Should I be in a hurry to get a man?

LegacyUser

I've been single a year now and had been in 2 relationships over a 15 year period (so basically was 18 the last time I was single). After chatting with a friend last night I kinda got the impression from her that I should be more focused on getting into a relationship.

I do still think about my ex but I'm in no hurry to start seeing someone. I'm of the opinion that it'll happen when it happens but I definitely don't want to be single for many years. Its a novelty for me to be single and I am ok with it but just wonder should I not be ok with it and be more focused on meeting someone? Should I be very weary of my age?

I don't want to feel pressure and sudden seem desperate !!

Contessa Raven

Hi OP,

I think you should focus on yourself for a while if that's what you want to do.
I imagine that after being in relationships for 15 years that you'd like to experience the single life for a while. There's nothing wrong with that at all. As long as you're happy then that's all that matters.

Some women in their 30's panic and start to worry about finding a partner for marriage and babies. Perhaps your friend is one of these women? Maybe it's her secret fear and she's projecting it onto you?
Maybe she's worried you are one of these women? I don't know but either way, if you are happy to remain single then go for it! Enjoy it!

Explain to your friend that you're happy as you are and that pushing for you to find a man is kind of annoying. I'm sure she'll back off.

Good luck!

CR

Emme

gotta get moving? wrote: »

I've been single a year now and had been in 2 relationships over a 15 year period (so basically was 18 the last time I was single). After chatting with a friend last night I kinda got the impression from her that I should be more focused on getting into a relationship.

I do still think about my ex but I'm in no hurry to start seeing someone. I'm of the opinion that it'll happen when it happens but I definitely don't want to be single for many years. Its a novelty for me to be single and I am ok with it but just wonder should I not be ok with it and be more focused on meeting someone? Should I be very weary of my age?

I don't want to feel pressure and sudden seem desperate !!

If you're a guy you have all the time in the world but if you're female over 30 and want children you might think of looking for someone. That said, it's better never to have children than to have children with the wrong person.

LegacyUser

if you're female over 30 and want children you might think of looking for someone. That said, it's better never to have children than to have children with the wrong person.

wow thats a terribly sad attitude to have, nobody should seek a relationship with the sole intention of procreation..

OP you're 33 now? the last time you were single was when you were 18?! thats a hell of a long time..personally i'd be in no hurry to "get into a relationship",even that very phrase says a lot about your friends attitude towards relationships, op nows the time to get to know yourself properly, im sure you've grown a lot since you were 18, don't be one of those people who jumps from relationship to relationship because they feel they should be in one, relax, enjoy being single, like you said it'll happen when it happens

WesternNight

loadsoftimeop wrote: »

wow thats a terribly sad attitude to have, nobody should seek a relationship with the sole intention of procreation..

Of course not, but it's a very important factor for a lot of people and unfortunately there's a time limit for women. If it's something a woman wants, then it's kind of impossible not to factor it into the equation.

In any case, OP, unless you *want* to seek another relationship, then there's really no problem being single for a while. There's no reason to feel like it's expected of you to be with someone, even if someone has given you that impression.

Basically, clichéd as it is, do whatever you want to do

LegacyUser

Emme wrote: »

If you're a guy you have all the time in the world but if you're female over 30 and want children you might think of looking for someone.

Wow, thanks for that stark reminder of reality. Thats not depressing at all !!!

I do feel content enough being single and I'm pretty sure I don't want kids but gosh I'd hope that if I change my mind in a couple of years that that would still be an option?? No??

I don't want to feel in any hurry to meet someone else so I'm very glad I'm getting opinions that this is acceptable!

Dudess

gotta get moving? wrote: »

Wow, thanks for that stark reminder of reality. Thats not depressing at all !!!

But it's true?

I do feel content enough being single and I'm pretty sure I don't want kids

Why start this thread so?

but gosh I'd hope that if I change my mind in a couple of years that that would still be an option?? No??

Well a woman's chances of conceiving decrease from quite early on, dramatically so from the age of 35. That's just reality.

I don't want to feel in any hurry to meet someone else so I'm very glad I'm getting opinions that this is acceptable!

So you started a thread only looking for answers you want to read?

Certainly do not go on a man-finding quest if you don't want to appear desperate and if you're happy being single. The only situation where it might be advisable to really put yourself out there (minus the desperation approach) is if you want to have your own children, but even then, hurriedly trying to "get" a man is hugely unattractive.

Micahelxcx

Enjoy being single while it lasts! You will know when you meet the 'right' guy. It may be today, tomorrow, next month or next year. Don't force it.
I agree that being a woman there is a timeframe to meet Mr Right if she wasn't to have children. A guy can have children anytime he wants. However, wanting to have children should not be the main reason for wanting a relationship. What happens if you can't conceive? What happens if he is shooting blanks? What happens if you break up having had a child?
First thing is to enjoy your single freedom. Travel, do lots of it! Write down all the things you would like to do as a single person. And try to achieve those tasks.
I know some friends who shacked up with their bfs in their early 30s and are now in unhappy relationships, marriages 'cos they just wanted to get married and have kids.
One of my oldest friends confided in me recently that she sincerely regrets marrying her bf when she was 34. She got pregnant a year later and now has two children. Her husband is out 4 nights a week and never takes her out. She is there, trapped in a loveless marriage looking after her children while he goes out, meets his friends and continues the life of a singleton.
You never know you could meet a guy in his 50s who is single and loves you to bits and wants to marry and settle down with you and have children. He could be out there, but you haven't yet met him.
I would politely tell your friend(s) that you don't need a lecture about personal lifestyles and you are happy and complete in your present social situation.