Amusing Radio Calls

TW Mr Tayto

Well with quite a few enthisiasts, and real world pilots roaming the boards these days I'm sure we've heard quite a few amusing calls over time.
So, let rip!

Anything that takes your fancy from here too

ronnie3585

http://www.pprune.org/atc-issues/59309-atc-humour-merged.html

/end thread.

TW Mr Tayto

Darn.. bested so fast! :P

I had one there two days ago, wasn't anything too special to be honest, but the tone of voice was gas.

Routing into EIWT north of Summerhill to land in the north area, call Weston to tell them we're inbound and that we have the traffic over Enfield (which we had visual on from hearing them on Dublin Information). A few minutes later, the fixed wing is routed to join overhead 1,500 as usual. Myself and my instructor kept looking at it flying over us, just as it overflys us we hear a nervous call from the aircraft who in all fairness was told that there was no traffic to effect.

"Weston tower this is EI-REG, there... there's a 22 right under us!!"
The effect is really lsot trough text, but his tone of voice gave me a giggle!

For anyone unfamiliar with Weston, heli's are routed in at 1,000

Does anyone else have some more native ones?

Danbo!

Couple of old threads, some good ones in there

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2055454537

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2055848164

Oscar Bravo

Monarch flight into Knock a few weeks back.Tower "Monarch7571,going to have to ask you to do one orbit,slow traffic ahead" Monarch "No problems and we have traffic in sight " Tower-just outta interest,where do ye stay for the night when ye land.(crew change at Knock).Monarch-Stayyyy,its a taxi back to Dublin for us.Tower-oh really,i though ye would go on the beer in Claremoris or Charlestown.Monarch-you offering to buy us a beer for putting us in that orbit.Tower-Well if ye were stayn over....but no worries its only 5 hours to Dublin by taxi.Monarch-I no ,i would rather go back to Faro at this stage!!

Discodog

Flying School at RAF Brize Norton. A poor guy doing his solo bounces down the runway on landing watched by a crowd of spotters. A female controller barks out "I only gave you permission to land once !".

Huge Antonov 124 is approaching Brize with a Russian pilot:

Brize: Please reduce speed
Ant: Reduce speed

1 min later

Brize: Reduce speed now
Ant: Reduce speed

30 secs later

Brize: Slow down, reduce speed now.
Ant: Speed ok.

Brize: For **** sake slow down, reduce speed, do you understand.
Ant: What you think I am ****ing moron.

Long pause while Brize decide if he is referring to them or him.

Finally he landed after a huge overshoot. Brize tells him to wait for "follow me" vehicle. He turns off the runway & says "I stop here". The taxiway was blocked for a week as no one wanted to cause a diplomatic incident !. Turned out that no one could pay for the fuel for him to leave. It was rumoured that several Russian business types turned up & paid using several credit cards !.

The ATC at Brize know that the spotters listen in so they will let info slip like: ETA for U2 at 14:30. One day a VC10 had to land with a refuelling nozzle hanging down. On approach the pilot says (knowing that he spotters will be listening) "Hopefully we can knock an anorak off the fence with the nozzle !".

View Profile

Cruising over Dutch airspace on Monday afternoon.
Listensing to the chatter.

ATC: "Iberia 3597 world champions, descend flight level 240."
Iberia: "Descend flight level 240..`[chuckle]"

ATC: "Iberia 3597 world champions, contact Bordeaux on....."
Iberia:"[laughter] thanks, Bordeauax on....."

cml387

Years ago in Shannon the Aer Turas DC 8 (remember) was asked to orbit nearby to eventually land on 24.

He acknowledged with the observation:
"...that should rattle the glasses in Durty Nellies"