Girl i was meeting is pregnant.

LegacyUser

I was meeting a girl on and off for a couple years.I meet her a few months ago for one night and now she is pregnant,she told me she was on pill,i am devastated.I wanted to do lots of things with my life like travel ,college etc.i never wanted a long term future with this girl.i am so down over this,any advice pls?

January

You don't have to have a long term future with the girl but if it is your child (and if you've only been meeting her casually I would be asking for a DNA test, how many other guys could she possibly have been seeing when you were not around), then you will have to provide for him/her.

Maintenance and access can be gained either through mutual agreement or if you can't agree to that it can be got through mediation or court orders.

A child does not have to ruin your life. If you weren't wearing condoms I also suggest an STI test. Be a bit more careful in future and don't just trust the girl if she says she's on the pill, she could be taking it incorrectly or not on it at all. Wear condoms.

Don't feel that you have to stick by this girl because she's pregnant. Support her during the pregnancy and if after the birth the child is yours then continue supporting the child.

The Corinthian

It's possible that she got pregnant accidentally and did not lie to you - these things happen. However it is also a likely possibility that she has lied and is presently attempting to entrap or otherwise shake you down. Either way, don't jump to any conclusions.

As you were not in an exclusive relationship, I'd echo the suggestions that you would want a DNA test in the future and an STI test now.

As to what to do, I suggest you think long and hard and decide if you want to be a father or not. If you do, tell her that you will be there for the child, but not her and seek guardianship from the onset. Be very clear about this.

If she chooses not to become a mother, then there's not a lot you can do to stop her aborting or putting the child up for adoption - most likely the former.

Don't bother with crisis pregnancy councilling - the father's interests are rarely considered by any of them, and even when they are they come a distant third to the mother and child. Mediation on matters of maintenance, guardianship, custody and shared parenting would be far more practical.

If you do not want to be a father, then also be very clear with her on this. If she chooses to become a mother, then cut all ties and get on with your life. You may be legally required to pay maintenance after the child is born (but get that DNA test first), but you are not required to be otherwise involved.

Miss Fluff

Make sure the baby is yours first and then you can decide with the child's mother what part (if any) you play in the child's life. Get that DNA test first though. A friend of mine was paying through the nose in maintenance for quite a few years, and his parents and siblings became really attached to their presumed grandson/newphew, turns out he was no more related to them then Donald Duck. Make sure to get that DNA test and then decide.

Nevyn

Do bother with crises pregnancy counselling as it can help you sort your head and the all the different emotions you'll go through.

http://www.positiveoptions.ie/men/

Get an sti screening and be clear about the level on invovlement you wish if the pregnancy continues and the child is yours, educate yourself on your rights or lack there of.

http://www.treoir.ie/

LegacyUser

"If you do not want to be a father, then also be very clear with her on this. If she chooses to become a mother, then cut all ties and get on with your life. You may be legally required to pay maintenance after the child is born (but get that DNA test first), but you are not required to be otherwise involved."

What a dreadful thing to say.

The Corinthian

Thaedydal wrote: »

Do bother with crises pregnancy counselling as it can help you sort your head and the all the different emotions you'll go through.

Completely and vociferously disagree.

For example, even in the link you posted, the option not to be involved (beyond legal maintenance) as a father is not even suggested, yet this is an option.

Unfortunately all crises pregnancy counselling available at present put the interests of the father last and that is the reality. Pro-life counsellors will tend to put the child first and pro-choice counsellors put the mother first - either way, any assistance or help will be directive with these priorities in mind.

omahaid

Sybill wrote: »

"If you do not want to be a father, then also be very clear with her on this. If she chooses to become a mother, then cut all ties and get on with your life. You may be legally required to pay maintenance after the child is born (but get that DNA test first), but you are not required to be otherwise involved."

What a dreadful thing to say.

I don't understand what you are saying is dreadful? That he may not want to be involved or that she may not choose to be a mother?

Anyway, OP, I echo the other posters. Paternity check asap. After that, need to be honest with her and tell her if you do or do not want to be with her. I would hope you make an effort to be in the childs life but either way you will be financially liable.

metrovelvet

The counselling is a good idea. They pay more attention to the mothers to be because, unlike prevaricating fathers,their decisions are irreversible. But that doesnt mean the counselling has no value for you.

It will certainly be more beneficial than anythinb you will find here.

LegacyUser

She says she doesnt want it either but she cant kill it she says,she said she would abort it but has pulled out so many times already from doing this.How can i convince her its the best decision for both of us.

metrovelvet

Well, you cant. But you can walk and probably should. Maintenance isnt enforced anymore either.

It wont be a problem. When i was pregnant and in the Rotunda waiting room, I was talking to this young father to be, who was there with his girlfriend, and he told me his brother has 8 kids with several different women, sees none of them and pays for none of them either.

AngryBadger

sean_1 wrote: »

She says she doesnt want it either but she cant kill it she says,she said she would abort it but has pulled out so many times already from doing this.How can i convince her its the best decision for both of us.

2 things op: several posters have pointed this out already but it's worth repeating; if your relationship with this girl was not exclusive then you need to get a DNA text to confirm whether or not you are actually the father. Secondly what does she mean when she says she has "pulled out of this so many times already"? I'm assuming this has all transpired very recently? If it has how can she have had the chance to pull back multiple times already?

LegacyUser

It happened a good few wks back but she has made appointments to have the abortion but has pulled out of them again,she says she doesnt want it either but still she cant go tru with it.

blairbear

metrovelvet wrote: »

Well, you cant. But you can walk and probably should. Maintenance isnt enforced anymore either.

It wont be a problem. When i was pregnant and in the Rotunda waiting room, I was talking to this young father to be, who was there with his girlfriend, and he told me his brother has 8 kids with several different women, sees none of them and pays for none of them either.

I'm not sure whether you're advocating this or being flippant/sarcasm.

I've no idea of the laws surrounding maintenance but if this does prove to be his child, I really don't think advising him to flee off into the sunset without a backward glance is wise.

OP, you can't convince someone to have an abortion or that it's the "best decision for both of you". It may not be the best decision for her at all. I'm afraid she'll have to make her own mind up as to whether she wants to keep this baby or not.

I'm not comfortable with the attitude of several posters that this girl was trying to entrap you or may be trying to fool you in some way. She is probably just as terrified and confused as you are. Even if you're not sure whether it's your child or not, you still saw fit to sleep with her on and off for two years, so she at least deserves some kindness. And as an aside, the responsibility of contraception does not lie solely with her.

I agree that a DNA test is advisable, but it will have to wait til after the birth (DNA tests during pregnancy are invasive and probably wouldn't be performed by the hospital unless medically indicated.)

AngryBadger

blairbear wrote: »

It may not be the best decision for her at all. I'm afraid she'll have to make her own mind up as to whether she wants to keep this baby or not...Even if you're not sure whether it's your child or not, you still saw fit to sleep with her on and off for two years, so she at least deserves some kindness. And as an aside, the responsibility of contraception does not lie solely with her.

The responsibility for contraception does not lie solely with her as you correctly say however as you also point out the op has virtually no say in what happens now,funny how that works. As regards the actual paternity of this child if the relationship was not exclusive then there exists a very real possibility that the op is not the father,this is not a suggestion it is a flat. This need not mean there is foul play it may simply mean the girl herself does not know and has assumed the op is the father.

dellas1979

If she cant go throught with an abortion, Im afraid there is nothing you can do to convince her otherwise.

If she did go thought with it, the psychological effects of having an abortion (let alone physical ones) would be on her - doesnt seem like you are interested in being there either way.

If the child is yours (is there a possibility it isnt?), then the best and bravest thing you can do is man up.

You are still in shock and I would advise you to talk to someone as well (either a friend/family member or one of the options above) who may give you a different perspective.

The Corinthian

omahaid wrote: »

I don't understand what you are saying is dreadful? That he may not want to be involved or that she may not choose to be a mother?

I think it was suggesting that suggesting the option to the OP of not being involved is a dreadful thing to say.

Without getting into a moral or rights debate, which this forum is not about, I would point out that no one here would suggest that he should make a relationship commitment to this woman because he got her pregnant. This is naturally because such a commitment under duress is likely to end up being a disaster, done for all the wrong reasons whatever about the best intentions.

The same goes for choosing parenthood. You can't and shouldn't force someone to be a parent. If you do, it is just as likely that they will do so begrudgingly or even hold it against the child. If, on the other hand, he chooses to be involved, then that can make a World of difference towards his relationship with the child.

Whatever about his legal responsibilities, the option to be or not be an active father is important for this reason.

blairbear wrote: »

I'm not comfortable with the attitude of several posters that this girl was trying to entrap you or may be trying to fool you in some way. She is probably just as terrified and confused as you are.

I think it is wrong for people to jump to this conclusion, but unfortunately it does happen and more often than you'd think.

Benincasa

The Corinthian wrote: »

As to what to do, I suggest you think long and hard and decide if you want to be a father or not.

I think it's rather too late for that to be honest. The time to choose whether you want to be a father or not is before you hop into bed.

If this girl is carrying the OP's child then I'm afraid that he is already a father. Whether he wants to live up to those responsibilities or not is another matter.

Benincasa

sean_1 wrote: »

She says she doesnt want it either but she cant kill it she says,she said she would abort it but has pulled out so many times already from doing this.How can i convince her its the best decision for both of us.

You should do no such thing. You have no idea about what is best for this girl, and it seems to me you no interest in looking after her best interests either.

If you think this is your child, then her having the baby is not the end of your life. But her aborting the child would be the end of its life. It is a decision that cannot be reversed.

The Corinthian

Benincasa wrote: »

I think it's rather too late for that to be honest. The time to choose whether you want to be a father or not is before you hop into bed.

I've not suggested that he should not live up to his legal and financial responsibilities, only that he should choose to become an active father or not and have explained why this is important, for all concerned.

cats.life

op i dont think your the father confused by my post but how many more men has she being with? you dont want to be with some one who wasnt your girl friend to begin with, you said yourself she is just on again of again. when i first started reading your post it sounded as if she was pregnant before you meet her. if ye do go through with haven baby get the test done or run. im sorry but it would not work out for ye other wise . get the test done before you make that comitment to a small inocent baby.

Bobbins

Assuming the pregnancy does go ahead, support her whilst she is pregnant. I'm sure this girl isn't expecting or wanting a marriage proposal either.

Get a DNA immediately after the birth and if the child is yours, you need to suck it up, be a man and face up to your responsibilities, emotional & financial.

Life will still go on, albeit not as you planned but to be honest my main sympathy lies with the one person who has no voice or choice in all of this. There comes a time in life where you can't put yourself first anymore, whether it suits you or not.

LighterGuy

I second the DNA test.

I really doubt its yours. But from the sounds of it, someone that she thinks would stick around. Sounds suss. Dna test.

metrovelvet

LighterGuy wrote: »

I second the DNA test.

I really doubt its yours. But from the sounds of it, someone that she thinks would stick around. Sounds suss. Dna test.

You think this guy sounds like he'd stick around?

Why YOU Op? Why would she trap you as opposed to someone else? Are you a catch?

If you dont want to be a father no one can make you. No one will like you for running, most especially your child, but hey, everyone sacrifices for their choices.

Bobbins

metrovelvet wrote: »

You think this guy sounds like he'd stick around?

Why YOU Op? Why would she trap you as opposed to someone else? Are you a catch?

If you dont want to be a father no one can make you. No one will like you for running, most especially your child, but hey, everyone sacrifices for their choices.

I totally agree. I doubt she's making it up or trying to 'pin the blame' on him. From what he's saying though a DNA test will at least silence any doubts he has. As you rightly state however, it may not be enough to make him face up to his responsibilities.

January

metrovelvet wrote: »

Well, you cant. But you can walk and probably should. Maintenance isnt enforced anymore either.

It wont be a problem. When i was pregnant and in the Rotunda waiting room, I was talking to this young father to be, who was there with his girlfriend, and he told me his brother has 8 kids with several different women, sees none of them and pays for none of them either.

I'm sorry but that post is a crock pile of crap! Maintenance is certainly enforced if you bring them through the courts for it and people can and have been thrown in jail for non payment of maintenance.

IF this child is yours, you DO NOT have to be involved in his or her life if you do not want to, but that'd be a pretty shÍtty thing to do, the child did not ask to be born and whether or not the girl got pregnant accidentally or not should not come into it. You do not have to have anything to do with HER. You should however pay for the child's upbringing.

Just because someone told you his brother didn't pay anything for his 8 kids that he never see's, probably just means that the mothers of those kids aren't chasing him for maintenance.

metrovelvet

Nope. They've stopped the bench warrants. There is no enforcement.

alibaba12

"If you do not want to be a father, then also be very clear with her on this. If she chooses to become a mother, then cut all ties and get on with your life. You may be legally required to pay maintenance after the child is born (but get that DNA test first), but you are not required to be otherwise involved.[/QUOTE]
Im shocked at your post. He is responsible for the child regardless. She didnt hold a knife to his throat, he chose to have sex with her and knew the concequences like pregnancy, sti's etc.If he didnt want either he shouldnt have had sex. Too many fathers can walk away from their children too bloody easily. Its the not childs fault.Grow up and take responsibility for your actions. Be there for the child emotionally as well as financially.

The Corinthian

alibaba12 wrote: »

Im shocked at your post. He is responsible for the child regardless. She didnt hold a knife to his throat, he chose to have sex with her and knew the concequences like pregnancy, sti's etc.If he didnt want either he shouldnt have had sex. Too many fathers can walk away from their children too bloody easily. Its the not childs fault.Grow up and take responsibility for your actions. Be there for the child emotionally as well as financially.

I already explained why and what I meant subsequent to that post, so if you want to argue with me do so based upon that and spare me your pointless moral indignation.

Fittle

'If you do not want to be a father, then also be very clear with her on this. If she chooses to become a mother, then cut all ties and get on with your life. You may be legally required to pay maintenance after the child is born (but get that DNA test first), but you are not required to be otherwise involved'


You sound like my sons father. What a horrible, despicable piece of advice to give a young man who has just found out he is going to be a father.

Your quote, 'if you do not want to be a father' is like closing the gate when the horse is gone. He is going to be a father, whether he likes it or not. ...'but you are not required to be otherwise involved'.
Who exactly doesn't require him to be involved because I think I missed that 'law'. His son/daughter most definitely requires him to be involved.
:mad:

alibaba12

The Corinthian wrote: »

I already explained why and what I meant subsequent to that post, so if you want to argue with me do so based upon that and spare me your pointless moral indignation.

Its not moral indignation. Its about him taking responsibilities for what he chose to do.

Elle Collins

sean_1 wrote: »

She says she doesnt want it either but she cant kill it she says,she said she would abort it but has pulled out so many times already from doing this.How can i convince her its the best decision for both of us.

You can't and shouldn't attempt to convince her that it's the best decision for both of you when it may well not be the best decision for her. If it is I'm quite sure she can come to that on her own.

alibaba12

Fittle wrote: »

'If you do not want to be a father, then also be very clear with her on this. If she chooses to become a mother, then cut all ties and get on with your life. You may be legally required to pay maintenance after the child is born (but get that DNA test first), but you are not required to be otherwise involved'


You sound like my sons father. What a horrible, despicable piece of advice to give a young man who has just found out he is going to be a father.

Your quote, 'if you do not want to be a father' is like closing the gate when the horse is gone. He is going to be a father, whether he likes it or not. ...'but you are not required to be otherwise involved'.
Who exactly doesn't require him to be involved because I think I missed that 'law'. His son/daughter most definitely requires him to be involved.
:mad:

I agree the child does need him to be involved.

The Corinthian

alibaba12 wrote: »

Its not moral indignation. Its about him taking responsibilities for what he chose to do.

Bullshìt. It's about your moral indignation, regardless of the consequences. As I said, read what I wrote and if you disagree argue with that.

If people took responsibility for what they chose to do, we wouldn't have abortion or adoption. Utterly ridiculous, myopic and self serving rubbish.

Elle Collins wrote: »

You can't and shouldn't attempt to convince her that it's the best decision for both of you when it may well not be the best decision for her. If it is I'm quite sure she can come to that on her own.

He has every right to attempt to influence a decision that will affect him for the rest of his life.

LegacyUser

Well you shouldnt have been so careless no to use a johnny aswell.........the pill doesnt always work and for a few seconds of joy ur saddled with a kid.


Best of luck

Elle Collins

The Corinthian wrote: »

He has every right to attempt to influence a decision that will affect him for the rest of his life.

He had the opportunity to influence a decision that would affect him for the rest of his life when he chose to have sex with her. His decision is made; if he doesnt like the consequences of his decision, tough sh!t for him.

cats.life

sally 11111 wrote: »

Well you shouldnt have been so careless no to use a johnny aswell.........the pill doesnt always work and for a few seconds of joy ur saddled with a kid.


Best of luck

few seconds did the earth move when you said 'best of luck'? op asked for advise, not to be judged.

The Corinthian

Elle Collins wrote: »

He had the opportunity to influence a decision that would affect him for the rest of his life when he chose to have sex with her. His decision is made; if he doesnt like the consequences of his decision, tough sh!t for him.

His decision is not made, no more than her's is made. He will have to pay maintenance if she decides to keep the child regardless, but that's all, if he so chooses.

If she doesn't like that, she shouldn't have slept with him - to use your own, self-serving, logic.

However, this is not the reason I suggested this choice to him. Neither did I direct him to choose either way. What I pointed out is that to suggest that he must become an active father is as dumb as the shotgun mentality that he must marry her now.

It's idiotic to think you can coerce someone into being a father any more than you can force them into a relationship. It will ultimately only breed resentment and result in the child suffering. Better than he chooses to do so himself. Or not.

Now if you disagree with that, feel free to argue against it, rather than more tiresome double standards.

cats.life wrote: »

few seconds did the earth move when you said 'best of luck'? op asked for advise, not to be judged.

There's a lot of that about.

metrovelvet

Noone has the right to influence her decision.

However, no one can force him to love his child. And since there is no such thing as duty or honor anymore, he can't be forced into doing the right thing by his child despite his feelings.

What would be helpful to the OP, imo is to hear the potential consequences of deciding to be their for his child and deciding not to be.

Nevyn

Legal responsiblities are one thing, moral ones another.

Legally a Man can not be forced to be an active parent.
Legally he can be ordered by the court to pay towards the cost of the child but thats it.

As for the morality of the situation, people's morals differ.
If he doesn't wish to be in the child's life and to be an active parent he does have that choice
and we don't know if the child's life will be better or not due to this.

So less name calling and inflammatory posts please.

Peggypeg

The Corinthian wrote: »

He has every right to attempt to influence a decision that will affect him for the rest of his life.

Now that is shockingly ignorant, particularly from a moderator. You think it's ok for him to influence her into getting a medical procedure that can lead to pychological and physical side effects coz he doesn't want to be a father? That is just so shockingly ignorant and sick I don't even know where to start, so I'm just going to leave you in your ignorance and hope the OP is a wee bit wiser, less self serving and less cruel than you.:mad:

The Corinthian

Peggypeg wrote: »

That is just so shockingly ignorant and sick I don't even know where to start, so I'm just going to leave you in your ignorance and hope the OP is a wee bit wiser, less self serving and less cruel than you.:mad:

Personally, I find it shockingly disgusting and self serving that you might suggest that it is acceptable that he cannot even express an opinion on something that he will end up paying for psychologically, financially or both, dependent on her choice to live up to her responsibilities or not.

Promoteland

Miss Fluff wrote: »

Make sure the baby is yours first and then you can decide with the child's mother what part (if any) you play in the child's life. Get that DNA test first though. A friend of mine was paying through the nose in maintenance for quite a few years, and his parents and siblings became really attached to their presumed grandson/newphew, turns out he was no more related to them then Donald Duck. Make sure to get that DNA test and then decide.

Talking about DNA test, do you know weather you can get in done on Ireland, and how much approx would it cost?

January

You can get it done in Ireland, I think there's a place in Limerick that does it?

Not sure of cost, think it's a couple of hundred euro.

LegacyUser

OP,

This is not the end of the world.

Butt out of the girls decision; it is her decision, and hers alone I'm afraid. It would be nice if things were the same for men and women but thats not how it goes.

Find out if its yours obviously. And stop freaking out. This is actually a gift, not a bad thing.

You don't need to be mean to the girl, but you do need to be clear about how much you want to be involved. If you don't want to be involved at all, that's fine; she's making her decision for her life. That doesn't have to be the same for yours.

Bear in mind that in five or ten years time you might be delighted to have a little person around. Keep an open mind to the future. But by all means, follow your own dreams. The reality is that most women dream of motherhood, even if its unexpected. She is free to make her own decisions and you are free to make yours. I don't the legal situ regarding maintenance. If you want to go travelling, then go travelling. Some women wouldn't dream of asking a man from an unplanned pregnancy which he didn't want for maintenance. It's different if an established relationship with planned kids break down, but if an accident happens, and the woman makes her own choice, I don't see why the guy should have to pay for something he didn't choose.

Sorry, but thats just how I see it. I'm a woman too BTW. Nobody starves in this country. Let the girl live her life and him live his. I still absolutely respect the woman for talking on single parenthood, but it is a choice, like any other.

metrovelvet

anon44 wrote: »

Bear in mind that in five or ten years time you might be delighted to have a little person around. Keep an open mind to the future. But by all means, follow your own dreams. The reality is that most women dream of motherhood, even if its unexpected. She is free to make her own decisions and you are free to make yours. I don't the legal situ regarding maintenance. If you want to go travelling, then go travelling. .

If only it were that simple. Sure, keep an open mind but in 5 or ten years it may be too late. You cannot assume the child will want to see you or will still even be in the country.
And if he does choose to walk away, which is what itnappears he will do if he does not succceed in pushing 'this girl he used to meet' into having an abortion, he should not assume a door will be open for him.

Partizan

metrovelvet wrote: »

Well, you cant. But you can walk and probably should. Maintenance isnt enforced anymore either.

It wont be a problem. When i was pregnant and in the Rotunda waiting room, I was talking to this young father to be, who was there with his girlfriend, and he told me his brother has 8 kids with several different women, sees none of them and pays for none of them either.

Your man's brother is a skanger scumbag. No question about that. All i can say is that the kids are fortunate they do not know what kind of a scumbag whoremaster of a father figure they have.

metrovelvet

Partizan wrote: »

Your man's brother is a skanger scumbag. No question about that. All i can say is that the kids are fortunate they do not know what kind of a scumbag whoremaster of a father figure they have.

Yeah well why should he pay for and care for kids he didnt want to keep?

Danniboo

The Corinthian wrote: »

It's possible that she got pregnant accidentally and did not lie to you - these things happen. However it is also a likely possibility that she has lied and is presently attempting to entrap or otherwise shake you down. Either way, don't jump to any conclusions.

As you were not in an exclusive relationship, I'd echo the suggestions that you would want a DNA test in the future and an STI test now.

As to what to do, I suggest you think long and hard and decide if you want to be a father or not. If you do, tell her that you will be there for the child, but not her and seek guardianship from the onset. Be very clear about this.

If she chooses not to become a mother, then there's not a lot you can do to stop her aborting or putting the child up for adoption - most likely the former.

Don't bother with crisis pregnancy councilling - the father's interests are rarely considered by any of them, and even when they are they come a distant third to the mother and child. Mediation on matters of maintenance, guardianship, custody and shared parenting would be far more practical.

If you do not want to be a father, then also be very clear with her on this. If she chooses to become a mother, then cut all ties and get on with your life. You may be legally required to pay maintenance after the child is born (but get that DNA test first), but you are not required to be otherwise involved.

With the tripe I have highlighted are you really surprised that the crisis counselling considers mother and child first. I mean seriously ultimately it will be the mother that ends up minding this child if she goes with the birth. It infuriates me that such an ignoramous attitude still exists in this day and age, oh I didn't want a child she must have trapped me. I'll pay maintenance but you can raise the child alone. What would you like the crisis counselling agencies to do for you, say good on you you walk away good man yourself.

brokensoul

metrovelvet wrote: »

Yeah well why should he pay for and care for kids he didnt want to keep?

I know that legal advice is not allowed on this forum, but i have to say to Metrovelvet and to anyone who might rely on his posts that he is completely and utterly wrong.

I work in this area and it is entirely incorrect to state that maintenance payments arent enforced anymore or that bench warrents have stopped.

Entirely incorrect.

There was a HC Judgment last year that stated that a person could no longer be jailed for inability to pay a debt. They can still be jailed for unwillingness to pay though, and very few people can convince a court that they are unable to pay.

As for your bother and his 8 children. The only reason he is not paying maintenance is that the mothers have not sought it from him. There is no reason to believe that they wont look for it in the future though. Also, if any of them are receiving lone parents allowance then the Dept of SW will go after him for maintenance in due course, it may take them awhile, but they will get there!

As for why he should pay for children he didnt want to keep? Quite simply because they are his, if he really didnt want to have them then he should have mastered the art of contraception.

Intelligence must run in your family :rolleyes:

The Corinthian

Danniboo wrote: »

With the tripe I have highlighted are you really surprised that the crisis counselling considers mother and child first.

I'm actually really surprised that someone who presumably can read managed to miss the point of my post and focused selectively on what she could get up in arms about instead.

I mean seriously ultimately it will be the mother that ends up minding this child if she goes with the birth.

No, because adoption is an option that is also available if she goes with the birth. This was the method of shirking maternal responsibility before the widespread commercial availability of abortion, after all.

It infuriates me that such an ignoramous attitude still exists in this day and age, oh I didn't want a child she must have trapped me.

Are you suggesting it does not happen? Perhaps paternity fraud doesn't happen either? And you're accusing me of ignorance? LOL.

Of course, I'm not suggesting that this was the case here - indeed, I specifically said that people should not jump to conclusions.

Like you - so it might help if you read what I wrote.

I'll pay maintenance but you can raise the child alone. What would you like the crisis counselling agencies to do for you, say good on you you walk away good man yourself.

Would you consider it good councilling to pressure a man into marrying, or going into in a relationship with, the woman he made pregnant against his interests or wishes?

If not, why does it make sense to pressure him into being a father? How will it help the child to have a father who is there against his wishes and may even resent him?

Did you try working that one out while on your high horse or is the oxygen a bit thin up there?

brokensoul wrote: »

Quite simply because they are his, if he really didnt want to have them then he should have mastered the art of contraception.

Or been born female.