Marriage Over?

born2bwild

I don't love my wife. She spends a lot of the year - 3,4 months - in her own country (she's <snip>) and I am happier when she is away on these trips.
We don't have children but she treats me really well when we are together, indeed she insists that she loves me. We're apart now and will be for the next few weeks.
I don't know what to do. It's a mess made worse by the fact that I have fallen in love with a work colleague, who...wait for it...doesn't love me back.
Wife insisits that she's coming back but I think it's better if she stays in <snip>
Part of me actually cares about her. I mean I care about her. She's a decent, generous person. Sex is great. She's hot. Maybe I'm just bored and this is what happens after five years of marriage? Don't know if I should just move out of our house (mortgage is a mill stone around my neck) or try to rescue the relationship.
Oh crap. What a situation. Help?

AngryBadger

Sounds like something needs to change OP. LDR are difficult to maintain, and it definitely sounds like you're not happy in your marriage. Is there any possibility of either of you relocating?

EDIT: Sorry missed the bit about your mortgage.

It seems like the only way out of this is to end it if you're adamant that you're happier when your wife is away. That is assuming you've spoken to her about this and at least tried to find another solution?

born2bwild

Sorry, what's LDR? Probably obvious. We actually lived in her country a few years back. Didn't work out. Who's to say that if I end this I won't end up finding someone worse than current wife? The distance between us has been welcome up to now - 'a recipe for a happy marriage is lots of time spent apart' - but since I met this other girl (who doesn't love me!) I have begun to want something more fulfulling. I have discussed this (by email) with current wife and I think she's eager to try to work on the relationship.
That would be great except that all that I can think of is that I wish she would stay in her own country. I'm worn out by certain aspects of the relationship (I 'carry' her to a great extent in Ireland doing stuff for her that she will or can't do for herself)
It's possible however, that I'm talking and thinking myself into feeling this way. Maybe It's also possible that I can talk and think myself back into loving my wife.
Thanks for your reply!
The following adjectives describe my marriage: 'dependent' 'not that bad' 'part time' 'irritating' 'boring' 'unfulfilling' 'habitual' 'lonely'. Is this normal? Has anyone gone through a 'rough patch' like this only to live happily ever after? The killer is that the only time when I like the sound of her coming back is when I think about sex.

AngryBadger

LDR = Long-Distance Relationship

Might not strictly apply to your situation, but 3/4 months a year is a long time to be apart, particularly when ye are married. I can't help but feel like things would always be half-starting if she's in her own country that much of the time.

I've never been married so I can't speak from experience about what's "healthy"., or "normal" but that's not a great list of adjectives describing how you feel about things.

If you have discussed this with your wife, over e-mail or whatever, then maybe the next step is marriage counselling? A third party might help to identify the problem areas in the relationship.

Although it does seem to me that when you're spending that much time apart you're always going to be putting things on hold until she returns, and never really starting anything long-term because you know she'll be gone again for another 3/4 months.

born2bwild

Thanks for your reply!