Straight gone wonky

LegacyUser

Hi

I didn't realise you could post anon here so hope others who have experienced same can help...:-/

I been a straight laced gal all my life and always dated and fancied guys. I sometimes admired women but never thought anything more of them. Until recently one night I met this brilliant girl, and despite all I started to really like her. We met up twice on nights out and got intimate both times. She'a smart, caring...everything you could want in a person. Initially I fought against the whole thing and denied that it was happening because I was always straight but now I'm finding it hard to ignore. I like her for who she is, regardless of gender. I don't like to label myself as being bi or les.

To me, she's beautiful. The minute I laid eyes on her it was like wow! I would love to meet her again for a proper date. But I messed things up by blowing hot and cold on her and acting stupid...and this is why I am writing here...

Up until last weekend we had been chatting fairly normally by text. I was hoping to meet her after the pride...and was going to ask her to be my date at it but then chickened out...so I kept the conversation light about the parade...joking with her that she'd have to get a big frock for it...etc...and I didn't make any arrangements with her to meet.

Anyway, on the night of the prade, i left it very late to text her because I had been busy the whole day but she didn't reply.

Now what I did next was the start of my own personal parade of disaster...I text her again...and a few times more...letting her know where I was whenever I moved to a different pub with my friends...still no reply.

On sunday night I sent her another text (yes, another one!...) apologising for all the texts I sent on saturday night and to explain how I felt...still no reply...

So yesterday I decided that I would leave it altogether and forget about the whole thing. I was embarrassed by my actions.

But luck was not on my side...

Last night by complete freak accident i sent her a blank text when I was texting someone else! I couldn't cancel the poxy thing! So I had to send another bloody text to explain why I had randomly sent her a blank in case she thought I was really bonkers! However, I also took the opportunity to ask her directly if she'd like to meet for coffee this saturday? ...It seemed like a good idea at the time...where has my brain gone?!

In sum,I haven't heard from her since early last week now. I'm bummed. I feel like a proper twat cos I've opened up to her and admitted that i like her. Even though I'm a girl, I've no idea how to read her. And I have no idea what I am doing! I've never been in this situation before.

I've made a complete pink balls of the situation! Typical disaster stuff! Whatever could go wrong, has gone wrong. And I've come across way too forward, and said the wrong things which is not what I'm like in normal situations. The poor girl must think I am wired to the moon.

Chances are on Parade night she was out locked when I texted her and couldn't even see her phone and then on sunday she was probably suffering the mother of all hangovers and the last thing she wanted was "straight gone wonky" annoying her.

But i'm embarrassed and annoyed at me for making a absolute idiot of myself.

What should I do? Or can I do anything? Bury my head in the sand cos I'm an ass already?!

Help pleaseeeeee!

Thanks for reading.

Dark Artist

Unfortunately I'd advise you to just leave it now. Don't blame yourself too much - the fact that she's a girl makes it a new situation that you've never learned to deal with before. If you don't contact her anymore, she's not going to be angry. After all, she's had enough chances to reply to your texts.

Leave it. She's more likely to get back in touch if you do. And if she doesn't, that's life, but again don't feel like you could have done better. You've tried your best considering the fact that you thought you were completely straight to begin with. That must have been very disorientating for you.

LookingFor

Hmmm...how many of us have NOT been in a situation like this at some point?

It's quite common for Cupid to make a tit out of people, you just have to learn your lesson and stop him doing it in the future...

Of course, it is very hard when you have feelings for someone to stop yourself sending a text...and then another one...and then another. Don't feel too badly about this, it happens more than you might think.

But you're going to have to discipline yourself now. Step away from the keypad I would advise against sending her further texts at least any time in the near future. It's quite possible that this has scared her off, so you need to not reinforce any impression you may have left with her.

Does she hang out anywhere with particular frequency? You could arrange to 'happen' to be somewhere she might ordinarily go to, and bump into her a bit more naturally. Also, don't apologise to her too much if you do see her...just be your normal self and hopefully you can get on a level with her again.

Eebs

Welcome to your first gay crush. I think it's always way more intense the first time you have a homo crush. It's sort of nerve wracking and exciting and all that initial excitement can mean you over do it and come on a bit too strong without really meaning to. It's ok. It's no big deal, it happens to everyone at least once.

So I'd say just leave it now sadly, if it is meant to be she'll text you. She may even have lost her phone (I was texting my mate all pride to find she'd not got her phone) or who knows so just try back off and maybe you'll even see her out and about. Either way let her make the next moves.

Don't beat yourself up though, we've all done it.

LegacyUser

Thank you Dark Artist, Looking For and Eebs for your sensible advice. The whole situation has turned comical really. Cupid's having a great old laugh. And he's found the perfect candidate for it.

I'm going to put my phone under lock and key for a while. Damage limitation and all that...

LookingFor wrote: »

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Does she hang out anywhere with particular frequency? You could arrange to 'happen' to be somewhere she might ordinarily go to, and bump into her a bit more naturally. Also, don't apologise to her too much if you do see her...just be your normal self and hopefully you can get on a level with her again.

Nope, I'm not doing that. That's what you call "a good old stalk" and it would freak the be-jesus out of her. She knows that I don't go to gay bars often so she'd know straight away if she saw me. I'm as subtle as a merecat when it comes to these things. My head would be on a swivle gawking around to see if she was there.

It's funny because I'm incredible grounded in so many ways. But it's been panic at the disco since this happened.

Yes, the whole thing has been disorientating. Maybe it's just a passing phase? I dunno...