New girlfriend is a virgin

LegacyUser

I'm a guy, mid 20s, she is also in her mid 20s. I've been in a couple of long term relationships and shorter liaisons over the years and I've also been quiet a sexual person. She has been in a few short term relationships but "has never been comfortable enough" with someone to have sex with them. She has however said that she feels comfortable enough with me.

Now my question isn't about whether or not I believe her story or anything like that. My question is do any of the ladies here have any advice advice for me on this when we will have sex? Just take things nice and slow and all that? Allow her to lead the way, stop if/when she says stop or it gets sore for her or anything like that.

I never been with a virgin before and I don't want to hurt or frighten her or anything like that.

Any useful advice is appreciated.

CBFi

well thats a compliment!

take things slow- let her lead the way. i doubt you'll be waiting ages if thats what you're asking since you've already discussed it and she wants to.

some people want to lose their virginity and get it out of the way and some people are scared to in case they regret it. everyones different and while i wouldnt be too hung up on how the first time goes cos it's always gonna be awkward i think the most important part for her will be how you act immediately after. the cuddling, the pillow talk and the intimacy will be what she remembers. oh and how patient and considerate you were.

g'luck!

CBFi

CBFi wrote: »

well thats a compliment!

take things slow- let her lead the way. i doubt you'll be waiting ages if thats what you're asking since you've already discussed it and she wants to.

some people want to lose their virginity and get it out of the way and some people are scared to in case they regret it. everyones different and while i wouldnt be too hung up on how the first time goes cos it's always gonna be awkward i think the most important part for her will be how you act immediately after. the cuddling, the pillow talk and the intimacy will be what she remembers. oh and how patient and considerate you were.

g'luck!

sorry just reread your post OP and i may have missed the point if you are referring to the technical aspects of sex for a woman for the first time? it is uncomfortable the first time but not too bad. go slowly and maybe try her on top first time so she has control?

not to be too graphic but loads of foreplay required cos she'll be nervous....:o

Faith

I have to be honest, I always see people say "Let her take the lead". When I was a virgin, that idea scared the bejaysus out of me. It was bad enough that I didn't know what I was doing, but to be expected to take the lead in doing it too?! Maybe that's just me, but I had to get the hang of having a penis inside me before I was comfortable going on top. I'd advise you to take the lead, but just be gentle and slow. Obviously listen to her, let her know that she should tell you what she wants. The first time should be all about her, so don't get carried away pursuing your own pleasure to the sacrifice of hers.

fungun

agree with faith - she will be the more nervous and know less what to do so i think its useful if you take the lead - and you shouldnt be afraid to since that she has explicitly told you she wants to.
So Id just say next time you are being sexual, just gently take control but slowly enough to allow her to back out/respond.

Miss Fluff

+1 with Faith. How could she possibly take the lead when she has never had sex?

Lots and lots of foreplay, make sure she is ready, take your time, be gentle and show her what she's been missing;) She obviously cares about you a great deal to want to consumate the relationship so don't overthink it. Every sexually active person had to get over that very first time.

LegacyUser

Thanks for all the replies and advice. We had a very...intimate night tonight. Didn't rush anything, she had never had an orgasm before so I was happy help her with that a couple of times. Going to wait for the weekend to have sex when we'll have plenty of before and after time.

LegacyUser

Just out of matter of interest carefulnow, How long have you and your gf been going out?

I'm in a similar situation as you where my gf is a virgin, we've been going out for the last four months and she told me shortly after we started going out, so she knows that whenever she is ready I'll be there for her.

LegacyUser

This might sound a bit..odd? But we've only being "going out" for less than a week. But we've known each other for a number of years and became very good friends during that time. It just happened that...certain things were said and talked about a few days ago, one thing lead to another.... first kiss was last Thursday if I remember correctly.

What ages are you and your girlfriend?

LegacyUser

Thanks for all the very useful replies and advice.

We met up yesterday afternoon and everything went very well. Thanks especially for mentioning to use a towel, nothing exceptionally bloody or anything but better on the towel than destroying the bed sheets!

LighterGuy

Word of warning.

I dunno Op. Some alarm bells might be ringing here. Well not right now, but for future events. You say you've only being going out for a week, but know each other years. Hmmm. But yet shes had other relationships.

I know you are not asking for this advice... but I say be a bit careful if you get involved with her.

You know yourself when people loose their virginity. They want to have sex with others then. Usually this is done in the mid to late teens (In this day in age) ... so be a bit careful.

mood

LighterGuy wrote: »

Word of warning.

I dunno Op. Some alarm bells might be ringing here. Well not right now, but for future events. You say you've only being going out for a week, but know each other years. Hmmm. But yet shes had other relationships.

I know you are not asking for this advice... but I say be a bit careful if you get involved with her.

You know yourself when people loose their virginity. They want to have sex with others then. Usually this is done in the mid to late teens (In this day in age) ... so be a bit careful.

I suspect that applied to guys more than girls! (generally speaking of course)

dublingal80

as everyone else said, just take it extremely slowly
dont ask her to go on top cos when i had sex first, i hadnt a clue WHAT to do so i literally did the star fish and just told him when it hurt or whatever

Its not until she is more comfortable with everything that she will start to move around and what not.

Just remember, if she says stop or wait, or slower or whatever, just listen to her

trebor28

i find it strange that all the women posters here are saying you should do the work cause she doesnt know what she is doing.
now that is fair enough, but what if he was the virgin? he would be expected to do the work even though he wouldnt know what he would be doing.

we have all had sex ed so why the ignorance?
should she not take control cause she would then be able to stop etc if its hurting her? he wont know how much he is hurting her exactly.
there probably will be some pain so whats he supposed to do then?

Ickle Magoo

trebor28 wrote: »

i find it strange that all the women posters here are saying you should do the work cause she doesnt know what she is doing.
now that is fair enough, but what if he was the virgin? he would be expected to do the work even though he wouldnt know what he would be doing.

But he wasn't so the question is moot...

AngryBadger

Patience OP, that's the only piece of advice anyone can give you being with a woman her first time that actually matters.

Things may go perfectly fine, or not, be ready for either scenario and everything in between, and above all whatever does happen, be patient.

That said it sounds like she's pretty comfortable with you, which is always the best place to start from

LegacyUser

Could an admin lock this thread please?

Most of the posts since my last one seem to just be from people who are either repeating what has already been said, who don't seem to have read the original post or else just giving "advice" about some random situation that popped into their head.

My sincere thanks again to the original few people that replied, it is greatly appreciated.

Nevyn

My top tips would be, Lube and lots of foreplay and manual stimulation with the fingers.
That type of sexual activity in the run up to penetration for the first time.

Good luck to you both.