What do i do now we have split up.... pls advice needed!!

minnieq · 01-07-2010 1:48pm #1

Hi all,

I have broken up with my partner of 10 yrs. We have 2 children together. I have no job (gave up work after having DS and i worked since i left school) as we agreed i was going to look after the children as he worked and could support us all.

Now we have broken up i have no job, no money, no where to go (as the house is his) I have nothing and i dont know what to do. Never thought this would ever happen. He said i can stay in the house but in the long run that is not going to work! I am trying to look for work but caught as i cant afford childcare. He will not pay childcare! He gives me 150 a week for shopping.

O god what can i do??

SarahSassy · 01-07-2010 1:52pm

The house is the family home so he should be moving out not you and the kids.... Get some advice from the local citizens advice bureau on your rights here... He will also have to pay maintenance and cover the cost of chidcare. Know your rights and get what you are entitled to.

Nevyn · 01-07-2010 2:01pm

Try and get down to the local health clinic and go see the welfare officer they can advice you on what your entitlements are.

Biggins · 01-07-2010 3:27pm

By the way (get your own legal confirmation of this), as you have contributed to the cost of the bills and mainatining the homestead, you are underlaw consided to be a common law wife as such and thus entitled given some conditions, all of which I think you meet so far, to 50% of the home.

...but this can be confirmed from those mentioned above or from free legal aid.

(Been thru a divorce myself)

01-07-2010 7:04pm

yes definitely get your good advice before doing anything else and good luck

minnieq · 01-07-2010 8:15pm

Thank you all for your information.

We are not married and i always though i would not be intitled to anything. I will have to get on to citiz advice in the morning and check things out.

Wish i could stand on my own two feet and walk away with my 2 kids, very hard to do that with nothing in the back pocket.. Plus were not really speaking so thats making matters a whole lot worse as we cant seem to talk about things and what to do.

LegacyUser · 01-07-2010 8:24pm

I really feel for you OP its a horrible situation to be in, one thing my mother always instilled in me was to always always make sure you have your own seperate "running away money" no matter how much you love someone..They're his children too, so make sure you go after him for child support.

Stheno · 01-07-2010 8:45pm

Biggins wrote: »

By the way (get your own legal confirmation of this), as you have contributed to the cost of the bills and mainatining the homestead, you are underlaw consided to be a common law wife as such and thus entitled given some conditions, all of which I think you meet so far, to 50% of the home.

...but this can be confirmed from those mentioned above or from free legal aid.

(Been thru a divorce myself)

No such thing as a common law spouse in Ireland. OP do you own the house jointly or is it solely in his name? If it's in both your name then you do have some rights and Citizens Advice will be able to advise you of them.

wadk · 01-07-2010 9:44pm

hi op,nearly certain new laws brought in if couples are co habiting more than 3 years they are entitled to half of others gains whether signed to agreement or not,seek some free legal advice on the matter.

minnieq · 01-07-2010 9:50pm

No house is in his name as is everything. Well the car is in my name but is his as he paid for it. He is paying all the bills to.

Understand about the running away money and if i had it now i woud be running.. Got myself into a hole that i though would never happen! How stupid was i!!!!:(:mad:

Stheno · 01-07-2010 10:10pm

wadk wrote: »

hi op,nearly certain new laws brought in if couples are co habiting more than 3 years they are entitled to half of others gains whether signed to agreement or not,seek some free legal advice on the matter.

That law has not yet been passed.

minnieq wrote: »

No house is in his name as is everything. Well the car is in my name but is his as he paid for it. He is paying all the bills to.

You need to seek legal/citizen's information advice definitely in that case, as the house is only in his name and you are not married, you do have have any automatic claim to the house, and would have to go to court to claim for any contribution you have made over the year to the costs of the house/bills.

You are entitled to maintenance for the children.

If he's offering to allow you to stay in the house with the children, is that not an option for you?

minnieq · 01-07-2010 10:24pm

He is offering me to stay and i can manage that, but we are not speaking so it is impossible living here. Us living together is not going to work long term..

I feel so

and :mad: about the whole thing, DC are the ones that are going to suffer and it breaks my heart. As for getting half of his belongings, i have no interest in any of that. Wish i had kept on my own job and have my own money lesson learned !!!

wadk · 01-07-2010 10:33pm

why don't you stick or alter your post in the legal discussion forum and see what responses you get,beats us armchair legal eagles trying to give you advice on the housing issues.:)

Stheno · 01-07-2010 10:37pm

minnieq wrote: »

He is offering me to stay and i can manage that, but we are not speaking so it is impossible living here. Us living together is not going to work long term..

If you have the space in the house that you both have your own bedrooms and the kids are taken care of too, the perhaps mediation would be an option to give you an unbiased third party who will guide you through coming to an agreement as to how you can remain in the same house and coparent the children, even in the short term until you get back in the workforce etc? Family mediation are excellent, I used them myself when I seperated from my ex, and they really do a fantastic job.

There is a bit of a waiting list, but it's an option that may well be worth exploring, they are impartial, won't take either side, and work through all of the issues logically and factually

See Family Mediation Service

Biggins · 02-07-2010 11:22am

nouggatti wrote: »

No such thing as a common law spouse in Ireland. OP do you own the house jointly or is it solely in his name? If it's in both your name then you do have some rights and Citizens Advice will be able to advise you of them.

Would have to disagree with you there (so would my solicitor), she would be entitled to part of the home and the changes that were voted on last night were to partly reinforce this area of law.

Friday July 02 2010
THE Civil Partnership Bill will, for the first time, give legal recognition to same-sex couples in Ireland. It will recognise same-sex civil partnerships.
Couples who register their relationship with a civil registrar will have many of the same entitlements and will be subject to many of the same legally enforceable obligations as parties to a civil marriage.
These include protections and obligations across areas, such as: l Protection of the couple's shared home. l Domestic violence. l Residential tenancies. l Succession. l Pensions. l Taxation. l Social welfare. l Immigration. The bill also provides rights for cohabiting couples, both same-sex and heterosexual, who are neither married nor in a civil partnership.

http://www.independent.ie/national-news/what-the-new-legislation-will-mean-for-couples-2243239.html

See also: http://www.independent.ie/national-news/samesex-partnership-law-one-of-biggest-changes-in-90-years-2243238.html

What do i do now we have split up.... pls advice needed!!

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