4ever Single ?

LegacyUser

I’m in my late 20s, good looking fun guy. But I rarely get any where with women. Its almost like I set my self out from get go not to get any where or wrong time wrong place.

I’m lonely; it knocks my confidence to a degree tho I do remember I’m not that bad. It’s been 2 years since I last slept with a girl. While sex is not important being wanted is…

When I meet a girl. I try to stay cool and edgy grand but the second modern technology get brought into it texts emails etc.

I loose it falling deeper into what can only be described as vulnerable. I get nervous, then I start to introvert worry maybe
I said the wrong thing second-guessing my self. I try not to place women on pedestals… I know there are plenty more.

I can meet women but I don't have the ability to bring it from a phone number to a date 2nd date etc. There’s no reason why I shouldn’t be able to do this…

The only place, that seems to make any sense is my child hood one of my next door neighbors was a girl she teased me a lot when she new I fancied a girl. Humiliated me, made me feel as I was guilty of something. In front of the girl I liked, its upsetting to
even remember this but it feels I was standing in a room and all the walls were caving in.

I don’t feel like this now. I do how ever, feel that I lack a lot of confidence self esteem, In the area that is women.. The past few weeks I’ve been jittery as a very energetic fly in a glass.

Which is having a knock on affect over other parts of my life, as confidence with general people etc… Ive noticed this I’m keeping calm. I feel like there’s this massive hole in my body and people can see straight through me. Any help Advice would be great..

neveah

From what you are saying it sounds like you are suffering from a lack of confidence and low self esteem issues but I'm no expert. My best advice is to just be yourself when it comes to talking to women.
If she has given you her number to begin with then this is a positive sign. Don't stress yourself out about what to say etc. chances are she is just as nervous as you when she has to reply to the texts, you don't know each other very well at this stage but if she's responding then the chances are she wants to get to know you better too. Don't try to pretend to be something you are not to impress her, be yourself.

It also sounds like you have a fear of rejection, when was the last time you asked a girl out? Where do you meet the girls? I always think its a good idea if possible to meet the person casually a few times on a night out with friends, have a few chats and build a small foundation, then when you move onto the texting/dating you already now a little bit about each other and there's not so much pressure/awkwardness. Every situation is different though.

Anyway I don't think you will be single forever! You need to believe in yourself a bit more, have a bit of faith! Sounds like you are a good guy and any woman would be lucky to go out with you! Keep telling yourself that until you start to believe it too:)

Dr. Zeus

"When I meet a girl. I try to stay cool and edgy grand but the second modern technology get brought into it texts emails etc."

I guess I was struck by this piece of your post OP. It's like being cool and edgy is a fake persona so when you actually have to get real, reveal part of your true self, you get nervous. Many people do this btw we all have our fake face.

I think your problem (fear of being rejected, humiliated) is entirely normal and very common also, maybe a bit heightened in your case. Other just don't admit to it or cover over their feelings. well done for being honest with yourself.

I would encourage you to be honest with the next girl you meet. For example if you get to the texting stage be honest and say something likw "I know I may have seemed (insert your adjective here) last night but actually I am quite shy or sensitive etc". Any decent girl will respect and love you for your honesty and you will feel better about yourself as you are being honest and true to yourself. Most girls complain that they never know what a guy is thinking and a girl might interpret your insecurity as you not being that into her etc.

Everyone fears rejection some hide it better than others. Be yourself, open yourself up a bit and go for it. If you really want it you can have it.
Good luck bro. I know you can do it. You sound like a really decent skin and would make a great partner for someone:D

Proven_John

when you get a number, just text to set up the 1st, 2nd date etc and leave it at that. Dont initiate a conversation let that for the dates. After a while you will be able to text more. Slow at first!

George Orwell 1982

I'm in the same situation. Single guy - 27. I know people say join clubs etc etc. I have been doing all that. Its still seriously hard being single and living alone away from home.

cocopops

Can i just say that's a very refreshingly honest post that reminds me that there are still some good eggs out there

As a 26 year old girl, I have found myself in the same situation in terms of the vulnerability and that 'putting yourself out there and being terrified' and while I am not having much success on the dating scene just now (reason: i live in Monaghan), I do suggest this...

I'm thinking instead of you taking HER number, you should give YOUR number to a girl at the end of the night and let her do a bit of the work let her initiate the follow up. Girls love having to do a bit of a chase!

Good luck 89756

Sound Bite

OP are you not being very hard on yourself? You say you can meet women and get phone numbers so you're not doing too bad.

You won't normally get a phone number unless a girl is interested. Generally, if a girl isn't interested you she'll avoid giving you the number or give you an an incorrect one. Asking for a second date is easy "I enjoyed last tonight, would you fancy meeting up again sometime?" short, simple and to the point.

You can't let other people determine your confidence level. Start reversing the way you look at things, if a second date doesn't happen instead of thinking you messed up, start looking at it as the girl's loss and eventually you'll see it that way.

I was fairly pissed off this week because I didn't get a call I was expected re a second date but you have just have to get over these things fairly quickly or they'll drag you down.

Good luck OP, it might just be that as soon as you fix your self esteem/confidence issues, you'll find your success will increase.