worried about relationship

LegacyUser

Hi everyone,

Im going out with my bf about 6months now and it's all been reall rosy up until last month.
e.g. i think thhis month we're getting to appreciate e.g. others differences and we have to either reconcile them or move on.

I really like this guy it's just im not 100%sure if i want to have him as my long term partner (im just over 25). he want's to introduce me to his parents down the country and im not sure as that makes it more serious doesn't it?

We went away to Berlin recently and It was really stressful. i went over a day earlier as I wanted a chance to do some sighting-seeing (he lived in Berlin for 6months) and he were both going to see a concert the following day. I was waiting over an hour at the train station after we had organised to meet there at a time and he didnt think to call me..i sent several texts and then rang but i didnt get an apology and i couldnt go back to the hostel as he hadnt brought a map as to where it was. all the organising eg hostel etc/ maps was done by me as the guys very laid back and we wouldnt have gotten a good place if we waited the week before like he suggested. I apologise if the next bit sounds awful but the guys snores a bit and when he has beer it gets ten times worse..i didnt get any sleep that night as he had 6 pints. then he suggested it was my own problem so i get earplugs. however it meant i was really tired the next day and had to go home early when we went out (11am) which he was annoyed at as he wanted to stay out(sortive silent moodiness). does anyone else find travelling with their fella/ gf stressful or is it just me?

another thing is that this week he's complained of being tired all week but when i offer a certain thing he 's over in like ten minutes (we dont live together). but id prefer if he appreciated me more as a person and not just a shag buddy? as if im tired or something i often feel bad about not doing it..

any suggestions/ advice are welcome

metrovelvet

I think travelling, cooking, and dancing are the three barometers of compatibility. Travelling in particular can tell alot.

Miss Fluff

6 months is still well within the paramaters of the honeymoon period. So if you think he is a gobsh1te when usually you'd be chomping at the bit with feelings of devotion then I would recommend Dumpsville tbh........

Millie

Yeah he sounds like a bit of a gob****e to me also.

Or course travelling together can be a wee bit stressful but over all it should be fun and something that you would be mad to do together in the future.

Blackdrag

Have you tried talking to him about this on a more serious note? Sounds like you had a few words with him but a ultimatum would probably get your point across better.

squonk

Totally agree with the other posters, he's a selfish bollox. The snoring bit is gas. IMHO the least he could have done was to offer to get one of those remedies for it to see if it helps. Like, if it's your first time away and he's seen this city before, he should be more willing to compromise too like even saying, 'well I won't have too many pints tonight so and let you sleep'. It's a two way thing. I'd say dump his ass and let him spend more time caring about himself which, as it sounds, he's doing enough of already.

LegacyUser

sunflower27 wrote: »

He sounds like a selfish pr1ck!

I'm not surprised you are uncertain.

In the past I put up with such [EMAIL="cr@p"]cr@p[/EMAIL] from bfs. Not anymore. Leaving you stranded in a foreign country like that without so much as a text is totally unacceptable. I would be walking away if I were you.:( You deserve so much better.

how did he leave her stranded??? talk about dramatic! re-read the post. She arrived a day early to see the city. He was late arriving which I would imagine would be due to flight delays as trains are never late in Germany (no really, lived there and they're not) and because he didn't say I'll be an hour late he's a selfish pr1ck?

And God forbid the guy snores!!! OP definitely follow Sunflowers advice, how can you bear to be with a bast*rd like that? Arrives an hour late in a foreign country after travelling from here and to top it off he snores that night. Jesus what a monster!

Ok slightly more seriously. OP practically every guy snores me included. I've tried for girlfriends sakes in the past a number of different remedies and none stop it completely.

The solution that works time and again? ear plugs.

No texting to say he was late is a bit inconsiderate alright but perhaps the only chance he would have had between running around an airport carrying bags, going through security and then running for a train would have been on the train. How long does it take for the train to get from the airport to where you were meeting him? If it was only 10 min maybe he thought well I'm practically there now. You say you texted and called? Well maybe you contacted him before he had a chance to do the same?

To be honest nothing from what you've said indicates a bad guy despite the hysteria of some replies. But as Miss Fluff said if 6 months in you are wondering why bother then maybe move on.

If you really like him though perhaps try talking to him about stuff that bothers you. Relationships work by working out your problems together. It's not automatic that everything is rosy just because you're seeing someone.

The solution most definitely is not everytime you encounter a problem you take some of the advice that's listed here and promptly dump the guy. Be a very lonely life if that's how you deal with problems.

best of luck

niceoneted

I agree with metrovelvet, on the cooking, travelling and dancing. Even in friendships where this works best it shows the strength of the friendship.

Also sometimes when you are not used to each other - as your relationship is still quite young - how is he to know to contact you or perhaps you sent to many texts which frightened him - he may not have his phone on at that stage yet.
Also you organised the hotel but didn't give him a map, had you given him an address. Perhaps his plane was delayed or the transfer took longer than expected or he missed first connection. Not defending him but things you should consider. If I had been you I would have had a good book with me and found a good coffee shop and sat there until I heard from him and if I didn't I would have just got on with it.
The snoring would drive me mad and has in the past in relationships. Has he a weight issue at all.?

snorlax

you need to be careful and get the advice of your GP if you intend to use earplugs longterm as they can damage your ears over the long term if they're not inserted properly/ not the right size...obviously if beer makes the person snore more drinking a whole lot of it isn't the most considerate thing nor is not contacting the person when they get off the plane to let them know they're safe etc.

LegacyUser

the flight wasn't delayed and he texted me to get let me know he had landed and could i meet him at the train station at a specific time but he got the s-bahn instead of the express so it took over an hour longer then he expected. Im just a worrier and i didnt know if something had happened to him etc. it was annoying because there was no im sorry im late etc. he did say the network went down but i was able to ring his phone so im not sure if thats true etc.

as regards the snoring when someone suggests earplugs it sounds like its my problem not his but the thing about it is i can normally sleep with little snores it's just if there's a lot of beer generally its a lot worse, and whn you get no sleep it's harder to function the next day. also dont like the thoughts of using earplugs longterm.

iv no intention of breaking up with over either of these things as the guys a really nice person just sortive the opposite of me (very laid back)..we did talk things throught too..it was jsut the first time that we had an argument per se since we started going out so i guess it came as a shock..thanks for all the responses

springwell7616

Don't know why you're so uncertain. It's as plain as the nose on your face. You want a relationship, he wants a f-ckbuddy. His behaviour in Berlin attestifies to that as does the fact that he's wingeing that he's tired yet when you offer him the "honey pot" he's over like a shot.
Dump him and move on you deserve better out of life than that deadbeat.