reaction. I just behaved as if it was normal for me to be there chatting away while she got on with it so as not to make her nervous and I'd say I got more smiles than strange looks

silverharp

The way I look at it, you have to plough your own furrow here at times. When I am with my kids they are all that matter and I could care less what anyone thinks. I cant imagine being the slightest bit embarrassed or intimidated when using public facilities

wolfpawnat

pickarooney wrote: »

I really don't believe 9 out of 10 people behave in a hostile manner to men changing their babies in the baby changing rooms. I would have a hard time believing even 1 in 10 people would outwardly express disapproval.

You are very lucky clearly not to encountered this then, because I have seen it occur several times not only with my partner but to me who are in the changing facilities at the same time as my child and myself and women have come in, saw a man and say, and I quote "I can't go in there, there is a man in there, he might see Baby X while I am changing her" I had to laugh as I looked over to him in shock and he just laughed!

I think perhap half the problem with this situation is the ignorance of people to its occurance, many open minded people say "Oh that can't possibly happen in modern Ireland" and refusing to acknowledge it is causing it to continue to occur!

metrovelvet

So what? If she doesn't want to go into one because a man is in there, that's her problem.

Where are these facilities you speak of?

pickarooney

wolfpawnat wrote: »

You are very lucky clearly not to encountered this then, because I have seen it occur several times not only with my partner but to me who are in the changing facilities at the same time as my child and myself and women have come in, saw a man and say, and I quote "I can't go in there, there is a man in there, he might see Baby X while I am changing her" I had to laugh as I looked over to him in shock and he just laughed!

I think perhap half the problem with this situation is the ignorance of people to its occurance, many open minded people say "Oh that can't possibly happen in modern Ireland" and refusing to acknowledge it is causing it to continue to occur!

And this happens with 9 out of 10 women you say?

Davidth88

wolfpawnat wrote: »

You are very lucky clearly not to encountered this then, because I have seen it occur several times not only with my partner but to me who are in the changing facilities at the same time as my child and myself and women have come in, saw a man and say, and I quote "I can't go in there, there is a man in there, he might see Baby X while I am changing her" I had to laugh as I looked over to him in shock and he just laughed!

That is frankly revolting.

So in the eyes of that woman all men find babies sexual objects or something equally disgusting. I would have had to bite my tongue if someone said that within my ear shot , in fact I think I would have eaten the face of the woman concerned.

I have never actually had a problem , I used to change my little one right enough. The only problem I had was the sight of used needles/blood and other disgusting things in the one at Lucan Superquinn.

This sort of dovetails nicely with boys going into the ladies on another thread doesn't it.

mohawk

Davidth88 wrote: »

That is frankly revolting.

So in the eyes of that woman all men find babies sexual objects or something equally disgusting. I would have had to bite my tongue if someone said that within my ear shot , in fact I think I would have eaten the face of the woman concerned.

I have to agree. I think this says alot about women who think like this. they are in fact the ones with the real problem.
I really hope that this attitude is not the norm as its not the kind of world I want my ds to grow up in.

Gillo

Can't say I ever recall it happening to me being honest, although as my daughter got a bit older and toilet trained I did get some grief a few times for bringing her into mens toilets. I figured it was the lesser of two evils than going into a womens myself with her.
I remember one old guy one day in Jervis Street giving me serious abuse, one of the few times I ever told a complete stranger to go f*&k himself.

She's getting to the age now though where she's a bit too old to go into the gents, which I find can be tricky so I'll generally try and find a disabled toilet or else be pretty fussy which toilets I let her use. The few times I've let her go to the toilet by herself, christ it's been a long two minutes waiting for her to come out.

In fairness to people, there's nothing wrong with wanting to protect your child but when that leads to absolute parinoira (sp?), that can't be good, it's simpley a case of finding the happy medium.

Victor

I'm wondering is there the basis of an equality issue here?

Question. Do (m)any of the changing tables have belts to stop baby falling / rolling / jumping off?

Gillo wrote: »

parinoira (sp?)

PaRaNoIa.

Big Bag of Chips

moonpurple wrote: »

you do not get evil looks if you are not scanning for them,

Very well put! My husband "gets funny looks"... I've never seen him getting them, but he sees them!

It's down to him - and HIS perception that if a woman sees a man with a child - HE thinks, that SHE thinks there's something untoward going on. (Still with me!)

I would find it very hard to believe the 9 out of 10 women (as seems to be the statistic quoted somewhere in the thread) would have ANY issue with a man changing their child. But I do think, if you go out thinking people are giving you dirty looks.. you're going to "see" people giving you dirty looks!

Deliverance

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

Very well put! My husband "gets funny looks"... I've never seen him getting them, but he sees them!

It's down to him - and HIS perception that if a woman sees a man with a child - HE thinks, that SHE thinks there's something untoward going on. (Still with me!)

I would find it very hard to believe the 9 out of 10 women (as seems to be the statistic quoted somewhere in the thread) would have ANY issue with a man changing their child. But I do think, if you go out thinking people are giving you dirty looks.. you're going to "see" people giving you dirty looks!

Not really if the looks are there then they are hard to ignore in fairness. I don't think paranoia is an issue in this thread.
Inequality is more of an issue as mentioned by Victor is more prominent I think.

Davidth88

Victor wrote: »

Question. Do (m)any of the changing tables have belts to stop baby falling / rolling / jumping off?

Victor , it's about 3 yrs since I was changing our little one , but most of them didn't . Ill be honest even the ones that did , I didn't use . I was careful to keep one hand one the little one at ALL times . The straps were usually little things, I reckoned the danger would be hanging the little one using it .

Big Bag of Chips

Deliverance wrote: »

Not really if the looks are there then they are hard to ignore in fairness. I don't think paranoia is an issue in this thread.
Inequality is more of an issue as mentioned by Victor is more prominent I think.

I agree that if the looks are there, then they are hard to ignore.. but I think alot of the time, the looks aren't there, as is the case with my husband, but he feels uneasy and transfers that to others "giving him looks".

I completely agree that inequality is a huge issue, as mentioned, most facilities are in ladies toilets. Although more and more I see them in disabled toilets rather than ladies.

And I am a woman, and it would never cross my mind to give a man a dirty look if I encountered him ANYwhere changing a nappy! In fact I'd be more inclined to give a look of "awe", and the smiley-nod!!