Open Relationships - Kinda

Robroyman.

Hi all, just wondering if anyone has come across or being involved in a loving but sexless relationship where there is an understanding that if either half feels the need to seek sex elsewhere then they are permitted to do so by their OH.

Silverfish

Why are you asking this here, OP?

panda100

A loving but sexless relationship is called friendship non?

Vinta81

Robroyman. wrote: »

Hi all, just wondering if anyone has come across or being involved in a loving but sexless relationship where there is an understanding that if either half feels the need to seek sex elsewhere then they are permitted to do so by their OH.

Can't say I have to be honest. I don't see anything wrong with it, different strokes for different folks and all that jazz, but personally I couldn't be a in a sexless relationship.

Are you asking because you're in the or have the potential to be in this position yourself or are you just looking for a bit of chat/debate?

Improbable

panda100 wrote: »

A loving but sexless relationship is called friendship non?

+1

candy-gal1

Very true there panda100, Imho I think there is no such thing as an open "relationship", its just a loophole for cheating. If your going to be in a relationship with someone then great just be with them and enjoy sex with only them but if your going to sleep with anyone else then be single. its a black and white issue tbh.

Improbable

candy-gal1 wrote: »

Very true there panda100, Imho I think there is no such thing as an open "relationship", its just a loophole for cheating. If your going to be in a relationship with someone then great just be with them and enjoy sex with only them but if your going to sleep with anyone else then be single. its a black and white issue tbh.

Taking the cue from panda100, I would say that an open relationship would be something more akin to a friends with benefits arrangement than a relationship.

Malari

Robroyman. wrote: »

Hi all, just wondering if anyone has come across or being involved in a loving but sexless relationship where there is an understanding that if either half feels the need to seek sex elsewhere then they are permitted to do so by their OH.

The only time I've ever heard of this is in a movie/tv where the guy is in a wheelchair or 97 years old or something, and "allows" his partner to seek sexual fulfilment elsewhere.

I can't imagine that this happens much in real life where two normal, healthy people are involved.

panda100

Malari wrote: »

The only time I've ever heard of this is in a movie/tv where the guy is in a wheelchair or 97 years old or something, and "allows" his partner to seek sexual fulfilment elsewhere.

I can't imagine that this happens much in real life where two normal, healthy people are involved.

Similar type of relationship in the 'Girl with the dragon tatoo' as well.If anyones read that?

I definatly wouldn't say no to an open type of relationship, as I think I would get bored with the same person for the rest of my life.
I think it depends on the type of people involved. Someone, whose quiet insecure and needy wouldn't be able to handle their patner having a sexual fling every now and again,but it may work for others.

Robroyman.

OP here

The reason I ask is, had a conversation with a lady over the weekend who is in a sex less marraige, they get on very well apart from the fact that there is no intamacy between them after 20years of marraige and kids reared. The conversation then moved on to the possibility of a possible senario where either 1 or both could with mutual consent see NSF on the net or where ever, consenting adults and all that.....

So i was just seeking views on this from people that may know or have been in a similar position.

MJOR

it would be very hard to do it but some couples definately do, menopausal women sometimes feel too dry for love makeing. Ilness such as depression or cancer may mean a marriage is sexless for a while, but I dunno about allowing the partner to have other sexual partners

Improbable

Robroyman. wrote: »

OP here

The reason I ask is, had a conversation with a lady over the weekend who is in a sex less marraige, they get on very well apart from the fact that there is no intamacy between them after 20years of marraige and kids reared. The conversation then moved on to the possibility of a possible senario where either 1 or both could with mutual consent see NSF on the net or where ever, consenting adults and all that.....

So i was just seeking views on this from people that may know or have been in a similar position.

Never been in that type of relationship but as long as they both agree to it, I don't see a problem with it as it seems that they aren't really in a relationship but more of a close friendship at this point.

starlit

A couple of my friends have had open relationships and they all seemed to work ok for them. One infact had their relationship turned into something less casual and more serious and they lasted a good while. I think at a certain age that open relationships is probably better until you get to know your partner and everything else will either go one way or the other or fall into place. It's better worth knowing if your partner is someone you could commit to before going the whole distance otherwise you might/both/or other partner could get hurt in the process if things aren't clear between each other.

Delicate_Dlite

I have been in many open realtionships, though none were sexless. I know a lot of ppl kind it difficult to understand. It is not a loop hole for cheating. (At least in my case). It's simply adults deciding exactly what the want and being brave enough to go for it. I've been in traditional realtionship, and would never cheat. OR's are not simply an fb situation, I've had both and they've a very different dynamic, as do monogamous realtionships.

Problems only arise due to ppl not being honest with what they want or expecting it to lead somewhere else.

Malari

panda100 wrote: »

Similar type of relationship in the 'Girl with the dragon tatoo' as well.If anyones read that?

I have, but strangely I don't really remember that part of it!

panda100 wrote: »

I definatly wouldn't say no to an open type of relationship, as I think I would get bored with the same person for the rest of my life.
I think it depends on the type of people involved. Someone, whose quiet insecure and needy wouldn't be able to handle their patner having a sexual fling every now and again,but it may work for others.

To be honest I don't think those kind of people are the only ones who might be upset by their partner having a fling. I'm sure most vivacious, confident and independent people would also have trouble with their partner having a sexual fling!

Black Swan

Recently started playing a popular RPG called Dragon Age, and in the Origins first release (summer 2009), there's a female character (Morrigan) that insists she does not want a relationship with commitment (i.e., "open"). If you agree, and your male character scores with her, but then later pursues a relationship with another female character (Liliana), a classic love triangle occurs where Morrigan's script changes completely and insists that she doesn't like "sharing." So this thread issue even appears by game developers, especially the "Kinda" qualification in the OP title?

Improbable

Delicate_Dlite wrote: »

OR's are not simply an fb situation

Whats the difference between an open relationship and a friends with benefits arrangement with a close friend?

Wibbs

My understanding of it? In an open relationship there is the recognition of the primary emotional and sexual relationship. The partners agree to explore the sexual part with others, but return to the primary relationship. I've known a couple of swinger couples and they have very clear rules on the emotional front. Its not like an affair at all. If one of the partners gets emotionally involved that would be crossing a major line.

TBH I can see the logic. I personally consider emotional cheating way higher up the line crossing scale than sexual cheating. Would I be upset if a partner of mine threw her legs in the air for a one nighter? Hell yes, but I would freak a lot more if I found out she was emotionally intimate with one man for months. Even if no nookie happened. The one night shag can be worked on, months of an emotional connection is a lot harder to claw bak from as its shows a deeper disconnect.

I dont think I could do the open thing myself, but having known a few who have and have successfully, I can see the reasoning. I would even go so far as to say its more honest in certain ways.

Scarinae

Wibbs wrote: »

TBH I can see the logic. I personally consider emotional cheating way higher up the line crossing scale than sexual cheating. Would I be upset if a partner of mine threw her legs in the air for a one nighter? Hell yes, but I would freak a lot more if I found out she was emotionally intimate with one man for months. Even if no nookie happened. The one night shag can be worked on, months of an emotional connection is a lot harder to claw bak from as its shows a deeper disconnect.

This is slightly going off the thread topic, but what do you mean by emotionally intimate? I've seen 'emotional cheating' come up in a lot of threads and I'm a bit confused by it. I have close guy friends and would talk about a lot of things with them, but I don't consider that cheating on my boyfriend... Obviously I would share the same things and a lot more with him though. Is emotional cheating where you share everything with another guy instead of your boyfriend?

As for the actual topic - I don't think I could be in an open relationship. Some people can, certainly, but I think it's important that they both know exactly what they want out of it and that they are honest with each other. There's no point in agreeing to an open relationship so that you can have sex with other people, and then freaking out when your partner does the same thing.

starlit

my understanding of an open relationship is that you have a primary partner where you share all your needs both emotional, intimate, friendship needs but that both partners see other people but not become too emotionally involved with the other people. away of getting to know your partner but to get to know other people too if you're happy with your primary partner you might not want to see other people and then consider a serious relationship with your primary partner or perhaps with someone who you met through the seeing of other people.

Xiney

I have a good friend who is in an open marriage.

She has a husband and a boyfriend. She loves them both, and is intimate with both. The husband and boyfriend know about each other.

It was her husband who brought up the concept of polyamory, but he doesn't seem to be taking advantage of it to my knowledge... not that I've asked.




It's not something I'd personally consider right now, but I do find it fascinating.

seenitall

Whatever works. As long as everything is above board and no one is getting hurt or betrayed.

I couldn't do this - I find it difficult enough to deal with one person at a time!