Requiem for a Heavy Heart

I never use rhyming in my poetry - this is a rare occurrence for me - so opinions would be greatly appreciated

I know that you’ve been hurting,
but I’m here to make you smile.
Your head against my shoulder
and we’re whistling all the while.
My arm around your neck,
fingers running through your hair
Pretending that everyone else
simply isn’t there.

Our hands meet
and our fingers interweave.
Watching the sunrise;
So perfect it seems make believe.
In this little story that we conjure up;
everything plays its part,
as we’re lying here
writing this Requiem for a Heavy Heart.

And I know that life ain’t easy
but we try it all the same.
Just keep moving through each day,
holding nobody to blame.
You snooze against my skin,
dreams running through your head;
recounting all the words that have been written,
and everything I have said.

Your eyes awake
and our lips touch.
At that moment we realise;
Life’s problems aren’t too much.
As long as the curtains open,
and the characters play this part,
we can finally finish this
little Requiem for a Heavy Heart.

pickarooney

It reads very much like song lyrics. Was that the intention?
I'm trying to hum it now

pickarooney

pickarooney wrote: »

It reads very much like song lyrics. Was that the intention?
I'm trying to hum it now

I think so in some ways. Hah. Is it a nice tune?

CamillaRhodes

Definitely reads like song lyrics, and I'm not usually a fan of rhyming, but really like this

I think I was listening to this song as I wrote it

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PBhBFjBF4S4

Thanks, I really don't rhyme poetry much, but it's good to get positive commentary back.

StevoTG

I enjoyed that poem bogman! I've lately found myself rhyming my poetry too, which never used to be the case and it's something I'm a bit concerned about. I think it's a good piece of work though. The rhyme adds to the atmosphere of the poem rather than taking from it. Success

Sometimes when I read the lines "So perfect it seems make believe" and "Your eyes awake" I think they could be impreved, but other times I think they fit perfectly.

Thank you very much - especially for all the good comments. I was very wary about using rhyming in my poetry - it always seems so clichéd to me! But I agree that there are some lines that could be improved.