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New relationships

  • 21-06-2010 2:32am
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Hi All,
    Question on relationships I guess.

    Is it normal to feel aprehensive when getting into a relationship?

    I'm seeing a new girl lately and in the last few weeks we decided we were boyfriend and girlfriend. I was pretty happy about it.

    A few weeks on, don't get me wrong I'm mad about the girl but the thought of a relationship always makes me feel odd or unsure... is that anyway normal? I know people will say, If you have reservations about a girl then you aren't meant to be but I'm not one of those people that will let myself meet someone and have them instantly become my world.

    I've been with different girls in my life and different types but this stage always give me a weird feeling. Going way back my first real girlfriend turned out to be an aweful experience. I was with her a year but she was pretty abusive and caused a lot of problems in my life even for a long time after the breakup. I was probably young and stupid and the idea of having a girlfriend or being in love seemed to outweigh how badly I was being treated and how much I neglected friends and other parts of my life because of it.

    Since then a new relationship always makes me feel odd. I am mad about this girl but from the first experience, little things alway make me think, wow, what if that isn't good in the future... nobody is perfect and I know you have to love people flaws and all but with the first girl I overlooked some pretty obvious signs that the relationship was unhealty just for the sake of being with her. Whenever I find something not quite perfect I'm like... Ok, maybe its nothing, but could it get worse....? And it makes me feel uneasy.

    I also know relationships mean compromise but again, this first girl made me pretty much give up all my friends and the life I had and things I enjoyed as I had to spend every moment with her and I was miserable. I love the idea of being in a relationship where both people have a life of their own and there it intersects is what makes the relationship great.

    I'm always afraid the girl will turn out like that again and I'm not someone who does living out of someone elses pocket and being with them 24/7, every day. I still want to do my own things and be my own person.
    Is this weird?


Comments

  • #2
    SinchoE
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 21 ✭SinchoE


    All perfectly normal! I don't think its at all healthy to live in someone's pocket and I think it's alway a little overwhelming when you decide that you want to be with someone and share your life with them, however serious it is. You seem to be fairly aware of how you feel and what you expect from a relationship so keep that in mind and you'll be fine. Obviously you need to have a life of your own as does your girlfriend and as long as you don't start to give up what you enjoy doing for her it should be fine!
    We've all had bad experiences and relationships that haven't been great but these all go towards helping us form a relationship that can work for us.


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