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How did you get over your ex
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13-07-2010 9:14am#1
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But we're here
It sounds petty, immature and possibly not very helpful in the longterm, but I gave one of my ex's a "colourful" nickname :pac: Oddly enough, it helped me separate my feelings for him as well as making me giggle! We still refer to him by that name (I won't post it because it's very nsfw) so maybe being a little vindictive in a passive-aggressive way could help.
You can't always be mature and rise above your emotions; sometimes it's good to give into those hurt feelings once in a while.
Give yourself time; it'll get better soon xx0 -
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Oh you poor thing
. Honestly, I'm not sure there's much worse than a break up. All I did was cry for a long time, and when I wasn't crying, I tried to spend as much time with friends as possible. I talked about it as much as I needed, and I posted here a lot. Once I was ready for it, I threw myself into work - studying in my case.
I don't know that anything can really lessen the pain of a break up, besides time, but the best thing to try is to just keep busy.0 -
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The sooner the better:(
Its all just a bit raw in your mind at the moment, and you do need distractions even if you don't feel all that up to it.
I don't know how long you were with him, or if you lived with him or any of that stuff.. but something to take into account is that a relationship isn't just an emotional and physical break up. As a relationship progresses you spend more and more time together and routines develop. Even if a break up is a mutal agreement, it's a hell of a lot of change when it ends.
It's something I had to get to grips with in order to make positive changes when I ended things with my ex. Because there is financial involvement I still have to have ties with my ex, which is never pleasant because he never wanted things to end in the first place. I sort of did things arse-about-face tbh, and stayed longer than I should have, but I eventually got around to it and I'm a lot happier now. Left the ex and the house, went to college, moved back home to my parents (not psyched about the last bit, but working on it
).
Relationships end for a reason, and while it not be clear to start out with for one or the other sometimes, there will be a time when you say to yourself "actually, in hindsight it was the right thing". You will feel like a new, and happier person for it - trust me.
As others have said here, get yourself out with friends, pick up new interests and hobbies etc., make sure you're keeping yourself busy.
best of luck 0 -
I agree with Abi.
A break up can be really hard, not just because you've lost someone you've loved (or really liked, whatever), but because you find yourself in this comfort zone and routine and then that's gone. It's like there is suddenly a gap in your life, and time you used to spend with your boyf is now empty and you've no idea what to do.
Jeez, I am really not making things seem any better here, am I?! :pac:
You will get over this. Rant on here as much as you like. There is always someone to listen. Did I read that your friends are abroad? Come to some of the tLL meet-up's. They are a great way to make new friends, and they'll give you something to do as well.
PM me if you ever need someone to talk to. Giving advice may not be one of my better qualities but I'm always around to listen! Keep your chin up, 'cause you honestly will feel better. 0 -
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Spending time with family and friends helps and it puts things into perspective. A previous poster suggested going away for a holiday to visit one of your friends who is living abroad - I did this and it realy helped, I got to chill out, read, listen to music (and met a very hot holiday romance:D who was a mate of my friend).
The main thing is cutting off contact altogether, at least in the short term. When me and my ex broke up it wasn't so bad becuase he moved abroad but the phone calls just dragged out somthing that didn't need to be dragged out any longer, even though we ended amicabily. We still email, but very very rarely and after a very long time of spending time of zero contact.
Also, get dolled up and start going out again. It's amazing how many gorgeous men are out there that you forgot existed for years, even to look at for while
Personally, I went on a bit of a maneating rampage about a month after my r'ship ended for a good while, in fairness it was long overdue although I know a lot of my friends took a very long time to get back on the bandwagon. I supoose it's different strokes for different folks.
Be good to yourself and look after yourself. Embrace the me time again. Oh and make a good 'girl power' cd for yourself and blare it when you're feeling weepy.0 -
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Broke up with my girlfriend last night, it was a mutual thing so that softened the blow, but it still hurt saying goodbye to her, she got quite upset and so did I. What makes it worse is that we didnt do anything bad to each other, it just wasnt working and we both want different things, we get on brilliantly, and Ive told her and meant it shes the only girl i've ever been with where I still got butterflys when we were due to meet up even after 2 years, I've never had that with anyone before and probably wont again. If we were constantly arguing or pissing each other off or something it makes it easier to dismiss the person and be glad you're rid of them, but it feels like she's been taken away from me
I have decided to go on a holiday alone though, I need to get out there and do things for myself and due to me putting things off for the sake of being in a relationship, which is acceptable to point but I'm starting to resent not doing things for myself, so its time to be selfish (in the best possible way) and get out and see the world, I have a pile of holidays left to take from work until christmas so off to the states I go as soon as I can get the money together, time to make some life changes that I'm looking forward to.0 -
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Breaking up sucks, definitely the worst experience I have ever been through. My ex broke up with me 10 months ago and to be honest I'm still not completely over it! I'm so frustrated with myself because I feel like I am the one holding myself back, I am in regular contact with my ex and this is not helping me at all but I just can't break the contact. I hear about other girls he's with and it just breaks my heart.
I have been asked out a few times in the last few months, I went on one date and it was so awkward and felt so wierd I am just allergic to the thought of going on a date again! I haven't found anyone that I'm really into since my last relationship broke up.
I agree with a lot of the advice already given, go on holiday, do new things, keep busy, surround yourself with friends. I've done all of these things. Everyone says time will heal all but it's been 10 months and I feel like I'm on a merry-go-round!!!
Ah well Danniboo, I know how you feel. You will start to feel better though, I was a wreck at first, crying all the time etc. You do work your way out of these stages. There is definitely a grieving process but how long it will take to work through it, I have no idea!! I suppose it's different for everyone. Anyway take heart in the fact that you are not alone. Stay strong and just keep a smile on your face 0 -
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I went through a phase of where I was really moody bordering on unbearable due to hormonal meds when I look back now maybe I did go a bit hard on him in some instances not saying the things I got annoyed over where not justified but maybe I overreacted.
This is completely normal after a break up. In desperation, you start thinking "If I hadn't done this" or "If I'd been nicer about that". For a while I blamed myself entirely for my relationship breaking up. Then I blamed him entirely. Now I accept we were both at fault, but if we'd been meant to be, we'd still be together. We'd have worked through the issues together. Sometimes I like to think that we'll bump into each other in 5 years and fall in love all over again, and it'll work out that time.
At this stage, all you can do is give your ex time. As the saying goes, if you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you, it's yours to keep. If it doesn't, it was never yours to begin with. Unfortunately that's how break ups go too. He might come back to you in time, but sadly for the majority of us that doesn't happen. 0 -
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This is completely normal after a break up. In desperation, you start thinking "If I hadn't done this" or "If I'd been nicer about that". For a while I blamed myself entirely for my relationship breaking up. Then I blamed him entirely. Now I accept we were both at fault, but if we'd been meant to be, we'd still be together. We'd have worked through the issues together. Sometimes I like to think that we'll bump into each other in 5 years and fall in love all over again, and it'll work out that time.
At this stage, all you can do is give your ex time. As the saying goes, if you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you, it's yours to keep. If it doesn't, it was never yours to begin with. Unfortunately that's how break ups go too. He might come back to you in time, but sadly for the majority of us that doesn't happen.
Thanks Faith I think it's a bit from column A a bit from column B while I probably am saying I should have done this etc etc, even outside this relationship with family members etc I would get upset or angry over something and it wouldn't be until the next day i'd think that was a bloody ridiculous way to act. I cried because I forgot to give someone a lift before :eek:0 -
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Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 60,217 Mod ✭✭✭✭
Join Date:Posts: 59144
No offence not saying all men are the same but how can you go in 3/4 weeks from "I love you, you're the only one I want to be with", to i'm an absolute prize "obscenity" whos gonna use you and let you think I want to sort things out, he told me I was really beautiful FFS and that he missed me then that he wanted to move on and to let him go.
No offence taken at all, but trust me people full stop can be nuts. And if I may beg the indulgence of the readers... I've had a woman tell me in the morning when we woke up together that she was still crazy about me and couldnt imagine not being with me. Then we got jiggy to cement this feeling. 8 hours later(yep thats not a typo. Eight hours) she tells me she's not sure how she feels. Turned out that afternoon "she'd met someone else". Complete stranger too. Game over.
Another after a few years together, we met up before she was going out to a work do. A do I was supposed to meet her later at when she knew where they'd end up(no partners at the main part kinda thing). As per usual she was telling me she loved me while she was getting ready for the evening. I even helped her pick out her outfit so she'd look nice as she was feeling a bit meh in herself. So I send her off looking great and with a "see you later" from her. I hear nothing later on and I get quite concerned about her as she would always reply no matter what. She was quite clingy that way in fact, so out of character for her. Next morning me still very concerned she finally calls me and then tells me she's snogged someone else/I dunno how I feel/we need a break to get my feelings back/blah blah(all BS of course). Oh yes. Someone else she had been lining up in the job the previous two weeks. A job I had actually gotten for her. In a career I had lined her up and trained in. Talk about a kick in the nuts and heart. Fine if you want to split up. It happens, but the method involved needed some serious polishing.
A mate of mine was engaged and him and her and his and her family went away together for a long weekend. The first night after the dinner, he was tired from the long drive so headed to bed early. All grand. 3 in the morning rolls around and she's disappeared. He and the two families were concerned. Turns out she had fallen for the barman and the engagement was off.
Another mate was a week before her wedding and the potential groom, who she had been with for 6 years decides out of the blue that he's fallen "deeply in love" with some woman he met on a job and the weddings off. The day before he had been busy organising transport to the wedding for various family members.
End rant so.....
Rant away DB. Sure if ya cant rant here whats the point of the place. You're surrounded by ranters of some sort or another.Sorry for the rant, I guess all my crazy is coming out on boards.:P:eek: Rejoice in the awareness of feeling stupid, for that’s how you end up learning new things. If you’re not aware you’re stupid, you probably are.
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No offence taken at all, but trust me people full stop can be nuts. And if I may beg the indulgence of the readers... I've had a woman tell me in the morning when we woke up together that she was still crazy about me and couldnt imagine not being with me. Then we got jiggy to cement this feeling. 8 hours later(yep thats not a typo. Eight hours) she tells me she's not sure how she feels. Turned out that afternoon "she'd met someone else". Complete stranger too. Game over.
Another after a few years together, we met up before she was going out to a work do. A do I was supposed to meet her later at when she knew where they'd end up(no partners at the main part kinda thing). As per usual she was telling me she loved me while she was getting ready for the evening. I even helped her pick out her outfit so she'd look nice as she was feeling a bit meh in herself. So I send her off looking great and with a "see you later" from her. I hear nothing later on and I get quite concerned about her as she would always reply no matter what. She was quite clingy that way in fact, so out of character for her. Next morning me still very concerned she finally calls me and then tells me she's snogged someone else/I dunno how I feel/we need a break to get my feelings back/blah blah(all BS of course). Oh yes. Someone else she had been lining up in the job the previous two weeks. A job I had actually gotten for her. In a career I had lined her up and trained in. Talk about a kick in the nuts and heart. Fine if you want to split up. It happens, but the method involved needed some serious polishing.
A mate of mine was engaged and him and her and his and her family went away together for a long weekend. The first night after the dinner, he was tired from the long drive so headed to bed early. All grand. 3 in the morning rolls around and she's disappeared. He and the two families were concerned. Turns out she had fallen for the barman and the engagement was off.
Another mate was a week before her wedding and the potential groom, who she had been with for 6 years decides out of the blue that he's fallen "deeply in love" with some woman he met on a job and the weddings off. The day before he had been busy organising transport to the wedding for various family members.
End rant so.....
Rant away DB. Sure if ya cant rant here whats the point of the place. You're surrounded by ranters of some sort or another.
God people can be so cruel, I was so close to texting him last night something along the lines of "I can't believe you used me. I may be acting out of character but at least I have a heart and there's no shame in that you on other hand are a heartless "insert obscenity of choice". I stopped myself though. It's just so hard when were on speaking terms a couple of weeks ago and he was texting me saying he was sorry for hurting me etc etc and would always be there for me, we were still on good terms and had been previously talking about getting back together, unless he's fallen for this other person 0 -
This is completely normal after a break up. In desperation, you start thinking "If I hadn't done this" or "If I'd been nicer about that". For a while I blamed myself entirely for my relationship breaking up. Then I blamed him entirely. Now I accept we were both at fault, but if we'd been meant to be, we'd still be together. We'd have worked through the issues together. Sometimes I like to think that we'll bump into each other in 5 years and fall in love all over again, and it'll work out that time.
At this stage, all you can do is give your ex time. As the saying goes, if you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you, it's yours to keep. If it doesn't, it was never yours to begin with. Unfortunately that's how break ups go too. He might come back to you in time, but sadly for the majority of us that doesn't happen.
I hope he does come back
Keep wanting to mail and phone and sort it out but sure how can he miss me if I don't leave him alone !!0 -
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Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 60,217 Mod ✭✭✭✭ Join Date:Posts: 59144
IMH forget what they say in that regard. Observe what they do. If I actually love someone but am having problems with my surface feelings for them I will try to work it out. I may even go off and take a break from the relationship, but its to get breathing space to try and actually get those surface feelings back. Why? Because I actually love the person and want whats best for us and her. If I'm "confused" then I don't love them enough IMHO. I'm no soft touch and I have clear boundaries, but love for me is not a grey area. I either do or I dont.we were still on good terms and had been previously talking about getting back together, unless he's fallen for this other person
Like I reckoned DB, self centredness. He is only aware of how he feels. So your feelings are largely beyond him. Now this can also be a self protection thing too. A front. Ive done that myself.He swaggered out of the house like he was the bogs dollox, good luck is literally all he said and he left he kept saying to me you look so sad whats wrong with you? I don't understand him.Rejoice in the awareness of feeling stupid, for that’s how you end up learning new things. If you’re not aware you’re stupid, you probably are.
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IMH forget what they say in that regard. Observe what they do. If I actually love someone but am having problems with my surface feelings for them I will try to work it out. I may even go off and take a break from the relationship, but its to get breathing space to try and actually get those surface feelings back. Why? Because I actually love the person and want whats best for us and her. If I'm "confused" then I don't love them enough IMHO. I'm no soft touch and I have clear boundaries, but love for me is not a grey area. I either do or I dont.
Like I reckoned DB, self centredness. He is only aware of how he feels. So your feelings are largely beyond him. Now this can also be a self protection thing too. A front. Ive done that myself.
That sucks. Surely the fact i'd poured my heart out to him had told him that I loved him and missed him etc, etc he wouldn't feel the need to put up a front? You's are a totally different species. Even when he left I text him asking him what is going on and he was like oh it's time to move on we need to not meet anymore, etc etc and then putting kisses at the end of his messages, then he got abusive with me and called me a psycho, sorry for over analysing absolutely everything but its actually somewhat therapeutic to get all this out there. 0 -
Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 60,217 Mod ✭✭✭✭ Join Date:Posts: 59144
Precisely the time when a front would be required. Many men dont deal well with strong emotions in women. Not all, but quite a few. Like if someone starts bawling crying in front of 10 women, most likely 8 of them will respond with emotional engagement. 10 men? 8 of them will likely be thinking "oh crap, how do I get them to stop as quickly as possible". Not in a nasty way either.That sucks. Surely the fact i'd poured my heart out to him had told him that I loved him and missed him etc, etc he wouldn't feel the need to put up a front?
I dunno about that.Maybe in execution of the response, but under that we're pretty much the same. IMHO anyway.You's are a totally different species.
Yea a bit confusing to say the bloody least. He does make one good point even if harshly, that you need to stop the contact as soon as. For your sake.Even when he left I text him asking him what is going on and he was like oh it's time to move on we need to not meet anymore, etc etc and then putting kisses at the end of his messages
Usual translation: "Ive tried to stop the emotional stuff (in a clumsy way). It hasnt worked so I'm lost. I know... she's the psycho That makes it easier to deal with for me."then he got abusive with me and called me a psycho,
We all do the over analysing to some degree when relationships go south and we're the ones left behind. Both genders too. What did he/she mean by X. Looking for explanations to reason out why this happened. Sooner or later you'll come to the conclusion that it happened, they left, they walked away and that's all that really matters. Then you start to come out the other side of it.sorry for over analysing absolutely everything but its actually somewhat therapeutic to get all this out there.Rejoice in the awareness of feeling stupid, for that’s how you end up learning new things. If you’re not aware you’re stupid, you probably are.
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unfortunately the sad truth of it is this - they walked away.
you want him/her to have regrets, to feel as lousy as you do over it - but at the end of the day, knowing that the other party does feel the same way really won't make as much of a difference to you as you think it might.
in this situation, i dunno, maybe its easier to just assume they do regret it, feel lousy etc etc and then just focus on how you are going to get through it
they walked away, its not right, its not fair and thats just how it is...
sorry if i sound unsympathetic, believe me i'm not! going through this myself has made me realise its better to be straight up about it
Thanks for that 0 -
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