Healing

LegacyUser

My gf of just under over a year had been having some difficulties for the last while. We went from being head over heels in love to a relationship that was still full of love but seemed to be getting stale. Anyway there is loads more to it, but after many painful and frank conversations we finally decided to call it a day.

I was away from the night that we broke up and came back to the apartment we shared and she still wasn't home from a work night from the night before, at 10:30am.

Long story short she slept with some guy from work in a job she only started a few weeks ago.

Now this girl and I were deeply in love, and in ways even though she disgusts me now some of that love is there.

When I asked her what the hell was going on as she strolled in the door in last nights clothes I just knew from the look in her face, and then I just went quiet and told I coulnd' fkng believe this was happening...She initially said to me what does it matter? We're over?...

But after a long argument she said she did it to hurt me. My question is, how the hell could you do that to someone you had once been so close to, and claim to still love? I am shocked at the callousness of it, I would have preferred her to hide it from me, but it's like she didn't give a damn about my emotions, it's really made me lose any interest in ever talking to her again, like ffs....

omahaid

There's a fine line between love and hate and what your gf did would suggest that she hates you and wants to hurt you. Did I read your post right and ye are broken up?

LegacyUser

Yeah we had broken up finally that day, I was away with work, so it happened over the phone. The conversation was calm and honest, and we talked for a long time and said we hoped to retain some degree of friendship. The hours later she does that, what a selfish fin thing to do, I'll get over it, but I am just disgusted by her. I know you can hate someone in the stages of a break up, but what about some respect for the person you spent the last year with.

Ickle Magoo

You split up - and you moved out? Have I got that right? Then you showed up unannounced the next day and found she wasn't at home nursing a broken heart as you expected?

It's tough to hear but you were no longer in a relationship; she's free to do what she wants with whom she wants and much as your pride would rather she spent a long time (any time!) mourning you & your relationship - it isn't a prerequisite nor really any of your business, sorry.

People deal with hurt and rejection in different ways, perhaps she did it to feel attractive, perhaps to lash out at you, perhaps she's always fancied the guy and now she is free to pursue it? Perhaps it was to make you jealous and see she's still desirable to others? Perhaps it's a little of all of the above. Does it really matter anyway? She's your ex now and you hers - move on with your life, there's no point getting upset at how other people choose to deal with a relationship break-up.

Best of luck.

LegacyUser

No, we share an apartment and she's moving out. I returned home from work in the morning and she arrived in then from her night out.

I realise it's her perogative and technically speaking she did nothing wrong but it's a rotten thing to, I just find it hard to process. Surely you owe someone that's opened up their heart to you a little bit more decency than to brazenly treat them with such a lack of respect?

Ickle Magoo

Without knowing the specifics of the relationship or the break-up, we have no idea what her feelings or motivations were, if her aim was just to hurt you then she's obviously bang on target.

My point was; dwelling on how she must have little respect for you or that she isn't decent doesn't get you anywhere, it just makes you bitter. It doesn't change what she did or that you would have liked her to do things differently and it also doesn't make what she did any closer to cheating.

I know it must hurt like fcuk but do try to draw a line under it and move on. I think she was thoughtless and spiteful but people who have just split with a partner often are.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the response. Yeah I guess you're right, I just need to vent it, I need to experience this anger and frustration. As you say it's the future that warrants my attention now, and I'm ready to move on I'm just trying to get the opinions of others and also get it off my chest. Chin up, lessons learnt.

LegacyUser

Look, things had been going bad between you for a while and it ended while you were away. It could be that she was so miserable that she launched into the first fling to come her way. When the man I was with for a year told me we were finished, I almost did the same thing only the man that came my way proved to be not much of a catch. It was a form of despair. And when ye fought about it and you kept pressing her, why wouldn't she say it was to hurt you? What choice did you leave her when it was obvious that was the only answer you'd accept.

LegacyUser

Well Sybill I find that sort of behaviour disgusting and extremely inconsiderate, talk about being selfish. I too am in despair, but I see no reason to tiwst the knife any further than is required, breaking up is a torturous experience, but to jump into bed with the first thing that appears and to waltz in after getting out of another mans bed is fkng seriously pathetic.

Victor

Fonzy says be cool wrote: »

Well Sybill I find that sort of behaviour disgusting and extremely inconsiderate, talk about being selfish. I too am in despair, but I see no reason to tiwst the knife any further than is required, breaking up is a torturous experience, but to jump into bed with the first thing that appears and to waltz in after getting out of another mans bed is fkng seriously pathetic.

This may be your thread, but you might tone things down a bit.