Wedding invite - would you be a bit insulted?

doireann08

Hi Everyone

Just wanted peoples opinion really
A colleage of mine is getting married in South America next year. So she has invited a few people from work - some she has known for years, others from working in the company.
I would be friendly with her, but we wouldn't socialise that much outside of work related socilaising, nights out when some of our other colleagues go out.

I know her for just over a year and we work on the same team. Anyway my question is this.
She was giving out invitations to the wedding last week to the few colleagues she was inviting. To the other colleagues she gave them an individual invitation. She didn't give me one, he mentioned he was inviting some people from our team ( we are in the same team) He had a generic invite for the people on the team, she had mentioned the wedding to our boss and wanted to invite our boss S

I feel in a way she was inviting me as an afterthought. i,e the people she really wanted got their own individual invite. I joked with her saying how come I don't get my own personal invite and she said there's the team invite which isn't addressed to anyone specific just the name of our team. She said she didn't want to lump the other team members into a generic invite as she knows their partners. One of the other guys on my team who is going is single, however my colleague knows her for years.

She then sent an email to me and the other 3 in our team that she had invited giving more details about who to contact if we wanted to plan a trip to SA around the wedding.

Would you feel a little insulted, thought I would ask your opinions as I am not really sure what protocol is around invitations. I should also say that about 6 of my colleagues who were invited know her for the same period of time and would have the same type of relationship I would have with her

The Big Red Button

doireann08 wrote: »

Hi Everyone

Just wanted peoples opinion really
A colleage of mine is getting married in South America next year. So she has invited a few people from work - some she has known for years, others from working in the company.
I would be friendly with her, but we wouldn't socialise that much outside of work related socilaising, nights out when some of our other colleagues go out.

If you don't socialise with her outside of work, then why on earth would you want to go to South America for her wedding?

And if you don't want to go to her wedding, then why start this thread?

I mean, she seems to have made it clear to you that you're welcome to go if you want to, but that she doesn't particularly expect you to. So if you want to go, go ... if you don't want to, then don't ... what's the problem?!

shinikins

I kinda agree! It may not have been the most subtle of things for her to individually invite certain people in front of the rest of her colleagues, but at the end of the day, its her choice as to who she really wants at her wedding! If it were me, i would invite my friends after work, and send out a group invitation to the everyone else, that way no-one would know who got special attention.

Beruthiel

doireann08 wrote: »

Would you feel a little insulted, thought I would ask your opinions as I am not really sure what protocol is around invitations. I should also say that about 6 of my colleagues who were invited know her for the same period of time and would have the same type of relationship I would have with her

Honestly, I'd have to say you should just get over yourself.
You're not going to pay for a flight to South America so what's the problem?
That she might have slighted you in some way?
If you cannot even work out whither someone has insulted you or not, then let it go and stop making up problems where there are none.
Sorry if that sounds harsh, but jeez!

tinkerbell

I agree - seriously, you need to get over yourself - you are being ridiculous. This wedding has nothing to do with you (and why would it - you aren't even proper friends with the girl), so get over it.

tatli_lokma

agree with all of the above posts. Plus, wedding invitations can be costly, and I don't see a problem with her saving on that by giving a general invitation to the team. In fact I would read it the opposite way to you and see it as she didn't want to offend anyone by leaving them out, so gave a general one and whomever wanted to come could.

I actually think it is quite welcoming of her to be inviting so many people from work to a wedding abroad - most people in that situation wouldn't even give the general invite, just the ones to people she specifically wanted there.

Anyway, I doubt that the whole team of you will be able to take leave at the same time to hot foot it over to south america!

tfak85

i'll be honest and tell you if i was the bride i'd be a little insulted... she was under no obligation to invite you, went to the bother of doing it and you're just giving out about it..
you can't be sure some of the other people have the same sort of relationship with her as you do, maybe they text/talk/facebook outside work all the time!

i was thinking about inviting a few people from work just to keep the peace but i've decided against it, invites are a lot of effort and i don't particularly want those people at my wedding.
you should feel honoured that someone you're not especially close to invited you to share (probably) the biggest day of her life.

Heineken Helen

Cincikchick wrote: »

agree with all of the above posts. Plus, wedding invitations can be costly, and I don't see a problem with her saving on that by giving a general invitation to the team. In fact I would read it the opposite way to you and see it as she didn't want to offend anyone by leaving them out, so gave a general one and whomever wanted to come could.

I actually think it is quite welcoming of her to be inviting so many people from work to a wedding abroad - most people in that situation wouldn't even give the general invite, just the ones to people she specifically wanted there.

Anyway, I doubt that the whole team of you will be able to take leave at the same time to hot foot it over to south america!

Agreed I can probably afford to invite two people from work (I work in England but getting married in Ireland). But as it's a team environment, I don't see how I can invite some but not the rest so I will probably do something similar to the op's colleague. OR I will invite the ones I want there personally and see if they CAN make it or not BEFORE I send the general invite to all. Some people keep dropping hints about what they'll do at my wedding and I hadn't actually planned on inviting them at all:o so it makes for a really uncomfortable situation.

Einhard

What you're saying OP, is either that everyone on the team should have got an individual invitation, or that you should have received one, even though by your own admission, she's more of a colleague than a friend. One of those is unrealistic, while the other is slightly egotistical.

I do think the trend of having weddings in far flung destinations is BS though. Isn't that what the honeymoon is for?

queensinead

tinkerbell wrote: »

I agree - seriously, you need to get over yourself - you are being ridiculous. This wedding has nothing to do with you (and why would it - you aren't even proper friends with the girl), so get over it.

Judging by some of the weddings I have been at, they certainly seem to have "nothing to do" with the guests, who are treated more like extras on the set.

One bride to be never stopped complaining that her mother wanted her two bests friends at the wedding---they were apparently not much fun, or something. I tried to point out that there is a family / community aspect to a wedding, and that it would be nice for her mother (a widow who was contributing to the cost) to have her special friends there...but no, it was the usual "This is my special day, and I want it to be perfect in every way, because it is all about me"

Work invites can be tricky. But that does not exonerate the bride-to-be totally. Like in every other area of life, she needs to beware of giving offense. What used to be called "evening invitations" should be abolished in my opinion. Either invite, or don't.

In my workplace a bride to be had two best friends, they went everywhere as a threesome. Both girls knocked themselves out organizing the hen night. She invited one for the full wedding, and the other for "evening invitation". The other girl was very hurt, and did a bit of crying on my shoulder. Obviously the bride had to limit invitations, and saw one friend as being closer / more important than the other. And of course that hurts

Personally, I feel that it is very egotistical to expect anyone to give up holidays and go abroad to a specific resort for your wedding---or worse, for a hen or stag night.

But in your case. Look, she is just a work colleague, probably doing her best. Take no offense. Save that for your friends and the important people in your life

newtoboards

Nope definitely wouldn't be. They can invite whoever they wish to their wedding. As you don't socialise with her outside of work you seriously couldn't have expected an invitation.

cherrypipp

Seriously, just don't go if you don't want to. You obviously have never organised a wedding and have no idea how hard it is to please everyone. I have been floored by how many people push their own agenda when they are invited to a wedding and it is AWFUL. You try to please everyone, manage to please bloody nobody and wind up miserable yourself. So you didn't get an individual invite. Get over it.

mariebeth

It's her wedding, she can invite whoever she wants. So just move on, don't make a big deal of it and continue to have the same working relationship. It's not like you'd have gone to South America anyway is it?

tfak85

Heineken Helen wrote: »

Some people keep dropping hints about what they'll do at my wedding and I hadn't actually planned on inviting them at all:o so it makes for a really uncomfortable situation.

i am in this same situation, i absolutely hate when the subject comes up now - fun!

queensinead wrote: »

One bride to be never stopped complaining that her mother wanted her two bests friends at the wedding---they were apparently not much fun, or something. I tried to point out that there is a family / community aspect to a wedding, and that it would be nice for her mother (a widow who was contributing to the cost) to have her special friends there...but no, it was the usual "This is my special day, and I want it to be perfect in every way, because it is all about me"

i think inviting a couple of your mothers best friends is customary and that sounds like awful behaviour, especially considering she was footing the bill!
(i know this is off topic - sorry!)

Heineken Helen

tfak85 wrote: »

i am in this same situation, i absolutely hate when the subject comes up now - fun!



i think inviting a couple of your mothers best friends is customary and that sounds like awful behaviour, especially considering she was footing the bill!
(i know this is off topic - sorry!)

Or when people just come out and say 'so am I invited?' It really makes for a cringeworthy moment. Also, I'm pretty sure I SHOULD invite my team and I would like them all to be there... but I simply cannot afford it

As for your second point, absolutely! My Dad and his mom have been very helpful and I've gone over the guest list with them to see if there was anyone they wanted there.

sesna

Count yourself lucky. I see wedding invitations as a €200 euro bill and a weekend wasted. Not to mention the death of another piece of my soul as the "surprise" first dance starts.

The Big Red Button

Einhard wrote: »

I do think the trend of having weddings in far flung destinations is BS though. Isn't that what the honeymoon is for?

See one of the many reasons that I wouldn't even consider having an Irish wedding is to avoid all of the BS of inadvertently insulting/offending people who expect invitations. Although it appears that even going as far as South America doesn't work, in some cases!

queensinead wrote: »

Work invites can be tricky. But that does not exonerate the bride-to-be totally. Like in every other area of life, she needs to beware of giving offense. What used to be called "evening invitations" should be abolished in my opinion. Either invite, or don't.

OK but the thing is, while I'm sure many brides and grooms would like to invite every one that they/their mother has ever met, it's just not practical, realistic or affordable. And I would imagine that the very people who would get "offended" by an evening invitation would be even more offended by not getting invited to the wedding at all, and would probably bitch about not even getting an evening invite! You can't win with some people.

queensinead wrote: »

Personally, I feel that it is very egotistical to expect anyone to give up holidays and go abroad to a specific resort for your wedding---or worse, for a hen or stag night.

But people don't expect just "anyone" to do so. If someone is going abroad for their wedding, they generally expect only close family/very close friends to go to the wedding - and then only if it suits them to go. Asking others such as work colleagues to go is probably just a formality, it's not like the bride and groom actually realistically "expect" them to give up holidays etc for the wedding.

tinkerbell

tinkerbell wrote:

I agree - seriously, you need to get over yourself - you are being ridiculous. This wedding has nothing to do with you (and why would it - you aren't even proper friends with the girl), so get over it.

queensinead wrote: »

Judging by some of the weddings I have been at, they certainly seem to have "nothing to do" with the guests, who are treated more like extras on the set.

I think you misunderstood what I said ... I said that the wedding has nothing to do with the OP as she is not even friends with these people so she shouldn't care. She is just getting on her hobby-horse over nothing. It doesn't have anything to do with her, she's not a close friend of the bride & groom so she needs to get over it. I hate this feeling of entitlement when it comes to certain people and they just assume that they should always be invited to a wedding. Just because she works with one part of the couple getting married doesn't mean she's automatically entitled to go to their wedding.