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Over reacting??

  • 22-06-2010 9:05am
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Hi Guys
    Regular poster on boards but going anon for this one! Just bit confusd and doubting if i did the right thing and need some non-biased advice. was going out with a man for 3 1/2months earlier this year. i'm 27 he's 29. work in the company but not the same dept.was pretty serious but we broke up over something silly. we stopped talking for 4 weeks but got back together (mediated by him) and were going fairly well.

    I had got bit suspesious because he has changed since before ,much more crude and short. I asked him about it but he laughed me off.then over the weekend i checked on facebook for him. ( we are not friends on it. i added him but he declined saying he hit it by mistake!) i found out he went on holidays abroad with his ex girlfriend and a few others during the time we wern't talking. know i should never have spyed around after him, have literally never done that before to any of my exs and i'm not going to try to justify it. it was wrong.

    I was really upset the fact he hadn't told me this and had it out with him Sat night. he got really mad and said i was snooping round after him and so what if he had gone on holidays with the ex, we wern't talking at the time. I apologised for doing that but said keeping from your girlfriend that you had just come back from hols with your ex was quite a big deal for me. the last few days i'm just torn. Did i do the right thing in telling him i knew? is he right it was none of my business? thanks for reading this


Comments

  • #2
    Kiera
    Closed Accounts Posts: 13,130 ✭✭✭✭Kiera


    I'd take his side on this tbh. You were broken up and maybe he was thinking you'd never get back at the time so didnt need to tell you who he was going on holidays with.

    Now that you are both back together I think you need to totally forget about the past and start a fresh or it wont work out.


  • #3
    fungun
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,120 ✭✭✭fungun


    confused1983 wrote: »
    I had got bit suspesious because he has changed since before ,much more crude and short.

    Dont understand this bit though. Why had he changed? What in this made you look up his FB?

    I can see both sides of your argument...personally i think that what goes on when you are not in a reln is not your business though i can see why you would be hurt by it and want to bring it up. However looking at your bfs facebook is hardly stalking these days, and its unreasonable to me not to have your partner as a fb friend...makes it look like you have sth to hide!

    The only question I have is was it a last minute arrangement for him to go on holidays with her? Or did he deliberately break up over sth silly cos he knew h was going to be going on holidays with her. Im assuming the former!


    If it was the former than Id try to forget about it and start afresh though as above poster recommended. No point in arguing about the rights and wrongs of what he did when you werent going out with him, there is no point to it


  • #4
    Miss Fluff
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,673 ✭✭✭Miss Fluff


    confused1983 wrote: »
    was going out with a man for 3 1/2months earlier this year. i'm 27 he's 29. work in the company but not the same dept.was pretty serious but we broke up over something silly. we stopped talking for 4 weeks but got back together (mediated by him) and were going fairly well.

    Would I be right in guessing the break up over "something silly" was engineered by him too? Sounds like he had planned this holiday all along and wanted you to be conveniently out of the picture while he went off and then expects you to be waiting in the wings for him when he comes back? Sounds like a user imho....


  • #5
    Cheap Thrills!
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,723 ✭✭✭Cheap Thrills!


    Miss Fluff wrote: »
    Would I be right in guessing the break up over "something silly" was engineered by him too? Sounds like he had planned this holiday all along and wanted you to be conveniently out of the picture while he went off and then expects you to be waiting in the wings for him when he comes back? Sounds like a user imho....

    +1

    I'd totally agree.

    The snooping issue being overblown is probably a red herring to throw you off.

    I'd say you were/are the 'Plan B' girl here. I'd lay money on the fallout being engineered to get you out of the way so he could chase the ex.

    The bigger picture here is, he is cold and dismissive, he refused your friendship request on Facebook and told a pathetic lie about it. He is trying to mislead you to keep you there as a backup.

    I wouldn't waste time soulsearching about snooping and whether its your business who he holidays with when you are split up. Those are just distractions. He sounds manipulative. Steer clear.


  • #6
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    hey guys op here. thanks for all your replies
    Yes the orginal breakup was his idea. still bemused bout it tbh came out of the blue over a complete none issue. i'm not sure if it was a last minute holiday or not, he def wasn't in the mood to discuss the details of it at the weekend! he changed as in got much colder, only text late at night, would get mad when i didn't text back but then himself would sometimes stop texting all of a sudden. before he was so caring and kind. really the sweetest. that is why i thought something was up. yep to be honest the facebook did throw me a bit but I choose not to push it. yet I do not think unreasonable to be friends on facebook.or mayb it is? i'm lost! really fell for this guy!


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  • #7
    Miss Fluff
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,673 ✭✭✭Miss Fluff


    You've been seeing and having sex with the guy on and off since the beginning of the year. It is not unreasonable to "friend" him on Facebook. He seems to be calling all the shots and not treating you very well in the process, particularly since he broke you with you for no reason and swanned off on holiday with his ex. I know it's a tough one when you really like someone but he is behaving terribly OP, seems like you deserve much better than what he is currentlyt giving you.


  • #8
    Ickle Magoo
    Closed Accounts Posts: 17,485 ✭✭✭✭Ickle Magoo


    OP, you were dating for 14 weeks then broke up for 4 - instigated by him, now he's being cold and sharp after being on holiday with the ex. Do you really see anything jumping out here screaming "what a catch" at you? It sounds like he was mister caring and considerate to get you hooked and now you are, the mask is slipping. It really sounds like a pretty unhealthy relationship and it's hardly even got going yet, I'd draw a line under it and consider yourself well rid.

    Best of luck!


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