Confidence in Women Vs Men

Misticles

My own personal view...

I love confidence in a man, love how they use it and think low self esteem is a big turn off.

I know some people could have experienced a different amount of things that dented their confidence and hence suffer from low self esteem/ confidence levels and these people can be subject to bad relationships where their OH takes complete advantage by playing on this fact.
ie by treating them like dirt.

Now I know theres a fine line between confident and cocky.
Most people wont entertain cocky, I would but thats me I love that

Just want to get a feel for what women and men a think about confidence in the opposite sex, is it a welcome trait, is it not?

Also if you personally are a confident person who seeks the same trait or vice versa?

The_Minister

I think it's more important in men than in women, but it's nice in both.

dudara

Would never entertain cocky - that means they don't think enough. Confidence (with self-awareness) is supremely attractive, irrespective of sex.

seenitall

I used to be attracted to confidence big time. The more confident the guy, the more attracted I was. (But I never fell for anything too overt, like brash, crass, or arrogant behaviour. That's always a big turn-off.)

As I have "matured" I realised that I went for confident guys because I lacked confidence, and was also wanting in the self-esteem department. Therefore I "needed" to be validated by the attention of a confident person, kind of to make up for it, I guess. (All this is also down to my messed-up childhood conditioning, but never mind now.)

I also realised that I was pretty bad at distinguishing the real deal from a put-on, acted confidence (which usually hides heaps of issues), so at the moment I am trying to steer clear of confident guys, I don't have a great track record with them, so trying not to always fall into the same patterns.

(I guess the fact that I am at a time in my life where I am questioning my very ability to sustain a successful relationship, has to do something with me not being "into" confidence at the moment.)

I know it's a downbeat post , but there it is...

um7y1h83ge06nx

Pretty down-beat post there seenitall, things will improve though.

Speaking as a guy I think girls like the quietly confident guys, the guys who are confident but don't feel the need to shout it from the rooftops.

And as regards women, I would rate confidence in women now as being extremely important. At 27, I'm really getting bored of the women that almost need a father figure or a crutch for them, I want a girlfriend not an adopted daughter.

Clare Bear

I'm quite a confident person. My boyfriend is the same and it is something I'm attracted to about him. I could never go out with someone who had very low self esteem. I know that's easy for me to say but I think they would probably be very hard work and it's just not something that I am personally attracted to. Cockiness on the other hand is extremley ugly so there's a fine line.

Kooli

I work as a counsellor for young adults and I'm starting to believe that there is an epidemic of low confidence/low self-esteem in young women. I know it improves with age, but I do wonder how it has happened that so many young women feel so down about themselves, so self-conscious and not good enough. I know I was the same when I was younger, and so were most of my friends and school-mates.

It does happen with the lads as well, but not nearly to the same extent.

um7y1h83ge06nx

Kooli wrote: »

I work as a counsellor for young adults and I'm starting to believe that there is an epidemic of low confidence/low self-esteem in young women. I know it improves with age, but I do wonder how it has happened that so many young women feel so down about themselves, so self-conscious and not good enough. I know I was the same when I was younger, and so were most of my friends and school-mates.

It does happen with the lads as well, but not nearly to the same extent.

I think you're absolutely right. I reckon it's a lot to do with the media etc. Girls take a far more serious view of what they see in the media than fellas I think and this is very damaging.

Maybe I just attract women with low confidence! One girl I went out a few years ago with looked (and I'm not blowing my trumpet but being honest) like a cross between Cameron Diaz and Heather Graham. Yet she was very sensitive about her looks, she wouldn't even allow me take photos of her!

Another one is terrified about sex and can't relax about it at all, despite having a few relationships etc.

I could go on and on unfortunately.

Novella

I do find confidence in a man attractive, but cocky, cocky is simply a huge turn off. While I do admire confidence, I think overall I am more attracted to a man who isn't afraid to reveal his vulnerabilities. Over confidence does nothing for me, those people who depend on themselves and themselves only and think that they need no one else.

It's not that I'd like a guy to have self esteem issues, of course I wouldn't, and I wouldn't want a guy who needed me to make him feel better about himself, but a guy who was a nice mixture of secure in himself but still able to admit to weakness.

LeahK

I work as a counsellor for young adults and I'm starting to believe that there is an epidemic of low confidence/low self-esteem in young women. I know it improves with age, but I do wonder how it has happened that so many young women feel so down about themselves, so self-conscious and not good enough. I know I was the same when I was younger, and so were most of my friends and school-mates.

It does happen with the lads as well, but not nearly to the same extent

Definately agree with this, as a teenager I was painfully quiet and self concious. Constantly worrying about what people thought of me, to the point of upsetting myself. My mam was a very confident woman ( as I am now) so I was very comfortable letting her take control of situations for me. Same went for the friends I chose.

Looking back I wouldnt change it. I reckon most teenagers go through some type of hell anyways! I think it has made me the person today, confident but not cocky! As you get older as a woman I think you begin to know your own self worth (given you have the right relationships and people in your life)

I personally find men who are confident attractive, I would be afraid it they werent I would get very bored, very very quickly

Misticles

I used to have self esteem issues when I was in my teens, I was fat,ugly, pretty much looked a bit like a boy ha

But as I changed an unfound confidence started when I was about 20.
I now embrace the fact that I am confident with everything about myself, looks personality etc. I am by no mean cocky but I wont short sell myself either.

I like a guy to be able to display his weaknesses but not overly so that it gets to the point jeez do something about it then!

Larianne

LeahK wrote: »

Definately agree with this, as a teenager I was painfully quiet and self concious. Constantly worrying about what people thought of me, to the point of upsetting myself. My mam was a very confident woman ( as I am now) so I was very comfortable letting her take control of situations for me. Same went for the friends I chose.

Looking back I wouldnt change it. I reckon most teenagers go through some type of hell anyways! I think it has made me the person today, confident but not cocky! As you get older as a woman I think you begin to know your own self worth (given you have the right relationships and people in your life)

I personally find men who are confident attractive, I would be afraid it they werent I would get very bored, very very quickly

Wow, this sounds exactly like me! When I tell people now that I was very, very shy they can't believe it. I sometimes still get awkward in big social groups but as a whole I'm pretty comfortable with myself.

And I think that's the difference between confident and cocky - being comfortable with who you are. Knowing your attributes. Not afraid of your weaknesses. And it's this that I personally like in both men and women. There is nothing worse than constantly having to reassure a person. It's a total pain in the ass.

I was talking with a group of friends during the week and I asked the lads what would they think of a girl asking a guy out. I was quite surprised when one of them said they would think the girl was desperate. To me it shows confidence. It cuts out a lot of bull ****. The guy is a confident enough guy. Maybe he would feel threatened by a girl asking him out? I dunno...

j1974

seenitall wrote: »

I used to be attracted to confidence big time. The more confident the guy, the more attracted I was. (But I never fell for anything too overt, like brash, crass, or arrogant behaviour. That's always a big turn-off.)

As I have "matured" I realised that I went for confident guys because I lacked confidence, and was also wanting in the self-esteem department. Therefore I "needed" to be validated by the attention of a confident person, kind of to make up for it, I guess. (All this is also down to my messed-up childhood conditioning, but never mind now.)

I also realised that I was pretty bad at distinguishing the real deal from a put-on, acted confidence (which usually hides heaps of issues), so at the moment I am trying to steer clear of confident guys, I don't have a great track record with them, so trying not to always fall into the same patterns.

(I guess the fact that I am at a time in my life where I am questioning my very ability to sustain a successful relationship, has to do something with me not being "into" confidence at the moment.)

I know it's a downbeat post , but there it is...

Your very frank seenital, I think it would be quite something to know you in private life, you will tell me when those lambs stop crying agent starling!!!! you go now little starling, Fly fly!!:D

j1974

Kooli wrote: »

I work as a counsellor for young adults and I'm starting to believe that there is an epidemic of low confidence/low self-esteem in young women. I know it improves with age, but I do wonder how it has happened that so many young women feel so down about themselves, so self-conscious and not good enough. I know I was the same when I was younger, and so were most of my friends and school-mates.

It does happen with the lads as well, but not nearly to the same extent.

leans back on leather sofa whilst simultaneously adjusting spectacles, folding knees and then draws pen from breast pocket of shirt, CLICK!!"interesting kooli, tell me about your father!!;)

Zulu

Kooli wrote: »

It does happen with the lads as well, but not nearly to the same extent.

I dunno, how come the young male sucide rate is so high?

I think confidence is something we all grow into as adults. A sure sign of maturity is not really caring what others think. It's a liberation that comes with age. The fact that we are surrounded by arseholes in secondary school doesn't help much.

Bullying appears to be getting well out of control & I do feel very sorry for young children growing up in todays society.

honru

Kooli wrote: »

I work as a counsellor for young adults and I'm starting to believe that there is an epidemic of low confidence/low self-esteem in young women. I know it improves with age, but I do wonder how it has happened that so many young women feel so down about themselves, so self-conscious and not good enough. I know I was the same when I was younger, and so were most of my friends and school-mates.

It does happen with the lads as well, but not nearly to the same extent.

I think low self-esteem is an epidemic in both sexes tbh. In the general scheme of society, women are mainly valued for beauty and youth (and also purity/fidelity), whereas men are mainly valued for resources and qualities that indicate the capacity to better attain resources (things like confidence, willpower, work-ethic, social status, height, etc.)

The pressure is on men to succeed career-wise (men have very fragile egos, so most don't try even though they could achieve so much more) whereas women are inundated by pictures of glossy airbrushed models in the media, and the onus is on them to aspire to this standard of beauty. It is possibly due to being exposed to television and the media that many people feel an enormous amount of societal pressure compared to our previous ancestors.

To answer the original question, I believe women value confidence in a man moreso than men value confidence in women (although men do value confidence in women). Better signal to attain resources and also allows her to relax into her feminine nature (if she is mostly feminine in nature).

Reku

From what I understand the following is approximately how one might define sexy/sexiness:
Sexy - adjective; having the confidence to be comfortable wearing an outfit or enduring a potentially embaressing situation without letting it unsettle you.

in other words, confidence is a large part of being percieved as "sexy".


However I'm not sure confidence is always a positive thing, is it not a good thing when someone is willing to put others before themselves? Far too often ego grows in proportion to confidence, resulting in a self centred confidence instead of a simple cheerful confidence.

The Big Red Button

For me, it depends on what the confidence relates to.

In my own experience ... my fiance is a self-employed carpenter (in Sligo - PM me for details, he's great! OK I'll stop spamming now ), and he is doing very well at the moment, especially considering the current economic climate.

What I find really attractive is that he is a damn good carpenter, and he knows he is. (Now I'm not just biased - he even won skills awards back when he was training, and he gets the most amazing word-of-mouth recommendations. And even the fact that he gets quite a lot of work these days speaks for itself!)

He puts his heart and soul into his work and takes such pride in doing a good job and finishing it to a really high standard. But I just love the fact that he loves getting up in the mornings to go out and do a job that he loves and that he knows that he's good at.

I have to say, I find that sort of confidence a lot more attractive than guys/girls who are super-confident about their looks, or their dress sense, or their body or whatever. I mean, the way you look is just part of who you are. Sure, you can enhance it or whatever, but it's nothing to really be "proud" of or confident about.

It's what you choose to do in life that will set you apart, and I think that if you can find something that you love and that you can excel at, and if you can be confident in that, it's the sexiest thing ever!

Deep ... :pac:

BumbleB

I don't agree with the school of thought that confidence levels are gender specific.I believe the problem is massive and a lot of people are operating under the guise of being confident.

The sheer volumes of alcohol consumed should be a pretty good indicator of this .

I think as a nation Irish people aren't really encouraged to be outgoing and confident. I blame the school system here because it does not encourage development of individual instead it seems to be focussed among producing a nation of robotic type people with no will to question the decisions and policies that are inflicted upon them.

People who are quiet in schools are pretty much either ignored or deemed insignificant.

People that are overly confident are deemed big heads ,show offs.

TV has pretty much destroyed what I believe is the family unit ,whereas people that traditionally would have done other things sports,crafts etc that would have improved their self image now engage in the mindnumbing experience of TV.

I personally see TV as a value destroyer.

Watching episodes of Glee or Big Brother whatever actually does nothing for your personal development.

And now to further add to the issues highlighted here is the rising popularity of approval seeking through avenues such as facebook ,hot or not and others.None of this helps people that may have issues with their confidence.


Chatterpillar hit the nail on the head ,people that are accomplished in something have an air of I know where I'm going and what I want to achieve in life ,and thats pretty attractive to people.

And like chatterpillar says that doesn't apply to just rock stars or film's stars you can be an ordinary person on the street and still exude that kind of persona.

The average person in the States is much higher level of confidence than here IMO .I dont really know why , but I would like to think its because of the way they are schooled and kicked out on their butt at an early age to earn money for college fees.They don't need huge quantities of drink to actually converse with people.

Earthhorse

Kooli wrote: »

It does happen with the lads as well, but not nearly to the same extent.

Unfortunately, as Zulu touched on, the figures for male depression and suicide tell a very different, and somewhat grim story.

Perhaps you are misled by the outward display of confidence, the denial of a self-esteem (or indeed any other) issue, which is probably a more prevalent phenomenon among men.

Handsome Bob

We all know there's a difference between confidence and cockyness. However I'm not so sure people are aware that there's a difference between confidence and charisma. Sometimes I get the feeling that if don't have this outgoing "look at me!" personality then people assume that you have low self esteem.

Understanding confidence is simple really. If you like yourself, then you're confident in yourself. This introvert/extrovert argument doesn't come into it. It is irrelevant to understanding confidence.

Lia_lia

I have ridiculous confidence issues. Upfront I appear very very confident usually. I'm very confident in the sense of meeting new people/dealing with people etc.. I do have some confidence issues with my body etc though, but nothing compared to what it seems like most girls have. The main thing with me is I often get the feeling everyone hates me, even though I've of friends etc.. More of a paranoia thing, ha! ramble ramble..

To be honest I don't think low confidence in a guy has ever put me off anyone. The guy I'm scoring now appears very cocky to people he doesn't know too well, but it's just a front. He's not really cocky at all.

Eve_Dublin

LZ5by5 wrote: »

We all know there's a difference between confidence and cockyness. However I'm not so sure people are aware that there's a difference between confidence and charisma. Sometimes I get the feeling that if don't have this outgoing "look at me!" personality then people assume that you have low self esteem.

Understanding confidence is simple really. If you like yourself, then you're confident in yourself. This introvert/extrovert argument doesn't come into it. It is irrelevant to understanding confidence.

Nail on the head. I don´t like what society labels "confident" (as in an exhibitionist extrovert), I like CHARISMATIC men regardless of whether they´re big socialisers or not. Men who are comfortable in their own skin and have no shame in expressing their own ideas without making a song and dance about it and who give off a vibe of "Here I am. Take me or leave me. If you don´t like it, fine. If you do, that´s alright with me too". I aspire to be the same. Mmmmm charismatic men....

caseyann

I find the most confident people can be the least confident.I am confident in certain things about myself and about what i can do.I am confident in who i am in my relationship and what i bring to it etc... But in things i am not i dont pretend i am.
My OH and i balance nice

El Diablo 101

I wonder though,

Is true confidence showing some vulnerability, (the logic being that if you show it, it doesn't bother you so much) or having no vulnerability at all / showing none?

Dudess

I find extremely low self esteem unattractive, but a degree of it is preferable to none at all (or professing to have none at all, at least). I wouldn't say there's anyone with zero self doubts whatsoever...

trebor28

someon here blamed th schools for lack of confidence in youth, i think it goes much deeper than this in the home and general culture of slagging we have here in ireland.
it starts from a young age when your older siblings start teasing you for whatever reason they feel is necessary. this continues on to adulthood, some might say its good for you and it makes you strong but this is not always the case some people cant handle it.
especially as a teenager you are not allowed do anything different for fear of being labeled as weird or whatever. you have to blend into the crowd and be the same as everyone else, no idividuality
imo this is the case anyway.

as regards confidence in girls, one thing i have noticed in the girls and young women is a need to have everyone like them.
they cant seem to understand that people might fall out with you or just dont get on with you for whatever reason that this just happens and move on dont let it get you down.
but no they cant handle it and need to know why you dont like them.

this also ties in with women not being able to just let things go. like if something bad happens, they have to blame somebody for it. they cant just say **** happens and move on. i experienced this with an ex of mine. wont go into to much detail, quite a long comlplicated story, she blamed loads of stuff on me because i was getting on better in my work than she was and couldnt handle it. i let her blame me cause it was easier to just let her away with rather than having rows the whole time and probably breaking up.

princess-lala

I was bullied alot as a child and teen, the result is me having no confidence at all now.

Im very confident in my job because I know I'm good, I may be called cocky about my work side of things but I know Im good and don't care if I'm called cocky!

I do like a confident man but not too confident either, my ex was confident in ceertain aspects and very unsure of himself in others and thinking back now he wanted me to reassure him all the time!

When I'm with a man I do become more confident about myself, the way I think is he's obviously with me for a reason and I must be doing something right!

When I'm single I don't feel confident at all.

Kooli

Earthhorse wrote: »

Unfortunately, as Zulu touched on, the figures for male depression and suicide tell a very different, and somewhat grim story.

Perhaps you are misled by the outward display of confidence, the denial of a self-esteem (or indeed any other) issue, which is probably a more prevalent phenomenon among men.

As I said I'm a counsellor so I'm not just talking about outward or public displays. I don't doubt for a second that depression is very common in young men, but I'm talking specifically about self-esteem and confidence which, while very much related to depression, are not exactly the same thing. I work with a lot of young men, some of whom are depressed and some of whom aren't, some of whom who have self-esteem issues and some of whom don't.

But crippling self-consciousness and low confidence seems to be an issue for the vast majority of young women I work with, regardless of their presenting issue, and much less so for those who are a bit older.

That's just my experience, that's all I'm saying. (And that it fits with my memory of being that age).

princess-lala

My ex was the most out going and confident man I have ever met! He made me instantly confident about myself just thinking about him. He was confident and in no way cocky.

He committed suicide after a brief spell of depression - as people always say after suicide "they were so happy and outgoing" - Nobody knows what goes on in someones head and we never will but so many people can be confident on the outside and totally falling apart on the inside

Earthhorse

Kooli wrote: »

As I said I'm a counsellor so I'm not just talking about outward or public displays...I work with a lot of young men, some of whom are depressed and some of whom aren't, some of whom who have self-esteem issues and some of whom don't.

But crippling self-consciousness and low confidence seems to be an issue for the vast majority of young women I work with, regardless of their presenting issue, and much less so for those who are a bit older.

Many young men simply don't seek help in the first place. It's a huge part of the problem. I wouldn't say it's impossible that something like a self-esteem issue, neglected over time, eventually develops into something more serious, such as depression, which they may seek help for (both because they are older and the problem will be more obvious to people around them) but by then it is far harder to get to the root cause of it.

That's just my experience, that's all I'm saying. (And that it fits with my memory of being that age).

Sure. But you have no experience of being a young male. Perhaps there is a gap between genders but I'd like to see something more concrete that backs that up.

Wibbs

AFAIK an from what Ive read on the subject women are more likely when young to present with depressive type illness. Women have more hormonal ups and downs than men and have lower levels of serotonin than men on average. More women present with suicide ideation too AFAIR. (I gather this trend reverses in the elderly. There is a somewhat ignored group of men who kill themselves when old) Men are more likely it seems to use more instantly terminal and violent methods than women, so are more likely to be successful, so are less likely to survive to get treatment. Just from my own personal experience I've known far more women when in their late teens early 20's who had tried as a "cry for help" than the men I've known. The men I've known who took their own lives mostly came out of left field and were sadly successful. I've followed the coffins of 4 young men who died by their own hand, but only one young woman who did. I have been there for maybe 8 women who tried though. The worrying thing about the 4 men ho died, only 1 had a verdict of suicide, the rest were swept under the rug, so the actual stats could be very frightening.

I would defo agree with EH that too many men just refuse to preset for help in the first place which bucks the stats, but I would say, again from personal experience that of all the people I've known the women were more likely to have a low level unease with themselves and their place in the world. Maybe the male capacity for compartmentalising helped there? With men in general an emotional insult in one area of their lives, didnt translate so much into other areas of their lives. Whereas with the women again in general it tended to affect them globally. It is in general though as I know a woman who would tick most of the boxes for low level emotional issues, indeed depression, who holds down a job and life and has done well in both, even though contentment evades her. I would be more the "female" mind, in that a strong emotional insult in one area of my life would have a similar effect in the rest of my life. Even so I can still "switch off" if I need to.

seenitall

Wibbs wrote: »

Just from my own personal experience I've known far more women when in their late teens early 20's who had tried as a "cry for help" than the men I've known. The men I've known who took their own lives mostly came out of left field and were sadly successful. I've followed the coffins of 4 young men who died by their own hand, but only one young woman who did. I have been there for maybe 8 women who tried though. The worrying thing about the 4 men ho died, only 1 had a verdict of suicide, the rest were swept under the rug, so the actual stats could be very frightening.

I know this is going some way off-topic a bit, but again, coming from a different culture, this is something I have found weird in Ireland: suicide, for some reason, and quite infuriatingly for me, seems to be some kind of taboo around here. I first noticed it when I noticed speakers on various programmes reffering to someone or other's suicides as "tragic deaths". I was like, wth?? What does that mean? (I did figure it out, but it was really bizarre.) If the person is notable enough for their death to merit time on the news, then it is notable enough to report on the way they died.

I just feel strongly about this, as, obviously, one of the ways to bring the suicide rates down would be by at least starting to spell out the thing and to talk about it more openly. What is certainly not going to help is sweeping it under the carpet and reffering to it in some mealy-mouthed terms. I know about the argument about people's families' sensitivities, but that doesn't mean I understand it all that well. Honestly, if I (god forbid ) ever lost someone near and dear to suicide, the very least of my worries would be who knows or doesn't know about that information, and how they would choose to interpret/judge. But what I WOULD like to do is to raise awareness of the problem. Come on!

BumbleB

I think the main thing is that when the chips are down , women tend to rally around each other.

Even girls who are total strangers will offer their support to someone they haven't met. I've even seen a girl who was a total stranger hug another girl who was upset .

I work in a large establishment and last year this girl cheated on another girls boyfriend at the christmas party ,girl no2 got pregnant and he kicked his gf out and moved in the the other girl.
This girl has been totally blanked by all the females in the place only guys will sit and talk with her.

As a man you are on your own, if you have problems as a man whether you have job,money or relationship issues.You deal with everything yourself.

People give out about females bitching and all that ,but there's an awful lot of unconditional love too.

Wibbs

seenitall wrote: »

I know this is going some way off-topic a bit, but again, coming from a different culture, this is something I have found weird in Ireland: suicide, for some reason, and quite infuriatingly for me, seems to be some kind of taboo around here.

Holdover of shame from our more religious past. Time was a verdict of suicide meant difficulties in getting a funeral service and church burial. Throw in a side order of Ireland being like a small village with twitching curtains and its not too surprising.

BumbleB wrote: »

As a man you are on your own, if you have problems as a man whether you have job,money or relationship issues.You deal with everything yourself.

That depends. I can go to my mates with my issues and they to me and we're blokes. It's not that unusual. IMHO Men are less likely to look for support in the first place, even if it is there.

People give out about females bitching and all that ,but there's an awful lot of unconditional love too.

equally you could argue that its all surface. The principle of if its freely given, its of less value.

Kooli

Earthhorse wrote: »

Many young men simply don't seek help in the first place. It's a huge part of the problem. I wouldn't say it's impossible that something like a self-esteem issue, neglected over time, eventually develops into something more serious, such as depression, which they may seek help for (both because they are older and the problem will be more obvious to people around them) but by then it is far harder to get to the root cause of it.



Sure. But you have no experience of being a young male. Perhaps there is a gap between genders but I'd like to see something more concrete that backs that up.

Yes I agree about men seeking help, I agree about the connection between self-esteem and depression, and I agree that I have no experience of being a young man.

But what I'm saying is that I see over a hundred young people every year for counselling, and my experience has been that low self-esteem (while of course being a problem for both men and women) seems to be epidemic amoung young women, more so than men or older women.

You seem to be focusing mainly on depression, but I don't only see depressed people. People present for all sorts of reasons, but most of the young women seem to be carrying this feeling of unease with themselves, not feeling good enough, feeling inferior to everyone around them, not feeling comfortable in their own skin. And of COURSE there are men that express the same feelings, but I'm just astounded at how pervasive it is for the majority of young girls.

That's all I'm saying!!

panda100

I absolutely love confident men and women. The more confidence the better when it comes to those Im attracted to. Most of the men I have dated have been quite self-assured,arrogant types. I guess I just like a deep self belief in oneself.
I wouldn't call myself confident at all though,as I am quite insecure when it comes to my body etc. I do think media has played a massive role in my lack of body confidence.When I was younger I was obsessed with reading celeb mags and trying to keep up with all the trends. I've noticed since I've stopped reading magazines and watching TV as much I feel more satisfied with my appearance.

Has anyone else read 'Bodies' by Susie Orbach? Isn't there some quite interesting research in that about how tactile mothers are with male babies rather than females and this gives them more body confidence and self reassurance? I think that was the gist of it. I must look that up as its quite an interesting insight into the confidence in men and women.

Kooli

panda100 wrote: »

I absolutely love confident men and women. The more confidence the better when it comes to those Im attracted to. Most of the men I have dated have been quite self-assured,arrogant types. I guess I just like a deep self belief in oneself.
I wouldn't call myself confident at all though,as I am quite insecure when it comes to my body etc. I do think media has played a massive role in my lack of body confidence.When I was younger I was obsessed with reading celeb mags and trying to keep up with all the trends. I've noticed since I've stopped reading magazines and watching TV as much I feel more satisfied with my appearance.

Has anyone else read 'Bodies' by Susie Orbach? Isn't there some quite interesting research in that about how tactile mothers are with male babies rather than females and this gives them more body confidence and self reassurance? I think that was the gist of it. I must look that up as its quite an interesting insight into the confidence in men and women.

I love Susie Orbach!! I went to a seminar of hers, and subsequently read 'Fat is a feminist issue'. At the seminar she mentioned that thing about how mothers interact with their babies' bodies, very interesting stuff all right.

But to keep on topic, I definitely think there is nothing more attractive than confidence in a man or a woman.
I feel I am leagues ahead of where I was in my late teens/early twenties in terms of confidence, although it does fluctuate.

It's a tricky one for people with low confidence though - a bit of a vicious circle. Everyone knows that confidence is what attracts others, so the fact that they aren't confident makes them feel worse about themselves, and even less confident...and it's such a complex issue there are no quick fixes for someone to 'get more confident', even if they really want to.

PK2008

Its kind of sad when you think about it, if confidence makes a man attractive then men without confidence would be unattractive which would (I suppose) knock their confidence even more- bit of a viscious cycle

metaoblivia

I think confidence is important in both sexes. For me, confidence comes from an optimistic outlook, but also the knowledge that when I face difficult situations, I can handle them whether they surface in my professional or personal life. It may not be easy, and it may take longer than I anticipated. But as long as I'm still breathing, I can handle it. I make it through, I can learn something, and I can be a better person for it.