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England WC funnies

  • 28-06-2010 11:10am
    #1
    Mr. Presentable
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,496 ✭✭✭


    From the Telegraph

    -David Blaine is reportedly furious after England crashed out of the World Cup – his record of doing absolutely nothing in a box for 42 days was broken by Wayne Rooney.



    – The England team visited an orphanage in Cape Town today. “It’s heartbreaking to see their sad little faces with no hope,” said Jamal, aged six.


    – I’ve just won two tickets to see the England team. Do you want to come with me? We’ll catch the bus to Gatwick Airport on Thursday and watch them come home.


    – I hear Oxo are making a new product. The packaging is white with a red cross and they're calling it the laughing stock.


    – What’s the difference between the England team and a tea bag? The tea bag stays in the cup longer.


    – Fabio Capello was wheeling his shopping trolley across the supermarket car park when he noticed an old lady struggling with her bags of shopping. He stopped and asked, “Can you manage dear?” To which the old lady replied: “No way. You got yourself into this mess. Don’t ask me to sort it out!”


    – What do you call an Englishman in the knockout stages of the World Cup? A referee.


    – Apparently that fan had no trouble slipping into the England dressing room – Robert Green was guarding the door.


    – I can’t believe we only managed a draw against a rubbish team we should easily have beaten. . . . I’m ashamed to call myself Algerian.


    – What does the Englishman do when England wins the World Cup? He switches off the Play Station.


    – What’s the difference between Wayne Rooney and Shrek? Shrek can save the day.


    – What’s the difference between a faulty jet engine and Wayne Rooney? The jet engine eventually stops whining.


Comments

  • #2
    bonerm
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8,595 ✭✭✭bonerm


    - Emile Heskey


  • #3
    _blank_
    Closed Accounts Posts: 41,926 ✭✭✭✭_blank_


    What's funny about 2 and 3 :confused:


  • #4
    The Freeman
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,627 ✭✭✭The Freeman


    i think bst stands for (buls**t time) des


  • #5
    _blank_
    Closed Accounts Posts: 41,926 ✭✭✭✭_blank_


    The Freeman wrote: »
    i think bst stands for (buls**t time) des

    It stands for British Standard Time


  • #6
    kippy
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 18,984 ✭✭✭✭kippy


    Des wrote: »
    What's funny about 2 and 3 :confused:

    Yeah, I'm not getting that either...........

    I assume its part of the article (serious) that got in amongst the jokes as well.........


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  • #7
    delta_bravo
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,567 ✭✭✭delta_bravo


    Des wrote: »
    It stands for British Standard Time

    British Summer Time actually


  • #8
    TangyZizzle
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,292 ✭✭✭TangyZizzle


    Des wrote: »
    What's funny about 2 and 3 :confused:

    3 is crap, but 2? I laughed.


  • #9
    mike65
    Closed Accounts Posts: 88,972 ✭✭✭✭mike65


    Daily-Mail-001.jpg


  • #10
    Lando Griffin
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,952 ✭✭✭Lando Griffin


    Sky Sports Englands best bits world cup webpage.


  • #11
    Pauleta
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,778 ✭✭✭Pauleta


    People from a country that couldnt even qualify for the world cup slagging a team that got knocked out of the 2nd round. Strange logic :confused:


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  • #12
    bonerm
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8,595 ✭✭✭bonerm


    mike65 wrote: »
    Daily-Mail-001.jpg

    Coincidentally that's the same face Rooney makes when he thinks of women over 40.


  • #13
    kippy
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 18,984 ✭✭✭✭kippy


    Pauleta wrote: »
    People from a country that couldnt even qualify for the world cup slagging a team that got knocked out of the 2nd round. Strange logic :confused:
    Yeah, strange logic alright. About as strange as a nation thinking they were good enough to win every World Cup since 1966 and getting uncerimoniuosly dumped out of each one using every excuse but "We aren't actually that good"...........


  • #14
    Mr. Presentable
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,496 ✭✭✭Mr. Presentable


    Pauleta wrote: »
    People from a country that couldnt even qualify for the world cup slagging a team that got knocked out of the 2nd round. Strange logic :confused:

    It's just schadenfreude. Ironic it's a German word.


  • #15
    bonerm
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8,595 ✭✭✭bonerm


    Pauleta wrote: »
    People from a country that couldnt even qualify for the world cup slagging a team that got knocked out of the 2nd round. Strange logic :confused:

    Not really. Irelands final position exceeded what they'd been given to work with.

    England on the other hand only did exactly as good as what they'd been given to work with.


  • #16
    _blank_
    Closed Accounts Posts: 41,926 ✭✭✭✭_blank_


    nipplenuts wrote: »
    It's just schadenfreude. Ironic it's a German word.

    The same way ten thousand spoons are ironic.


  • #17
    The Muppet
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 14,006 ✭✭✭✭The Muppet


    bonerm wrote: »
    Not really. Irelands final position exceeded what they'd been given to work with.

    England on the other hand only did exactly as good as what they'd been given to work with.

    Bull****


  • #18
    bonerm
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8,595 ✭✭✭bonerm


    The Muppet wrote: »
    Bull****

    You think that group of players should have won the group or even that play-off? I don't think so anyway. Even with Italy and France flopping at the WC they were still better than us on paper (and on the pitch) at the times we played them.


  • #19
    Mitch Connor
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 46,837 ✭✭✭✭Mitch Connor


    Pauleta wrote: »
    People from a country that couldnt even qualify for the world cup slagging a team that got knocked out of the 2nd round. Strange logic :confused:

    someone who has probably done hypocritical things in their life having a go at others for doing the same....strange logic. BLAH!


  • #20
    The Muppet
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 14,006 ✭✭✭✭The Muppet


    bonerm wrote: »
    You think that group of players should have won the group or even that play-off? I don't think so anyway. Even with Italy and France flopping at the WC they were still better than us on paper (and on the pitch) at the times we played them.

    Did you see the shambles of a french team that qualified ahead of us?


  • #21
    Degag
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 9,984 ✭✭✭Degag


    I just logged into Vodafone Webtext and sent every one of those messages the and English fella i know.

    Good riddance to the fcuker because when Ireland were knocked out by France, he rang me every day for about 5 days shouting God Save the Queen down the phone....

    If people have anymore then post them up!


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  • #22
    bonerm
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8,595 ✭✭✭bonerm


    The Muppet wrote: »
    Did you see the shambles of a french team that qualified ahead of us?

    Yes I did. I watched all three games and they were a shambles. However, in the play-offs they played better and deservedly beat us in Dublin and were probably 50:50 overall with us in Paris. Because we took the lead in Paris and were robbed many now have this impression we were bossing that game. We weren't and were clearly wilting in extra time. French had most possession had something like 16-5 in terms of shots on goal.


  • #23
    The Muppet
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 14,006 ✭✭✭✭The Muppet


    bonerm wrote: »
    Yes I did. I watched all three games and they were a shambles. However, in the play-offs they better and deservedly beat us in Dublin and were probably 50:50 overall with us in Paris. Because we took the lead there and were robbed many now have this impression we were bossing that game. We weren't and were clearly wilting in extra time. French had most possession had something like 16-8 in terms of shots on goal.

    So which teams did we finish ahead in the group that leads you to believe we exceeded the position our squad merited?


  • #24
    bonerm
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8,595 ✭✭✭bonerm


    The Muppet wrote: »
    So which teams did we finish ahead in the group that leads you to believe we exceeded the position our squad merited?

    No one. For my money there wasn't much between us and Bulgaria. But I think to get to a play-off (and that wasn't a given either just for finishing 2nd - ask Norway) and then push a (at that time at least) decent team as close as we did was to exceed expectations.


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