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dating sites

  • 08-07-2010 3:01pm
    #1
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,088 ✭✭✭


    dont know if this is the right section for this...
    are dating sites like pof a waste of time?? i joined up a few months back. i find it hard to get a reply from about 75% of the girls on it no matter what type of msg i send them.. i know some girls on it are only there to boost there egos and are only out to see how many emails they can get.. some are there just for a chat and have no interest in meeting anyone off it and this is fine if thats what they say in there profile but most of these girls dont say that. do ye think there are any genuine girls on it and how do you tell them apart from the timewasters??


Comments

  • Closed Accounts Posts: 3,243 ✭✭✭LighterGuy


    You're going to get alot of people saying dating websites are great ....
    Not to open up a can of worms ... but the majority of "pro" dating website replies you'll see is from women on here.

    Fact is if you are a guy using a dating website, you are going to get alot of unreplied mails. Sad fact is the men to women ratio is terrible. Its like going to a pub with 50 single people. 42 are men. The rest are women. What you think will happen?


    Not to mention the baggage some users have. Alot of users use it as a sex site almost.

    Pretty much there are loads of "cons" to using a dating site. The only "pro" is maybe meeting that special someone who you never would of met otherwise. ... which happens. But doesnt happen alot on such sites as POF. Alot of male users encounter conversations that just stop after 2-3 mails, or at best ... one date goes no where. Or just one night stands. Thats the reality of it.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,055 ✭✭✭Emme


    LighterGuy wrote: »
    You're going to get alot of people saying dating websites are great ....
    Not to open up a can of worms ... but the majority of "pro" dating website replies you'll see is from women on here.

    Fact is if you are a guy using a dating website, you are going to get alot of unreplied mails. Sad fact is the men to women ratio is terrible. Its like going to a pub with 50 single people. 42 are men. The rest are women. What you think will happen?


    Not to mention the baggage some users have. Alot of users use it as a sex site almost.

    Pretty much there are loads of "cons" to using a dating site. The only "pro" is maybe meeting that special someone who you never would of met otherwise. ... which happens. But doesnt happen alot on such sites as POF. Alot of male users encounter conversations that just stop after 2-3 mails, or at best ... one date goes no where. Or just one night stands. Thats the reality of it.


    I agree, and I'm a woman. I would imagine that users under 30 are mostly male but the ratios even out and you get more men than women from age 35 up. Personally I think it's better for both men and women to get out in the real world. I hate dating sites with a passion! :mad:


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,088 ✭✭✭sean1141


    im not a pub person so meeting someone that way is out.. also live in the back arse of nowhere and there is verry little in the way of clubs or groups to go to.. said i would try the dating site thing..

    was chatting to one girl for about 2 months. usually a msg every day or so.. after 6 weeks i asked her for her number. she said she didnt feel like giving it out but that she liked talking to me. so i said fair enough chatted to her for another 2 weeks before i closed my account. i said to her i was not going to be using the site anymore and gave her my number and email. she replyed with her picture which i had never seen before even do i sent her mine at the start. i told her her picture was nice and that i hoped i would hear from her by text or email. that was a week ago and havent heard anything since!! kinda weird lol


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 4,791 ✭✭✭ash23


    sean1141 wrote: »
    was chatting to one girl for about 2 months. usually a msg every day or so.. after 6 weeks i asked her for her number. she said she didnt feel like giving it out but that she liked talking to me. so i said fair enough chatted to her for another 2 weeks before i closed my account. i said to her i was not going to be using the site anymore and gave her my number and email. she replyed with her picture which i had never seen before even do i sent her mine at the start. i told her her picture was nice and that i hoped i would hear from her by text or email. that was a week ago and havent heard anything since!! kinda weird lol


    Classic mistake really. I don't use them anymore but I did last year.
    If someone hasn't asked me out within a couple of emails I stop talking to them. So many guys are there to "chat" and I need something more pro active than that.
    I also wouldn't give out my number. It doesn't mean I don't want to go on a date but if a guy asks me for my number but isn't backing it up with a concrete meetup then I would be wary.

    After 2 months you hadn't even seen her picture??? Another mistake really. I don't talk to people who won't send a picture right away. Why waste time?

    You got too invested in this girl. It's that simple really.
    You have to go into it reminding yourself that you've never met or spoken to or seen this people. A few emails and then it's time to meet in person. Because there's no point emailing for months and then meeting and no spark. Or emailing someone for months and they have no intention of ever meeting up.

    Basically, chatting for a bit is fine but if they are reluctant to meet then it's pointless so move onto the next person.

    Girls on the sites are probably in the minority but on the other hand the amount of messing and crap that girls get is pretty high. Lots of men looking for sex, getting slightly obsessive, being abusive etc.
    Being overly familiar is another bug bear. I'm not your baby, your darling or your honey. I don't know you. (not you specifically, just referring to emails I've recieved).
    I deleted my profile after the 100th message looking for NSA despite stating on my profile I was interested in dating.
    Waste of time for me. Just wasn't my scene.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,088 ✭✭✭sean1141


    when she asked for my pic i said ya if she sent hers back. she said she would but never did. asked her a few more times but she always made an excuse. i asked her about meeting up she said she would if she got to know the person she would.. dropped hints about getting her number from time to time also but she never gave it out.. if a guy askes to meet up to soon girls are giving out that they are only looking for sex but if they leave it too long they only want to chat!!
    ash i aggre with you on the meeting up early part. you can tell more about a person being in there company for 5 mins than you will in 100 msgs!!
    maybe you should pm me:P


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,600 ✭✭✭Micky 32


    From experience a total waste of time. Also the majority of women on those sites have issues or are not very attractive and not to mention average looking women being fussy expecting to meet Brad Pitt's. Probably because she gets 100's of emails when she joins up and makes her think she is " special" so she thinks she has more options than she really has in reality. There is just something different about women from them sites, a different persona or something. I can't put my finger on it. They just don't work. Of course in there somewhere like a needle in a haystack you just might find that genuine one there, somewhere.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    I'm toying with the idea of joining a site. Just broke up with a guy after a month. He was the first guy I meet for ages. Most of my friends are settled and don't come out very often so my chances of meeting a guy are not good at the moment!

    What sites are good and what one are bad?


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    I'm a girl who is on a dating/ networking website. I'm in my mid twenties. The reason I'm on it is that I believe you'd miss out on a lot of very interesting people if you leave it down to finding them in the real world. I'm not necessarily looking for someone to go out with. I have stated on my profile I'm just looking for friendship. I generally do not reply back to most emails. The reason?, well I'm busy with life. Since I've been on it, I've only found two people I really click with. They're in other countries though but seem like really great people. The spare time I do have to reply to anyone is spent on them.

    I don't reply to other people unless they REALLY stand out, as I don't want to waste anyone's time. Emailing requires time. Maybe some people are very fast at it, but I put time into it. I prefer to make sure my replies are meaningful, instead of replying to absolutely everyone, then setting expectations that I'll always reply - it's an impossible situation. It makes things much simpler not to reply in the first place.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    sean1141 wrote: »
    asked her a few more times but she always made an excuse. i asked her about meeting up she said she would if she got to know the person she would.. dropped hints about getting her number from time to time also but she never gave it out..

    Far too eager by the sounds of it. Once is enough to ask someone something. I don't mean to be harsh but I much rather a straight out approach. The above behaviour sounds clingy. I could be way off here but I'm just trying to help in finding a reason why it mightn't be working for you. Best of luck with it.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 991 ✭✭✭Birdsong


    OP, I have done on-line, and definatly would not message someone for more than a week, if he hadn't suggested meeting up at that stage I would. If not on for it then, I wouldn't bother. You can't get to know someone at all by messaging on line, you have to meet up to see if there is a spark. I messaged a guy once for 3 weeks, by the time we met I was bored with him.

    I said in my profile that I wasn't going to be messaging forever, nothing like real life. You should also put your photo up (don't be worrying about who you know will see it, it doesn't matter) then you can say in your profile no picture no reply, no message. Lots of people do this.


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,600 ✭✭✭Micky 32


    onlinegirl wrote: »
    I'm a girl who is on a dating/ networking website. I'm in my mid twenties. The reason I'm on it is that I believe you'd miss out on a lot of very interesting people if you leave it down to finding them in the real world. I'm not necessarily looking for someone to go out with. I have stated on my profile I'm just looking for friendship. I generally do not reply back to most emails. The reason?, well I'm busy with life. Since I've been on it, I've only found two people I really click with. They're in other countries though but seem like really great people. The spare time I do have to reply to anyone is spent on them.

    I don't reply to other people unless they REALLY stand out, as I don't want to waste anyone's time. Emailing requires time. Maybe some people are very fast at it, but I put time into it. I prefer to make sure my replies are meaningful, instead of replying to absolutely everyone, then setting expectations that I'll always reply - it's an impossible situation. It makes things much simpler not to reply in the first place.


    But i would bet every penny i have if you went on a date right now off the site and the guy liked you i would bet you won't answer his text or emails after the date :rolleyes:


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 3,243 ✭✭✭LighterGuy


    onlinegirl wrote: »
    Far too eager by the sounds of it. Once is enough to ask someone something. I don't mean to be harsh but I much rather a straight out approach. The above behaviour sounds clingy. I could be way off here but I'm just trying to help in finding a reason why it mightn't be working for you. Best of luck with it.

    I dont like to directly go against another users opinion on here. Its rude. However that is so wrong.
    The fact is the op sent his pic to her, asking her to send one in return .. she said yes. She never did. She fobbed him off. Thats not "pushy" behavior on his part. Thats "well i sent you the picture... cant i see yours like you said?"

    Op, you made a mistake. Dont worry. Happens to alot of us. You were just talking to a girl who wasnt that interested .. but yet, fobbed you on with so many mails and what not. What you had was just a penpal type of thing going. But learn from it :)



    as said above with ash23... here are some very good tips:

    1, always see a persons picture. If not already on the profile. Thats like one of the first things to do, same stage as finding out what their name is.

    2, It would be nice to build up a little repour over a good few mails. But with the rate of female users chatting to "one guy... stopping... then another" is quite bad. After a few mails in you should be talking about meeting up/or phone number. Find the balance. Not to quick. But not too long.

    3, Usually phone number comes first before meeting. Brings the conversation to a further level (texting, phone call even) ... if any user says i do not give my number out on here, that is complete bs. That is a fob off answer. You will have no chance of meeting such a person. And if you ever did meet them down the line? ... its because they wanted to get out that particular night.

    4, Never mention about a persons ex. Alot of people on there have baggage. Last thing you want is to hear that. Goes in dating in general. I think if you talk about a persons ex you usually remove any romantic possibilty you would of had.

    5, If you ask people how many dates have you had? 99.9 percent say "i've never met anyone off the site"

    6, Certain users on POF are on other sex contact sites. Yeah. Believe it. A simple search in google of their username will show them with full kit off. Yet on their POF profile they firmly state do not message me looking for sex.

    7, Dont be a sucker like many a man has on dating sites. To meet up with a girl, bring her to a pub or fancy place to eat, and for you pay the bill... and to never go out with her again. A small date with a coffee and chat is way better.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,088 ✭✭✭sean1141


    thanks for all the replys folks.. keep them coming..


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 537 ✭✭✭gavney1


    Hey Sean

    I was a fairly active member on POF for about the last 2 months. I've arranged to meet girls a few times now but been cancelled at the last minute by all but one (who I went on a second date with last night - and she's lovely:)). I think some of LighterGuys points are spot on btw, you need to find the right balance of emails - don't wait too long to ask a girl out, and don't be too quick - I think it's best to ask her out by about the 6th email

    I've closed my account now though. The reason is that I find the girls on it seem interested for a few days and then suddenly stop. I don't mind a girl ignoring me the first time, that's fine - I accept that I may not be someone's type. But I hate being led on.

    On the other hand, I feel for the girls on the site, esp the particularly attractive ones. I doubt they ALL just think it's an ego-boost. I'd say it's genuinely annoying to have 50 messages in your inbox every day saying "hey, how are you"

    The consequence of this is that I think that women end up being overly picky on the website (I'd probably be the same if the roles were reversed). Like, some girls seem to lose interest because you're not both into the exact same things. In the real world, no two people are exactly the same. And in the real world, you'd be willing to give someone a chance, even if they didn't exactly meet your criteria. I know countless couples (me and my ex gf included) where they didn't hit it off at first. My sister met her now-husband through work 15 years ago. Apparently she hated him at first and thought he was completely obnoxious. But, because she saw him every day, she got to know him and turns out they're a perfect match! My brother met his wife in a bar through friends and he thought she was stuck-up at first because when he introduced himself she just said "oh ok, excuse me please" and walked off. She wasn't stuck up, just very very shy. If they hadn't known each other through friends they never would have talked again and never fallen in love.

    This is why it's hard to meet people randomly in bars I think. It's not cause there's no decent people in bars. It's cause most of us are socially inept (both guys and girls)

    There are advantages to online dating sites though. If you put enough effort into your own profile and are willing to accept that you're going to encounter lots of time wasters, you'll eventually get somewhere. But it's hard work. It's a bit like speed-dating in that way. It's not enjoyable, but the end result may be worth it.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,600 ✭✭✭Micky 32


    LighterGuy wrote: »
    I dont like to directly go against another users opinion on here. Its rude. However that is so wrong.
    The fact is the op sent his pic to her, asking her to send one in return .. she said yes. She never did. She fobbed him off. Thats not "pushy" behavior on his part. Thats "well i sent you the picture... cant i see yours like you said?"

    That's my point. Those sites attract mostly women like that who play mind games like that.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 4,791 ✭✭✭ash23


    Micky 32 wrote: »
    That's my point. Those sites attract mostly women like that who play mind games like that.

    I've been contacted by guys like that too! It's not just girls.
    One asked me to meet up and I agreed if we met at the half way point. It was an hours drive to his. He cancelled but any time he mentioned meeting up, he was never willing to travel.
    Another expected me to meet him at a gig he was playing. I'm sure he was just trying to impress by showing he was a musician but really? Expecting me to travel 45 mins to sit in a pub watching him? I wouldn't say to a guy "oh for our first date you can come to the office and watch me work".

    There are numerous guys on the site who are like this. You act like all the girls are b!tches and all the guys are gems. It 'aint like that at all! I'm a genuine gal but those guys would probably say I'm too fussy or whatever.
    But they need to look at their own behaviour.
    I don't need a first date to be a big meal in an expensive place. but I would want them to make an effort, travel at least half way, not cancel at the last minute and not be so self absorbed as to make it about them. One guy asked me to go to his brothers wedding with him! As a first date!!!
    It's madness.


  • Posts: 0 [Deleted User]


    I really do not know much about Dating Sites but I think they would be a lot like Chat Rooms and I and one of my girlfriends use chat rooms a lot, especially one in particular.

    The impression I get from chat rooms, and I would not be surprised if it extends to your dating sites, is that it is not like some users are saying here that the main problem is the “male to female ratio” or like the OP thinks that the girls have an “ego” and just want attention. I certainly do not think the problem is that it attracts “mostly women like that who play mind games”.

    What I do think it is, is that most of the girls who sign up genuinely want to use the sites (or the chat rooms) but they are met by a bombardment of lads who are after no strings sex, dirty chat, MSN camera sex and more. The type of guys who think the word "fun" actually means "sex" and nothing else and they PM you saying "Hey baby you want some FUN".

    Essentially they then just lose interest in the sites and stop coming on them. They leave disillusioned because finding the one “nice guy” in the waves of “horn dogs” is just not worth the effort.

    The reason such a high % of your emails are going unanswered to them, is quite simply because on a lot of those sites the girls you are emailing have long given up and are not logging in and reading ANY of the emails any more.

    Us guys are our own worst enemy in this sometimes and it is horndog perverts on chat rooms and sites that ruin it for the rest of us and drive out the girls that genuine guys are there to try and meet.

    Try it sometime, if you are a girl log into a chat room, or if you are a guy pretend to be a girl for just 2 hours, and see the kind of messesges you get PMed. As a random example the girlfriend of mine who uses the rooms just last week got PMed with a guy who, without even saying hello, just said "Have you ever chocked a guy with your legs” and another guy who without even a hello sent her "Panties or thongs baby?" or her personal faveorite was "Hey baby, if I was only 6 inches tall where would you put me"

    After that experience ask yourself “Would I, as a girl, keep coming back to a site like this to meet genuine guys???”

    I think you will find for the most part you will answer “no” though clearly SOME girls stick it out.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 4,791 ✭✭✭ash23


    Actually for the craic there I logged onto my POF profile for the first time in months.
    And one of the the first messages I opened said this
    Love the picture of you. Do you like the beach? (the pic is me on a beach in the winter) Maybe we could meet up sometime on a secluded beach and have sex. I love having sex outdoors.

    Well, it was actually less polite and more explicit than that. Involving banging etc.......
    And then blokes wonder why girls don't reply!


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 537 ✭✭✭gavney1


    ash23 wrote: »
    I've been contacted by guys like that too! It's not just girls.
    One asked me to meet up and I agreed if we met at the half way point. It was an hours drive to his. He cancelled but any time he mentioned meeting up, he was never willing to travel.
    Another expected me to meet him at a gig he was playing. I'm sure he was just trying to impress by showing he was a musician but really? Expecting me to travel 45 mins to sit in a pub watching him? I wouldn't say to a guy "oh for our first date you can come to the office and watch me work".

    There are numerous guys on the site who are like this. You act like all the girls are b!tches and all the guys are gems. It 'aint like that at all! I'm a genuine gal but those guys would probably say I'm too fussy or whatever.
    But they need to look at their own behaviour.

    I think your spot on. There are lots of time-wasters on these site, both guys and girls. I have to admit I've chatted briefly to some girls purely out of politeness.

    I think there's alot of arrogance from some guys also to assume that a girl should reply to him. Some people seem to have an unfounded sense of entitlement. It's the same as I find with some of my friends in bars. They approach a girl badly while drunk, and if she ignores him he calls her "stuck up". In my view, it's the guy who is "stuck up" in that situation, for assuming that a girl should like him


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,600 ✭✭✭Micky 32


    Of course it goes without saying there are a lot of men on those sites that are not very nice, especially married men.


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,137 ✭✭✭Monkey61


    I'd say a 25% response rate is actually very good OP. I'd imagine that the interest rate would be much lower for anyone approaching randomers on a night out with a view to dating.

    First thing I would say...is your profile actually any good? And are the opening emails you are sending in any way interesting? Online is different to real life, where you might instantly be able to win someone over with the force of your personality. When someone has the time to sit back and read a message/profile, they have time and space to make up their minds.

    If it is bland or just doesn't stand out, then you have no chance. Sure some people will give anyone a chance just in case they turn out to be amazing a few emails down the line, but most won't - especially if they are getting inundated with mails. One thing that I always notice about people's profiles - when they list the things they enjoy as socialising, travel, films, sitting in with a dvd and a bottle of wine, going out with friends for a nice dinner and then to comedy gigs etc - most people like those things. They are not going to grab anybody's attention as they say nothing about you as an individual. You have to try and get across the essence of you in a profile.

    I've had great success with internet dating (and my photos were actually a bit rubbish) and most people I have met have said that they weren't initially mad into my pictures, but what made them either send me a message, or respond to mine, was that they thought my profile was funny, quirky and made me seem interesting.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 2,847 ✭✭✭HavingCrack


    I've been on POF a few times and originally I sent off a load of fairly run o the mill generic e mails to a some girls and got zero replies. I changed my angle then, started reading profiles and tailor made e mails and got much better responses. I did find a lot of girls will e mail you two or three times and then suddenly stop for no reason but I usually just forget them and move on.

    Interestingly lately nearly all of my mails on it have been iniated by the girls to me ;) but an awful lot of them go 'hi, how are you?' so I've started to ignore them. Its made me realise how annoying it must be for women to get countless mails like this every day.

    Generally I wouldn;t give out my number before meeting up-the last thing you need is some nutter with your nubmer if the date doesn't work out well.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,088 ✭✭✭sean1141


    so what kinda stuff on your profile attracts girls??


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 416 ✭✭greengirl31


    I've used POF for a while - well on and off for the last 6 mths or so. I got chatting to a guy and we went on a date - went really well even though we were both nervous. went on a second date and that went well too ... He seemed very keen in that he'd always ring first etc but then all of a sudden the emails/txts/calls got less frequent till i went in one evening only to see he'd deleted his profile !!! very odd ...
    anyway, I'm thinking that that site may not be the best one ... can anyone recomend a good one ... ??


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,088 ✭✭✭sean1141


    i think thet are all the same to be honest...


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    sean1141 wrote: »
    so what kinda stuff on your profile attracts girls??

    1. A photograph that shows you smiling, natural. Not beside a big car, not with your ex, not swilling beer, not looking sleazy. Just natural and fresh.

    2. Honesty. If you are up for a NSA relationship just say it. No lies. Honesty is a big hit with women. If you want a long term relationship be honest, even if you are willing to settle for NSA. If you are married or are in a relationship be honest about this. There are plenty of people interested in NSA's with people in that situation.

    3. Put in as much genuine detail in your profile as possible with a genuine pic. This is the only way women/men who suit you will actually respond.

    4. Try humour. It is up there with honesty in the attraction stakes. Be real. Be yourself. **** it. What have you got to lose?


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 2,847 ✭✭✭HavingCrack


    sean1141 wrote: »
    so what kinda stuff on your profile attracts girls??

    Try to get some good pictures of you up on it and avoid being general in your profile-don't just say you like music say you like bands such as U2, Stereophonics etc. Or if you like sports say what sports you like and why. Try putting the detail into your profile rather than just speaking in general-you have to make yourself stand out from the crowd.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Thought I`d throw in my two cents here. As a female, mid twenties, who has tried a few dating sites, I ended up throwing in the towel and deleting my profiles. The thing is, most women who are on dating sites are there because they are looking for a genuine relationship or even a casual one but a relationship being the operative word. The majority of men on dating sites, althought they outnumber women, tend to be after NSA sex, "casual fun", etc etc. Please take into account the huge double standards in society. Women who enage in no strings sex are called a plethora of deragatory names and most women are not going to answer a mail and say "sure man, lets meet up and have no strings sex....here`s my number" . I know I certainly wouldn`t.
    The majority of mails I got from men were either lame one liners like "Hey hon, looking good, pm me okay xx" or "Hi, Im Joe, how are you?" . TBH, I never would even consider answering a mail like this. If he cannot even be bothered to take a few mins to write a decent introduction, then he`s really not that bothered and most likely has sent out the same message to multiple women to see who`ll respond. Also, a lot of the profiles looked pretty dodgy, ie most of the "about me" section blank, or he just says "I`m not good at filling these out--pm me and see" or some such crap. I can count on one hand the amount of genuine decent guys who contacted me, but I have LOST COUNT of the amount of pathetic one -liners and requests for NSA sex I recieved. FFS, I joined a *dating* site becuase I wanted "to date"---if I`d wanted no strings sex, I`d have joined a sex site instead. Guys don`t seem to get this.Also, another strange thing was this: I would often get a guy writing me a decent intro mail and I would respond with a well put together and friendly answer, `he`d email back once and then I`d never hear from him again. I mean why bother contacting a girl and then dissapear after one or two mails??? I don`t get it.
    In the end I got pissed off with all the BS and called it a day.
    So take heart OP, girls have a tough time on these sites as well.....different kinds of problems I think, but never the less..


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,088 ✭✭✭sean1141


    i get that most lads on these sites are only out for the one thing and thats why its hard for genuine guys to get responses back. guys are only jealous of girls that can pick up a guy for sex anytime they want because they wish they could do the same!! hence the names!! but then there are the girls who put up half naked pics of themselves...what kinda msgs do they expect to get?? then there are girls who write a very small description of themselves and expect a big long msg in return.... give a guy something to work with ffs...

    i have often written a girl a detailed msg based on her profile only to get a msg like 'thanks for the msg. how are you?' back.. why should i write to her again?? she most likely didn't read my profile or if she did she couldn't be arsed to send a msg based on it back. girls are in the minority on these sites but it doesn't give them a reason to respond like that and then wonder why these guys dont write back (not saying this is what you did rainbow) but it is things like that that turn genuine guys off and then they stop sending these msgs and revert back to 'how are you?' which dont get responded to at all!! rant over!!


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 537 ✭✭✭gavney1


    have to +1 sean's message above.

    I've only been contacted by a handful of girls on the site without first contacting them, but any time a girl has emailed me first, they've not been particularly creative either - it's usually just "hi, how are you"


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,088 ✭✭✭sean1141


    i would be willing to reply to anyone who contacts me regardless of the msg but i really hate the way some girls have this minimum lenght of a msg they can recieve and then only reply with 'how are you?'....


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 140 ✭✭hotspur147


    because its free pof is probably the 1st site that everyone uses to start "dating".i was on it for a while and encountered most of the problems everyone else has.some of the profiles were down right weird and i felt some of the girls we just there to chat not to meet.
    moved to match.com without realising it was a pay site.filled out a profile but didnt pay and left it for a week or so,checked back and found that 8 girls contacted me.paid the 70 quid for 6 months,chatted to some really nice people who were genuinely interested in meeting and dating.and i now im seeing a really nice girl who i met tru the site.money well spent.i guess what im saying is that if people are going to the trouble of paying for a site then that should mean that they are serious about looking for someone not just into messing guys or gals around.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Just wanted to share my story. Before I met my OH (not on a dating site), I met a guy on one of the paid sites and we started emailing back and forth. He seemed very decent and nice. He was in his early 40s. We had arranged to meet up, and I asked him to send me his pic (my pic was in my profile, so he had known what I looked like all along) so that I could recognize him straight away. He didn't answer my question, instead he said that "something came up". Haven't heard from him since.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 2,847 ✭✭✭HavingCrack


    Just wanted to share my story. Before I met my OH (not on a dating site), I met a guy on one of the paid sites and we started emailing back and forth. He seemed very decent and nice. He was in his early 40s. We had arranged to meet up, and I asked him to send me his pic (my pic was in my profile, so he had known what I looked like all along) so that I could recognize him straight away. He didn't answer my question, instead he said that "something came up". Haven't heard from him since.

    Creepy...


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Oh yeah, forgot to mention -I tried POF myself and it was an "interesting", if dissapointing experience. Lots of responses to my ad which was good but as Ive said earlier, an awful lot was BS which I didn`t`bother with.
    My strangest story with POF and I kid you not, was a guy from Canada who contacted me asking if irish girls were good at fighting. He then sent me more messages asking had I ever been in a fist fight with a guy and would I be willing to fight him? Said he wanted to have the expereince of fighting a woman. A fair and square boxing match he said. I explained that it was POF not Fight Club and proceeded to block him.
    I won`t even go into the other wacky mails I got....

    Plenty of fish and plenty of freaks.....

    Rainbow


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 537 ✭✭✭gavney1


    ^ I'm guessing he was joking. He sounds like someone who misinterpreted the advice "make yourself stand out" and went a bit too far to the point of sounding weird.

    I tihnk lots of guys try that sort of approach with women in real life too. Some guys can pull it off and sound quirky/funny, other guys don't and just sound weird


  • Posts: 0 [Deleted User]


    LighterGuy wrote: »

    Alot of male users encounter conversations that just stop after 2-3 mails, or at best ...

    Ya i have this problem, it really annoys me.

    It's like the first message i send contains feck all info, just testing the water, and if they reply from there i can expand a lot more, but well over half of them just stop after between 1-3 messages :confused:

    I don't get it, i don't say anything controversial or just bat on about myself, messages don't be massive but long enough to show a bit of personality(IMO the girls who put me off are the 5/6words a message, i'm the opposite, maybe i'm the ''wrong'' one?).

    I have pictures up so if they had no interest then why even bother replying the first time?.... just a few days ago i had a 5/6 message convo with a girl who was writing pretty long messages back, asking stuff... then no reply... messaged again saying ''bored of me already?''...no reply..... i don't get it :mad:


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 2,847 ✭✭✭HavingCrack


    New Update :o

    Deleted my POF account there today as a huge amount of girls my age on it seem to have children which isn't what I'd be interested in at all. Think this is the first and last time I'll give online dating a go I reckon.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    I am a female in my 20's and I tried pof last year. At first I replied to all messages but this became too time consuming and tbh annoying to reply to the same 'hi, how are you' type thing. One message I got was a bit risky in that if picked up wrong could make the sender seem a bit weird. It was to do with my height and being a tall woman! I replied to it and following more correspondence on pof and MSN, we met up.

    We are now going out 8 months and he is the love of my life. There is a bit of a distance between us but we don't let that stop us. I could never have met someone like him where I'm from so it balances out the issue of distance, he's just one of a kind and everything I dreamt of in a man. If you live in a place where you are unlikely to meet someone, as I am, then it's good. Fair enough there are time wasters on it, but if you persevere and keep your messages interesting then you could get lucky like I did.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 416 ✭✭greengirl31


    New Update :o

    Deleted my POF account there today as a huge amount of girls my age on it seem to have children which isn't what I'd be interested in at all. Think this is the first and last time I'll give online dating a go I reckon.

    Are women with children not allowed to use dating sites or go on dates ??????

    Fair enought that you don't want to date with someone with Children - each to their own but there's filters that you can use!!


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 2,847 ✭✭✭HavingCrack


    Are women with children not allowed to use dating sites or go on dates ??????

    Fair enought that you don't want to date with someone with Children - each to their own but there's filters that you can use!!

    You're just taking what I said the wrong way. Obviously women with children are allowed to date, the fact that you clearly believe that I think they shouldn't is slightly insulting I must admit.

    My point was that in my age bracket (early twenties) a substantial proportion (50-50 nearly) of women appeared to have kids which cut down on the number of women I'd be able to contact hugely and pretty much made the numbers on there too low to make it worthwhile.


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