Is it really an affliction to be Single??

Madame Razz

A good male friend of mine is in the process of a marriage break up. Aside from all of the complications of division of assets, custody and access etc, one of the foremost things on his mind is 'being single again'. I know several female friends sticking with partners 'for the sake of it' because they simply can't cope with the notion of being single. I have two other male friends doing all they can not to be single; they are almost frantic about it; and I know several woman to whom it seems a most unfortunate position to be in. It was also a topic of conversation on the radio today with several texts coming in essentially echoing the above sentiments; and relatively few from people actually happy to be single.

Is it really that unfortunate to be single?? Is it really a terrible affliction?

I had a ball when I was on my own; have things changed dramatically in the last 2 years?? Does the Big R have something to do with the 'being single' panic?

Xiney

Well, people are going out less since the recession, and being single & jobless does have a stigma as well.

Sure how many times did I tell myself "I may not have a fulfilling career but at least I love my husband and he loves me back"?

It'd be a lot harder to lie to myself without him :P

jellie

Like most things it has its good and bad sides.

Good:
- do what you want, when you want
- dont need to worry about anyone elses plans
- more money to spend on yourself :pac:
- be with who you want, when you want

Bad:
- no guaranteed +1 for things you might like to do (for those of us who dont enjoy going to gigs etc alone)
- lack of intimacy/affection

thats just off the top of my head. the bad things can mostly be overcome with a good friend for the +1 and a fcukbuddy for any sexytime, but what i miss most is the affection and having someone who knows you inside out.

sam34

i loved being single, and would not be afraid to be single again

what pissed me off was the perception from almost everyone that i was looking to meet someone the whole time

a lot of people cant seem to comprehend that people can be happily single, and that not all single people are on a constant search for "the one"

thats what bugged me, the constant "have you met anyone"/"will i set you up with my friend" crap

plus, one friend actually said to me at one stage "do you miss sex" - lol, whoever said single people dont have sex!!

a sister of mine was unhappily married and is now divorced - and she would take him back in a second, just so she wouldnt have to be single

i cannot understand that mentality at all, and i feel its actually quite pathetic

Elessar

Nobody wants to be alone. That's what it comes down to.

Snowie

Sue Ellen Ewing wrote: »

Is it really that unfortunate to be single?? Is it really a terrible affliction?

Oh yeah cause I can't do what makes me happy.

if people say there single and thats its afliction.... theirs a reason genrally. Because there life is dull and in some way its going to make it all the much better?..
Being honest that BS...

Im single, and yes when im sitting at home 7 days a week doing nothing with my life its an affliction, change your life style suddenly its great...
I can do what i want when i want how i want with no consideration for any body.How the hell is that an afliction?

I liek extream sports, they dont mix well with girls not matter what any girl says they are competeting with what essentially is another woman. this has been said bye wives, gfs/lovers of many people whom I know well.
You dont need a girl friend... But the companionship can be nice.... Some one to share your life withg who isnt too intrusive.. I cant beleave i just said that...

I'm a dude. :cool: to...

mood

I think it's better to be single than in a bad relationship.

ztoical

Elessar wrote: »

Nobody wants to be alone. That's what it comes down to.

You don't need to be in a relationship to not be alone. I'm very happy being single and have very little urge to find someone to partner off with. I've a busy social life, different groups of friends and family to spend time with. Not saying I wouldn't start seeing someone if I met someone tomorrow but I'm certainly don't go out with that on my mind.

I can understand people coming out of a long term relationships being afraid to being single as you can become use to having someone there all the time and some people find they loose touch with friends when they are in a relationship or all the friends they have are other couples and by becoming single again they won't fit in with their couple friends and they've lost touch with all their single friends.

Emme

It's not an affliction to be single but the prospect of being single forever (a reality for many women over 30 in this country) isn't so pleasant. It isn't so bad for men because they can get a woman at any time and there are far more single women out there than single men for some strange reason.

princess-lala

Im single and quite happy to be

Id rather be single and being able to do my own thing than stuck in an unhappy relationship

Delicate_Dlite

I never understood the "status" of being in a relationship. I hate that "poor you" attitude you get from certain women. I'm me, with or without a man.
I'm just a intelligent/fun/generous/honest/loving/happy. And I'm still having sex.;)

When you consider how many people are in unhealthy realtionships, which are therefore are in more danger of physical/sexual abuse it makes one think perhaps they've gotten this afflicition thing the wrong way around.:rolleyes:

00112984

Elessar wrote: »

Nobody wants to be alone. That's what it comes down to.

I disagree.

Some people are very, very happy with their own company and prefer being single than in a relationship. Plus, just because you're single that doesn't mean you're "alone". People often have deep, meaningful and fulfilling relationships with friends and family and get enough from that emotionally so that they never feel "alone".

Plus, there are a lot of people in relationships/marriages who are very, very lonely. Loneliness and relationships aren't mutually exclusive.

The_Minister

The only time I feel really depressed about being single is Valentine's Day.

Nervous Wreck

I love being single. It's awesome. I also love when I'm in a relationship. Also awesome. At the moment, I'm single and I'm starting to hate it. One of the main reasons being that I'm a young man, good in social situations, who has a healthy sex drive. As such, the last year of being single has held a lot (not too much) of dating around, kissing girls in clubs etc and moving on to the next date/girl/club. Fun as that can be, after a while it gets very boring. I'm completely unfulfilled by it at this stage. I've had a laugh n'all but I'm now looking for something a little... deeper? But because I haven't met anyone yet who I'd like to go a little further down relationship road with, the whole club-girl-hangover-move on cycle continues. Hence, for me, being single has gone stale.

Emme

Nervous Wreck wrote: »

I love being single. It's awesome. I also love when I'm in a relationship. Also awesome. At the moment, I'm single and I'm starting to hate it. One of the main reasons being that I'm a young man, good in social situations, who has a healthy sex drive. As such, the last year of being single has held a lot (not too much) of dating around, kissing girls in clubs etc and moving on to the next date/girl/club. Fun as that can be, after a while it gets very boring. I'm completely unfulfilled by it at this stage. I've had a laugh n'all but I'm now looking for something a little... deeper? But because I haven't met anyone yet who I'd like to go a little further down relationship road with, the whole club-girl-hangover-move on cycle continues. Hence, for me, being single has gone stale.

If you decided not to be single in the morning you wouldn't have to be. That's not the case for everyone.

00112984

The_Minister wrote: »

The only time I feel really depressed about being single is Valentine's Day.

The only time I feel really depressed about being married is Valentine's Day

I mean it. It's a fake "holiday" created by marketing departments and I refuse to have anything to do with it. Luckily enough, I happen to share my life with a man who is suitably sane enough to know that my rejection of Valentine's Day is not a rejection of him. I do get sick and tired of the constant "So, what did Mr. 00112984 get you for Valentine's Day" only to be met with disbelief, pitying smiles and little meek shaking of their heads as they get told straight out "nothing".

Delicate_Dlite

Emme wrote: »

If you decided not to be single in the morning you wouldn't have to be. That's not the case for everyone.

Yes but that doesn't mean he'd be any more fufilled.

banshee_bones

sam34 wrote: »

i loved being single, and would not be afraid to be single again

what pissed me off was the perception from almost everyone that i was looking to meet someone the whole time

a lot of people cant seem to comprehend that people can be happily single, and that not all single people are on a constant search for "the one"

thats what bugged me, the constant "have you met anyone"/"will i set you up with my friend" crap

Yeah I had the same thing happen to me when I found myself in the company of two couples sharing a house for a week when I was staying with a friend, I was practically being pimped out to all their boyfriends friends. Got that kind of attitude you mentioned off them too a little, melted my head for a few days but once I was out of that environment i was grand :pac:

Basically I am single, don't mind being so and don't see any stigma attached to it. Im not actively seeking to change it, if it happens good and well, if not well then il still be happy.

Wibbs

Emme wrote: »

If you decided not to be single in the morning you wouldn't have to be. That's not the case for everyone.

Good point. I think if you're happy single at least some of it is that you figure could get someone if you wanted. You feel like you have a choice. And like you said that can be more difficult for women. 1) its still the case as a general thing that women judge themselves and are judged by their relationship status far more than men. I know single guys of all ages and they are rarely if ever asked about their relationship status and if they are its usually by women. Other men almost never ask. "Who'd ya score with last week?" would be about the most of it. 2) Over 30 womens options do get lesser. Again as a general thing. As a guy of 40+ I have more options nowadays than I ever did at 20+. That would be unusual for a woman.

Its not dissimilar to the kids question. Easy enough for a woman of 25 to say she's not so pushed on having a family. Not so easy at 40 for her to say the same thing. There's still the more choice element in the former. TBH I thank my lucky stars Im a man in this example. Trying to find diamonds in the rough must be difficult at times. Even moreso when all too often the genuine nice chaps may not approach. If I was a woman I would do more approaching thats for damn sure.

I can certainly believe that if you are single yet want a loving relationship and a family in your future and are striking out with knobends or beatches all the time then it could defo feel like an affliction.

Wibbs

I would also say that there are too many people in long termers that stay because of the fear of being single. Too many people with "meh he/she's OK" people. Again more women than men.

Novella

Being single isn't an affliction. I loved being single. I would happily be single any day over being in a relationship where I was only with someone to be able to say, "Oh yeah, I'm in a relationship". There are obviously pros and cons to both. I guess sometimes when I was single I missed the intimacy (not sex, just actual intimacy) of having a boyfriend and things, but overall I was content.

I don't believe in this "No one wants to be alone" stuff. Being single is not the same as being alone. Some people don't wanna commit themselves to a relationship, others just never find the 'right' person, it doesn't mean that they're alone.

Emme

Wibbs wrote: »

I would also say that there are too many people in long termers that stay because of the fear of being single. Too many people with "meh he/she's OK" people. Again more women than men.

That's true, but when you have people like Lori Gottlieb writing books like "Marry Him: The case for settling for Mr Good Enough" and aiming it at women over 30 it's easy to see why. I would say that more women than men settle.

As regards approaching men, if you do that on a night out they think they're onto a sure thing. I might approach a single man I knew through friends, through work, but they're as rare as hens teeth. I know a few men around my age through clubs but they're all hooked up or chasing women at least 10 years younger.

I didn't feel the need to have a partner until after I'd had my first boyfriend, and that wasn't until I was 21-22. Before that I'd never really felt the desire to have one, as I loved having the freedom to do what I wanted and being in a relationship would have held me back. When I did get together with my first boyfriend, I realised how lonely I often had been, for example if my friends were busy with their partners or whatever, I'd sit in alone on a weekend whereas if you're in a relationship you almost always have that person to see and do stuff with. I never really think 'oh I'd love to do that but I've no-one to go with' anymore. I'm an independent person and still like doing things on my own but I think the loneliness would get to me much more now. Still, there are pros and cons to both. I certainly wouldn't feel sorry for someone who was single.

sam34

sam34 wrote: »

a lot of people cant seem to comprehend that people can be happily single, and that not all single people are on a constant search for "the one"

Elessar wrote: »

Nobody wants to be alone. That's what it comes down to.

see?!

Emme

[quote=[Deleted User];66639322]I didn't feel the need to have a partner until after I'd had my first boyfriend, and that wasn't until I was 21-22. Before that I'd never really felt the desire to have one, as I loved having the freedom to do what I wanted and being in a relationship would have held me back. When I did get together with my first boyfriend, I realised how lonely I often had been, for example if my friends were busy with their partners or whatever, I'd sit in alone on a weekend whereas if you're in a relationship you almost always have that person to see and do stuff with. I never really think 'oh I'd love to do that but I've no-one to go with' anymore. I'm an independent person and still like doing things on my own but I think the loneliness would get to me much more now. Still, there are pros and cons to both. I certainly wouldn't feel sorry for someone who was single.[/QUOTE]

That's the thing about being single. It's ok and if you're a certain type of person you'll get on with life and make the most of things. However, it would be nice to have a partner and the older I get the harder it is to find somebody. There are no single men in my job and most of my friends are married. Going out and "looking" for someone smells of desperation, but if there's no single men in my close or extended social circle what can I do?

As I said before, being single is ok for now, but I wouldn't want to be single forever.

princess-lala

I can be alone and happy! I can also be in a relationship and happy!!

Theres a big difference in being alone and lonely! Alot of people enjoy their own company.

Just because your single doesn't mean you dont have the physical side of a relationship! Alot of people are single but still having an active sex life!

I'm a firm believer in - "whats meant for you wont pass you by" - If Im destined to be a single spinster then so be it but I wont allow myself to be lonely!

Emme

princess-lala wrote: »

Just because your single doesn't mean you dont have the physical side of a relationship! Alot of people are single but still having an active sex life!

You mean one night stands and FBs? That's fine for a while, but it gets souldestroying if you make a habit of it. I think men find it easier to cope with this sort of scenario than women.

princess-lala wrote: »

I'm a firm believer in - "whats meant for you wont pass you by" - If Im destined to be a single spinster then so be it but I wont allow myself to be lonely!

I don't believe that. We are, to a certain extent, in control of our own destiny.

princess-lala

Emme wrote: »

You mean one night stands and FBs? That's fine for a while, but it gets souldestroying if you make a habit of it. I think men find it easier to cope with this sort of scenario than women.



I don't believe that. We are, to a certain extent, in control of our own destiny.

I dont exactly mean FB's and one night stands because Im now single and doing neither!

I believe we are to a certain extent in control of our destiny too but I still believe in that saying

Emme

princess-lala wrote: »

I dont exactly mean FB's and one night stands because Im now single and doing neither!

So how are you having an active sex life when you're single if you don't count the rabbit?

princess-lala wrote: »

I believe we are to a certain extent in control of our destiny too but I still believe in that saying

It's like my mother says "what's for you won't go by you". I think I must have been a Don Juan in previous life and it's payback time now! :eek:

princess-lala

Emme wrote: »

So how are you having an active sex life when you're single if you don't count the rabbit?



It's like my mother says "what's for you won't go by you". I think I must have been a Don Juan in previous life and it's payback time now! :eek:

I never said Im having an active sex life! I said it can be done!

Delicate_Dlite

You mean one night stands and FBs? That's fine for a while, but it gets souldestroying if you make a habit of it. I think men find it easier to cope with this sort of scenario than women.

These aren't the only answer to having an active single sex life, also it comes down to honestly, if you're looking for a relationship and having ons's to fill the gap, of course they'll leave you feeling empty. But that emptiness is due to the person being dishonest in what they want.

I know several women in their thrities who are single and happy, they're not the traditional relationship types.
I know for women in their 30's who are single but want a relationship this is hard to believe and most dismiss it as they say that but they're not really happy. :rolleyes: Different people want differrent things from life. And as said earlier, alone = lonely.

Wanting kids clearly compicates the issue,as some women will start to panic with the tick tock of their biological clock going.

00112984

Emme wrote: »

You mean one night stands and FBs? That's fine for a while, but it gets souldestroying if you make a habit of it. I think men find it easier to cope with this sort of scenario than women.

It can get soul-destroying for some people but it suits others just fine as a long-term option. Like everything else, different strokes and all that...!

I don't know if men find it easier to cope with, they're just less vocal about it. Men internalise things so much and I think they carry more of a stigma if they're prone to discussing things like loneliness that women are often more comfortable speaking about. I also think it's a myth that men are less likely to want to settle down and get married. That's bull, of course lots of men want a happy marriage and all that comes with it.

I do think the "expiry" for women vs. men is different, though. I see with my female friends, once they hit about 27 they're very keen to get engaged/married and settle down (those who are so inclined, that is) where, with men, it seems to hit more around the 33/34 mark.

sam34

i think my own personal situation is the best of both worlds, tbh

i'm seeing a guy, but its long distance (england) so we see each other every 2nd weekend approx

we thus avoid what we both consider to be the downsides of a relationship - the 24/7 smothering intensity, the loss of independence, the smug "OH" ****e, the irritations that develop with familiarity etc

yet we get the good bits, the friendship, companionship, intimacy, sex, plus theres always the element of mystery and suspense, the romance of meeting in airports etc

win win

some people might hate that, feel its not enough commitment, but *shrug* it works for us

Emme

Delicate_Dlite wrote: »

These aren't the only answer to having an active single sex life, also it comes down to honestly, if you're looking for a relationship and having ons's to fill the gap, of course they'll leave you feeling empty. But that emptiness is due to the person being dishonest in what they want.

I know several women in their thrities who are single and happy, they're not the traditional relationship types.
I know for women in their 30's who are single but want a relationship this is hard to believe and most dismiss it as they say that but they're not really happy. :rolleyes: Different people want differrent things from life. And as said earlier, alone = lonely.

Wanting kids clearly compicates the issue,as some women will start to panic with the tick tock of their biological clock going.

Not having children isn't an issue for me. I don't mind being single if it isn't going to be forever. I don't think that dishonesty causes emptiness, it's more the feeling "is this all there is for me now?" after a ONS or FB session. I don't do them any more now.

Men can be really insulting about a woman's biological clock. There are men who assume that if a woman is single after a certain age she is desperate for children which isn't always true. I know of one divorced man with children who will only date women with children for that reason, he doesn't want any more of his own. I told him that he should get the snip but he said he would never dream of it!:D

shinikins

I've never seen it as an affliction. I was single for about 4 years after coming out of a bad relationship. It wasn't a concious decision initially, but I wasn't interested in most of the guys that i came across. Mostly, i'd say i was pretty content, but you do miss intimacy and companionship(and sex is always better in a relationship IMO)

What surprised me most was other peoples attitude to my singledom. I lost count of the times when people told me "don't worry, you'll find someone" but i never been worried or tried to justify myself to anyone. One of the funniest things to happen was my mother offering me money to put down as a deposit on a house. Her reasoning was that they had helped my siblings out with their weddings, and as it looked like i was never getting married, they would give me the same amount to help me onto the property ladder!!

I have a lovely BF now, so thats pretty much put the kibosh on the pitying remarks. Now its "whens the wedding?" Will i get a hat?" and just the other day my best friend text me asking if i was pregnant yet!!! I'm just happy living my life.

metaoblivia

I'm almost 29 and I don't see my single status as an affliction. I really enjoy my life. I like my alone time, I have great relationships with my family and friends, I have my own business, I pursue my own interests. If I were to meet someone who could enhance all of that, then that's just icing. But the idea of being in a relationship just for the sake of it feels dirty and confining.

I don't believe that people in relationships - even healthy ones - have a monopoly on happiness. There are many different paths to fulfillment, and life is about finding the one that best suits you.

JimmyCrackCorn

I have friends putting on pressure suggesting this one and that one... Iv had opportunity that iv passed on as it wouldn't have worked.

Im not going to rush it im not out to get anyone, i want a good relationship not the first one that comes along.

No point in rushing in to something and putting a silly amount of pressure on. Im worth the wait.

GrumPy

I don't see it as an affliction myself, I also find it strange some people judge, and feel bad for single people. However, I personally much prefer not being single. I'm far happier in s relationship.

amacachi

The_Minister wrote: »

The only time I feel really depressed about being single is Valentine's Day.

Same here, but even that is more boredom because everyone is busy. :P

I'm a fella and young enough and never been in anything resembling a relationship and it used to get me down, as did a lot of things, but I've realised a lot of stuff in the last year or so, one of which is the reason I do so many things alone (even just watching TV and films or whatever) is because I enjoy it. I've realised that I'm doing what I want to do and not just because I can't do other things. Right now do I want someone taking up a day or two of my time every week? No. I've had that before and got burned badly. :P Also I've planned a lot of TV shows to watch over the summer and I don't want to fall behind my schedule. :pac:

Daisies

I go through phases of loving being single and hating it. I think a lot of it has to do with boredom. If my friends are around and not too wrapped up in their own relationships then I'm perfectly happy being single.

I also think I like the thought of being in a relationship more than actually being in a relationship. I'm fiercely independent and can't get my head around people wanting to know what I'm doing with my evenings!(That sounds like I've a stalker or something but you know what I mean)

I think too many people (mostly women I hate to admit) can't be out of a relationship and I think that is terrible.

That said I love the intimancy of a relationship, I love the hugs, the chatting about anything and everything and having someone to go to the cinema (and hold hands with )

Scarinae

00112984 wrote: »

The only time I feel really depressed about being married is Valentine's Day

I mean it. It's a fake "holiday" created by marketing departments and I refuse to have anything to do with it. Luckily enough, I happen to share my life with a man who is suitably sane enough to know that my rejection of Valentine's Day is not a rejection of him. I do get sick and tired of the constant "So, what did Mr. 00112984 get you for Valentine's Day" only to be met with disbelief, pitying smiles and little meek shaking of their heads as they get told straight out "nothing".

Haha I'm glad someone else feels the same way that I do about it! People assume that because I'm a girl I must love Valentine's Day, but I hate the whole idea of obligatory romance. I love getting flowers, for example, but I hate the idea of someone buying me red roses because 'that's what you do for Valentine's Day' - apart from the horrendous overpricing of flowers in mid-February, it feels as if their heart is not really in it, they just feel they ought to. The same applies to going for dinner on Valentine's Day - everyone goes for dinner on Valentine's Day, so restaurants try to rush you so they can get as many people eating there as possible that night. Ugh. Real romance can be as simple as going for a walk somewhere that means something to you as a couple - you don't need roses/jewellery/gigantic teddies covered in hearts

sam34 wrote: »

i think my own personal situation is the best of both worlds, tbh

i'm seeing a guy, but its long distance (england) so we see each other every 2nd weekend approx

we thus avoid what we both consider to be the downsides of a relationship - the 24/7 smothering intensity, the loss of independence, the smug "OH" ****e, the irritations that develop with familiarity etc

yet we get the good bits, the friendship, companionship, intimacy, sex, plus theres always the element of mystery and suspense, the romance of meeting in airports etc

win win

some people might hate that, feel its not enough commitment, but *shrug* it works for us

I'm in a long-distance relationship as well, so I know what you mean in some ways! I miss him of course, but I also like being independent. I wanted to do a Masters in London, and there was no way that I was going to pass up the opportunity just because I have a boyfriend - a few months later, he got offered an awesome job in Namibia, and I encouraged him to go. It is difficult sometimes because he is in the middle of the desert without internet, but if it's meant to work out it will. It also gave me a great excuse to go to Kenya to meet him I think it would have been really stupid if either of us had decided stay in Ireland just because the other one was there.

I've gone completely off topic, but to answer the original question - I don't think being single is an affliction at all! The last time I was single I really enjoyed it, once I started getting over my ex anyway. Honestly I think I had been spending too much time with my ex and it had been holding me back - I got to know several acquaintances a lot better, and some of them are still my best friends. I did things that I would never have done when I was with the ex, like going to Central America by myself to do volunteering, or really getting involved in a sports club in college. By the time I met my current boyfriend, I had loads of things going on in my life and was having loads of fun. I later asked him what his first impression of me was, and he used the word 'vivacious' - it certainly isn't a word anyone would have used to describe me a year beforehand!

Pembily

I am single for 3 months for the first time in 4 years and I love it!!! I am 26 and some friends do ask "oh how do you find being single, are you ok??" I ended the relationship and I am happier than I have been for ages!!!!

I have never ever thought that being single meant there was something wrong with me, but alot of people I know feel that way, that being single is the end of the world!!!

I love not having to worry about someone else's feelings and just doing what I want to!!! I do miss the sex but have my rabbit for that and would rather be single and happy than in a relationship just to "have" someone!!! Have friends and family for that

Also I have never ever thought that a boyfriend / girlfriend is my better / other half - I am a whole person, and an entity in myself!!!! If I am in a relationship they are my boyfriend / girlfriend!!!!!

fuzzydunlopp

Interesting reading, im a bloke 27, and also single by choice, Ive had a few relationships but always find when im in them I would prefer to be single again after a few months, not sure if its because i enjoy my independence too much or just have not met the right girl yet. With me its always a case of the grass is always greener. The only time it really annoys me being single is if i have to go to a wedding, which i have to go one of my friends next month, i will be the only single person at my table and that is really annoying me. Otherwise I couldn't care less. I think i will get more and more worried though if im still in the situation in my early 30s

In Ireland its difficult to meet someone, and my only avenue is on nights out on the town, which I have no problem meeting women, both approaching them and chatting them up, but i always find the girls i end up meeting are not for me and never have the motivation to persue it in a long term capacity. Any advice for me ladies?


ps: any of ye single ladies want to join me at a wedding next month:D:D

PeakOutput

i think some people jsut arent comfortable in their own company. in college for example i know people who wont even walk to class on their own they have to be in a big group and in first year it was even commented on that i would walk to class and stuff on my own.

i love being single i have no problem hanging around by myself and entertaining myself besides the occasional drought i have no problem getting laid if i want so thats not an issue

its nice to feel connected with someone and have that intimacy with them but i wont settle for someone im not mad about just to have their company like alot of people i know seem to

Jessibelle

Emme wrote: »

It's not an affliction to be single but the prospect of being single forever (a reality for many women over 30in this country) isn't so pleasant. .

OP from the outset I want to make clear that I'm not having a go at you, but really, is over 30 is now the cut off time for date-ability and being in a stable relationship? I have no intention of being settled before I meet the right person be it in my 20's, 30's or whenever, but I'd be interested to know if many people fell they HAVE to be settled by their 30's?

doctor evil

Elessar wrote: »

Nobody wants to be alone. That's what it comes down to.

Cats can be the perfect answer;)

I have no problem being single but there are times when I wish I could have a big bear hug:o

Can't stand smug couples though

Wibbs

Jessibelle wrote: »

OP from the outset I want to make clear that I'm not having a go at you, but really, is over 30 is now the cut off time for date-ability and being in a stable relationship? I have no intention of being settled before I meet the right person be it in my 20's, 30's or whenever, but I'd be interested to know if many people fell they HAVE to be settled by their 30's?

No, but for women age is more a factor than it is for men. A generalisation yes, but there is some truth to it. Simply put a 35 year old man has many more options as a general rule than a 35 year old woman. If the latter wants a family anyway. The options and choices from those options do get smaller for women. I know a guy who was divorced at 45 with no kids and at 47 started another relationship with a 28 year old woman that led to a second chance, family kids etc. the reverse would be very much harder. It has been for his ex wife.

Wibbs

Wibbs wrote: »

No, but for women age is more a factor than it is for men. A generalisation yes, but there is some truth to it. Simply put a 35 year old man has many more options as a general rule than a 35 year old woman. If the latter wants a family anyway. The options and choices from those options do get smaller for women. I know a guy who was divorced at 45 with no kids and at 47 started another relationship with a 28 year old woman that led to a second chance, family kids etc. the reverse would be very much harder. It has been for his ex wife.

Indeed. You can't do much about the biological clock. I'm already starting to feel pressure, and I'm 25. I don't want to leave it too late to have kids due to health issues, and 35 is still considered quite late. So that's about 5 years for me to travel, get a career together, find a house, get married and have kids. It's not like I can wait until I'm 40 to start a family, like a man easily could.

Earthhorse

Given the amount of times this topic has come up I'm beginning think it must be, if you are in possession of a certain mentality. I'm not, and I can only think of one person I ever knew who was, and he had issues to deal with quite frankly. Other than that I think it's all down to the person.

If you are someone afflicted with thinking it's an affliction I guess you have two choices; change how you view being single or get really, really good at attracting desirable partners.

Will

Been single I'd say almost a year now I think, am I happy? Hell yeah!

Most of my friends are in relationships and only a small minority of those are in happy, healthy relationships. The rest are just scraping by in a barely functioning relationship that is really taking it's toll on both parties.

The modern view now seems is that being in a relationship is an affliction, not the other way round.

Pembily

Will wrote: »

The rest are just scraping by in a barely functioning relationship that is really taking it's toll on both parties.

I do not get that at all, why oh fcuking why????? :eek: :eek: :eek: