One for the girls

AstonMartin

What is the most amusing way a lad has approached you in a bar and started a conversation? seen a self titled mac daddy try some outrageous stuff tonight and it worked fairly well.

kaki

"Wait, I can help! hold this against it. Apply lots of pressure, I'll use my belt for a tourniquet. OK, NO! keep pressure on until the bleeding stops. No no it'll be alright. Stay awake! Stay awake! *slap*slap*slap* Stay awake! Can you hear me? Are you doing anything on Friday?

artanevilla

There are no girls on the internet.

kaki

*Ceases to exist*

Rabies

Say hi, have a chat, order a drink and see how it goes.

Easy to pick out the ones after drinks from guys. Drop those and move away.

pablomakaveli

A girl i work with told me she had a guy come up to her one night and asked could he lick her flaps.:D

orourkeda

pablomakaveli wrote: »

A girl i work with told me she had a guy come up to her one night and asked could he like her flaps.:D

Like or Lick or both

ClutchIt

He probably already liked her flaps, I probably would aswell.

Hasmunch

I find chloroform works well

orourkeda

Alright love, any chance of a ride?

Tried and trusted. Has never failed

NothingMan

"Does this taste like Rohypnol to you?"



.

Trashbat

I once saw a guy walk up to a girls in a club and ask "why are you so ugly?"

She then followed him around all night questioning him about what he'd said, and he simply ignored her.

He went home with her afterwards.

Quality.

L.Jenkins

pablomakaveli wrote: »

A girl i work with told me she had a guy come up to her one night and asked could he lick her flaps.:D

But did it work?

MitchKoobski

"Did you fall from above?"





"Because you look like a dead bird."








"And your face is pretty ****ed up."

NothingMan

Guy: Did it hurt?

Girl: What, when I fell from heaven?

Guy: No, getting them jeans on.


Aparently worked for a guy I know. He is a chancer but that's a hard one to believe.

cbmonstra

I thought this was very amusing, and slightly weird as well...

I was about 16 and after blagging my way into a pub... Couldn't really believe I got in, was the first time I was ever in a pub, drinking underage.

So got chatting to a few fellas who came over to our table. They were definitley in their 30s anyway, and way too old for me and the girls I was with, but in our innocence we let them sit with us and have a chat...

One guy was paying me particular attention, and he asked my name so I told him what it was... My name is not unusual, but I spell it unusually and it's very long.

As soon as I told him my name, he proceeds to unbutton his shirt. I get a little bit freaked and start backing away... He shows me a tattoo on his chest of a mermaid, and my name over the top of it, spelled correctly and all!!
I was quite impressed, and if he wasn't 20 years older than me, I'd say it might have worked...

brendansmith

cbmonstra wrote: »

I was quite impressed, and if he wasn't 20 years older than me, I'd say it might have worked...

WTF? You realise that tattoo has nothing to do with you right?

Dyr

Your name is Mother?

I am a guy but just asked the girlfriends here in the house. They have a few such stories, too many to type, but my favourite one was apparently a guy walked past her and took a dive onto the floor hoping she would help him out etc and so break the ice…. Or maybe he was after mouth to mouth or something who knows….

However his dive was so badly acted that every single premiership footballer looked positively convincing in comparison, so she sort of walked over him (stepping on him) on her way to the bar, and he just got up and sheepishly walked on.

Banned Account

I'm hopelessly ****e at the chatting up thing - sometimes girls come up to me and i'll run with it if they're nice, apart from that I just end up getting together with colleagues or friends or burds what is in the internets:D

dromdrom

The worst attempt at a chat up line I have ever heard of someone trying to use was from a farmer in a nightclub in North Kerry who saddled up to a women and said "I'd give you a limp".

orourkeda

cbmonstra wrote: »

I thought this was very amusing, and slightly weird as well...

I was about 16 and after blagging my way into a pub... Couldn't really believe I got in, was the first time I was ever in a pub, drinking underage.

So got chatting to a few fellas who came over to our table. They were definitley in their 30s anyway, and way too old for me and the girls I was with, but in our innocence we let them sit with us and have a chat...

One guy was paying me particular attention, and he asked my name so I told him what it was... My name is not unusual, but I spell it unusually and it's very long.

As soon as I told him my name, he proceeds to unbutton his shirt. I get a little bit freaked and start backing away... He shows me a tattoo on his chest of a mermaid, and my name over the top of it, spelled correctly and all!!
I was quite impressed, and if he wasn't 20 years older than me, I'd say it might have worked...

You didnt get the ride so?

Miguel_Sanchez

cbmonstra wrote: »

I thought this was very amusing, and slightly weird as well...

I was about 16 and after blagging my way into a pub... Couldn't really believe I got in, was the first time I was ever in a pub, drinking underage.

So got chatting to a few fellas who came over to our table. They were definitley in their 30s anyway, and way too old for me and the girls I was with, but in our innocence we let them sit with us and have a chat...

One guy was paying me particular attention, and he asked my name so I told him what it was... My name is not unusual, but I spell it unusually and it's very long.

As soon as I told him my name, he proceeds to unbutton his shirt. I get a little bit freaked and start backing away... He shows me a tattoo on his chest of a mermaid, and my name over the top of it, spelled correctly and all!!
I was quite impressed, and if he wasn't 20 years older than me, I'd say it might have worked...

You were chatted up by David Blaine?

BLACKEN

Hasmunch wrote: »

I find chloroform works well

Actually chloroform doesnt work well at all! You see for the victim to actually inhale the required amount they would have to take alot of huge panic breaths of the stuff! Now ultra slim line needle with some kind of fast acting sleep inducing drug! That my friend it the best way!

orourkeda

Howya love? How's your fanny?

Chuchoter

I can tell you the most awkward one. I was at my friends and we were playing this drinking card game and he gave me one that said flirt with me. Its just like ehh....no.

Deleted User

Deleted User wrote: »

I am a guy but just asked the girlfriends here in the house. They have a few such stories, too many to type, but my favourite one was apparently a guy walked past her and took a dive onto the floor hoping she would help him out etc and so break the ice…. Or maybe he was after mouth to mouth or something who knows….

.

Tbh if it had looked convincing chances are it would come across as someone so drunk they couldn't stand up?

bluewolf

bluewolf wrote: »

Tbh if it had looked convincing chances are it would come across as someone so drunk they couldn't stand up?

Damned if you do damned if you don't so.

wobbles-grogan

Put your arm around a girl, put on your sleaziest voice possible and say:
"Come here 'n ill make bits o' ya!"

NothingMan

Walk calmly up to a girl with your most charming smile, announce to her "you know how I know we're going to have sex tonight", and when she replies somewhat sceptically lean closer and whisper gently in her ear "because i'm stronger than you.".

Piste

cbmonstra wrote: »

I thought this was very amusing, and slightly weird as well...

I was about 16 and after blagging my way into a pub... Couldn't really believe I got in, was the first time I was ever in a pub, drinking underage.

So got chatting to a few fellas who came over to our table. They were definitley in their 30s anyway, and way too old for me and the girls I was with, but in our innocence we let them sit with us and have a chat...

One guy was paying me particular attention, and he asked my name so I told him what it was... My name is not unusual, but I spell it unusually and it's very long.

As soon as I told him my name, he proceeds to unbutton his shirt. I get a little bit freaked and start backing away... He shows me a tattoo on his chest of a mermaid, and my name over the top of it, spelled correctly and all!!
I was quite impressed, and if he wasn't 20 years older than me, I'd say it might have worked...

Oh I bet he does that to all the girls.

dvpower

cbmonstra wrote: »

I thought this was very amusing, and slightly weird as well...

I was about 16 and after blagging my way into a pub... Couldn't really believe I got in, was the first time I was ever in a pub, drinking underage.

So got chatting to a few fellas who came over to our table. They were definitley in their 30s anyway, and way too old for me and the girls I was with, but in our innocence we let them sit with us and have a chat...

One guy was paying me particular attention, and he asked my name so I told him what it was... My name is not unusual, but I spell it unusually and it's very long.

As soon as I told him my name, he proceeds to unbutton his shirt. I get a little bit freaked and start backing away... He shows me a tattoo on his chest of a mermaid, and my name over the top of it, spelled correctly and all!!
I was quite impressed, and if he wasn't 20 years older than me, I'd say it might have worked...

Good looks
Smart attire
Intelligent conversation
Good sense of humour
Unusual coincidence. Win.

Mr. CooL ICE

A friend from college used to go up to groups of girls and start charming them in every way possible, before picking out the most vulnerable looking one and saying "do you want to have sex with me?". If it didn't work, he moved on to the next group and rinsed and repeated. Managed to bring a girl home as early as 10pm by doing this.



And yes, it was a friend and not me. I certainly don't have the balls to do that

cc-offe

A fella once came up to me and said that he used to watch me through my window when he was doing work outside my house.....pretty weird because it went a bit like this

him "hey, do u remember me, i remember u, i used to be looking at you through your window, when you were pregnant, you were always reading magazines and stuff and i used to always watch u, would u like a drink?"

me "no thank you" and legged it, he then followed me around for the whole night.

fonecrusher1

cc-offe wrote: »

A fella once came up to me and said that he used to watch me through my window when he was doing work outside my house.....pretty weird because it went a bit like this

him "hey, do u remember me, i remember u, i used to be looking at you through your window, when you were pregnant, you were always reading magazines and stuff and i used to always watch u, would u like a drink?"

me "no thank you" and legged it, he then followed me around for the whole night.

You loved it.

BigDuffman

"Lets not turn this rape into a murder"..or "get in the van I've got a knife"

I'm a guy but one that a girl used on me was "What colour are your socks?" Simple as that..it worked for her too ?!

TheZohanS

orourkeda wrote: »

Howya love? How's your fanny?

Awwww....you had me at "Howya".....

Banned Account

NothingMan wrote: »

Walk calmly up to a girl with your most charming smile, announce to her "you know how I know we're going to have sex tonight", and when she replies somewhat sceptically lean closer and whisper gently in her ear "because i'm stronger than you.".

That doesn't work - I actually tried something similar a while ago, I decided to be a bit less cryptic though as she was a bit drunk so I replaced the "because I'm stronger than you" with "because I'm going to rape you"

Imagine my surprise when she called the Gardai - playing hard to get I reckon - now I just stalk her on facebook:cool:

silvervixen84

I was in Stockholm two weeks ago, and one night I went to a bar, ordered my pint and was standing at the bar watching one of the Argentina group matches.

This Swedish dude comes up to me, stands beside me and looks up at the TV that I am watching. He then turned to me and said "Do you think Messi has a big d***?"

It was so out of the blue that all I could think of to say back was "I dunno, never thought about it until now".

Very odd

Fart

Alrigh' luv...gizza sho' o' yer gash.

cc-offe

fonecrusher1 wrote: »

You loved it.

I did yeah....is that you mr crazy pregnant woman watching man??:)

fonecrusher1

cc-offe wrote: »

I did yeah....is that you mr crazy pregnant woman watching man??:)

Yes no?!

tommyhaas

Me: What does a polar bear weigh?

Victim: Eh, I dunno

Me: Enough to break the Ice

I tried this a few times when I was younger. Failed every time.

George Orwell 1982

How's your belly for a bastard?

Kento

tommyhaas wrote: »

Me: What does a polar bear weigh?

Victim: Eh, I dunno

Me: Enough to break the Ice

I tried this a few times when I was younger. Failed every time.

If a polar bear weighs enough to break the ice then surely there'd be no polar bears left?

bytey

pre coitus standard line :

'hows yor mother for blocks ? '



post coitus standard line :

'...and you tell me your fathers a guard ?'

Emoran

How's yer gee for a gallop ? Is it gallaopable !

personal favourite is straight out...

*Grabs Crotch
EAT THIS

sesna

Kento wrote: »

If a polar bear weighs enough to break the ice then surely there'd be no polar bears left?

They can swim

bmw535d

"Sooo, wanna go halfers on a bastard?"

Freefaller

"Hello my future wife" more then once

Didn't work though

IM0

orourkeda wrote: »

Howya love? How's your fanny?

"Nice and moist but if it dries up Ill let you know!"