Is there something wrong with me?

LegacyUser

Hi everyone,

I want to explain the situation to some people who aren't involved and get your opinions. I'll try and keep it as short as possible.

About 2 years ago my grandfather was diagnosed with throat cancer, he started treatment and all seemed to be going well until about 6 months ago when he was told he would have to have his voicebox removed. He went up to hospital in Dublin and had the operation and it was successful. He can't talk or eat for now but that will be all sorted in a while, the main thing is for now he is cancer free. He has been in hospital for about 8 weeks and is due home in about 2 weeks.

Let me fill you in on my grandfather. He is my mother's father. He was a drinker and not just a sociable drinker, he was a drunk. My memories of him from childhood consist of seeing him stumble drunkenly up the street and come home to my grandparent's house and be nasty and abusive to my gran and whoever else might be there. My gran has had a terrible life with him. My mother has one sister and 2 brothers. They aren't close to him at all and there isn't any love lost between them. He was never there for them when they were growing up or at any point actually. He just wasn't a good father, The two sons (my uncles) actually hate him, they are not shy in saying this. However my grandfather is very popular in this small town, he's a great man when he's out and about but cranky etc when he's at home. He did stop drinking about 5 years ago but that's neither here nor there.

Now that he is sick everyone is acting like he is the greatest man/father/grandfather ever. There has not been a day in hospital where he has had no visitors and people are constantly asking about him and sending him gifts and cards etc. The thing is that I feel absolutely nothing for this man. I am a very warm hearted, loving person usually but when it comes to this I feel nothing, no sympathy, nothing. Now I ma glad he is doing well, I would wish illness and bad luck on no person but, and I apologise if this offends anyone, if he died in the morning I would feel nothing. I am the oldest grandchild and the only one who lives away so when I'm home I make an effort with them, mostly for my grandmother. I also know that I have always been his 'favourite' so to speak.

Even though his children are being great and supportive etc I know they don't feel much for him either, they see it as their duty and are helping granny more than anything. My mother is a great person and being the oldest child a lot of it falls back on her but she does what she has to with the best intentions and with no anger towards him even though she would be entitled to be angry with him. It's everyone else's reactions that are getting to me.....my gran's sisters and my cousins...they're pretending he's the world's greatest. He's not a great man, he's a selfish, cranky waster....all the money he ever made went to drink and on himself, he did nothing for any of us. I am close to my granny and I know she hates the thoughts of him coming home because she will be there with him 24/7 and she'll do most of the looking after etc even though she is old and has health problems herself.

I know that some people might say, well he's sick isn't that enough and they're probably right, like I said I wouldn't wish it on anyone but I'm not going to be a hypocrite and pretend he's a saint. When people ask how he is I tell them, I've been to visit him a few times and I wish him good health, but as far as I'm concerned he might as well be a complete stranger. I feel nothing towards him, no bitterness, anger, sadness, pity....nothing. Is this normal?

Sorry, it did end up being quite long. I hope you can follow what I've written, it just all came out as it came into my head

VinnyTGM

Alcohol abuse can cause mouth/throat cancer so he's got no one to blame but himself.
If he trully is the person you described then I can't see a problem in the way your treating him.

Denerick

I think you are being harsh. It is possible, even for octagenarians, to change their life. Have you talked to him man to man? For all you know he has realised the sins of his past after his brush with death. Everyone deserves a second chance, even if they were a lousy parent.