Deleting recent ex as facebook friend

LegacyUser

My ex GF of 4 and a half years broke up with me two weeks ago(we had been living together for the guts of a year). Basically the relationship broke up as we were both at a crossroads in our careers in that we were both moving in different directions. We had spoke of marriage and all that in the future. I loved her completely and did not want the relationship to end in spite of the realization that we both need to do whats right for our own careers. We both moved out of apartment and have just been texting regarding apt etc. I have not contacted her telling her about how I feel and I dont think I should as if she doesnt change her mind about this I will feel worse than I do right now.

I have decided that I cant be in contact with her(she wants to remain friends) as if I do I will only be harbouring hope that she will change her mind and we will be back together.

Another problem I am having is that I still visit her facebook page, I know this is not good for me as I need to move on, im thinking of removing her as a contact.

Any thoughts re:facebook/how I can get over her? Workwise im probably going to be in a different country by the end of the year and im also thinking of doing some travel over the next few weeks.

Miss Fluff

Just block her so you can't see any part of her page at all and she won't appear. Much easier than having to see status updates and wall posts relating to what she is up to. You're not going out with her anymore so you don't owe her anything. A friendship if at all possible, can only happen organically, and if not being in contact or knowing anything about her makes it that much easier for you then do what you gotta do.

ergo

sorry to hear that OP

re facebook: agree, either block her so you dont see anything she posts or delete her as a friend altogether

re getting over her
-keep busy
-moving elsewhere will help
-talk to your friends about how you feel (your close friend or friends - not everyone - it is good to talk about these things)
-deciding that there is no going back to that relationship is the key - if that is the decision you're making - then you can start to move on instead of looking back and wondering what if
-cutting off all contact for a period is a good idea imho
-keep busy
-eventually get back out there, see other girls, realise thare are plenty of fantastic girls out there and everything happens for a reason etc
-time also helps, it takes time unfortunately, especially after 4 and a half years - been in the exact same situation myself

best of luck

Smallbit

Seems to me that Facebook isn't the real issue here...

How about just telling her honestly how you feel and perhaps seeing if there's any room for compromise? (Sorry, but I'm a helpless old romantic and hate to see love flounder for no other reason than logistics).

If she's still determined to go her own way, then at least she'll know why you need to delete her as a 'friend'.

Glenshane Pass

Better off deleting your facebook and never going back if you can. Facebook is evil for these breakups.

Wagon

You have your head screwed on OP. Just delete her completely and block her too. The last thing you want to have is "suggested friends" showing up her picture.

LegacyUser

I seen a picture of her quite close with another guy quite soon to when we broke up, she wasnt kissing him or anything but it literally set me back two weeks as I had been making good progress up to this point. I want to contact her and tell her how much it upset me, I know her well and I dont think she would have done anything with the guy. One of the major problems was that we did not socialise together out with other people(it kills me now that I did not make more effort to do this as I realise now how important that is for a relationship). She had been spending alot of her time with a hobby of hers at the expense of spending time with me to the point I almost seen less of her when we lived together compared to when we lived apart. Over the last few months she had been going out socialising with her friends and I cant help but feel that she got a taste for the single life and having fun away from my boring old self.(Both 26)

She said the career factor(she is very driven and ambitious was the reason we should be apart) but on reflection I cant but help think that maybe she didnt want to be settled in a serious relationship and wanted to be living an independent single life with her friends

Glenshane Pass

clearmind wrote: »

I seen a picture of her quite close with another guy quite soon to when we broke up, she wasnt kissing him or anything but it literally set me back two weeks as I had been making good progress up to this point. I want to contact her and tell her how much it upset me, I know her well and I dont think she would have done anything with the guy. One of the major problems was that we did not socialise together out with other people(it kills me now that I did not make more effort to do this as I realise now how important that is for a relationship). She had been spending alot of her time with a hobby of hers at the expense of spending time with me to the point I almost seen less of her when we lived together compared to when we lived apart. Over the last few months she had been going out socialising with her friends and I cant help but feel that she got a taste for the single life and having fun away from my boring old self.(Both 26)

She said the career factor(she is very driven and ambitious was the reason we should be apart) but on reflection I cant but help think that maybe she didnt want to be settled in a serious relationship and wanted to be living an independent single life with her friends

Thats awful, don't allow your head to be messed with, do what it takes to break contact. Block her or delete facebook, whatever.

Funky Kingston

Glenshane Pass wrote: »

Thats awful, don't allow your head to be messed with, do what it takes to break contact. Block her or delete facebook, whatever.

This is so true , you will go crazy over nothing most of the time . I had to break contact with my ex and it was the best thing i did , Just delete her as a friend , in the future maybe you can add her again but for now the smallest thing will upset you .
I split with my ex almost 4 months ago and we are not friends on FB but he did comment on a photo of mine that he was tagged in and it bothered me even then .... do what it best for you and what it takes to move on .

Good luck op , youre not alone

mogsy

stay strong and get her out of your head, keep busy and start to look after yourself, spend time doing whatever it is that you enjoy in company, go out with friends, socialise, hit the gym. The important thing to realise is that you cant change her mind only she can, so dont linger around feeling sorry for yourself, dont have any contact and get on living your own life. it will take you time to get over a break-up especially one that lasted so long but you will come through the other side a stronger person:)

fillefatale

Glenshane Pass wrote: »

Better off deleting your facebook and never going back if you can. Facebook is evil for these breakups.

Yes, or even deactivate it for as long as it takes for you to get over her. Sorry to her it OP.

carmel27

You should definitely delete her from your facebook. However, do you both have common friends on FB? If this is the case, then obviously ur gonna still see stuff, ie when they/she comments on each others posts, photos etc. I finished with my ex late last year, after 3 yrs together, and even though I was the one that finished it, I found it hard going on FB and seeing photos of him with other girls and comments he'd left on their pages etc, even though it was absolutely none of my business what he was up to. I deleted him a few weeks later, and eventually had to delete any of his friends that had added me also. But I still couldnt cut all ties, as one of my own (very tactful) friends, who had added him while we were together, informed me, on Valentines day (of all days going) that he was in a new relationship! She'd seen it on FB! I love Facebook, but its a bit of a balls in situations like this, coz theres a good chance that someone else will update you anyway!

Good luck anyway OP, and give yourself time, and you'll be fine:)

Glenshane Pass

Don't fall into a stalking rut either. Its all about willpower really.

LegacyUser

Have blocked her from my newsfeed and I will not be checking on her page. Im keeping busy and thinking of the positives to come and looking forward to my own future now

Abi

clearmind wrote: »

I have decided that I cant be in contact with her(she wants to remain friends) as if I do I will only be harbouring hope that she will change her mind and we will be back together.

Another problem I am having is that I still visit her facebook page, I know this is not good for me as I need to move on, im thinking of removing her as a contact.
Any thoughts re:facebook/how I can get over her? Workwise im probably going to be in a different country by the end of the year and im also thinking of doing some travel over the next few weeks.

Then just do it, if this is part of what will help you eventually get over her. Especially if she is dead set against not trying to work it out, and you feel this is the only hope you have of holding onto her.

If she texts you and asks you why or whatever, just tell her you needed to do it for yourself. If she has your best interests at heart, she will accept that.

Sorry to hear about the break up, and I hope it gets a bit easier for you soon.

LighterGuy

I would block her entirely OP.
So that any post she makes (on mutal friends profiles) you will not see.
There is no point to get reminded op, or even worse find out shes dating someone else in a months time or what not.


We've all done the whole checking our ex's facebook/bebo etc. And it hurts to find someone has met someone else.

You know what you need to do.

carmel27

LighterGuy wrote: »

I would block her entirely OP.
So that any post she makes (on mutal friends profiles) you will not see.
There is no point to get reminded op, or even worse find out shes dating someone else in a months time or what not.


We've all done the whole checking our ex's facebook/bebo etc. And it hurts to find someone has met someone else.

You know what you need to do.

Completely agree with LighterGuy. You might convince yourself that you wont be checking, but when the temptation and opportunity is there, you probably will, inspite of yourself.

Wagon

clearmind wrote: »

Have blocked her from my newsfeed and I will not be checking on her page. Im keeping busy and thinking of the positives to come and looking forward to my own future now

Good man, but just to be 100% certain...

LighterGuy wrote: »

I would block her entirely OP.
So that any post she makes (on mutal friends profiles) you will not see.
There is no point to get reminded op, or even worse find out shes dating someone else in a months time or what not.


We've all done the whole checking our ex's facebook/bebo etc. And it hurts to find someone has met someone else.

You know what you need to do.

Take this advice. It will absolutely pay off down the line.