Big mess I can't fix......

CharlieJG

Ok, so basically met a guy who everyone said was wrong for me. Too much bagge, too imature, too old etc. He is 40, I am 29.

Despite what everyone else said we were crazy about eachother but the pressure became too much and he did give me a few reasons to go crazy so 9 months later I called it a day. One of the big motivating factors in this decision was the fact that I am a long-term sufferer of bulimia, I had pretty much got this under control but being in a relationship seemed to trigger me off again, anyway that went from bad to worse and this guy, even though we were broken up really wanted to help, and he did.

To cut a long story short we were on track to get back together, but not for a while - we hit a bump in the road where i got cold feet about everything and next thing I knew I was rushing over to his house expecting to find his dead body because he told me he was going to kill himself. This happened when i was at work and I was so hysterical EVERYONE in my job now knows and is telling me to never speak to him again. I had to pick my friend up and drive right over there - I thought i was going to discover a dead body - it was unreal.

I was struggling to come to terms with that stunt, I had blocked him from my facebook and was ignoring calls and my friend who was still his friend on facebook called me up to say that under his profile picture he had written "bulimics give good head"

I was disgusted, so disgusted I ran upstairs and locked myself in the bathroom and cried for about 3 hours, I haven't been the same since, i texted him and asked him to never contact me again - he said he forgot he posted it but I am just so disturbed that he even put it there.

He's insisting he was upset and is sorry and never meant it and it's the biggest mistake of his life but I just feel so broken, I hate to create a big analagy but it's like i'm scattered all over the floor in 20 pieces and i don't know how to put myself back together. Ive never felt so lost and helpless, im trying to come to terms with it but it's like he is the only one who is ever going to be able to make me feel like im not a freak or a joke but he can't - he's apologised a million times and i can't make myself feel normal again. I also feel so guilty for not forgiving him but I can't.

I'm just a mess? I have never felt so completley screwed, i feel like my personality is changing and I hate it

Peggypeg

Sorry OP but I'm just going to be frank here. Why are you giving all your power to an a**hole like that? He can't fix you or put you back together. You need to learn how to do that yourself and at 29 if you haven't figured that out you need to get yourself into councelling. I'm not trying to hurt you, you're obviously hurting really badly but you can't look to others to make you better, you have to do that yourself. Stay the hell away from that nasty, scummy, heartless, hurtful, immature (your friends are correct) attention seeking, pathetic joke of a human being. Seriously you can do way better than that. Don't ever get with someone again that uses your illness to hurt you, I have MS and if my boyfriend ever used that as a weapon against me he'd never see me again. Don't give that guy even one more second of your time or thoughts, concentrate on yourself and making yourself feel good. You deserve to be happy and healthy, but you need to take ownership of that health and happiness and stop looking to get it from outside yourself, you need to give that to yourself. Get into a self help group if there's one available, bulimia is a dreadful illness, get as much support as you can so that you can conquer it again, you've done it before, you CAN do it again.

The best of luck OP and I really mean that, you have a some stuff to work on but with a bit of help from your friends (and yours sound great, I hope you let them know you appreciate them) you'll be fine.

jessiejam

CharlieJG wrote: »

To cut a long story short we were on track to get back together, but not for a while - we hit a bump in the road where i got cold feet about everything and next thing I knew I was rushing over to his house expecting to find his dead body because he told me he was going to kill himself.

I was struggling to come to terms with that stunt, I had blocked him from my facebook and was ignoring calls and my friend who was still his friend on facebook called me up to say that under his profile picture he had written "bulimics give good head"


He's insisting he was upset and is sorry and never meant it and it's the biggest mistake of his life but I just feel so broken, I hate to create a big analagy but it's like i'm scattered all over the floor in 20 pieces and i don't know how to put myself back together. Ive never felt so lost and helpless, im trying to come to terms with it but it's like he is the only one who is ever going to be able to make me feel like im not a freak or a joke but he can't - he's apologised a million times and i can't make myself feel normal again. I also feel so guilty for not forgiving him but I can't.

What he is doing to you is emotional blackmail. He's one of those scummy fcukers that minipulate situations to make others feel they are the guilty one.

Only one bit of advice for you op, GET OUT. Dump him and have absolutely no contact with him ever again.

What he did to you was unforgivable. He is ripping you apart emotionally, you say you had your bullima under control until you met him? What does that say to you?

You may feel scattered all over the floor in 20 pieces, but as soon as you show him the door you will start to put those pieces back together.

Think of him as the piece of sh1t on the floor, and all your pieces are flies. As soon as you get rid of the sh1t, the flies will return where they belong.

You can do it girl;)

AngryBadger

OP this guy sounds like a scumbag.

People have all kinds of emotional and psychological difficulties in their lives, and I would generally try to help, or at least listen to someone who is having problems. However I've always known where the line is between someone genuinely needing help, and someone who's trying to manipulate me using emotional blackmail. More accurately I suppose I should say I've always known when I was about to cross the line and wind up getting dragged into someone elses mess myself.

This guy has attempted to manipulate you in one of the cruelest ways imaginable, battering away at your confidence, and then attempting to tie your emotional state to his by threatening to end his life. He may have problems, in fact he most definitely does have problems, but he has clearly chosen to use this as a tool to disabuse the people around him, so in my estimation he's best left to his own devices.

Which is exactly what you're doing, and what you should continue to do. You're not responsible for what this guy does, the fact that he would put something like that on his facebook page says a lot about the kind of trash he is.

You're right not to contact him, I know that's difficult, and I won't pretend it's not going to remain difficult for some time, but it is the right thing for you to do. It's enough for each of us to have to deal with our own problems without having people like this come along and mess with our heads.

If you haven't already spoken to someone about the Bulimia then I would strongly recommend you do so, entirely for your own sake.

Above all though, don't feel guilty over this guy, that's exactly what he wants, the only way for you not to play his sick game, and be able to get on with your life is to continue as you are.

Chin up OP!

Cheap Thrills!

God, OP what an utter w*nker he is.

40 years old and pulling the old 'I'm gonna kill myself' trick. He sounds as though he could possibly have a personality disorder. I'm no Doctor but his dramatics are a very unhealthy sign.

You do not need to be mixed up with someone as selfish and toxic as this. All you need to do is retreat and lick your wounds with some good friends around you.

If you can get some counselling, not because there is something wrong with you but because you need to be comforted and calmed after this fool inflicting his teenager antics on you.

All the best, put him out of your mind. You can.

CharlieJG

Thanks so much for your replies. Firstly, I am seeking professional help for my eating problems. Ive to to many different counsellors over the years who have helped me with my eating issues. This issue is different, i feel awful, so low and in the gutter.

I do feel sorry for my ex as i think he got carried away and maybe didn't mean what he said but that doesn't make me feel any better, especially as i confided in him so much!

Thanks again all

Denimgirl

CharlieJG wrote: »

Ok, so basically met a guy who everyone said was wrong for me. Too much bagge, too imature, too old etc. He is 40, I am 29.

Despite what everyone else said we were crazy about eachother but the pressure became too much and he did give me a few reasons to go crazy so 9 months later I called it a day. One of the big motivating factors in this decision was the fact that I am a long-term sufferer of bulimia, I had pretty much got this under control but being in a relationship seemed to trigger me off again, anyway that went from bad to worse and this guy, even though we were broken up really wanted to help, and he did.

To cut a long story short we were on track to get back together, but not for a while - we hit a bump in the road where i got cold feet about everything and next thing I knew I was rushing over to his house expecting to find his dead body because he told me he was going to kill himself. This happened when i was at work and I was so hysterical EVERYONE in my job now knows and is telling me to never speak to him again. I had to pick my friend up and drive right over there - I thought i was going to discover a dead body - it was unreal.

I was struggling to come to terms with that stunt, I had blocked him from my facebook and was ignoring calls and my friend who was still his friend on facebook called me up to say that under his profile picture he had written "bulimics give good head"

I was disgusted, so disgusted I ran upstairs and locked myself in the bathroom and cried for about 3 hours, I haven't been the same since, i texted him and asked him to never contact me again - he said he forgot he posted it but I am just so disturbed that he even put it there.

He's insisting he was upset and is sorry and never meant it and it's the biggest mistake of his life but I just feel so broken, I hate to create a big analagy but it's like i'm scattered all over the floor in 20 pieces and i don't know how to put myself back together. Ive never felt so lost and helpless, im trying to come to terms with it but it's like he is the only one who is ever going to be able to make me feel like im not a freak or a joke but he can't - he's apologised a million times and i can't make myself feel normal again. I also feel so guilty for not forgiving him but I can't.

I'm just a mess? I have never felt so completley screwed, i feel like my personality is changing and I hate it

Look it's not your fault he's an assh*le! what an idiot! don;t blame yourself and seriously try not to be hurt he's the one with the problems I would be breathing a big sigh of relief that I got a lucky escape from this moran and in time you will be thinking like this!We have all made wrong decisons in choosing partners at some stage but you soon realised this a got clever and left him good for you!New chapter of your life starting now and you have all the knowledge of the last idiot never to meet someone like him again life is all about learning!You look after yourself and don't be getting upset!Count yourself Lucky! (Big Hug)xxx

LegacyUser

Fair play to you CharlieJG for ending it but something tells me you wished it had not. From what you have said it seems there was alot of pressure on you not to be with this person from the start and I would say it probably got to both of you in the end. There is no excuse for his behaviour towards you. You sound like a very nice person with alot going on in your life at the moment but something must have caused all the anamosity towards each other. Just don't let anyone else come along and get into your life now especially those who say they are there for you as you are at your lowest and don't need men for a while. Get your Bulimia sorted to some managable way and maybe take on a different career path. You sound like a very lovely young woman and probably have I hope a supportive family to back you up. As for the OH he must have some serious things going on in his life also? I just hope for Gods sake both of you get your lives back on track as you go your seperate ways.
And there are always two sides to every story, just hope he does not post in this forum as this is not the place to air your grievances with each other. If you must at least communicate in private or not at all.