Seriously Confused!!!!

cd1985

Hi All,

First of all sorry for the rambling

Seriously having some man trouble…feel like I am going insane!!

Basically a couple of months ago I started seeing one of my not so close friends, he was more part of the group we are in than a close friend

When I was with him first I was kinda just out of a relationship and I wasn’t really looking for anything with him at all, the more time we spent together though I start developing feelings for him, I told him this and said I wanted it to go somewhere, he didn’t want to at first, said he wasn’t looking for a relationship but changed his mind after a while and said he wanted something more also…we had to wait as his ex girlfriend was coming home from Germany for a couple of weeks, and he didn’t want to be doing anything while she was only home…I said I was fine with that and we’d start something after she left, everything was fine really when she was back, we where still talking and emailing, but then I found out that they where sleeping together while she was home, I was pretty pissed about this because of what he was saying before she came home, he said he didn’t do anything wrong coz he was single, we stopped talking then for a good while and then his grandfather had a stroke, I felt so bad for him then and just wanted to speak to him but couldn’t bring myself to pick up the phone at that stage, it made me realize I still had feelings for him. Nothing really happened then for ages, we started seeing eachother again but I was still kinda pissed about the ex gf so I was being a bitch to him then at the time – he was talking about going away for the weekend and so on and I just kinda ignored him, think I started playing hard to get…so I think he kinda backed off a little. We still kinda talk every now and again and have slept together a few times, I also know he is seeing other girls as well but I can’t really say anything as he is single (this drives me crazy as well!!!)

So basically I’m not really sure what is going on anymore, he doesn’t really call anymore, he’ll only come out if I ask him but it’s never the other way around, I feel like im the one doing all the chasing, but im not sure if it’s only coz I was like that to him and he’s as unsure as I am right now…I’m so confused at the moment, it kept me awake all night last night thinking about it…I just wish we could start again or something but Im just not sure about what he is thinking or if he’s just gone off me…

Anyone have any words of wisdom?????


Thanks

mrpig

Why would he buy the cow when he is getting the milk for free?

sleeplessin

Hey cd,

Ok, here's my 2 cents. Ask him out for lunch or a coffee or something. Somewhere you can have a chat but non alcohol related as that could just end up with you two back in bed and then your no better off. Tell him how you feel (try to come across as "look I like you etc and we might have something here, can we forget about the problems and start over"). It will go one of two ways, either he agrees and happy days or he says he's not looking for anything serious and well, at least you know where you stand and can react accordingly.

I think it's cool that you as a girl are willing to do a bit of chasing, wish there were more girls like that rather than us blokes being expected to do all the chasing (even though there is a great sense of satisfaction to be had from actually catching someone ) but the concern for you is if you keep going the way you are he's just going to see you as his bit of regular, no strings. For blokes who are playing the field it's a dream situation - you can go out and chase girls every weekend and if your unsuccessful you still have some regular action to fall back on.

Anyway, I know how your feeling and it's pretty ****. So what you need is to find out where you stand. Once you know that you can do what you have to do.

jurgenscarl

If you want him you have to tell him how you feel and that you want your relationship to be exclusive.
There are three possibilities for how he is going to respond
a. He is going to tell you that he has no interest in settling down and enjoys his womanising thank you very much and if you don't like it tough sh-t.
b. He is going to tell you he wants an exclusive relationship and stop seeing other women and make you his proper girlfriend.
c. He is going to lie to you he wants an exclusive relationship and simply continue to see other women in secret.
That's just a risk you are going to have to take.
You should maybe take a leaf out of his book and have other options available if things don't work out.

LegacyUser

Sorry, but I don't think she was an ex girlfriend. He cheated on her with you, and then cheated on you with her. For all you know, she could still be in a LTR with him - poor her! Anyway, he doesn't want you anymore. Try to pull your pride together and stop calling him. He has your number. If you can't do this, try meeting for coffee and sorting it out as suggested above.

dsmythy

Just one thing to add. Playing hard to get at times is not going to help clear up confusion.

LegacyUser

Forget about him. He wasn't entirely straight with you, he knows he was a d*ck to sleep with his ex when things were going on between you, but yet tried to make out that he wasn't in the wrong. You would have been better off to forget about him instead of going back with him, and being a bitch to him because of what he did.

Relationships can be unbelievably complicated sometimes. He made it even more complicated by not giving you a straight answer, and then following it up by sleeping with his ex. Why would you want to be with someone who doesn't give you a straight answer, or treats you in that way? Do you like punishment? If you do, carry on trying to be with him. If you respect yourself, stay away from him. You're better off on your own than staying with someone who can't be straight with you.