Poll claims romantic comedies ruin love lives

JimmyCrackCorn

http://www.rte.ie/news/2010/0721/love.html

She never buys me flowers just cause!:D


Not inteneded as a dig at the ladies honestly but mabe worth a debate.

I like buying guys flowers "just because".
Not into getting them though, don't really know what to do with dead plants...

Pembily

I wouldn't buy my ex flowers but I would bake for him just cos as I know how much he loved my baking and would prefer them to flowers!!! Just cause is the best time to give something

Pembily

Pembily wrote: »

Just cause is the best time to give something

Definitely better than "because I have to"...

Pembily

bluewolf wrote: »

Definitely better than "because I have to"...

I don't do anything because I have to - its a total mood killer!!!!

Walls

Most romantic comedies are usually daft, and not worth the time.

Himself does buy me flowers just because, though.

Wibbs

Walls wrote: »

Most romantic comedies are usually daft, and not worth the time.

This. Plus they give unrealistic and sometimes damaging impressions of romance and life. That said they can be a bit of fun and escapism. Like James Bond movies(I mean a secret agent where every barman in the world knows what he drinks? ).

Walls

Wibbs wrote: »

This. Plus they give unrealistic and sometimes damaging impressions of romance and life. That said they can be a bit of fun and escapism. Like James Bond movies(I mean a secret agent where every barman in the world knows what he drinks? ).

I'd say that James Bond movies give unrealistic impressions of romance, as well. The chic is always there to be on his arm, and in many respects is referred to as 'The Girl' ("Go get the girl,") throughout the movie.

TL/DR; James Bond sucks too, ya know.

Wibbs

No that's what I was saying. they're both escapist nonsense, a bit of craic, but neither are templates for living life.

Eve_Dublin

Funny, I watched that film "Stranger than Fiction" with Will Farrell and Maggie Gyllenhal the other night and being the romantic sap I am, it had me in tears at the end. Romantic comedies do it to me every time, even the crap ones. I know it´s not real life but I really love the idea of a man making some grand gesture of declaring their love/like/lust/admiration for me. It´s happened one or two times without the aid of alcohol and it certainly worked on me. It was more of a case of a bumbling Hugh Grant than Prince Charming on a horse but they were sweet. I understand there´s no such thing as happy ever after but a lot of men would use an article like this as an excuse for not bothering with any kind of romantic gestures towards their girlfriends.

What´s wrong with a bunch of flowers from Tesco "just cos"? Irish men...puh... :rolleyes:

Ickle Magoo

I'd take lots of affection over monetary gifts any day of the week - not really into cut flowers, they remind me of funerals. Do people really take their cue of expectation from films?

PeterGriffen

I think "The Notebook" is a guilty party in this case. I've had two girlfriends compare my level of romance unfavourably to the stuff the bloke does in that movie. A quick search on the net confirms a lot of women want their men to be like that character.

Silverfish

I'd say as many women take their cue of expectation from romantic comedies as men take their cue of expectation from watching porn. They're both tending towards the unrealistic - if it was the norm, nobody'd watch them cos they'd be documentaries. It doesn't stop some people believing them.


I know a good few men who've watched rom coms and when trying to come up with romantic lines / chat up tactics / ideas, draw on their previous encounters with those movies.

Similarly, I know a few women who've been in terrible, terrible relationships and from watching horrendous amounts of romcoms, the switch was flicked inside their heads that made them think 'HEY WAIT MY RELATIONSHIP IS ****E' and while they weren't naive enough to believe they could have a happy cheesy super romantic prince charming relationship, it was enough for them to realise hey, I could do better.

Silverfish

PeterGriffen wrote: »

I think "The Notebook" is a guilty party in this case. I've had two girlfriends compare my level of romance unfavourably to the stuff the bloke does in that movie. A quick search on the net confirms a lot of women want their men to be like that character.

And I'd say if you searched the net to see if any guys would like their girlfriend to be more like <random actress / pornstar> you'd find that too

Faith

I'll admit, I occasionally forced my ex to watch romantic films in the hope he'd pick up a few tips from the characters. I'd say they have given me unrealistic expectations, but at the same time, I've sometimes watched them and thought "That's nice, I'll do that for himself".

I wouldn't say they ruin love lives, but they certainly do impact on them.

Giselle

One in four Australians said they were now expected to know what their partner was thinking, while one in five respondents said it made their partners expect gifts and flowers 'just because'.

Anyone who expects their oh to be a mindreader need a reality check.
And how selfish do you have to be to feel entitled to gifts 'just because'?

amacachi

Silverfish wrote: »

And I'd say if you searched the net to see if any guys would like their girlfriend to be more like <random actress / pornstar> you'd find that too

No, I really, really wouldn't.

wonderingabout

Rom Coms have definitely impacted on my view of romance and relationships. I think their portrayal of romance is harmless enough, it does make you feel kinda down from time to time that your boyfriend isn't running around town looking for you to get down in one knee in the pouring rain to declare his undying devotion to you. But i think it's easy to take a reality check here.

However it's the picture we're given of the relationships themselves which can cause trouble. In rom coms its a love and laughter with the exception of one incident which threatens to destroy the relationship and leads to the grand gesture. In real life there are incidences every single day, they may not be threats to the relationship but there are disputes, unhappiness and selfishness in every realtionship at some stage. For me i believed my relationship was inadequate and that i was just settling for second best because it was roses and perfume every day. Now i know better, i know that true love requires really hard work and is a constant challenge and although it is worth it, it won't always be obvious.

Eve_Dublin

wonderingabout wrote: »

In real life there are incidences every single day, they may not be threats to the relationship but there are disputes, unhappiness and selfishness in every realtionship at some stage. For me i believed my relationship was inadequate and that i was just settling for second best because it was roses and perfume every day. Now i know better, i know that true love requires really hard work and is a constant challenge and although it is worth it, it won't always be obvious.

The default advice given over in the Personal Issues forum when when something goes wrong in someone´s relationship is to end it. People are too quick to pull that one out of the bag and perhaps this is what you´re talking about above but I´ve another angle on it. Relationships don´t have to be that much hard work to the degree that there would be incidences everyday?? Jesus! Honestly I´d rather be single. If there were incidences everyday then I´d be thinking something wasn´t right here. For the first time in my life I´m in a relationship where there´s no stupid drama or games or incidences everyday and I´m thinking it could be because this fella actually suits me or maybe I´ve grown up. I know a lot of people who stick with someone through an awful lot of crap just because they think they´re "the one"...could this be a symptom of Rom Com delusionment as well? It just seems that some people have a different idea of what constitutes as a "situation"..it´s subjective...there´s an issue over at PI right now concerning an anniversary card. I´m saying no more about it...you can find it and judge for yourselves.

My point is, if the person is THAT much hardwork, what´s the point? There´s plenty of people that aren´t.

Malari

Faith wrote: »

I'll admit, I occasionally forced my ex to watch romantic films in the hope he'd pick up a few tips from the characters. I'd say they have given me unrealistic expectations, but at the same time, I've sometimes watched them and thought "That's nice, I'll do that for himself".

I wouldn't say they ruin love lives, but they certainly do impact on them.

I'm kind of the opposite. I like the auld romcom from time to time, and I even think "that's so sweet", just like Hollywood expects me to, at the appropriate moment of the Big Romantic Gesture. But for me it's the stuff of fantasy, not reality.

I still prefer my boyfriend to be the way he is and couldn't really stand it if he was sappy all the time. He gets me tiny presents for no reason every so often, like I do for him. He'll appear at work to collect me just as I'm about to leave when it's started lashing rain so I don't get soaked on the way home. To be honest I'd much prefer that, than him using the opportunity of the lashing rain to declare his undying love for me

Scarinae

Romantic comedy - Get a haircut and remove your glasses, and suddenly all the men around you will realise that you're super-hot and that they're in love with you
Real life - Get a haircut and remove your glasses, and you'll still be you but with slightly different hair and a squint

Romantic comedy - When they wake up in the morning, all women look daisy-fresh and have perfect hair
Real life - When they wake up in the morning, most women are bleary-eyed with crazy rumpled hair, and may have drool on their faces/panda eyes from mascara that wasn't removed properly

Romantic comedy - Even the most dedicated bed-hopping player can be transformed into a romantic softy by the right girl
Real life - The most dedicated bed-hopping players will probably stay that way, although they may try to convince you otherwise. Beware!

Romantic comedy - If you hate each other on first sight, you'll be thrown together because of various contrived circumstances and will grow to love each other. In fact, you will learn from each other's different outlooks on life
Real life - If you hate each other on first sight, you will probably continue to do so

Romantic comedy - The best way to get a girl is to make some over-the-top declaration of love, like singing a song over a PA system while a marching band accompanies you or proposing to her in front of her entire village
Real life - Most guys would never do anything like that. And if they did, chances are it would backfire or go wrong

Romantic comedy - If you decide to move to another city/country, the guy will realise at the last possible moment that he loves you and it will be a race against time for him to catch up with you! He'll jump on a motorbike and follow your taxi/race through the airport to catch you before you walk through the gate/ride on the back of a friendly dolphin across the sea etc
Real life - If you decide to move to another city/country, you may stay in contact with the guy for a while through text/email but then you'll move on with your life

dublingal80

i loved buying my ex little gifts that i thought he would like, or stupid things that would remind me of him, just cause:)
Also, loved treating him to a meal out, just cause

Its not always the guy that has to do nice things for the lady

Faith

Malari wrote: »

I still prefer my boyfriend to be the way he is and couldn't really stand it if he was sappy all the time. He gets me tiny presents for no reason every so often, like I do for him. He'll appear at work to collect me just as I'm about to leave when it's started lashing rain so I don't get soaked on the way home.

But that's the kind of thing I'm actually talking about! My ex, bless him, was wonderful at giving cuddles but completely failed at small gestures like those. He'd buy me chocolate in the shop if he was going anyway and I asked (and usually gave him money) or he'd pick me up from work if he had nothing else to do and I asked. He never did anything spontaneously, so I'd point out nice things from films . If he had done the small things like you mention, I would have complained a lot less! (To clarify, I did loads of things for him, like baking his favourite treats when he came up for the weekend etc.)

To be honest I'd much prefer that, than him using the opportunity of the lashing rain to declare his undying love for me

I'd still love him to grab me in the pouring rain and shout "It's still not over" before kissing me passionately, but I'm pretty sure that'll never happen .

wonderingabout

Eve_Dublin wrote: »

The default advice given over in the Personal Issues forum when when something goes wrong in someone´s relationship is to end it. People are too quick to pull that one out of the bag and perhaps this is what you´re talking about above but I´ve another angle on it. Relationships don´t have to be that much hard work to the degree that there would be incidences everyday?? Jesus! Honestly I´d rather be single. If there were incidences everyday then I´d be thinking something wasn´t right here. For the first time in my life I´m in a relationship where there´s no stupid drama or games or incidences everyday and I´m thinking it could be because this fella actually suits me or maybe I´ve grown up. I know a lot of people who stick with someone through an awful lot of crap just because they think they´re "the one"...could this be a symptom of Rom Com delusionment as well? It just seems that some people have a different idea of what constitutes as a "situation"..it´s subjective...there´s an issue over at PI right now concerning an anniversary card. I´m saying no more about it...you can find it and judge for yourselves.

My point is, if the person is THAT much hardwork, what´s the point? There´s plenty of people that aren´t.

Ok i didn't actually mean there are arguments everyday. I was just trying to explain that real life isn't as easy as it is in these movies and when the relationship gets difficult we can be fooled into thinking something is seriously wrong and this can lead to ending it. I agree that people end relationships a little bit too easily sometimes.
The truth is however that relationships do require hardwork more often than not. You ssume it is down to the fundamental aspects of peoples personalities or whether they suit eachother or not etc. But sometimes outside factors can make for hard days or events that happen in the life of one half of the couple can impact on the relationship. It isn't always because a couple aren't suited to eachother. It's up to the individual to decide what there own situation is about. Rom Coms however make people fell that anything less than perfect is wrong.

Malari

Faith wrote: »

But that's the kind of thing I'm actually talking about! My ex, bless him, was wonderful at giving cuddles but completely failed at small gestures like those. He'd buy me chocolate in the shop if he was going anyway and I asked (and usually gave him money) or he'd pick me up from work if he had nothing else to do and I asked. He never did anything spontaneously, so I'd point out nice things from films . If he had done the small things like you mention, I would have complained a lot less! (To clarify, I did loads of things for him, like baking his favourite treats when he came up for the weekend etc.)

Oh I see. Yeah, those little things are nice. They can make your day.

Faith wrote: »

I'd still love him to grab me in the pouring rain and shout "It's still not over" before kissing me passionately, but I'm pretty sure that'll never happen .

It's just as romantic when the girl does something like that! You never know - it's been raining a lot the last few days, you might see a nice-looking chap sheltering under a tree and run in to join him and who knows what might happen ;):D

wonderingabout wrote: »

Rom Coms however make people fell that anything less than perfect is wrong.

But don't you think that romcoms mainly focus on the getting together part, not the actual relationship? All "will they/won't they?" type tv series are basically doomed once they get the two main characters together because you don't really want to see the everyday part, just the blossoming romance.

In real life most couples won't have a grand romantic gesture as the beginning of their relationship but you ask them about how they met and LOADS of people will have a sweet little story of what happened. All romcoms do is accentuate those stories and add a little obstacle.

Eve_Dublin

Malari wrote: »

But don't you think that romcoms mainly focus on the getting together part, not the actual relationship? All "will they/won't they?" type tv series are basically doomed once they get the two main characters together because you don't really want to see the everyday part, just the blossoming romance.

In real life most couples won't have a grand romantic gesture as the beginning of their relationship but you ask them about how they met and LOADS of people will have a sweet little story of what happened. All romcoms do is accentuate those stories and add a little obstacle.

Good point! Rom Coms focus on the getting together and a little bit of the Honey Moon period and the "they all lived happily ever after" is only in OUR heads. The Honey Moon period of all my relationships have been nice....nothing like the films but very nice all the same and sometimes great and that´s what makes me go back for more even though I´ve had my heart shattered.

mojesius

I can't stand romcoms so they have no impact whatsoever. When I house shared with three other girls in London, they'd be a romcom on every night (or SATC/ Desperate Housewives) and on Sundays, they'd have a romcom marathon complete with duvets, tea and chocolate. Romcom overkill.

Unfortunately, as a result, I must know all the words of 'how to lose a guy in ten days'. On the plus side, I took lots of walks, read books and made a lot of extra money working overtime that year.

Real-life experience should decide what you want out of a relationship and what you don't, not some twentysomething starved actress running around a city playing mind games with some tosser until it's too late and she's lost him forever, oh no wait...she hasn't! There he is! Spare me.

Malari

mojesius wrote: »

I can't stand romcoms so they have no impact whatsoever. When I house shared with three other girls in London, they'd be a romcom on every night (or SATC/ Desperate Housewives) and on Sundays, they'd have a romcom marathon complete with duvets, tea and chocolate. Romcom overkill.

Oh my god, that's seriously pathetic. I remember doing that only once in my life. On my own. When I had a cold and the weather was awful outside. In fact it was 9 and a Half Weeks I watched, not even a romcom. I'd have been so embarrassed if anyone was in the apartment with me!

The Corinthian

Possibly the most damaging aspect to romcoms is the Happily Ever After syndrome. Romcoms typically end once the boy has gotten the girl (or vice versa). Even in romcoms that involve an existing couple falling back in love with each other, there is a cut-off point once their current relationship issue is solved, with the implication that it'll be smooth sailing from this point on, all the way to the grave.

A second, minor, observation is that romcoms are written for a predominantly female market. As such, they often (but not always) portray a somewhat unrealistic, once sided view of romance, where the boy must romance the girl - she never buys him flowers - or beer and pizza, which might be the male equivalent.

Again, this aside, it is not really explored in the long term, because due to the Happily Ever After syndrome presumably the man must continue to woo the woman indefinitely. Or not.

Indeed, it is this lack of dealing with the reality of romantic love - that in relationships that survive, the fireworks tend to be replaced with a deep rooted and more stable, long term affection - that creates false expectations for the future, or may blind people towards those who have qualities that may make them good partners in favour of those who would make great leads in romcoms.

So the Happily Ever After syndrome I think is probably the most damaging aspect of romcoms to people's expectations.

Fishie wrote: »

Romantic comedy - Even the most dedicated bed-hopping player can be transformed into a romantic softy by the right girl
Real life - The most dedicated bed-hopping players will probably stay that way, although they may try to convince you otherwise. Beware!

Sigh.