Im either being pushed out or im growing up

LegacyUser

Hey
SO, 18, female, since the LC - me and my friends are growing apart. Except it seems to be the 3 of them growing away from me. i have come to recognise they are bitchy,negative and immature. They upset my confidence in the LC which gave me anxiety attacks with college talk (im in no way blaming, but i feel they did it on purpose in some situations with bragging)
I saw this around feb time.Ever since, i kinda was more annoyed with them and just, kept to myself a little.
but i am upset that im losing friends. But its not "them" just the "friends" bit as in i dont wanna be lonely.
Im working and trying to accomplish goals..One of them is not being walked all over which theyve have always done 80% of the time. TBH, i felt they were holdin me bk but im afraid of being lonely......but im glad in a way i recognise this and ive woken up...they were damaging my self worth in some cases.
Thing is, what now? They caught on im doin my own thing. But why does it upset me that im left out since i wanted out....where do i go from here?



(thanks!)

baby and crumble

I can empathise with you, it's always weird when you realise that people you thought were really good friends with are very different from you, in goals, actions and all that.

I can understand that you're nervous of being lonely, but you're only 18. I'm tenyears older than you and of my friends at 18 i really only count as friends now about 4 of them. Friends always come and go throughout life, because you're always growing and changing throughout life. I have friends now that I prob won't stay friends with in 10 years time, I have friends I've just begun reconnecting with that I hadn't spoken to in years... at different times i nyour life you need different types of friends.

The lc is always a bit stressful anyway so it has probably made the differences show up more, and maybe faster than they would have. But like you said, you have your own goals, and no doubt they'll lead to you places and into relationships with people that are interested in the same things- so often the school friends that you loose along the way are the friends that the only thing you had in common with was the fact you were in school together.

Just be open to meeting new people, and don't be scared of being lonely. We all are at some point in our life, but once you get to join in to new things with people you have stuff in common with (like college societies, or a job) you'll strike up friendships.

implausible

I think the LC can be a real watershed for people. Suddenly, you can start to see differences in your attitudes towards study, the future etc. This, combined with the realisation that you're not going to be seeing the same group of people every day, can really make you question your relationships. It's only natural.

At 32 years of age, my best friends are NOT people who I went to secondary school with, but people I met in college and through different jobs and holidays etc. I realised a little later than you that my priorities and interests were different to the girls I'd hung around with for 5 years. I have a very different life to those girls now and a different career and I don't even live in the same county as them. If you ask anyone older, they'll probably tell you the same thing, that their best friends are not schoolmates.

You say you're working at the moment. Concentrate on forming relationships here. Take up a new hobby. If you're going to college in Sept, there'll be endless opportunities to meet new people.

A word of caution though - it's no harm to keep in a small bit of contact (the odd text or coffee) with some of your schoolmates. It makes life easier, especially if you live in a country area.

freakmagnet

I know this might sound selfish.. but it might be good to keep in with them until you are set up with a new bunch of friends.. be it in college or whatever. I mean, if they are really sapping your self worth, then of course don't, but otherwise keep it in mind that these are people you liked once, and they are your friends. While they might not be your friends forever, your new friends might spring from them and/or its easier to make friend when you have the safety net of the old friends - well its like jobs, its easier to get one when you have one. So, while it might not seem like it now, it easier to move on gradually to a new set of friends when you already have a group. I'm talking from personal expereince post leaving cert - even though that was quite some time ago.

LegacyUser

hey guys
thanks for the feedback. i do have other friends from school that i plan on keeping in contact with. one in particular is a girl i sat with for 2 years but never hung out. now we'r hanging out and we click. compared to my 2 other negative friends......i cant believe i wasted time with them tbh.