not sexually compatible

LegacyUser

I think my new BF and I, while we get on well are just not sexually compatible and I think it's a shame. He has an incredibly high sex drive and I just don't. He's especially keen in the mornings and wakes me up early trying it on. I had to be firm and ask him not to wake me before 7.30 at least cos i'm a terrible morning person and am not horny early in the a.m. at all! It takes me a while to WAKE UP at all but he's there like a duracell bunny and s'times it's a bit annoying. Sometimes when i call around he wants some action straight away and TBH I can't just turn it on that quickly. I like sex of course but at certain times and I need to be well warmed up! He OTOH seems to be ready willing and able ANY time! I feel he is starting to get a bit frustrated and while i'm mad about him, I just don't know what I can do and am thinking that maybe he's better off with someone with as high a sex drive as he has.
Sigh!

Miss Fluff

Well when are you horny? You need to make sure that you're around him if you like afternoon sex or you like an evening of sex before bed or whenever you do have the highest energy levels.

FYI, I'm the grumpiest grouch EVER in the morning but morning sex is very very horny. A nice slow sensual screw before getting up for a shower is bliss. As is a quickie before work. Or waking up in the middle of the night and having sex while half asleep. Love it!

That makes me sound like I'm on heat all the time...:rolleyes:

My point is. You are in a relatively new relationship so you need to find a balance you are both happy with.

"Being firm with him" and warning him not to wake-you up before 7.30am is a bit much tbh. You're not a pensioner. I presume you are young. Would you not give it a go and you may be pleasantly surprised? I'm not being harsh on you but it seems that the times when you have sex are completely on your terms and in allignement with your libido and I think that is incredibly unfair.

He finds you hot, he wants to have sex with you, so cut the guy a little slack and you may surprise yourself with the times of day that you feel some motion in the ocean. You might not be such an appalling morning person anymore if you have fun while waking up:)

LegacyUser

Well when are you horny? You need to make sure that you're around him if you like afternoon sex or you like an evening of sex before bed or whenever you do have the highest energy levels.

+1

FYI, I'm the grumpiest grouch EVER in the morning but morning sex is very very horny. A nice slow sensual screw before getting up for a shower is bliss. As is a quickie before work. Or waking up in the middle of the night and having sex while half asleep. Love it!

That makes me sound like I'm on heat all the time...

My point is. You are in a relatively new relationship so you need to find a balance you are both happy with.

while i agree with you, i get the impression from the OPs post that it sounds like the guy isn't making any attempt at foreplay or to get the op in the mood when he wants sex, sounds like hes just waking her up at 7.30am wanting to - stick it in - no body wants to be treated like a glorified sex toy all the time, i can imagine that would get very irritating after a while!

"Being firm with him" and warning him not to wake-you up before 7.30am is a bit much tbh. You're not a pensioner. I presume you are young. Would you not give it a go and you may be pleasantly surprised? I'm not being harsh on you but it seems that the times when you have sex are completely on your terms and in allignement with your libido and I think that is incredibly unfair.

I think thats a bit unfair tbh....Some women just need a bit of foreplay before they're ready for sex,(both physically and mentally) i don't think thats being unreasonable...

OP i think a bit of compromise is in order, maybe explain to your boyfriend that you need a bit of foreplay first, but yeah i don't think its fair to shoot him down every time he tries it on either, let him know you'll have sex with him as long as he puts a bit of effort into foreplay first..

Miss Fluff

ahhdcbjsd wrote: »

I think thats a bit unfair tbh....Some women just need a bit of foreplay before they're ready for sex,(both physically and mentally) i don't think thats being unreasonable...

Point taken, probably came across as quite harsh.

Think you need to talk to your BF about how you're feeling OP

Ickle Magoo

Are you enjoying the sex you do have OP? I only ask because if it was fantastic sex, you would want more of it...so is it a quality issue which is making a quantity issue?

Speak to your boyfriend, tell him what does it for you and what doesn't. Tell him if you feel pestered or that he just wants to gun in for penetration when you'd rather do something else or take it slower. He's never going to magically know what to do that really does it for you and there is no point thinking you have to change or split - you both have to be open and honest about what turns you on and off and then each work on and respect the others wants and needs.

Best of luck.

LegacyUser

OP here. Thanks guys. Yeah, the issue is more about not enough foreplay really. In the mornings he practically climbs up on me as soon as he wakes up wanting to get stright at it! And trust me, that does get annoying! And when i'm ready/ in the mood, i DO enjoy it of course.
I shouldhave a chat with him i guess. It's gas how guys can jsut switch it on from nothing. As for me, I need warming up, i'm afraid.

LegacyUser

it also depends on how long you have been going out (maybe not leaving together yet?) and how old are you? it might not be the most important but that could be the reason why he is so excited to be with you...if you have been together a while and now leaving together well this could be a sing of yes, having a higher libido than you.

I personally think the same amount of drive is important, again, person opinion, my ex and i had the same high level so never any lacking in that department, so much that he is style in touch with me (Im not hooking up with him but hes telling me about it) even thought he has been dating a girl for a year now. (we're broken up 4 years and our chemistry is still there!)

So my point is, yes, like previous posters said have a chat with him, communication is THE most important thing, and without that a lot of confusion can happens.

all the best and hope all works out!

AngryBadger

lowlibido wrote: »

It's gas how guys can jsut switch it on from nothing.

Biological imperative FTW!!! It's all about continuation of the species! :pac:

So when you think about it we're heroes really

OP I imagine he'll be delighted if you ask for more foreplay, guys love that too!

Emme

lowlibido wrote: »

OP here. Thanks guys. Yeah, the issue is more about not enough foreplay really. In the mornings he practically climbs up on me as soon as he wakes up wanting to get stright at it! And trust me, that does get annoying! And when i'm ready/ in the mood, i DO enjoy it of course.
I shouldhave a chat with him i guess. It's gas how guys can jsut switch it on from nothing. As for me, I need warming up, i'm afraid.

When you're older you'll look back on all this with fond memories, especially if you're living in a state of enforced celibacy, I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy...:mad:

Seriously, get him to wake you up with some kisses and cuddles and take it from there. Relationships are about compromise so try to work together on this. If a guy wants you it's a good thing surely?:D

LegacyUser

sexual incompatibility is one of the key things that leads to cheating and eventual collapse of relationships, even if people never seem to admit it. people very rarely admit they are not getting enough sex or that their OH wants it more than they do. if it's bad now at the start of the relationship, it will only get worse as time goes on...