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Personal Experience

  • 02-07-2010 12:53am
    #1
    L.Jenkins
    Moderators, Computer Games Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 19,242 Mod ✭✭✭✭


    I wasn't one for opening up with respect to LGBT topics relating to myself. I've been bi for a long time or just accepted what was already there. The same when I accepted being a TS and wanting to transition, even though I'm just coming to terms with it at the moment.

    I've only resently come to terms with these issues in my life and feel ten times happier that I have and a only a couple of friends know at the moment. I found that I was battling these thoughts and didn't want to accept the inevitable because I felt brainwashed in to believing the opposite of what I now feel.

    The main issue in my life is wanting to transition and I'm feeling ever so different, happier at the thought of the end result and alittle if not more confident, but I am being bomarded with a ton of other feelings like fear.

    After accepting all this, I still retain my initial sexual preferences but find myself looking at people in a far different way. I now look at women as attractive in a hetro female way. I think I should right a blog though. What I have to write is alittle much for one thread. Anyone have similar feelings or additional experiences.


Comments

  • #2
    Links234
    Closed Accounts Posts: 20,944 ✭✭✭✭Links234


    ItsThatManAgain wrote: »
    but I am being bomarded with a ton of other feelings like fear.

    You're going from emotional repression to opening the flood gates on everything you've had bottled up for years. Coming to terms with being trans is an extremely difficult thing to do on it's own, the fear and anxiety of transition on top of that is something I can't even put into words. When I was in denial I was a stone emotionally, I just blocked everything out and didn't want to feel anything. Now things are completely different and sometimes I feel like I'm drowning in my own emotions, some nights I've spent hours alone crying, just bursting into tears for no real reason, sometimes crying out of sadness and a lot of times crying out of happiness. It's overwhelming. But it's also quite wonderful.

    Don't worry though, fear is natural. Transition is a huge step, you'd be insane not to have fear! Doubts, worries, fears, they are all perfectly natural.

    I really recommend giving this a good read if you get the chance: http://www.genderpsychology.org/gid_case_study/index.html

    And definitely start a blog.
    I meant to start one too but whenever I want to right something I just don't know how to start. :confused:


  • #3
    L.Jenkins
    Moderators, Computer Games Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 19,242 Mod ✭✭✭✭L.Jenkins


    Thats how I felt, like a stone and now that I just let go, it's like a flood. I'll have a read of that. I'll need lots of Counselling, but I'm just bursting at the moment waiting to start. She's going to get an ear full that for sure, but in a good way :)

    It's actually felt like a liberating experience, but as you said the fear is natural and it's going hand in hand with everything. I actually set up my blog, but I've got writers block already. I'll think of something before the day is out.


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