how do you know its over ???

alpha2010

this question is prob been asked here a million times

me and my bf been dating for 2 years, very surprised its lasted this long because of our constant fighting, breaking up and making up, our situation changed just recently, i more or less moved in with him. he lives with his mam, she doesnt mind but now i know im in the way because he says he wished he had space from me

he works soo much so im thankful i stay in his house because i get to see him for a short while when he gets home before he goes to bed, if i didnt live with him i would prob never get to see him as much but to him 4 hours or whatver is too much

right now my situation is bad, i have actaully no where else to go, thats another story i wont get in to and he knows that but he says he wants space and i suggest me going out for a couple of hours so he can play the computer or whatever but he says thats not good enough

a typical day for us would be waking up at 3 in the afternoon because he works nights and i adapted the same sleep pattern so i can spend time with him
we get lunch and then he plays ps3 or whatever for like 4 hours and when i ask him to come for a walk for the last half hour before he has to get ready for work, he thinks im being selfish am i ???

another thing is, he says he wants to break up everytime we fight and i know he is hinting but he never follows through, i wish he would because he doesn't seem to want to be in this relationship anymore

we went on holiday recently and it was good until we had ONE fight and he suggests it again i wanna break up or else move out away from you, like honestly i make his breakfast i clean his clothes, i more or less do everything for him that his mam used to do hahaha and he says im being selfish

i recently lost my job but im full time college student but i make sure i pay my way in fact i pay more so i dont know why he has a problem with me and gets so angry, is it time to call it quits ???

i literally only have him, family and friends dont talk to me anymore over something else. i know im just ranting but i love this guy to bits im only 19 but i want to spend the rest of my life with him. he is a good guy and he does work really hard , maybe it is just time for us, like when i ask him when were not fighting does he want to break up he says no so im confused

any advice? because im at my wits end

tenchi-fan

I don't mean to trivialise but there seems to be a pair of you in it. I don't know very many mature 19 year olds! Most adults don't play computer games hours on end and then oddly ask for space from some one they live with. Most teens don't move in together. And the fact you had a row on holiday seems to seal the deal.

It might be a lesson for you. If you're not having a good time, cut your losses and move on. Never let another relationship get to the stage that you fight the whole time. Maybe you should have nipped the arguments in the bud a long time ago. Even now you're not telling him how you feel, and if you did I have a feeling he would suggest breaking up.

In a few months you might bump into again and decide to give it another go but for the moment I think you need some time to reflect. And he already asked you for more space. It seems like a win-win situation.

I know people who break up in their mid-20s having dated since college and they just say "wow I regret wasting so much time being unhappy but I didn't know any better!"

alpha2010

i know that we should both walk away but i have no one at all only him. and i would become homeless aswell i dont have enough to try get a place to stay

im really hoping we can get through it. like 2 years is a long time and i dont want to be with anyone else and i do try its just my depression really put a divide between us because he felt it was an excuse for me to do things that wasn't right at all and i know it wasn't an excuse but i love him sooo much,


is there any hope for us at all ???
i know people are prob saying grow up and move on but why cant relationships last even if we are young, is our age the problem ??

Firetrap

Reading what you've written, I get the impression that you're clinging on to this relationship for all the wrong reasons. Mainly that you've nowhere else to go and have no family/friends to fall back on.

I'm not seeing anything good in what you've written. You're fighting like cats and dogs, he's telling you that you're in under his feet and getting in the way and he keeps threatening to break up. It wouldn't matter if you were 19 or 39 posting this PI here - I'm guessing most people are going to tell you to cut your losses and get out. Do you really think that if he's talking to you like he is when you're only going out two years that things are going to magically improve in the future??

pow wow

I think the pressure of both him and you knowing you have nowhere else to go is already straining a tense relationship - he knows he can't make a break (if he wanted to) because you have no-one else to turn to. Even if he's not looking to use it, the stress of knowing you don't have a way out can weigh heavy when your relationship is at a difficult point.

He's already suggested breaks and space, and you're not responding to that. He's asked for space and you won't give it to him. I can understand why you're hanging on if you literally have nowhere else to go if he asks you to leave, but you can't go on like that forever. Maybe try giving him the space he's asking for to see does that correct the balance for the time being while you try and figure out where you can go.

A bad relationship will grind you down eventually, whatever the small benefits in the short term.

Chinafoot

Move out of that house. He doesn't want you living there and has pretty much told you as much. It doesn't matter if you make his breakfast or do his washing, he wants space from you and you are refusing to budge.

If you are paying your way in his home you can pay your way in a house share.

I agree with Firetrap, you're clinging on for all the wrong reasons and you're placing a serious amount of pressure on the relationship. You need to move into your own place and work on your relationship from there.

Ickle Magoo

OP, it's really not for you to decide what he should or shouldn't have an issue with and it's completely irrelevant if you pay your way or are the model girlfriend, if he doesn't want to live with you - or you living at his house - then that is his prerogative.

Move out, give him some space because he must find someone shadowing his every move absolutely stifling and in the process make some new friends at college and in your new flat/thru new flatmates, win-win.

Best of luck

mylittlepony

You are so young to be living with your boyfriend.
Honest you dont need that hassle at your age, you should be out and about, enjoy your young life cos its short.
Move out and share with other students.
Maybe the relationship will improve as a result.
But I feel your boyfriend not worthy he sound so immature from your description and you so mature, old before your time.

If you can afford to go to college full time you can share a cheap room in a student house.
Can you make amends with your family, you only have one family and they wont be around forever.

Sebastien De Valmont

This guy is a bum who doesn't value you at all.
He's only pretending when he threatens to break up with you and that gambit works everytime.
You are living your life to suit this lazy fool.
Get out of the house and tell him good luck.
You are 19 and you should have your pick of men.
A guy who works nights and plays computer games during the day time? Please!
He's a muppet. Dump him! Do it yesterday!

alpha2010

em the only reason why he works lates is because his job had to let go of staff and he asked could he even do nights and he is saving for college


im thinking of moving back home and just staying in his on the weekend. i have gotten too comfortable living with him. but my mam made horrible accusations about my bf because she is a liar, she actually lies about everything and so my bf has no respect for her and neither do I and he doesnt want me moving back home because she has messed my life up soo much

and as far as renting goes i have looked into it but tbh i really cant afford it, i only have a limited amount of savings and thats nearly gone, soon enough i will be broke, and ill be depending on my grants to get me through college

is there some way i can get help with housing and college payments other than my grants because i really do want to move out, it could really mend our relationship if we both had space

Chinafoot

alpha2010 wrote: »

em the only reason why he works lates is because his job had to let go of staff and he asked could he even do nights and he is saving for college


im thinking of moving back home and just staying in his on the weekend. i have gotten too comfortable living with him. but my mam made horrible accusations about my bf because she is a liar, she actually lies about everything and so my bf has no respect for her and neither do I and he doesnt want me moving back home because she has messed my life up soo much

and as far as renting goes i have looked into it but tbh i really cant afford it, i only have a limited amount of savings and thats nearly gone, soon enough i will be broke, and ill be depending on my grants to get me through college

is there some way i can get help with housing and college payments other than my grants because i really do want to move out, it could really mend our relationship if we both had space

Part time job tbh. Plenty of people are able to rent, go to college and work part time.