Parenting Advise

Mummy2girls

Hi everyone,

I'm new to boards.ie. I've posted this thread somewhere and no idea where or which forum its gone under. Hopefully this is the forum I want. Anyway, I'm looking for some advise and help with my 2 daughters. 3 and 5 year old. Super little kids but I seem to roar and shout at them all day everyday. I'm so conscience of it yet I still do it. My 5 year old is a sweetheart, shy and sensitive, my 3 year old is a the complete opposite. She'd argue black is white all day until you give in and agree with her which I don't do and this seems to drive her bananas and drives me insane and it all starts. Its getting me down. I think I should go to a parenting course or something. I've tried the counting to 10 thing and I've walked away from them etc but its non stop. I'm so aware of it and I'm so afraid our relationships will get worse as they get older. I've no relationship with my own mother, never had and now I feel I'm going down that road again whereas I swore as a kid myself I'd never be like my Mother but here I am...

Any bit of advice would be welcomed... please...

Thanks alot

crazy cat lady

Try and get hold of a few episodes of Super Nanny to watch. She deals with this sort of thing all the time and her strategies seem to be really practical.

Channel 4 OD might have them on there

Grawns

A parenting class sounds ideal. You have the best of intentions and you just need some support and tools to help you cope. Best of luck

Ayla

Just being aware of the issue & wanting to improve it will help...

Of course, having kids is one (if not the most) difficult job to have & we all lose our temper. It's not pretty to admit that we're not perfect parents & that we sometimes have problems, but we're all in the same boat here...the most important thing is that you keep trying, and if you lose it make sure you go back to the child after all's cooled down to try to explain what happened.

I have a 3 1/2 year old & a 10 month old, & I can definitely say that I'm not always the calm & collected mother I'd like to be. But I make a pointed effort to balance the rough parts with loads of good times and I'd like to think my kids haven't suffered.

Do you have a support network - a partner or family/friends who could help out a bit so you have some time off?

Mummy2girls

Hi

Yes I do have a good support network, my husband is great, he thinks I think too much about it and that I'm a great Mum but he's at work most of the time and its normally when I'm at home all day that things can get on top of me with them. I'm always sitting down with my 5 year old at night and talking to her and asking her to talk to me about anything thats on her mind etc and shes very good at communicating her feelings to me but it hurts when she says she hasn't had a good day because Mum was in bad form...

sara-lou

It sounds like you and the 3 yr old are at a bit of logger heads... Ye are both frustrated cos ye can't communicate yere feelings to each other. Do you get out for some time on you own? even for a walk or anything?

Do you think they are fed up or bored? Maybe doing some fun activities in the middle of the day after luch or something will break up the day for ye all??

titchy

my seven year old is the same ....I like to call him spirited:D

He would often light the fire and I would fan the flames, and be left wondering why the neighbours hadnt called the guards!!

So one day I stopped responding and in detached unemotional voice I will give two options, e.g.

Son ' I'm not going to school today'
Me: ' Thats fine, but your sister is and I'm going to work so if you don't go to school youll be here all day by yourself'
Result: child at table in full uniform two mins later...In case its not obvious I would not have left him home alone:rolleyes: But this is something that would scare him silly:D and therefor worked.

Same at bedtime 'If you dont go to bed without arguing then you wont get to play with your friends tomorrow'

Again in a calm detached voice which shows him he is in control to make decisions that will affect him..ie his actions have consequences!

Not to sound like Dr. Phill but find her currency and use it.


For what its worth I find my self wishing my daughter who is four years older had a bit of what her brother has! Her 'spirit' only comming in now! And it's been a long time coming, I'll be happier knowing shes a bit more outspoken!

Dont be so hard on yourself OP, Just the fact that you are worrying and thinking about this shows that you care!

bellapip

You are a great mum, who is under pressure with two little people who are trying to figure out how they operate this huge machine of brain and body that they have been given.

The mere fact that you are questioning how you behave through the day is testament to the fact that you are trying soooo hard.
Give yourself a break.

While I am not a fan of TV or its solutions, I have in fact watched that nanny 911 thing and it does offer a lot of sense.
The programme has been orchastrated by child behavioural specialist so therefore they are basing their advice of proven methods.

All you can do is your best, no one can ask for more than that, just please believe me when I tell you that in the blink of an eye they grow up, they look you in the eye and then you know that even though you may have nagged, they respect you for the qualities you have given them.
It is such a hard job, the hardest in the world, but please remember to stop and enjoy it.

I will never forget being away for the weekend when my kids were smaller, and coming home to my sis in law on the floor playing every single board game that we owned.
I was horrified to think that between homework, ex carr activities, my business, their friends and houswork that I never got to do that with them.

Your kids will never remember if the house was clean, or if they got their Irish spellings done really quickly.
THEY WILL REMEMBER THE TWO HOURS IT TOOK THEM TO MURDER YOU AT DRAUGHTS>


Enjoy it, and be nice to yourself, you are a great Mam.
xx

Bella:D

Mummy2girls

Thanks everyone for the responses. I have taken them all on board and yea, I think your all right, that fact that I'm aware of it and want to change is a good thing, the first step as such.

My little one is sick today, started barfing up at 9am so she's lying on the couch since and the poor thing, shes as weak and its just made me see how little she is, hopefully its just a 24 hour thing.

I do have most Sundays to myself. My hubby takes them to his Mam's every sunday so I do get some me time, however, I lost my lovely lovely Daddy suddenly 9 weeks ago so my sundays since then are spent at the graveyard. That too is probably a factor to my moods these last few weeks, although in fairness, I've always had a short fuse, this just wouldn't have helped matters.

I've only just joined boards.ie and I'm really grateful for your responses, thanks very much xx

K4

Hi, I agree with some other replies, the very fact that you are reaching out for help shows you love your little ladies very much and are a great mum.

Two things worked for me.... When things got heated and I found myself shouting (most of the time needlessly)... I would pretend that there was a camera in the corners of the room (like the ones in Supernanny, you know, when she leaves the families for a week!) - Result? Makes you calmer. Think about it, you never behave irrationnally when you think someone is watching you!!

Secondly (and this changed my life).... I found a book called 1-2-3 Magic. It has had a profound effect on my rearing of my children. I won't babble on too much about it now but perhaps PM me or google it.
It is an amazing book.
Good luck.

Mummy2girls

Hi K4

I'm about to send you a PM, will you let me know if you got it, I'm only getting used to this site and not sure how I can view where my sent PM's are stored... ta!

smelltheglove

Everyone has days when they feel their just losing the rag non stop. As others have said, fair play to you for seeking help if you think you need it. If you do think about things too much and get stressed to easy try take a step back and look at the situation.

I get stressed so easy about simple things and only afterwards I think, wow that was nothing to be worried about. I felt the way you do about a year ago, the little one was turning 3, sounds a bit like yours, argumentative and a little daredevil, and my eldest would be like yours too. I just got to the stage that I'd say ok baby when the little one was arguing, also if they were looking for attention about falling or anything I'd say poor baby. I now find that they only want a response, most of the time they dont care what it is, just the fact that they have gotten some attention.