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Future newspaper headlines

  • 29-06-2010 2:37pm
    #1
    CrazyRabbit
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,659 ✭✭✭


    "Fans sue Fifa for vuvuzela induced deafness"

    "Hearing aid manufacturers announce 50% increase in sales"

    "Ban shorts & skirts to save our kids from pedo monsters!" (Trust me, it'll be in The Sun at some point)

    "Serial sex attacker gets 20 year suspended sentence"


«1

Comments

  • #2
    Pauleta
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,778 ✭✭✭Pauleta


    Cowan: The money was resting in my account


  • #3
    Mick Daly
    Closed Accounts Posts: 558 ✭✭✭Mick Daly


    The Sun - Ashley Cole: I am GAY


  • #4
    Kiith
    Moderators, Computer Games Moderators Posts: 23,282 Mod ✭✭✭✭Kiith


    Irish Times - Boards.ie blamed for 5 million lost work hours.


  • #5
    recylingbin
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,001 ✭✭✭recylingbin


    Pauleta wrote: »
    Cowan: The money was resting in my account
    :eek:
    COWANGATE!


  • #6
    Elbow
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,484 ✭✭✭Elbow


    Kiith wrote: »
    Irish Times - Boards.ie blamed for 5 million lost work hours.

    Jesus you put down a long day :D


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  • #7
    bonerm
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8,595 ✭✭✭bonerm


    "Man walks on the Moon (this time for real)."


  • #8
    Banned Account
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,553 ✭✭✭Banned Account


    Freddie Starr did not eat my hamster - It was a joke confesses man on death bed.


  • #9
    MonkeyTennis
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,098 ✭✭✭MonkeyTennis


    Last man out of Ireland turns off light


  • #10
    ejmaztec
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 24,230 ✭✭✭✭ejmaztec


    "Taoiseach murdered - 4 million people arrested on suspicion"

    "AIB lent money to a customer"


  • #11
    Birneybau
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 10,383 ✭✭✭✭Birneybau


    "Ronan the Babarian"-

    Showbiz article wherein Ronan Keating has 2 pints and makes a young fan cry.

    Written by Paul Martin of the Daily Mirror.


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  • #12
    The_Joker.
    Closed Accounts Posts: 320 ✭✭The_Joker.


    "Mary Harney - lands a role as Jabba the hut in star wars 7"


  • #13
    Steodonn
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 357 ✭✭Steodonn


    Labour win election


  • #14
    The_Kew_Tour
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 34,460 ✭✭✭✭The_Kew_Tour


    Mayo are All Ireland Champions



    Actually nah


  • #15
    starbelgrade
    Closed Accounts Posts: 20,739 ✭✭✭✭starbelgrade


    "Johnny Giles Caught Danger **** on Camera During TV Ad Break."

    Fellow TV pundit, Eamon Dunphy, commented on the issue saying that, "It was a good ****, not a great ****."


  • #16
    danniemcq
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 14,163 ✭✭✭✭danniemcq


    Fifa allows video replay introduction.

    Wait is meant to be real future headlines?


  • #17
    eightyfish
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,100 ✭✭✭eightyfish


    "Remember: 1966. Two World Wars And One World Cup -
    Why This Year Will Be Our Second!"

    -The Times (UK), May 2030


  • #18
    starbelgrade
    Closed Accounts Posts: 20,739 ✭✭✭✭starbelgrade


    "Japan / Paraguay* are Out of Africa"

    * = Delete as appropriate


  • #19
    Capt'n Midnight
    Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 93,579 Mod ✭✭✭✭Capt'n Midnight


    Jordan has a new man.


  • #20
    Mick Daly
    Closed Accounts Posts: 558 ✭✭✭Mick Daly


    Real IRA blow up Queen Lizzie during Irish visit


  • #21
    starbelgrade
    Closed Accounts Posts: 20,739 ✭✭✭✭starbelgrade


    Capt'n Midnight wrote: »
    Jordan has a new man.

    Jordan has a new man / new baby / new breasts / new autobiography / new perfume *.

    * = Delete as appropriate


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  • #22
    storm2811
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,183 ✭✭✭storm2811


    Jordan has new genitalia.

    Now that would be interesting.


  • #23
    Princess Consuela Bananahammock
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 33,754 ✭✭✭✭Princess Consuela Bananahammock


    Exclusive: Only Morons read Tabloids!

    Everything I don't like is either woke or fascist - possibly both - pick one.



  • #24
    ElaElaElano
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,508 ✭✭✭ElaElaElano


    starbelgrade wrote: »
    "Johnny Giles Caught Danger **** on Camera During TV Ad Break."

    Fellow TV pundit, Eamon Dunphy, commented on the issue saying that, "It was a good ****, not a great ****."

    "It was a **** that lacked conviction, Bill. It lacked guile and conviction."


  • #25
    Stinicker
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 7,102 ✭✭✭Stinicker


    31/12/2011, Goodbye Cruel World

    01/01/2012, Phew


  • #26
    Princess Consuela Bananahammock
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 33,754 ✭✭✭✭Princess Consuela Bananahammock


    ElaElaElano wrote: »
    "It was a **** that lacked conviction, Bill. It lacked guile and conviction."

    *wipes face* We leave it there, so...

    Everything I don't like is either woke or fascist - possibly both - pick one.



  • #27
    chupacabra
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,415 ✭✭✭chupacabra


    "Man found Dead in Graveyard"


  • #28
    Lando Griffin
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,952 ✭✭✭Lando Griffin


    The Sun. July 2010. Fabigoes as Becks appointment promises the good times. The Sun. December 13 2012. Maya christmas. Silent night for dooms day revellers as ancients fail math.


  • #29
    Stinicker
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 7,102 ✭✭✭Stinicker


    The Cork Examiner: 21st/02/2011, Plane Crashes in Cork Cemetery, so far rescuers have recovered 2,354 bodies.


  • #30
    Superbus
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,784 ✭✭✭Superbus


    World announces undying devotion to Dear Leader

    Sub-heading - 'L's now to be pronounced as 'R's.


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  • #31
    starbelgrade
    Closed Accounts Posts: 20,739 ✭✭✭✭starbelgrade


    Feb 27th, 2035.

    "The Holy One Has Died.

    Today, the world mourns at the death of it's leader & spirit God, as the great Bono is laid to rest"


  • #32
    Eddie Ere
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 832 ✭✭✭Eddie Ere


    "Facebook becomes self aware, D-Day beckons"


  • #33
    Din Taylor
    Closed Accounts Posts: 162 ✭✭Din Taylor


    starbelgrade wrote: »
    Feb 27th, 2035.

    "The Holy One Has Died.

    Today, the world mourns at the death of it's leader & spirit God, as the great Bono is laid to rest"
    25 more years of his sh1te????


  • #34
    starbelgrade
    Closed Accounts Posts: 20,739 ✭✭✭✭starbelgrade


    Din Taylor wrote: »
    25 more years of his sh1te????

    Don't shoot the messenger. ;)


  • #35
    DazMarz
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8,493 ✭✭✭DazMarz


    "It's WAR! The U.S.E. and the U.S.A. declare War"


  • #36
    starbelgrade
    Closed Accounts Posts: 20,739 ✭✭✭✭starbelgrade


    April 1, 2018

    "Ireland Are World Cup Champions"


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  • #37
    questionmark?
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,078 ✭✭✭questionmark?


    Daily Mail : Breathing Oxygen gives Kids cancer

    Evening Herald : Dunphy Digs Dogging in Dublin


  • #38
    starbelgrade
    Closed Accounts Posts: 20,739 ✭✭✭✭starbelgrade


    "Government Proposals to Cancel Saturdays is Passed as Friday becomes a 48 Hour Day. Unions Not Happy"


  • #39
    Misty Chaos
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,363 ✭✭✭Misty Chaos


    The Times ( UK ) 12/05/2017

    Revolution in Ireland as FF backed Irish Government is forcibly removed by Maverick Army Officers.

    14 / 5 / 2017

    Ireland to now be known as the People's Republic of Ireland.


    ...........


    I'll get my coat.


  • #40
    DylanS09
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,640 ✭✭✭DylanS09


    Blind woman gets new kidney from dad she hasn't seen in years


  • #41
    starbelgrade
    Closed Accounts Posts: 20,739 ✭✭✭✭starbelgrade


    Joint Committee Investigates Marijuana Use


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  • #42
    starbelgrade
    Closed Accounts Posts: 20,739 ✭✭✭✭starbelgrade


    Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges


  • #43
    Mick Daly
    Closed Accounts Posts: 558 ✭✭✭Mick Daly


    First Black Pope


  • #44
    Sharpshooter
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 31,859 ✭✭✭✭Sharpshooter


    starbelgrade wrote: »
    April 1, 2018

    "Ireland Are World Cup Champions"

    lulz!

    I was about to say even Jordan wouldn't swallow that, 'til I copped the date.

    September 10, 2016

    Louis Walsh admits he's Gay!!

    Stephen Gatley comes back from the dead to confirm Louis's revelations!!!

    September 12, 2016

    Andrew Cowles admits affair with Louis Walsh Shocker!!!!!


  • #45
    JONJO THE MISER
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 12,333 ✭✭✭✭JONJO THE MISER


    Osama Bin Laden caught with his pantz down.


  • #46
    Mick Daly
    Closed Accounts Posts: 558 ✭✭✭Mick Daly


    Daniel O'Donnell cums out

    Paul Gascoigne drug overdose

    Russell Brand dies during sex game


  • #47
    argosy2006
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 4,210 ✭✭✭argosy2006


    Hodgson Walks admidst board room Mayhem


  • #48
    starbelgrade
    Closed Accounts Posts: 20,739 ✭✭✭✭starbelgrade


    Veterinarian Takes Over as Panda Mating Fails Again


  • #49
    Killer Pigeon
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,132 ✭✭✭Killer Pigeon


    "From Russia with love; ex-Soviet spies steal Irish passports."


  • #50
    Capt'n Midnight
    Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 93,579 Mod ✭✭✭✭Capt'n Midnight


    questionmark? wrote: »
    Daily Mail : Breathing Oxygen gives Kids cancer
    oddly considering O2 is a known carcinogen it's NOT on the Daily Mail list of things that cause cancer
    http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=269512464297





    http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/6646012
    Evidence has accumulated implicating that atmospheric oxygen can be considered as an important environmental mutagen, whose action can be potentiated by a variety of environmental factors. Under normal conditions oxygen genotoxicity is largely prevented by a cellular antioxygenic defense system, which must be extremely efficient, but might not be entirely safe. A better understanding of this defense system may help to suggest how the incidence of carcinogenesis can be minimized.


  • #51
    bonerm
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8,595 ✭✭✭bonerm


    starbelgrade wrote: »
    April 1, 2018

    "Ireland Are World Cup Champions"

    .... for just another 10 weeks.

    "Unfortunately the small Island country, who won the title in 2014 were unable to qualify for the finals this time after meeting stiff competition from a qualifying group consisting of Slovenia , Armenia , and the Faroe Irelands. Manager Brian Kerr is now our last hope for an Irish World champion in 2018."


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