Chat Down Lines

MitchKoobski

Chat Up lines don't seem to be working for me anymore. Instead I'm going to just be mean to women and ridicule them because then they will love me and come back to my place in a moments notice.* That being said, I don't have much material to go on. All I've got so far are these. Any suggestion welcome. I figure I'll get more of the responses I need here rather than PI.....

"How much does a polar bear weigh?"
"Not as much as you, ya mess."

"Did you fall from above?"
"Because you look like a dead bird."

"Did you fall from heaven?"
"Because your face is pretty ****ed up."






*Subject to confidence and level of drink

genericguy

"Did you put your make up on with a hammer love?"

bronte

If I throw a stick will you leave? :pac:

Anyone

"I'd give you one"

When she shoots you down say

"Out of 10"

i.need.a.job

Can I have your sisters number

dr.bollocko

Hi. I'm a moderator on one of Ireland's busiest internet forums.

GrizzlyMan

"Do you eat grass?"

reply: "no"

"Well your the first cow i ever saw that doesnt"

genericguy

dr.bollocko wrote: »

Hi. I'm a moderator on one of Ireland's busiest internet forums.

is that how you managed to woo the beautiful lafawnduh, mr dynamite?

Kiith

dr.bollocko wrote: »

Hi. I'm a moderator on one of Ireland's busiest internet forums.

This works on me

Greyfox

You happened to catch my eye so I thought I'd pop over and tell you that you look like you were on fire and people put the fire out with baseball bats :pac:

starlit

those are really bad chat up lines...way down down down the line!

The_Kew_Tour

Im well big;);)

Boom Boom

smash

"How do you like your eggs in the morning"
"unfertilised"
"that's ok, I'll just cum on your face"

"Your father must be a thief"
"because he must have stolen the stars from the sky bla bla - worst chat up ever"
"eh no, because you look like a pikey"

Cypher_sounds

Ooh you're doing that even better than your mom lady!

genericguy

"your face would make an onion cry"

MitchKoobski

snuggles285 wrote: »

those are really bad chat up lines...way down down down the line!

That's sort of the point....

MitchKoobski

Greyfox wrote: »

You happened to catch my eye so I thought I'd pop over and tell you that you look like you were on fire and people put the fire out with baseball bats :pac:

Reminds me of the line "She looks like her mother set her face on fire and her father put it out with a baseball bat."

Anyone

You:"Do you have a pen?"
Him/Her:"Yes"
You: "Does the farmer know you are out of it?"

Fizman

"Do you like to dance"?
"Eh, like ya".
"Right, well fcuk off over onto the dance floor so I can talk to your friend".

eightyfish

Friend of mine was chatting up a girl.
Another friend approached them "Ah, what's the story Rapey I haven't seen you in ages!"

derfderf

"You don't sweat much for a fat bird"

My own personal favourite:

"Is your dad a baker? 'cause it looks like you've got a bun in the oven"

"Are you Jamaican? 'cause Jamaican me pissed off, so f*ck off"

Fizman

derfderf wrote: »

"You don't sweat much for a fat bird"

Or...

"You don't smell too bad for a bird who looks like she smells like sh1t."

George Orwell 1982

You look like you've just been hit by a train.

Celly Smunt

you look a million dollars tonight baby
all green and crinkly

with a face that good
your dick must be tiny

Dman001

To a Ginger:

"Do you read"
"Yeah"
"Have you read Pubes"
"Yeah"
".......Right"
*Walks off*

M5

"You look like a bulldog licking piss off a nettle"

BluesBerry

Hey, Your cool baby

Reply: Yeah Your not so hot yourself

Smeggy

You're a stupid moron with an ugly face and a big butt and your butt smells and you like to kiss your own butt..

spider_pig

:cool: sorry love not interested you've a face like a well chewed toffee

[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]I bet when you go to the zoo you have to buy two tickets: one to get in and another to get out.

[/FONT][FONT=Arial,Helvetica][SIZE=+0][FONT=Arial,Helvetica]"Earth is full. Go home." [/FONT][/SIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=Arial,Helvetica][SIZE=+0][FONT=Arial,Helvetica]Nice perfume, but did you have to marinate in it?[/FONT][/SIZE][/FONT]

Do they ever shut up on your planet?[FONT=Arial,Helvetica][SIZE=+0][FONT=Arial,Helvetica] [/FONT][/SIZE][/FONT]

You do sure have a lot of Well-wishers. They'd all like to throw you down one...

Somebody said to me that you ain't fit to sleep with the pigs. Well, I stuck up for the pigs.

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception

I hear you're connected to the Police Department - by a pair of handcuffs...

Shouldn't you have a license for being that ugly?

I heard when you were a child your Mother wanted to hire someone to take care of you, but the Mafia wanted too much.

Why don't you just open your mind and shut your mouth, both are empty anyway.

I hear you were born on April 2; a day too late!

You must be an experiment in Artificial Stupidity.

Everybody has a photographic memory. You simply don't have the film.

You're about as good lookin as a cross between the Elephant Man and a Pitbull Terrier..

Just out of curiosity, are your parents siblings?

Whilst every girl has the right to be ugly, you seem to have abused that privelige!

You're the kind of man that is a blueprint for building an idiot.

I'd like to leave you with one thought...unfortunately I ain't sure you have anywhere to put it!

Yeah, yeah, keep talking, someday you might say something intelligent.

Sure, I'd love to help you out...now, which way did you come in?

Excuse me, is that your nose, or are you eating a Banana?

When you were born, did they let your Mother out of her cell?

You're so bent you make roundabouts look straight!

I've seen better hands on a leper!

This is an excellent time for you to become a missing person.

You've got more chins than a Chinese phone book! :cool:

Gunsfortoys

At a comedy gig some fella shouts after one joke...

"my mum had cancer"

Comedian states "that joke wasn't about cancer..."

To which the lad replies "no, but it was funnier than this!"

Sea Sharp

Oh Hi I caught you glancing over at me from the other side of the club and I came over to say;
STOP FCUKING STARTING AT ME OR I'LL BREAK YOUR FCUKING JAW FOR YE! RIGHT??

CreepingDeath

"You look like a million lira"

CreepingDeath

Have to say, one of my sisters had a fecken great comeback on an annoying guy hitting on her.

guy> can I be your boyfriend ?
sister> I have plenty of boyfriends already
guy> can I join them ?
sister> yeah sure, they're over there

---

>

Frogdog

You: You look like one of the Corrs!
Her: Really?! Which one?
You: Jim.

You: I like your dress.
Her: Oh thanks!
You: Ya my granny has one like it.

Mr Benevolent

dr.bollocko wrote: »

Hi. I'm a moderator on one of Ireland's busiest internet forums.

Guaranteed to put any woman off. By the way Dr. B, have you seen your nemesis yet?

Dardania

ye're missing the point - he still wants his hole, but by being nasty instead of being nice...

how about: (bumps into girl, starts saying) hey how you...oh right, I thought you were my type, sorry for bothering ya

gives her something to be defensive about, and want to come back

CreepingDeath

"Were you Miss Weightwatcher of June 2010?"

kieran26

hi would you like to dance?
'i wouldn't be seen dead daqncing with you!'

no no you've got me all wrong i said you look fat in those pants

CreepingDeath

"Are you dancing or do you just have worms?"

Iwasfrozen

Remindes me of this:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rqTE-ig7NhY

donkey_kong

you're pretty. pretty f*cking minging

Capt'n Midnight

CreepingDeath wrote: »

"You look like a million lira"

Turkish lira