should i cut off my ex totally?

LegacyUser

hi, going anon for this, cant believe im even asking this because im sure i know the answer!

anyway, long story short, was seeing a guy for last year or so, really great in beginning, then he started to 'panic' as he put it. dont know what about because i never put pressure on him for anything, just enjoyed hanging out with him. he told me he loved me first, then he started to back off!
after a few months of him trying to push me further away, i eventually said enough, i told him that things arent as complicated as he was making them. if he wanted to spend time with me he would, he claimed he didnt want to panic after enjoying time together and by that ending up hurting me. if that makes sense!!
i still reckoned he was just making excuses so i said we should leave it. didnt get a big arguement from him, but hes not like that.

my question really is, should i cut him out of my life now? i love him very much and honestly thought he was the 'one'

he texts/rings occassionally, says he misses me but never does anything about it. its like he is waiting to see if im still there for him. its not about sex, he wouldnt ever come looking for that. he misses me, he says.

i feel terrible if i ignore him. what should i do??

Sebastien De Valmont

anon girl wrote: »

hi, going anon for this, cant believe im even asking this because im sure i know the answer!

anyway, long story short, was seeing a guy for last year or so, really great in beginning, then he started to 'panic' as he put it. dont know what about because i never put pressure on him for anything, just enjoyed hanging out with him. he told me he loved me first, then he started to back off!
after a few months of him trying to push me further away, i eventually said enough, i told him that things arent as complicated as he was making them. if he wanted to spend time with me he would, he claimed he didnt want to panic after enjoying time together and by that ending up hurting me. if that makes sense!!
i still reckoned he was just making excuses so i said we should leave it. didnt get a big arguement from him, but hes not like that.

my question really is, should i cut him out of my life now? i love him very much and honestly thought he was the 'one'

he texts/rings occassionally, says he misses me but never does anything about it. its like he is waiting to see if im still there for him. its not about sex, he wouldnt ever come looking for that. he misses me, he says.

i feel terrible if i ignore him. what should i do??

This guy is a coward.

It's obvious he just wanted a sex buddy and he was too scaredy cat to approach an easy girl.

He found out you valued yourself and you have higher standards so he pretended he loved you and it worked.

In the aftermath he probably thought he was real stud and perhaps being with you increased his confidence that he could have other women too if he wanted to.

What this guy has been doing since is probably doing exactly the same with other girls.

He has a string of other girls to text or to call for sex whenever he likes.

He's just keeping you in his back pocket as a back up.

If you want him for yourself you are going to have to play hard to get or better yet have your own boyfriends to make him jealous.

Stop jumping to attention whenever he gives you a shout.

Tell him that you have other things to do.

Stop being the hunted and become the hunter.

If you find out he is the one, this is the only sure way to do it.

If you find out he is using you, you can humiliate him and come out on top.:)

G-Money

I was in a similar position to you OP, except I'm a guy. There was this girl I liked and she seemed to like me. But like this guy you've described, she'd "panic" in her head that things were getting serious, even though they weren't and I wasn't rushing anything and neither did I want to. She used to text and email and call a lot and said she liked me. But then she'd tell me we were just friends and that I should go after other girls. However she'd call me then on a Sunday and ask if I'd been with any girls on the Saturday night and even though I hadn't, she'd say how it made her feel sick to think that I would be or that I was even talking to them.

In the end she said she couldn't be more than friends as it was getting "too serious" and about 2 weeks later she went off with some other guy. She said she still wanted to be friends and after a while I came to my senses and told her I couldn't do it. I haven't heard from her since and I've cut her off completely. I changed my email, deleted my Facebook. The only thing I haven't done is change my number but it's been over a year now so I doubt I will hear from her again.

I'm not sure what you should do, but I can't stand this f****g hmmm'ing and haaaa'ing, fretting and thrashing and not knowing whether you want to be with someone or not. Either you do, or you don't. It's pretty simple. I think it's ok to give someone a chance but if they can't make up their mind, it just results in your's getting messed up.

If you've given him a chance and he's still dicking around, just pull the plug and end it once and for all. These people can keep you hanging on forever if you let them.

All the best.

LegacyUser

sebastian, gee im shocked! i never even thought of him like that!

i really hope that not true, would feel even worse thinking that i fell for a player.

maybe thats how i should think he is.

Sebastien De Valmont

anon girl wrote: »

sebastian, gee im shocked! i never even thought of him like that!

i really hope that not true, would feel even worse thinking that i fell for a player.

maybe thats how i should think he is.

Don't get mad. Get even. Become a player yourself and turn the tables on him.

If he's worth it he will get jealous and come after you.

Stop being a doormat and stand up for yourself.

Don't take this so seriously. Play the game.

Miss Fluff

Sebastien De Valmont wrote: »

Don't get mad. Get even. Become a player yourself and turn the tables on him.

If he's worth it he will get jealous and come after you.

Stop being a doormat and stand up for yourself.

Don't take this so seriously. Play the game.

Ignore this totally ridiculous advice OP.

Yes, I think you should cut him out of your life. Right now he has the benefit of knowing you will take a call from him and him being able to check up on whats going on in your life whenever he pleases. Don't let him be privy to that. He couldn't "do" the relationship so why compromise yourself and do him the favour of becoming his friend?

hotspur147

Sebastien De Valmont wrote: »

Don't get mad. Get even. Become a player yourself and turn the tables on him.

If he's worth it he will get jealous and come after you.

Stop being a doormat and stand up for yourself.

Don't take this so seriously. Play the game.

petty revenge doesnt help anybody,it turns bitter and everyone gets hurt in the end,including yourself op,if you find out you got "played"then just take the moral high ground,dont look to retaliate,just be glad hes gone from your life.
would you really want to take a person back just because you made him jealous?seeing exs with other people is heartbreaking but using others to get him to notice you again is just wrong
by all means stand up for yourself op,but always maintain your dignity
by the way thats some really poor advice sebastian

LegacyUser

to be fair, i wouldnt take sebastian's advice!! its not me and would never be comfortable doing anything like that!

maybe by thinking bad things about the 'ex' i would get over him quicker thats what i was thinking!!
hard to believe he's like that though, i guess he just doesnt want to be with me, pity he just didnt say it months ago though, might have saved me some of this confusion.

carmel27

Sebastien De Valmont wrote: »

Don't get mad. Get even. Become a player yourself and turn the tables on him.

If he's worth it he will get jealous and come after you.

Stop being a doormat and stand up for yourself.

Don't take this so seriously. Play the game.

Yes, yes, wonderful advice there. Lower yourself to get even. You'll feel great! What the hell? It sounds like the guy in question doesnt know his own mind OP. I wouldnt be hanging around for him if I were you. Some people just like a bit of drama and to blow things outta proportion, and by the sounds of it, he could be one of them. Dont be wasting your time.