Hes just so selfish

LegacyUser

Hi everyone,

Just want to know what you would do if your bf was extremely selfish.

He only ever wants to do what suits him and wont even do very much with his kids.

Basically he works, sleeps, goes on the internet and washes his car ... thats it .. thats his life. Anytime i ask him to come out with me with family or friends he refuses. Even though i am in a relationship i feel so alone.

We argued about it the other day and his response was "i will not have you dictate what i should or should not do with my time or try to make me feel guilty for not doing what you want. You have no control over me. I will do what i want when i want with who i want. If you dont like it you know what to do".

I've tried to make him see his selfish ways but he doesnt. Is there any point trying to change him??

alibaba12

tbh no you cant change someone. They will only change if they want to.He doesnt sound very nice to you and by all accounts you most probably deserve better.hope it all works out

metrovelvet

Are you sure you're in a relationship?

LegacyUser

Exactly. When he said that to me i told him that he must not understand the word relationship.

Vic_Mackey

selfish wrote: »

Basically he works, sleeps, goes on the internet and washes his car ... thats it

This jumped out at me. If these 4 things are the majority of his days I'm guessing he does a whole heap of one, probably work or internet. I'm not saying this would excuse him, but it would affect the responses given here.

How much does he spend on each (roughly)?

selfish

selfish wrote: »

You have no control over me. I will do what i want when i want with who i want.

This screams immature mammy's boy to me to be honest. Someone who is in a relationship would have more basic respect and courtesy at the very least.

I don't think you're in a relationship and I think you need to consider leaving or at least sit down with him and ask him what he expects out of a relationship.

LegacyUser

Nope he has a regular job (mon - fri, home before 6). He spends the rest of his week night time on the internet. Weekends he gets up whenever he feels like, usually about 12 (never mind the kids, housework etc). He'll wash / work on his car for a few hours and the rest of the weekend is spent on the net. He might do a bit of hoovering if i ask him to.

You're spot on about the lack of respect, i realised that myself very recently.

What bothers me most is that he sees nothing wrong with it!

SarahSassy

Did you know he was like thsi before you had kids with him?

LegacyUser

Yeah suppose i did know he was like that but guess i thought he'd change. He's getting worse too.

PS we have one child together and he has another from a previous relationship.

Seraphina

selfish wrote: »

Yeah suppose i did know he was like that but guess i thought he'd change

This is ****ing hilarious. I'm really sorry OP, I don't mean to be insulting, but as far as I can see, most of the people who post here with problems say something similar to this. This doesn't happen.

It's really naive to expect men (OR women for that matter, but I see it more often with women expecting men to be different) to just 'change' because kids have come along or because you married them or something. They won't change unless they want to, and no amount of throwing 'family' stuff at them will work.

To be perfectly honest if he was like that before the kid I don't even understand why you were with him, let alone decided having a child with him would be a good idea. Cut your losses.

SarahSassy

Seraphina wrote: »

This is ****ing hilarious. I'm really sorry OP, I don't mean to be insulting, but as far as I can see, most of the people who post here with problems say something similar to this. This doesn't happen.

It's really naive to expect men (OR women for that matter, but I see it more often with women expecting men to be different) to just 'change' because kids have come along or because you married them or something. They won't change unless they want to, and no amount of throwing 'family' stuff at them will work.

To be perfectly honest if he was like that before the kid I don't even understand why you were with him, let alone decided having a child with him would be a good idea. Cut your losses.

Absolutely....

So what are your options here. Are you willing / going to leave him or just stay with him and be unahppy?

LegacyUser

Have you been with him long? I'm thinking yes as you have children?

are you happy to go on like this forever?

chances are he will never change and his response sounds like he is gonna do what he wants and not let a 'family' get in his way

best of luck

StillWaters

You can't just walk away when there is children involved. You have to work so much harder to make it work, as the stakes from relationship breakdown are so much higher.

You must have a frank discuission with him OP, and I think relationship counselling would be of benefit to you too.

I'm not a 'stay together for the sake of the children' person, but I do think you need to be able to tell your children (when they are older), that you did everything to try to make your relationship with their daddy work.