Partners binge drinking

LegacyUser

Hi, I think its fine for everyone to have there own opinion but no one can really say she is over-reacting if they haven't been in a similar position. I myself am in a similar position although I have 2 children with my fiance. When we met we went out all the time together then we decided to have our first child, when I got pregnant I had to start being responsible and having respect for my body. Since then 3 years ago I have hardly been out. My fiance on the other hand has continued to go out, although now its once every couple of months, I also like many other people have no problem with my partner having a night out but his problem is that he cant stop, he can drink continually for days on end and also spend days in bed recovering. You are most certainly not over-reacting it is damn right disrespectful towards you and to himself. Im sure if you are like myself on a rare night out you wouldn't dream of coming home days later still ****ed out your face. It disgusts me.

LegacyUser

emmie_lou wrote: »

he cant stop, he can drink continually for days on end and also spend days in bed recovering. You are most certainly not over-reacting it is damn right disrespectful towards you and to himself. Im sure if you are like myself on a rare night out you wouldn't dream of coming home days later still ****ed out your face. It disgusts me.

Why is this man your fiancé?

muinteoir09

unregsitered wrote: »

Why is this man your fiancé?

+1

AngryBadger

emmie_lou wrote: »

Since then 3 years ago I have hardly been out. My fiance on the other hand has continued to go out, although now its once every couple of months,

So once EVERY COUPLE OF MONTHS your fiancé goes out

emmie_lou wrote: »

I also like many other people have no problem with my partner having a night out but his problem is that he cant stop, he can drink continually for days on end and also spend days in bed recovering. You are most certainly not over-reacting it is damn right disrespectful towards you and to himself. Im sure if you are like myself on a rare night out you wouldn't dream of coming home days later still ****ed out your face. It disgusts me.

If he's such a disgusting drunken mess why did you have another child with him and why are you marrying him?

I realise how harsh I seem here, but your post comes off very heavy-handed, I mean you say your partners behavior "disgusts" you, so why are you with him, and if he's always been like this why do you have 2 children with him?

And if this guy is a model partner the rest of the time what of it if he goes out and gets drunk once every couple of months?

Conversely if he's abusive, as in violent when drunk that's a different matter, but anyone who's so high up on their horse they start spouting at their disgust at other people going out and getting drunk needs to take a look at themselves in my view.

That's not an endorsement of irresponsible drinking, but it's also not an endorsement of a one-dimensional condemnation of people because they do like to go out and get drunk.

gavney1

OP, it's hard to know without more details, but it doesn't sound like your bf makes this a regular thing, nor that he's an abusive drunk or a particularly annoying one.Some people are very friendly drunks. Some people are loud, obnoxious drunks. Some people are very quiet drunks. Some people are abusive drunks.

If he doesn't make this a regular thing and isn't a particularly bad drunk (which only you can confirm), then I think you are overreacting. However, if he is a bad drunk, then you have a case for complaining.


Then again, whether you're overreacting may not be the point. Neither of you may be at fault, you may just not be right for each other. I doubt that's true though cause it sounds like you love him

*As a side note, I had an argument with my best friend recently cause I admitted to him that I ditched him in a nightclub and avoided him all night cause he was such a loud, obnoxious drunk (he's even gotten ME into fights before). He said that I should have been looking after him, but I say he's 26 and should know how much is too much - I didn't get all dressed up just to look after him. So, just to point out that both drinkers and non-drinkers seem to adopt a moral high ground at times.

tenchi-fan

WOW! Give the poor guy a break. It sounds like he doesn't go out much and when he does you make him regret it.

Esoteric_

Sybill wrote: »

I don't understand these responses.

This isn't a boyfriend she sees a couple of times a week. This is her partner of 5 years that she lives with. That supposedly respects her.

How can it be okay for him to come home that drunk, to come home that drunk again, and then not to come home at all because he's so drunk? How can it be okay for him to come home drunk anytime at all? Getting heavily drunk is not something admirable or acceptable except to people who want that permission themselves and so are willing to put up with it. Just because some of you like to get drunk yourselves you accuse people who object of being in the wrong and tell them to 'lighten up'.

A body may get drunk unintentionally the odd time - that's a matter for embarrassment and apologies. But intentionally? Or regularly? Not on if you live with someone.

A drunk person is a nuisance and seriously unpleasant. It's not okay to be a nuisance and seriously unpleasant to your partner.

I don't drink often, maybe once every few months and I don't get drunk. Yet I am more than happy for my partner to have his weekly night out with the lads and stay over in their houses afterwards. Sure, I get a bit irritated when he rings me drunk at 4am to chat, but that's the only issue.


The OP has a boyfriend. Not a grandad. He's presumably still a young man and deserves to be able to go out and have fun and get drunk now and then. He didn't come home because SHE told him not to.

tenchi-fan

muinteoir09 wrote: »

+1

-2 =0

You can't impose ridiculously high standards on people!

muinteoir09

tenchi-fan wrote: »

-2 =0

You can't impose ridiculously high standards on people!

I am not imposing standards on anyone. My +1 relates to the comment that if the OP has a serious issue with her partner then why is she with him? Nothing more than that. I was not making a judgement on the relationship or on drinking. Perhaps if one was to read back over this thread, one would see my opinion on drinking standards and not be so quick to comment.

Reesy

Maybe we're all reading the OP's post differently.

We're not talking about getting drunk every couple of months here, are we? We're talking about somebody getting drunk for days on end. Surely this is a sign of a real drink problem, no? Christ, if my OH did that I'd have a huge issue with it.

OP, maybe you could clarify - how drunk, for how long, and how often?