Starting to get to me..

LegacyUser

Hi,

I've been living with my boyfriend of six months for the last two months. Everything is perfect except for one recurring issue...money.

I work full-time (50-60 Hours a week) and get a decent enough wage. Which has kept me living comfortably, the problem is it's no where near enough to support both of us. Which is understandable. My partner works part-time (20-30 hours a week).

I have no problem supporting him, but I do have a problem when the reason I have to do this is because he spends he's wages on ****e- cloths, going-out etc. (when he has money he's generous) until it's all gone - essentially he's **** with money. I've already told him 'you that he needs to get another job'= or a full-time job to support this type of lifestyle', even helped freshen up his CV. After that, spent a week looking for a job but was way to picky- not doing that, not doing this etc. I'm of the mind where someone really can't be picky when looking for a job at the moment. Anyway that was about a month ago and I'm fairly sure he hasn't looked since.

It annoys me because I can't afford to buy cloths/ things I want/go-out with my friends because I have to keep food in the fridge/ keep the house going etc.

The one thing I do spend my money on is cigarettes ( I know- I really should give up)- he told me that I should give up as WE can't afford them, even though he smokes at least a third of every packet I buy.

I've kept a level head so far but I'm going to explode one of these days. I've had to even borrow money from a friend to see us through to the end of the month.

What is your opinions on this?

Ickle Magoo

You need to sit down and work out what the rent and bills actually are and then split them. As long as you subsidise everything then there is no reason for him to change the status quo. The only fair way of working out who owes what is to make sure you both know you owe X in rent and X in bills each month (including a food shop budget) and what is left over from your respective pay packets is what can be spent on yourselves. If you have a full time job then it stands to reason you will have more disposable income than your boyfriends PT job gives him.

If he keeps spending money on himself that is owed for your shared rent and bills & expecting you to pay the lions share to compensate then I'd be making alternative living arrangements pronto because he's already slipping into "taking the pi$$" territory & you've only been living together for eight weeks. :eek:

Best of luck.

Miss Fluff

gettingtome wrote: »

What is your opinions on this?

That he is a sponging lazy git. You need to pool your resources for rent/bills/food etc and then each spend what you have as you so choose. You're carrying him, I personally would find that totally unacceptable, especially when he can't even be ar$ed looking for a f/t job!! You HAVE to nip it in the bud!!

tenchi-fan

Let him know cash IS an issue. Invent something to save for - a new car or a deposit on your house if you rent, and let him know that there will be no money left over.

Getting your finances together is no harm anyway, and it might be a good time to quit smoking too!

Ideally you should be splitting necessities 50-50. I'm talking rent, bills and food. You could still treat him to a few drinks at the weekend too, or the odd meal in a restaurant, but he should know that this is YOUR discretionary income and he should appreciate how you choose to spend it.

If he literally cannot afford to pay his share of rent, food and bills, maybe say you will pay rent if he pays the bills and food.

He cannot expect you to pay for everything, while his money is just his good time fund and firewalled from any adult responsibilities like bills!

LegacyUser

I think you need to get your own place. Moving in with someone after 4 months is way to early. Did he suggest it by any chance as an easy way for him to get you to pay for things. Take control of your own finances. Split bills if you going to continue living with him.

Firetrap

I agree with the others re. budgeting. You need to sit down and sort that and get more money from your boyfriend. What bothers me though is how he's telling you to give up smoking yet he's blowing his own cash on unnecessary things and not making much contribution to the household.

Seeing as you're only going out six months and are living together for two, you might be seeing an unpleasant side to his character emerging now. The sponger. I mean, why bother looking for a better job when you can tip along on with your part-time one and have your girlfriend subsidise your lifestyle.

peasant

I think the fact that he is a sponger is by now well established

What would worry me though is that the both of you with him working part time and you working more than full time can't support your lifestyle and you end up borrowing money.

I would recommend that you examine your lifestyle as a matter of urgency.
The days where you can splash out on your money are over for the time being.

Hundreds of jobs are lost every week in this country with companies faltering or downsizing or leaving altogether ...with both of you working you should be saving some money right now ...just in case your job goes too.

CBFi

ehrghwpug wrote: »

I think you need to get your own place. Moving in with someone after 4 months is way to early. Did he suggest it by any chance as an easy way for him to get you to pay for things. Take control of your own finances. Split bills if you going to continue living with him.

I agree. Why are you living together so soon? IMO to give your relationship a real chance of working then you need to get to know each other better before you take such a huge step. It doesnt seem to be working out so I would suggest you sit him down and tell him that as equals in a relationship (and as adults) you need to work to support your own lives and not be relying on someone you've only just started going out with to support you.

You need to stand up for yourself.

mood

Why would you start supporting a guy after 4 months? People in long term relationships that have a future do this no people only going out for a few months! I'm not saying you don't have a future but supporting a guy/girl after a few months is just crazy IMO.

SinchoE

I've been with my husband 6 years and we also moved in together after about 4 months and money was also a major issue for us for a long time. I've always worked full time and he a bit of a drifter, he'll work full time for a long time and then go do a course, work part time, etc, etc. We nearly broke up several times due to my resentment of having to support him even though I couldn't pay for things I wanted to buy/do. We're at a place now where we keep all our money seperate and each pay 50/50 for most things. We have made compromises in certain areas, ie. I contibute x amount more than him to food shopping, etc.
There's no easy solution to this but you either need to find a comrpromise to this immediately and let him know how resentful you are or you need to walk away.
One thing I will say is beware of trying to force him to change job/work somewhere hes unhappy, etc. I tried this with my husband and quickly realised how miserable he was and how it affected it our relationship. I realised that work means different things to me than it does to him, as long as he has enough to get by he's happy and I love him for his love of life and living, not for how much money he brings in or how much he has to spend on going out or on me. We're happier than ever now because we've figured out how to make our finances work for us and our relationship but I'd advise you to step back and really think about whether this man would support you in the same way if you needed him to, otherwise its worth thinking seriously about the future.