Girlfriend driving me crazy in more ways than one

LegacyUser

Okay, im going unreg for this, need some advice about my relationship with my girlfriend, this is going to be a long one to get everything out, her name for this is kate

I know her for about three years through work and we were never friends only talked to her a few times, then a few months ago one of her friends said that kate liked me so i asked her out

went out and had an unbelivable time together, we clicked straight away and i knew instantly i was in love. we started going out two or three times a week and got very close very fast, it was clear then she liked me just as much a i liked her

in the last couple of weeks there have been alot of problems between us, the first one is that kate can never and i mean never make up her mind about something, everything that we do no matter how simple is a big decision that she can never make, its gotten to the point now where ill avoid asking her to make a decision just to make things easier

She cant say what she wants to say, its like she has something on her mind thats bothering her but she wont tell me, if i do something she doesnt like she wont tell me, she hides it inside and i can see on her face that theres something wrong but she will never tell me what when i ask, its like she expects me to be a mind reader. then if i dont figure it out she gets even more upset

All of these problems link together, cant make her mind up, not saying what she want to say and the next one is the mood swings. It gets so bad sometimes that i ask here when we wake up or when i see her first which kate am i dealing with today, for example we had an unbelivable week end together, spent friday saturday and sunday together and it was fantastic, we talked about every thing and anything went out by night stayed in bed all day together, it was perfect, then i go to see her yesterday and see doesnt say three words to me and ignores me for most of the time im there, its unbelivable

Im always the one trying to do things for us both, i plan the weekends away, i ring her or text her first im always the one to kiss her first, she has never kissed me first and this one really bothers me, once i start the kissing she goes at it like theres no tomorrow but i always have to start it off.

it makes me think sometimes that she doesnt like me at all but i talked to her friend about our problems the other day and she told me that kate told her that she really likes me
i said to her friend that i dont think i can take any more because she is wrecking my mind, the last few weeks have been a total rollercoaster emotionaly. i said to the friend that if she doesnt cop on shes going to loose me and the friend started crying because she knows how much we care about each other

should i stick it out? should i keep trying to make this relationship work? i love her and when we are together and shes in a good mood its like heaven to me, when km not with her i think about her all the time,but when shes in a bad mood its absolute hell for me and i really dont think i can handle that side of her anymore

Any advice, anything will be much appreciated

MrMojoRising

emotional rollercoaster wrote: »

in the last couple of weeks there have been alot of problems between us, the first one is that kate can never and i mean never make up her mind about something, everything that we do no matter how simple is a big decision that she can never make, its gotten to the point now where ill avoid asking her to make a decision just to make things easier

She cant say what she wants to say, its like she has something on her mind thats bothering her but she wont tell me, if i do something she doesnt like she wont tell me, she hides it inside and i can see on her face that theres something wrong but she will never tell me what when i ask, its like she expects me to be a mind reader. then if i dont figure it out she gets even more upset

All of these problems link together, cant make her mind up, not saying what she want to say and the next one is the mood swings.

welcome to the world of women. seriously, these types of issues are v common with most (if not all) of the women out there. i'm afraid you're just gonna have either put up with it, or give her the heave ho.

AngryBadger

MrMojoRising has the right of it, a lot of women take it for granted that men will (should?) just put up with this kind of behavior.

The question is whether you are willing to put up with it or not OP, personally I wouldn't be but then I try to take the view that I'm not looking for a pet or a project, we're all meant to be adults now including your gf, so is it too much to expect that she act like one at least some of the time?

Kimia

Hey hey hey guys! I really don't agree. I'm a girl and I think that her behaviour is atrocious, and if I was you I'd be really annoyed. How dare she be so moody with you - expecting you to know what's wrong with her. God that annoys me. I had friends like that when I was a teenager and (I'm not friends with them anymore) this was one of their 'things'.

Tell her how you feel about it and if she doesn't immediately apologise for being so moody and narky (without any reason) she's probably used to dealing with things like this and she probably won't change.

God I hate people like this. I could never go out with someone like her anyway - I can't even be friends with people like this, it's so draining. Best of luck op!

LegacyUser

MrMojoRising wrote: »

welcome to the world of women. seriously, these types of issues are v common with most (if not all) of the women out there.

So it follows that if one man rapes a woman, that means most men, if not all, are rapists?

OP, if she's wrecking your head, you'll have to let her go. You can't spend your time walking on egg shells. It'll drive you mad, and the relationship won't be any better for it

Wibbs

I agree its not a gender issue. I know as many men who couldnt or dont want to make a decision to save their lives. Pretty much every woman reading this will know or have gone out with the type. The "ah whatever you want love" types. It just comes out differently and as there is the belief among some men and women, that men are the decision makers, you're more likely to find it with women. IMHO in either sex it boils down to laziness, immaturity and looking for someone to blame for things they should take responsibility for. The mind reading guff you're getting is part of this too.

Its incredibly wearing and unless you're the type of person who wants the project or wants control all the time it will drive you up the wall. Even if you're that type it will drive you up the wall. Now I may have an overly sensitive response to this type as I've gone out with a couple of people like this, but I would scrape her off.

Too radical? OK then she needs to see this stuff wont fly. When she gets into an unspecified strop, I'm pretty sure you hit her with the 20 questions. "are you alright/what's up" etc. Which if she follows the pattern will just make her more stony faced and give her more fuel for her ire(must remember that one..). Simple fix for that. Don't engage. If she sticks the lower lip out like a child, ignore it. In a pleasant way. Be a nice and cheery chap. She'll try to ramp the emotionals up, but again just reply nicely but dont engage in her game.

If she cant make her mind up, dont wait for her to do so. Make the decision for her. Or walk away from that decision at the time. If she comes back at you playing the blame game for you making the decision, don't engage her in that either. Dont rev up the emotionals. Again that's what she's looking for. Basically starve her of her box of emotional tricks she uses to get her own way.

Sounds longwinded and like you're training her? Yep, hence I say the scrape off solution is the easiest. Let someone else knock the corners off her on their time. You wont get thanked for it.

LegacyUser

Hi OP,

Your girlfriend sounds incredibly insecure. I would imagine her sulks and bad moods to be an act of attention seeking and I'm guessing she's looking for you to reassure her how much you love her etc. Some people are just like that unfortunately.

This is backed up even more by the fact that she waits for you to arrange everything. It seems to me like she needs the constant reassurance that you want and need her, by the fact that it's you who always has to reach out both in terms of organising your weekends away, and reaching out for physical affection.

Depending on whether you want to stay with someone who is so insecure or not, it may be worth sitting her down and explaining exactly what you've said in your post. She might not realise how childish and spoiled is being and it might wake her up a bit to her own actions. I am giving her the benefit of the doubt here, you know her better obviously, so take your time before you make any harsh decisions.

Best of luck OP.

banquo

It's okay. That's normal girlfriend behaviour.

TitoPuente

Emotional abuse is still abuse. Dump this girl and find yourself a woman.

LegacyUser

thanks for the advice guys its been helpful and much appreciated, ive decided enough is enough and im going to confront her about it this weekend while we are away, im not going to dump her without talking to her because i care about her too much

im going to see what she has to say about the way she has been treating me and if shes not willing to give a little more in the relationship im going to break up with her

actually shes going to have to give alot more because since i first posted shes been worse than before, and its driving me crazy that she wont try talk to me at all